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Original poster

Am I cruel?

127 replies

Cruelornot89 · 05/05/2023 22:09

I had a very long and frustrating evening this evening. Cleaning, tidying, organising for a party tomorrow, cooking for it (a party that I will do all the work for) and trying to fit my own job in at the same time.

Way past bedtime, DDs age 7 and 8 were in the kitchen. DD 7 was winding up our very lovely, usually chilled-out dog. The dog was starting to growl. I kept saying “DD, leave the dog! She’s not happy, leave her alone.” Not in a shouty voice but a serious one. It didn’t matter how many times I said this (my hands were full of laundry so I couldn’t remove the dog physically at that moment) but DD kept winding the dog up by squeaking her toy (which she hates - it’s her one precious toy that she doesn’t like being squeaked. We all know this.) So I said: “If the dog bites you, the dog will get into trouble and could get put down.”

They didn’t know what this was, so I told them, both DDs burst into tears.

DH comes out of his study where he’s been trying to hide (and work) all evening to tell me that I’m very cruel.

Was I being cruel? Was that a horribly inappropriate thing to say? I wanted DD to understand how serious it was to goad the dog. She needs to know better! DD was overtired and overexcited but I can’t just let that happen. What else do I do?

Anyway DD8 said “I agree with daddy. That was a cruel thing to say.”

Now I’m left feeling like a piece of shit.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 05/05/2023 22:37

You sound seriously wound up.

Who’s idea was the party?

JudgeRudy · 05/05/2023 22:38

Cruelornot89 · 05/05/2023 22:09

I had a very long and frustrating evening this evening. Cleaning, tidying, organising for a party tomorrow, cooking for it (a party that I will do all the work for) and trying to fit my own job in at the same time.

Way past bedtime, DDs age 7 and 8 were in the kitchen. DD 7 was winding up our very lovely, usually chilled-out dog. The dog was starting to growl. I kept saying “DD, leave the dog! She’s not happy, leave her alone.” Not in a shouty voice but a serious one. It didn’t matter how many times I said this (my hands were full of laundry so I couldn’t remove the dog physically at that moment) but DD kept winding the dog up by squeaking her toy (which she hates - it’s her one precious toy that she doesn’t like being squeaked. We all know this.) So I said: “If the dog bites you, the dog will get into trouble and could get put down.”

They didn’t know what this was, so I told them, both DDs burst into tears.

DH comes out of his study where he’s been trying to hide (and work) all evening to tell me that I’m very cruel.

Was I being cruel? Was that a horribly inappropriate thing to say? I wanted DD to understand how serious it was to goad the dog. She needs to know better! DD was overtired and overexcited but I can’t just let that happen. What else do I do?

Anyway DD8 said “I agree with daddy. That was a cruel thing to say.”

Now I’m left feeling like a piece of shit.

What you said was the truth. Unless your kids have some sort of additional needs it's fine that they were a bit upset by what you said. Life is cruel

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 05/05/2023 22:40

You weren't cruel but as soon as the dog growled, your DC should have been taken out of the room.

Please don't risk letting it escalate next time.

MisschiefMaker · 05/05/2023 22:42

Not cruel. Kids need to know their actions have consequences. At around that age I patted a dog that didn't want to patted (he had a sore ear but I didn't know that) and got badly bitten on the hand. He was a lovely lab that had never harmed a soul before. This stuff does happen if children don't know how to interact with dogs.

Why wasn't DH helping? what a knob to stand by and then criticize you when you were doing everything,

Floralnomad · 05/05/2023 22:43

It was a horrible thing to say , also if your child gets bitten and it’s her own fault for winding the dog up I sincerely hope that you wouldn’t have the dog pts .

Original poster
Cruelornot89 · 05/05/2023 22:44

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/05/2023 22:37

You sound seriously wound up.

Who’s idea was the party?

Mine - I do only have myself to blame! But I thought it would be nice for DDs to see their cousins and have a party. I make life hard for myself with the cleaning and the cooking, I let it stress me out. I only enjoy these things when they’re happening! The lead up drives me bananas.

OP posts:
HalliwellManor · 05/05/2023 22:44

No,not at all.I say it to my DD when she messes with our dog when clearly she wants to be left alone.
It seems more effective when she is reminded of the consequences of her actions if the dog ever did snap at her.

Original poster
Cruelornot89 · 05/05/2023 22:45

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 05/05/2023 22:40

You weren't cruel but as soon as the dog growled, your DC should have been taken out of the room.

Please don't risk letting it escalate next time.

Yes you’re totally right. I should have done this.

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 05/05/2023 22:46

I know you’re right - I should have just put the laundry down and dealt with it by moving the dog into another room.

No. You should have removed your child and sent her to her bedroom, or whatever your version of the naughty step is. Quite honestly I would still punish DD as she put the dog at risk of pts, herself at risk of injury, and also put her sister, you and DH at risk of injury in trying to save her if the dog went for her. All because she doesn't obey her parent when you say "no/stop". This had the potential to be a life/death scenario and needs to be treated seriously. Ask your DH why he doesn't think it is.

RowenaRosewood · 05/05/2023 22:49

Anyway both of your DDs should know at their age not to be winding up the dog, it’s not like they’re 2!!

squidgybits · 05/05/2023 22:51

I am team you! If you antagonise a dog, you are asking for it, it's common sense
Your DH sounds like he needs to think about being on your team also 🙄
Parenting is team work or did he not get that memo?

ItsEasilyDone · 05/05/2023 22:51

Floralnomad · 05/05/2023 22:43

It was a horrible thing to say , also if your child gets bitten and it’s her own fault for winding the dog up I sincerely hope that you wouldn’t have the dog pts .

How is it horrible when it's the truth?

My kids are 6 and 8 and know full well that if they annoy or hurt our dog and he retaliated by biting them then he would have to go to the vets and would be killed

It's the truth and it's what would happen. Hes a sheprador and is massive, he could easily kill one or both of them. Better they have a healthy fear of the repurcsussions that 2 savaged children and a dead dog

He is a really gentle mild mannered dog, never shown any signs of aggression and loves spending time with the kids. But they still need to know to not wind him up or hurt him because its him who will end up dead from it

Blondewithredlips · 05/05/2023 22:51

Your DD was being cruel. What you said was true and she needs to know this.
I would be ashamed if any of my children displayed such a horrible personality trait. Nothing more vile that cruelty to animals.

SpecialControlGroup · 05/05/2023 22:53

I don't think you were cruel. Could you have separated them? Of course, but by explaining the potential consequences of goading the dog it may mean that she is less inclined to do it in future.

Blondewithredlips · 05/05/2023 22:54

Floralnomad · 05/05/2023 22:43

It was a horrible thing to say , also if your child gets bitten and it’s her own fault for winding the dog up I sincerely hope that you wouldn’t have the dog pts .

It would have not been OPs decision as police will make sure dog is put to sleep.

EnoughEnoughnow · 05/05/2023 22:56

You weren’t being cruel. Children need to know not to antagonise animals. Hopefully this will be a lesson learnt. When I was a child I tried to stick a knitting needle in an electrical socket. My brother shouted at me (in alarm) and explained what ‘death’ was. I never did it again!

Fallingoffacliff · 05/05/2023 22:56

OP, I wouldn't have moved the dog to another room, I would have sent my child up to her bedroom. Your child was in the wrong, not your dog.

scrivette · 05/05/2023 22:58

You were not being cruel, you were telling them of what may happen if they didn't do as they were told and the situation escalated.

slithytoveisascientist · 05/05/2023 23:00

Not cruel
DH sounds like a dick

Blondewithredlips · 05/05/2023 23:02

Please throw away the toy that your DD uses to upset your dog and consider rehousing your dog if your DD continues being nasty to your dog.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 05/05/2023 23:04

Your DDs are old enough to treat the dog kindly and not wind it up.

They're also old enough to know the real consequences of not doing - for both the dog and themselves. You wouldn't tolerate them teasing another child (I hope) so you shouldn't tolerate her teasing the dog.

DH shouldn't undermine you either, even if he disagrees. He should have talked to you later rather than completely going against you.

thaegumathteth · 05/05/2023 23:06

Well you're not wrong so no I don't think you were cruel. If your dh heard that I'm sure he heard her winding the dog up.

I wouldn't even entertain a conversation about whether I was right or not. I absolutely cannot abide it when kids are allowed to wind animals up, it makes me so angry.

Annoyingwurringnoise · 05/05/2023 23:06

Why is the truth cruel or inappropriate?

maras2 · 05/05/2023 23:06

Good for you.
Kids need to know consequences, no matter how tough.

hettie · 05/05/2023 23:09

One said the exact same to my two who are older and really should know better Dc2 got upset. My own view is that they'd be far more upset if dog was pts, and if they'd bloody well listen to my firm request to leave the dog alone then I wouldn't have needed to escalate to the possible consequence