DD is 25 and wants to study veterinary medicine in Europe!

[SouperMario]

Hello,

DD is 25. She has worked in politics/journalism since she graduated uni. Most people in her position I think would be very pleased with how their career is going, but I think she has become disillusioned with it all and she wants to change career.

Ever since she was little she has adored animals and wanted to become a vet until she turned 16/17. She regrets not following through with this dream and now claims there is nothing else she wants to do. She still lives at home (because she cannot find accommodation in London that will take her pets 🙄).

She cannot afford to study in the UK as she is not entitled to any government funding. She recently inherited 40k from my father and has announced she intends to use this to fund her studies abroad in Eastern Europe and become a veterinarian. She can just about afford it but she will use up all of her savings as well as her inheritance.

Am I right in thinking she is mad to consider this? I wanted her to use that money as a deposit for a house in the near future, if she goes ahead she’ll stand no chance at saving up a similar figure in my lifetime. By the time she graduates (if she actually does) she’ll be 32 and at the early stages of her career - will she be giving up the chance to start a family?

I might be overthinking this, as she hasn’t even been accepted. She’s just at the very early stages, that being said, she is incredibly stubborn and if she wants something, she tends to work until she gets it. I just think she will be making a terrible mistake if she does it.

OP said She did get all A/A* at GCSE, including the sciences and maths. She’s looking at courses that include a foundation year (or their European equivalent) which will add an extra year of expense.

So the extra foundation year at the beginning of the degree is available in many courses Seeing she had good grades in the GCSE's
Sorry, were you trying to have a go at me for some reason?

GCSEs do not get you into degrees like vet Med. Here, no degree at all is available after GCSEs. They do show she’s bright but vet med is competitive and it’s a science. As far as we know, she’s no science A levels. Here, foundation still requires stonking A levels but there’s few places. The last time I looked Nottingham had 6 places. Others don’t do foundation at all. They also look for evidence of A level science. Abroad they could be more generous with their foundation years. However it’s more money so the sums are still greater than her inheritance. UCAS is how you apply for all degrees here. Abroad, obviously not.

She can try with UCAS doesn't mean she'll get anything. On the talk we went to at a local UNI they said mature students (I'm assuming if she's already got a degree and is working is a mature student) can enter using the Foundation year seeing they don't have what's needed if they show aptitude. Maybe they were talking out there arse who knows. We were in a talk about STEM subjects. They also said GCSE'S did count.

The issue is that she'd have to pay her own fees and living costs - hence looking to E Europe where those are cheaper (although not that much cheaper).

She is 25. An adult. Best thing you can do is to support her in whichever path she takes.

I love animals but couldn't be a vet, too many stupid people to deal with.

At 23 I started training to become qualified in a profession and I won't be fully qualified until I'm 30. I would also like a house and possibly children at some point in the future, but I would rather secure my career first in something I enjoy and am satisfied with. Your DD seems to have found the career that would bring her the most satisfaction. Are having children and buying a house as important to her as they are to you? You say that you're concerned her traveling to qualify as a Vet would impact these things, but is that a concern of hers or is it more a concern of yours as her life isn't heading in the direction you expected it to?

Buying houses, starting families and settling down can all come later on in life but right now you need to support her in what she wants to do, which is building a solid career for herself. If you don't support her making her own decisions as an adult and you make this disapproval clear to her, it might fracture your relationship. You just need to be happy that she seems to have found a direction, a future career, something to work hard towards and is putting the wheels in motion for that to become her reality. Imposing your own vision onto her of how you think her life should be, rather than how she thinks it should be, will only cause tension and resentment.

If she's sure she wants to do it then I think it's fantastically lucky that she can afford to fund it. She only young and is presumably going to need to work for the next 40 years or so. It's wonderful that she has the chance to make a change and spend that 40 years doing something that she loves.

She would need to be as sure as possible first, though. Many young vets are very disillusioned and leave the profession within only a few years of qualification.

5/6 years is simply what it takes to qualify for a profession like vet, medicine and law (law = 3 year degree, 1 year professional qualification and 1 or 2 years 'apprenticeship'). There's a lot to be learned.

Good luck to her, and I hope she's really sure before she makes the decision.

What she said: I'd be worried in OP's shoes about the immaturity of her reasoning:

Buying houses, starting families and settling down can all come later on in life

Hopefully. But aot of women do struggle to conceive and it's not unreasonable to hope the OPs daughter had at least considered this.

Equally, house buying. Difficult already, and likely only to get more difficult. Deposits are a huge issue and the OPs daughter currently has one. If she spends all that, and gets into debt to finance her studies (as the cash she has won't be enough to do a vet science degree, even in Eastern Europe), she will have an uphill battle to save anything like that money again. If she has a baby before she buys a house - because there's not enough time to wait - she will then be faced with trying to pay off debt, pay for rent, pay for living expenses AND pay up to £1k a month on nursery fees. Saving for a deposit goes out of the window in that situation.

Women are being conned when we are told we can have it all. No-one can have everything, and both time and biology are often not friends to women.

If it's what she wants to do then she wants to do it better she uses money available then gets into debt!

I would however encourage her to use some annual leave days and contact local veterinary practices and see if she can shadow them just to be sure its a profession she definitely wants to go into as it is long hours.
Also make sure she checks that the UK would accept her European qualifications if planning to then work in the UK.

Surely her life is better spent pursuing her dreams than playing it safe and never achieving what she wants to achieve. Obviously it's a risk but this is her life and her happiness.

@MrsCarson Stem at a local university is not Vet Med. It’s entirely different. Vet Med is one of the most competitive courses. There is definitely a foundation at Nottingham but only a handful of universities offer the course here and probably don’t offer a foundation either. Your local university probably doesn’t offer the course. Even if they do, they will have a vast number of applications.

Poor woman. You are massively overthinking! When I was 28, I packed up and took a (relatively low paid compared to UK standards) job in Asia. I met dh a few months later while living there. We moved back to the UK a year later.

I started and finished a PhD, got married, had 2 children, and at 40 live in a lovely massive house with land and horses. Going abroad and pursuing further education was the making of my life - and also probably one of the happiest times in my life too.

Sounds like an adventure for her. As long as the skills are properly transferrable to living in the UK or wherever she plans to make a permanent home, fantastic.

Ain't that the truth.

So surely talking about this course of action with a parent makes sense??? It’s hardly the case that parents don’t care. Also regarding people moving, they are probably not doing an expensive second undergrad degree with no funding and frankly, not enough month for 6 years. It’s not as though she has the right qualifications or experience. Some people are comparing apples and pears.