MIL bragging how good the kids were

[Mumsbehavingbadly]

I don’t want to sound bitter because I’m not. However me and DH have tons of problems when it comes to dinner time every single evening. I make lovely dinners and make a lot of effort even though I feel like I shouldn’t because I have to beg them to eat. They mess about on there chairs pick at the food it’s a nightmare.

But then they will go to MIL sit down at the table not move and finish all their dinner and act like angels.

MIL and BIL bragging at how amazing they are “they practically licked their plates” “Their like different kids when they come to ours”

Just feels like a fucking slap in the face.

DH feels like I’m being dramatic but I just think it’s a joke. They know how much of a struggle we go through.

AIBU to feel like this?

begging not verging!!!

YABU. Something is different, it could be pressure from MIL, timing of lunch or too many snacks at yours. Licked their plates suggests they were hungry… maybe you need to look at what their eating and when the rest of the day.

Or maybe they just don’t like your food. MIL loves it obviously, but that’s standard MIL bullshit. My MIL would do the same and she’s actually really nice, I think it comes from being needed. Don’t take it personally.

This is good advice.

I have a tricky eater. The paeditrician and dietician both said food is normal and try not to make it an issue or battleground. And kids can be a pain in the arse. Some will starve themselves but that's rare.

Try and relax about it (which I know from bitter experience is not easy). My picky eaters are starting to eat more diversity and quantity. They are growing and are very active.

Am sure you're doing a fab job. Your MIL is either very tactless or very smug.

I can understand you feeling upset, especially if its coming across as smug or bragging.
However, don't beg or plead with your children to eat. My son didn't eat his dinner at all tonight, absolutely refused it. I sat and ate mine, offered it to him again , still didn't eat it, so I removed him from his chair. That's it.

She Deffo seems very smug! What other way am I suppose to take “the kids are like different kids at our house” just feels like a slap in the face.

The thing is dinner time only starts getting stressful when we’ve all been sat down for 15 mins and the kids are picking. DH starts to get frustrated and threatens to take toys away . They would quite happily sit and eat snacks all day though.

But then on the night when he tells you he is hungry do you just give him whatever he wants?

At the moment, before bed, so a while after the meal, I do give him a bowl of plain porridge. However, even when he has eaten dinner, I still give him porridge.

It's plain, so it's not a treat, and he normally has it. Obviously not saying that's the only way, but that's what I do currently.

When I was a nanny, if the children didn't eat dinner, they were allowed some toast and fruit a while later. Not straight away, but an hour or so after the meal.

Thanks will try this 😊

Kids always do this, it's standard. I'd rather them act up at home and behave themselves elsewhere than the other way around.

😂😂😂
That was funny. If it wasn't meant to be a joke, I'm sorry. Kids are frustrating but they behave differently in different environments.
It looks like you've let them get the whip hand in the meal stakes so, as they're not eating your lovely, effort -filled meals, I'd stop making the effort.

My 2 year old doesn't eat very often. Refused lunch and pudding today so I took it away without comment. He did eat his tea though but we have days where he doesn't eat tea either. I will offer pudding but if he refuses that too then it's his choice.
Don't beg or tum it in to a battle as they'll just play up more. DS is a normal weight and has plenty of energy so I'm not worried. Are your children normal weight? Have plenty of energy? Sleep well?
It is beyond frustrating when they don't eat what you've cooked but just don't, or try not to react and yes, my son eats fine at nursery (99%of the time)!

Stop trying. Give them beans on toast if they say no it’s bedtime. Let them know it’s their problem if they’re hungry don’t be so emotionally involved in their eating it’s probably putting you all off your dinner.

If the bragging annoys you, have you thought of taking it as a compliment,E.g. ‘thank you, it’s wonderful to hear how my efforts at teaching good table manners are paying off when they visit you’ or ‘thank you, the kids really are a credit to how DH and I are trying to raise them’ or even just compliment her eg ‘wonderful, the kids do love your cooking’ etc… (then ask if they can eat there more often lol).

Take credit for your children’s good behaviours, you deserve it! This should stop the bragging as well, if that is what is going on/ irritating you.

Then, don’t tell your MIL of your troubles, and work with your DH to de-stress eating at home.

The thing is dinner time only starts getting stressful when we’ve all been sat down for 15 mins and the kids are picking. DH starts to get frustrated and threatens to take toys away . They would quite happily sit and eat snacks all day though.

This seems very stressful, let them pick at their food, they’ll eat if if they’re hungry (I’d cut out the snacks). Your DH shouldn’t be punishing them for not eating, don’t make a big thing of it.

Mine were the same
Did what a previous poster suggested and they sat there for 15 minutes but didn’t have to eat if they didn’t want to. Didn’t say anything about food just chatted generally. Gave them very small portions and on the occasion they ate them offered them more
Had most success with the meals they could help themselves too even from a young age - eg fajitas where they took their own wrap and filled it with what they wanted
They always had supper which was a glass of milk (occasionally a milky hot chocolate) and a piece of fruit so they never went to bed hungry

One night a week was tv salad snack box
cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers, ham, boiled eggs, chunks of cheese, grapes and either ham or chicken. Put in a lunch box each and allowed to eat in front of the tv. They wouldn’t have eaten it at the table but ate it from the box!

You are their comfortable place where they can let go. They hold it all in at school and with relatives they don't live with. It's normal, don't take it personally.

It's so normal I had a horrendous non eater he's grown up now and eats food I couldn't.

The grand children eat well all sit nicely. They put Alexa on and ask for different music. BUT to be honest if they didn't I wouldn't worry because I know their parents take their nutrition seriously.

I was that child. Would eat everything my gran gran gave me but not my parents. Mum even went so far as to get gran to cook a meal she could give me at home and I still wouldn't eat it.
I always got stomach ache and looking back now I can identify it as anxiety. Can't tell you why, I dont recall meal times being stressful, but the stomach ache was real

Kids are often little angels for other people and shits for their parents. Just let it wash over you.

I remember once making tikka masala from scratch, took me ages and my kids then told me they preferred Gran’s curry. Gran uses a jar! C’est la vie!

Lol. Your kids eat her tinned veggies and frozen potatoes though. Maybe you should ask MIL for some cooking tips.

My mother's grandkids all did this. Sat up in their Nanas house and ate everything. Not a peep about the food no matter what it was. Same at nap time. She just popped them in the cot and they lay down and went to sleep. No begging for drinks/ calling her etc like at home. We all found it hilarious..if a bit annoying. I think they picked up she was an experienced mother who would take no nonsense even though she never said a single word about the food etc...just popped it up. I notice my gc always eats in my house too. Think it's the novelty and they get no attention from not eating. I couldn't care less if my gd eats her dinner or not and it's like she knows that and sees no point in fussing.
Don't even waste time thinking about it...its just life!

What do you tell him.? That the answer is No. He chose not to eat at the meal time. The restaurant is closed until breakfast tomorrow morning. And he can muck around at his own risk in future. Probably only need to do that once.

I have to say, it all sounds completely joyless. Is there too much snacking? I would look to eliminate all so that they are hungry. Maybe also reduce the portion sizes so they at least eat what’s put on the plate.

@Alsonification without wanting to derail the Ops thread, interested in your view more generally as a childminder. My DD (3.5) is an angel at nursery and a nightmare recently at home for me and DH - not eating necessarily but general behaviour. I was thinking of asking her nursery keyworker to speak to her to try to find out what's triggering her. Is there any point?!

See I'm a bit mean they get their dinner reheated if they conplain their hungry