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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL bragging how good the kids were

93 replies

Mumsbehavingbadly · 07/05/2023 20:03

I don’t want to sound bitter because I’m not. However me and DH have tons of problems when it comes to dinner time every single evening. I make lovely dinners and make a lot of effort even though I feel like I shouldn’t because I have to beg them to eat. They mess about on there chairs pick at the food it’s a nightmare.

But then they will go to MIL sit down at the table not move and finish all their dinner and act like angels.

MIL and BIL bragging at how amazing they are “they practically licked their plates” “Their like different kids when they come to ours”

Just feels like a fucking slap in the face.

DH feels like I’m being dramatic but I just think it’s a joke. They know how much of a struggle we go through.

AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumsbehavingbadly · 07/05/2023 20:04

I wouldn’t mind but all MIL veggies are tinned! And her roast potatoes are frozen.

OP posts:
Eggseggseverywhere · 07/05/2023 20:06

Maybe mil doesn't pressure them to eat? Begging dc to eat is ridiculous..

rainraingoawaay · 07/05/2023 20:07

Mumsbehavingbadly · 07/05/2023 20:04

I wouldn’t mind but all MIL veggies are tinned! And her roast potatoes are frozen.

This addition does just make you sound bitter 😂 nothing wrong with tinned veggies or frozen potatoes, maybe give it a try?

Honestly my nephew can be a little sh*t at home with his parents, but is good as gold for MIL. It's just one of those things!

Malloryhitops · 07/05/2023 20:07

Sounds normal to me. I’d just be happy that MIL is happy to have the kids and feed them. Kids also play up in their comfort zones (you), completely normal. My MIL says the same and I’m delighted that it’s the case, would be a pain if they were acting the maggot at her house! She wouldn’t have them as much then 😂😂😂

MojacaSunset · 07/05/2023 20:08

Do they sit and eat nicely there?
If so it shows they can do it. What is different?

Original poster
Mumsbehavingbadly · 07/05/2023 20:08

no there’s nothing wrong with it! I’ve just always tried and done everything fresh for them. Even if I did get tinned and frozen they still wouldn’t eat it at home.

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 07/05/2023 20:12

They are on their best behaviour there because they aren't fully relaxed and don't want to anger this slightly unfamiliar authority figure.
They know you love them even if they refuse to eat anything except Weetabix, so they feel more free to express their personal preferences with you.

MikeWozniaksMohawk · 07/05/2023 20:12

Totally normal. My youngest is a little nightmare at home with eating. At nursery he’s fine.

MakesMeFeelSad · 07/05/2023 20:13

That's kids for you, they are often better behaved for others. Tell them they can go to theirs for dinner more often!

Createausername1970 · 07/05/2023 20:14

Well. You know they are capable of eating nicely. They have demonstrated that.

Stop pleading or begging them to eat. Serve their dinner and TELL them to eat their dinner without messing you about, just like you do for Nanny, otherwise you will remove it. If they start messing you about, then take it away.

They can have it back when they stop misbehaving. Or not. It's up to them. Scrape it into the bin if you have to.

Onelifeonly · 07/05/2023 20:14

It's normal for a child to behave well with people they are less familiar with. However I understand it's not great to be told so - can come over as a criticism.

Just to say, I don't, of course, know exactly what happens with your kids at home nor their ages, but as a rule of thumb, the more you get upset with a behaviour, and the more you show you are upset, the more the child will play up.

You shouldn't be begging. Try to pretend you don't care either way, don't offer other food they might like better or try to bribe them, and just praise anything that does get eaten nicely, however small.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/05/2023 20:16

BestZebbie · 07/05/2023 20:12

They are on their best behaviour there because they aren't fully relaxed and don't want to anger this slightly unfamiliar authority figure.
They know you love them even if they refuse to eat anything except Weetabix, so they feel more free to express their personal preferences with you.

Nailed it.

finallygotospeaktoSky · 07/05/2023 20:27

Why the issue with frozen or tinned? It's far better nutrient wise as it's prepared, canned or frozen a lot sooner than fresh will hit the supermarket shelves.
Missing point of thread but don't denounce the more nutrient superior veg.

CremeEggsForBreakfast · 07/05/2023 20:27

As everyone else has said, children always behave better for adults that are not parents.

But also, if you're being then to eat and you're over-invested in then enjoying your lovely meals (which it sounds like you might be if you're lamenting their enjoyment of tinned veggies) then the kids are probably picking up on your stress/anxiety and making things worse.

Just take all the pressure off. Give them food, eat yours and talk about anything that isn't the food. When everyone says they're done, take the plates away and move on. Give them pudding if that's what you usually do or they can get down from the table and play or whatever. It doesn't have to be a battleground.

Thank you in-laws and send the kids round as often as they want to go. They're not bragging. They're just telling you how things go. What do you want them to do? Lie and say they played up?

booboo82 · 07/05/2023 20:30

Maybe your lovely dinners just don't taste that nice lol

Blablablanamechangagain · 07/05/2023 20:32

booboo82 · 07/05/2023 20:30

Maybe your lovely dinners just don't taste that nice lol

🤣🤣

Nimbostratus100 · 07/05/2023 20:34

maybe they prefer the food at MILs? If it isnt uhp, then maybe make food a bit more like hers?

Alsonification · 07/05/2023 20:35

I'm a childminder and I see this all the time with the children I mind. They are good as gold for me. Will eat anything I give them. Not a second of moaning but the parents tell me they're eating nothing at home. It's a combination of watching the other kids in my house eating the same thing so they just want to do the same AND behaving better for other people.
It's got to the stage that one parent asked for my recipes & then made the exact same dinners & told her child that I had made it & dropped it off for them but they still won't eat it in their own house.
I keep telling the parents, it's not that I'm doing anything special. It's just that kids always behave better in someone else's house. My own kids were the same. Very fussy at home but would anything anywhere else.

So in short, it's perfectly normal I'm afraid so don't think it's a reflection on you at all.

I used to stress so much with my kids especially ds but then I read a book about it and it said to offer your child their meal. Tell them they don't have to eat it but they have to sit at the table for 15 mins. After that the meal is taken away (if they don't want it) & they can leave the table. Do not withhold desserts or treats if having any. Just do everything as normal. No begging, no threats, no bribes. Just calm sitting at the table & then take it away. Eventually they do eat more.
If they don't, don't worry. It's not physically possible for a child to starve to death as long as they're being offered food.

GoodChat · 07/05/2023 20:35

It sounds like mealtimes at MILs are much less stressful.

RJnomore1 · 07/05/2023 20:36

Is your mil smug about it, as if it’s her superior cooking/child wrangling that’s getting them to eat?

because I can totally get why you’d be fed up at that.

Blablablanamechangagain · 07/05/2023 20:36

This reply has been deleted

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BarkyMatherson · 07/05/2023 20:37

Parents put too much pressure on children to eat. As long as mine sit with the family, try things when prompted (even if they dont like it and quietly spit it out) and are polite I don’t mind if they don’t eat much.

I have vivid memories of being forced to eat when I wasn’t hungry or didn’t like something and it was terrible.

Conkersinautumn · 07/05/2023 20:39

Kids always behave better outside their comfy/ safe zone. They are exercising restraint because they are not their whole self in her company. Much like my children are absolute perfection in every school report but quite questioning and confrontational at home. It sucks for you, but hey, they're content in your company ...

philautia · 07/05/2023 20:44

Maybe she's more relaxed than you and they sense that? Don't beg them to eat. I used to be quite worried about eating because I was always taught as a child to clear the plate even if not hungry. Nowadays I'm really relaxed and if they say they're not hungry, that's fine. I leave the plate out for an hour and 90% of the time they want it eventually.

PS I'm a great cook but I use frozen roast potatoes!

HerMammy · 07/05/2023 20:45

Maybe dinner time at yours is such a drama it's become the norm to make a fuss, you do sound like a drama queen, verging them to eat? they eat or go without simple as that.