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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD is 25 and wants to study veterinary medicine in Europe!

165 replies

SouperMario · 08/05/2023 20:56

Hello,

DD is 25. She has worked in politics/journalism since she graduated uni. Most people in her position I think would be very pleased with how their career is going, but I think she has become disillusioned with it all and she wants to change career.

Ever since she was little she has adored animals and wanted to become a vet until she turned 16/17. She regrets not following through with this dream and now claims there is nothing else she wants to do. She still lives at home (because she cannot find accommodation in London that will take her pets 🙄).

She cannot afford to study in the UK as she is not entitled to any government funding. She recently inherited 40k from my father and has announced she intends to use this to fund her studies abroad in Eastern Europe and become a veterinarian. She can just about afford it but she will use up all of her savings as well as her inheritance.

Am I right in thinking she is mad to consider this? I wanted her to use that money as a deposit for a house in the near future, if she goes ahead she’ll stand no chance at saving up a similar figure in my lifetime. By the time she graduates (if she actually does) she’ll be 32 and at the early stages of her career - will she be giving up the chance to start a family?

I might be overthinking this, as she hasn’t even been accepted. She’s just at the very early stages, that being said, she is incredibly stubborn and if she wants something, she tends to work until she gets it. I just think she will be making a terrible mistake if she does it.

OP posts:
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6
MaisieDaisyMay · 08/05/2023 22:04

EveryWitchWaybutLoose · 08/05/2023 21:37

I just think she will be making a terrible mistake if she does it.

FFS it's her life!

I wonder if you've limited your options in your life, and deep down you are either scared or envious of her courage & determination.

It sounds like a great plan.

Yeah a terrific plan! Leave her current career with good prospects, spend her inheritance & savings plus probably get into debt, to get a qualification for a job that doesn't pay very well & is far from what she's likely imagining.

fantastic.

it would be really stupid of her to spend her inheritance like that, she needs to look at other options.

first of all she needs to find a practice that will allow her to spend some time with them seeing the reality of being a vet! It's not all fluffy bunnies & tiny puppies

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/05/2023 22:07

You sound more invested in what she might produce from her womb than her happiness.

PimpMyFridge · 08/05/2023 22:09

I love her drive and vision. She is carving her path based on her self knowledge. Team DD.
Who knows what synergy her dual life experience will bring her in time.
Let her embark on the adventure and see where it takes her.

Sandinmyknickers · 08/05/2023 22:10

SouperMario · 08/05/2023 21:11

I should add, part of my anxiety comes from the fact she was born with a medical condition that increases the chances of miscarriage or could even prevent her becoming pregnant at all. I know she is anxious about this impacting her chance to have children.

Actually speechless that your DD is on the cusp of an important decision about the direction of her life, priorities and helping to decide what will MAKE HER HAPPY...and this is one of your main concerns. Sure- encourage her to forget any of her dreams as long as she pops out a grandkid right?
Then when that kid is old enough, they also can be pressured into not following their dreams to have the next set of kids and so on

FatGirlSwim · 08/05/2023 22:14

madnessitellyou · 08/05/2023 21:07

She'll do it anyway. Because she's an adult.

Let her do what she wants. So what if she qualifies in her 30s. What impact does that have on you?

She might not, and regret it forever, if you undermine her confidence, OP.

She’s 25!! 25! This is the time of her life when she has no responsibilities and can follow her dreams. Why are you trying to tie her down, why are you even thinking about buying houses and having children? She’s really young and there’s plenty of time for that, if she wants it. Wasting her youth and chances would be so sad.

Sandinmyknickers · 08/05/2023 22:15

MaisieDaisyMay · 08/05/2023 22:04

Yeah a terrific plan! Leave her current career with good prospects, spend her inheritance & savings plus probably get into debt, to get a qualification for a job that doesn't pay very well & is far from what she's likely imagining.

fantastic.

it would be really stupid of her to spend her inheritance like that, she needs to look at other options.

first of all she needs to find a practice that will allow her to spend some time with them seeing the reality of being a vet! It's not all fluffy bunnies & tiny puppies

Why is it any more stupid to spend her inheritance on qualifications that will change her life direction and career than it is to spend it on.. what a house deposit? So that at least she can be miserable in her own house?

Everyone has different ideas of spending inheritance, but I can't see how it is objectively a bad idea.

As for veterinary work not being all about fluffy bunnies, OPs description doesn't paint the picture of someone who thinks like that, but rather someone who has done their research- why are you assuming this and infantilising her just because OP is?

FatGirlSwim · 08/05/2023 22:17

MaisieDaisyMay · 08/05/2023 22:04

Yeah a terrific plan! Leave her current career with good prospects, spend her inheritance & savings plus probably get into debt, to get a qualification for a job that doesn't pay very well & is far from what she's likely imagining.

fantastic.

it would be really stupid of her to spend her inheritance like that, she needs to look at other options.

first of all she needs to find a practice that will allow her to spend some time with them seeing the reality of being a vet! It's not all fluffy bunnies & tiny puppies

Or… leave a job she is unhappy in before she becomes trapped, use this opportunity she has been given to do something she’s dreamed of doing and have an amazing experience too. Broaden her horizons and build a fulfilling life for herself based on what she wants.

Terrific plan indeed.

Sandinmyknickers · 08/05/2023 22:18

FatGirlSwim · 08/05/2023 22:14

She might not, and regret it forever, if you undermine her confidence, OP.

She’s 25!! 25! This is the time of her life when she has no responsibilities and can follow her dreams. Why are you trying to tie her down, why are you even thinking about buying houses and having children? She’s really young and there’s plenty of time for that, if she wants it. Wasting her youth and chances would be so sad.

This a million times over. Its so depressing that at 25 all people can think this woman will now achieve is having babies and a house. Let her live her life and if its a mistake, so what. Be there for her and she will have learned so much from it

forknhell · 08/05/2023 22:18

Sissynova · 08/05/2023 21:02

Is the qualification even transferable?

By the time she graduates (if she actually does) she’ll be 32 and at the early stages of her career - will she be giving up the chance to start a family?
Most women in professional jobs are not having kids at 32. Maybe she doesn’t even want kids. It’s her life.

if she goes ahead she’ll stand no chance at saving up a similar figure in my lifetime.
Why not?
Are you already in your 70s?
The vet I know in London is on 60k and only about 4/5 years into her career. It can be very lucrative.

I’m sorry but 60k is really nothing when you consider the cost of living and housing. Someone who has the smarts to get the grades for vet med could easily be earning a lot lot more than 60k in their late 20s.

CheersForThatEh · 08/05/2023 22:21

SouperMario · 08/05/2023 21:03

@Confrontayshunme I am glad to hear it all worked out well for you. I honestly wouldn’t have a problem with her going abroad for a masters. My concern is this course is 6 years long.

Six years will pass anyway.

Be her support system not her task master.

midsomermurderess · 08/05/2023 22:31

MaisieDaisyMay What are you so angry and worked up about? It’s not even your family.

TizerorFizz · 08/05/2023 22:38

@SouperMario
I do not know what A levels she has, but are they science ones? I know a vet here who did foundation (Nottingham) because she didn’t have Chemistry A level. She did have other stem A levels. I don’t know if she would be accepted into the foundation without some stem A levels. Going from gcse to degree level science would be very hard.

I do think she needs work experience and try and replicate what she would need here to get on a course. It’s hugely competitive here so I guess that’s why she’s going abroad? Does she know it’s less competitive or is she guessing? Are the fees much cheaper? We are not EU now! Vet nurse is 3 years but these courses are also competitive. If she’s determined, would she not need the right A levels or an access course (if applicable) first?

StillMedusa · 08/05/2023 22:44

Would you feel the same if she said she was going into medicine? (as the nearest comparable).. that would be 6 years with the foundation year, THEN two years F1,F2 before even thinking about specialising... so an absolute minimum of 10 years before consultant level.... most of my DD1's cohort were in their 20s , not 18, when they started, and many have paused along the way to have babies.

ie it is perfectly doable to do a complete change at 25 or older!

3/4 of the vets at my pets' practice are European so I can't imagine training abroad would be a barrier to getting a job, however I would be surprised if she could get a place without doing some sort of work experience with animals first.

And if it does go tits up.. she will have tried. There is nothing wrong with that!

I didn't want my ds1 to go and live on the other side of the world, but supported him, because it was his dream not mine...

Vanillazebra · 08/05/2023 22:44

Tell her to try carribbean and canadian vet schools too.

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/05/2023 22:47

Good for her. She has ambition, drive and the means to achieve her goal.
Time enough to buy a house after she qualifies.
I’d be very proud of her.

TizerorFizz · 08/05/2023 22:47

Also -vet course fees seem to range from €7700 pa (Brno) to €12,500 pa - Budapest. Has she thought about living expenses? 6 years at these fees takes up her inheritance, and more . What about everything else? Lots to discuss. Don’t mention babies unless she does!

Usernamen · 08/05/2023 22:48

Professional women in London are hardly having children at 32, are they.

Your daughter sounds very smart and driven - you should be supporting her through this.

Waterfallgirl · 08/05/2023 22:49

Your DD is an adult, she has to live her life.
Vets are in short supply due to BREXIT. So it could work out well for her.

To be honest the UK is in a mess and with the current govt opportunities are being removed all the time. I’d support my DC if they wanted to go abroad to study and / or work.

Gymmum82 · 08/05/2023 22:50

Just so you know. She will not be able to work as a vet in the U.K. if she studies in Eastern Europe. She will have to do further study and pass her RCVS exams which is I think another £25k. So after 6 years of study and money. She can’t even work if she plans to return to the U.K.

Gymmum82 · 08/05/2023 22:51

Add to that. This is just since brexit. Prior they could work here easily with their degree. Now they cannot

TizerorFizz · 08/05/2023 23:06

@Vanillazebra
How much do Canadian Vet schools charge international students? What academic and other requirements do they have for entry? Not remotely feasible from what I can see!

Nevermind31 · 08/05/2023 23:09

She needs to ensure that the degree would be acknowledged in the UK.

FurAndFeathers · 08/05/2023 23:27

SouperMario · 08/05/2023 21:08

@saveforthat Not discussed this but I doubt she’d be prepared to leave them. I think she would take them with her.

@PollyPeptide Nope. No relevant qualifications after GCSEs. She did get all A/A* at GCSE, including the sciences and maths. She’s looking at courses that include a foundation year (or their European equivalent) which will add an extra year of expense.

plenty of UK universities would take her - why doesn’t she do an access course and apply to
https://www.uclan.ac.uk/schools/veterinary-medicine or
https://www.harperkeelevetschool.ac.uk/

25 is definitely not too old but she does need to be informed about the realities of the profession - most vets are not earning 60k 3-4 years out as someone upthread said.

moral stress is significant especially in the CoL crisis where many cannot afford vet care and abuse from the pet owning public is rife

School of Veterinary Medicine - North West UK - UCLan

Our School of Veterinary Medicine is the first of its kind in Lancashire and one of only two in the north of England. Find out more about our Vet School here.

https://www.uclan.ac.uk/schools/veterinary-medicine

beckietheconqueror · 08/05/2023 23:30

Look up French degrees in veterinary science. French universities are free and many of them offer online degree that she can take from home. I am 26. Used my inheritance for a degree I didn't even finish and deeply regret it. If I had a second chance I'd definitely have invested in a house.

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