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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is the worst thing about parenting small children?

529 replies

Iheartherain · 05/05/2023 05:28

5 bloody am.

I thought the clocks going forward had reverted us to a more civilised wake-up time of around 6, but no.

Please don’t give advice as a year or more of trying to fix this hasn’t worked 😅 but honestly it is pretty miserable. I can’t have hobbies in an evening or watch ‘adult’ TV or nights out or date nights if we got a babysitter.

I am sick of being tired and yawning, fat because I seek sugar to boost my energy and always have a headache. It’s shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iheartherain · 07/05/2023 18:34

Aww, really? I thought he’d fuck off aged four and I wouldn’t give a shiny shit after that.

OP posts:
OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 07/05/2023 18:45

Ritasdaughter1969 · 07/05/2023 18:32

The point that all of us mother's of teens is trying to make is that as soon as you have children your whole life is consumed by them. They cause you sleepless nights through every stage of their lives and wear you out. The stage you are at now will end and you will forget it, in much the same way you forgot how painful child birth was. Then you will be on with school runs, covering illness from school and school clubs that they need running to and from and birthday parties. And on it goes. That's not to say that they don't bring tremendous joy but they are exhausting at all stages.

Nobody is saying there are no challenges with parenting older children but they don't wake you up every day at five am. So it might be stressful sometimes in other ways but it is not as relentlessly physically tiring as when they are very little.
It's just nonsense to suggest otherwise.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/05/2023 18:58

As I have said my weekday alarm has been 5:30 for most of the last 10 years, this is in no way unusual amongst the working mothers I know. DS played football every Sunday morning (in season) for the last 5 years, that frequently meant being somewhere an hours drive away by 8:30 or 9am then standing in the freezing cold for 2 hours before driving home. Give me a warm house, coffee and a snuggly toddler any day of the week.

BigButtons · 07/05/2023 19:00

Iheartherain · 07/05/2023 18:34

Aww, really? I thought he’d fuck off aged four and I wouldn’t give a shiny shit after that.

what's with the constant, nasty aggression?

Ritasdaughter1969 · 07/05/2023 19:15

Sadly I don't need them to wake me at 5am, during the week I get up at that time to work, so that I can earn a living to provide them with everything they need and I want to be able to give them and still be able to run them around and be a hands on mum when they need me during the day. Then on the days when I'm not working that's when they're out being teenagers. So it literally is every day.

It's not a competition, having children is just tiring no matter how old they are.

Original poster
Iheartherain · 07/05/2023 19:15

The constant, tedious attention seeking and me railing.

OP posts:
elnmummy · 07/05/2023 19:50

Ritasdaughter1969 · 07/05/2023 19:15

Sadly I don't need them to wake me at 5am, during the week I get up at that time to work, so that I can earn a living to provide them with everything they need and I want to be able to give them and still be able to run them around and be a hands on mum when they need me during the day. Then on the days when I'm not working that's when they're out being teenagers. So it literally is every day.

It's not a competition, having children is just tiring no matter how old they are.

For one, OP stared clearly in the title she was talking a out parenting small children, so the only people making it a competition are the people making it about teens.
For two, getting up at 5am for work, having had a normal night's sleep, not having to be "on" immediately, but get ready on your own timescale is vastly different to being up at 5am to "mummmmmmyyy".
For context, I have 2 teens, the oldest of whom has significant mental health issues, to the point of suicidal ideation. It's STILL not as bad and relentless as when they are small and don't sleep.
So either you had really easy toddlers or you just don't remember.
Some grace and empathy wouldn't go amiss

Hardbackwriter · 07/05/2023 21:39

Ritasdaughter1969 · 07/05/2023 18:32

The point that all of us mother's of teens is trying to make is that as soon as you have children your whole life is consumed by them. They cause you sleepless nights through every stage of their lives and wear you out. The stage you are at now will end and you will forget it, in much the same way you forgot how painful child birth was. Then you will be on with school runs, covering illness from school and school clubs that they need running to and from and birthday parties. And on it goes. That's not to say that they don't bring tremendous joy but they are exhausting at all stages.

And what do you think making that point is achieving...?

T1Dmama · 08/05/2023 00:19

Hardbackwriter · 07/05/2023 21:39

And what do you think making that point is achieving...?

Show quote history

OP literally asked if having kids her kids age is the hardest stage….. people are answering that question with their experiences, that actually no it’s not the hardest stage

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 08/05/2023 01:49

T1Dmama · 08/05/2023 00:19

OP literally asked if having kids her kids age is the hardest stage….. people are answering that question with their experiences, that actually no it’s not the hardest stage

Show quote history

No she didn’t.

she said “To think this is the worst thing about parenting small children?”

Not the worst age at all.

Teens were then brought into it on page one despite the fact she very clearly said small children.

ITryHarder · 08/05/2023 02:20

In many of these posts, it seems to be assumed that all children at whatever age are the same as if they were clones. One child can be so different from another at whatever age - infants, toddlers, teenagers, even young adults, and realistically everybody knows this.

OP, I truly sympathize with what you're going through right now. Maybe you'll see a change for the better once the new baby arrives. You may see a whole new behavior from big brother.

As to teenagers, you're hearing several negative views and memories of unpleasant experiences which you may not be concerned with right now, but I will add - some teenagers are joys. They are a product of what they've been taught mixed with outside influences, and some of them handle those years admirably. Don't give them a second thought until they arrive.

T1Dmama · 08/05/2023 02:29

i do agree with you though OP, the newborn - school years were rough, It wasn’t early mornings for me, but just a total lack of willingness to sleep period.

Like you I had no energy to exercise and snacked rather than eating healthily… gained weight and generally feel crap ALL the time

I’m not at the teenage years yet but can’t imagine the issue with most teens is lack of sleep… my mum had 4 kids and non of us caused her that much worry!

sleep deprivation is awful…. no one gets it…. family don’t even really get it… so ppl of mumsnet won’t have a clue what you are going through… even if their toddler was worse… their support network may’ve been better… I couldn’t have done it and been pregnant!

Good luck with the new baby and I hope your DC starts to lay in soon.

T1Dmama · 08/05/2023 02:44

Please also ask for help…. Maybe a grandparent could take DC out for a few hours and allow you to sleep during the day…. Or even to allow you and DC some
time for a nice meal o something x

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 08/05/2023 07:15

Getting up at 5 when you're dropping them at nursery for 8am (or school) is not the same as getting up at 5 on both Saturday and Sunday when you know you'll have played with everything in the house by 7.30 and still be 12 hours from bedtime.

Hardbackwriter · 08/05/2023 07:20

T1Dmama · 08/05/2023 00:19

OP literally asked if having kids her kids age is the hardest stage….. people are answering that question with their experiences, that actually no it’s not the hardest stage

Show quote history

She didn't. Read the OP. It's a shame that you didn't read it in the first place rather than come onto a thread and drone on about yourself in the mistaken belief that was wanted.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 08/05/2023 07:54

Iheartherain · 07/05/2023 19:15

The constant, tedious attention seeking and me railing.

😂

hidingintheattic · 08/05/2023 15:03

I made the really stupid mistake of telling my eldest in the Autumn that he couldn't get up until the sun got up. It worked wonderfully well until Spring when I was wakened to the delightful sounds of "Sun's UP!" at the top of his voice at an ever increasingly early time. A sleeping/waking bunny alarm clock eventually worked for him.

My youngest on the other hand would appear silently in my bedrom and lift my eyelids by the lashes and shout "Are you awake?" in my face

ITryHarder · 09/05/2023 00:10

hidingintheattic · 08/05/2023 15:03

I made the really stupid mistake of telling my eldest in the Autumn that he couldn't get up until the sun got up. It worked wonderfully well until Spring when I was wakened to the delightful sounds of "Sun's UP!" at the top of his voice at an ever increasingly early time. A sleeping/waking bunny alarm clock eventually worked for him.

My youngest on the other hand would appear silently in my bedrom and lift my eyelids by the lashes and shout "Are you awake?" in my face

This one did make me smile. It sparked a memory. By the time mine were 3, I taught them what 7:00 looked like on the clock, the big hand and the little one, and said if you wake before that, you can quietly play in your room until then. If you have to tinkle, you can go and go right back to your room. They sometimes wound up in each other's but they were quiet and I was actually awake and knew what they were up to. Promptly at 7:01, kids were jumping on our bed. This applied to weekends, summers off and even Christmas. We would pretend we were sleeping, and they usually crawled in hushing each other to scare us. So much fun I could do it all again.

Rachel0405 · 09/05/2023 09:00

My daughter woke every 20 mins to hour up until she was 18 months, when she was awake she’d often be up for 2-3 hours screaming. Then up at 4am. As her sleep improved (as I’m up every 2 hours), the night early starts got earlier (3am). She’s now 4 and wakes at 5am but is only up twice in the night which I take as a win! I’m exhausted and share your pain - ready for bed by 8pm every night myself (but clearly can’t go to bed so early!!) I don’t know what the answer is but they won’t do it forever. Maybe 2 hours of bluey every morning so you can at least sit down? 😂

Pineapple35 · 09/05/2023 14:22

struggling to see how an early wake up, stops you having a hobby or a date night? Maybe having a nice evening away from home or a hobby of your own would give you some much needed to time to self.
I am talking early evening of course 😂

Original poster
Iheartherain · 09/05/2023 14:27

There just isn’t time, @Pineapple35 . Bedtime is half seven and by the time I’d got to the hobby, done it, and come back, it’s past my bedtime …

OP posts:
WMA · 09/05/2023 17:30

I think I got lucky with mine (we all know that luck is a massive part of childrearing). Of course there where issues (toilet training took for-ever!), but I wish I could go back to those days....

WMA · 09/05/2023 17:32

I wish I'd had childcare help though. My in-laws are no longer with us and both my parents still work. I was never comfortable with strangers babysitting....

OhwhyOY · 09/05/2023 17:33

This whole thing about teens being emotionally tiring is of course true but surely that's also general life? Like supporting your parents can be emotionally tiring with serious illness, your toddler can be emotionally tiring (e.g. if they have a serious accident and you feel like you should have prevented it, struggle with eating/sleeping which you feel is your fault etc). Obviously you will feel more responsible for helping to fix a teenager's problems than you might e.g. with aging parents who aren't your child, but ultimately a teenager should be making their own decisions with support. It isn't the same as being 100% responsible all the time for a tiny human. As a PP said, it's not just losing out on sleep it's the fact that you now have an extra 2h of your day in which you need to entertain a toddler, all day without a break. But there is a strong emotional side to it too, albeit not as gut wrenching as the serious mental health issues etc a minority of teens will experience.

OP my daughter has started waking consistently at 4.45am now (a delightful 15-30 mins than her usual 5am(ish) start. I'm now 37w pregnant and even the smallest movement is painful and exhausting. Nonetheless there's no way I'd ever stay in bed listening to her sobbing for her mama, so anyone that has suggested that, sorry but not for me either.

Fluffmum · 09/05/2023 18:30

Wait til they are teenagers. They are up all night.