Page 20 | To think this is the worst thing about parenting small children?

Iheartherain · 2023-05-05T04:28:11+00:00

5 bloody am. I thought the clocks going forward had reverted us to a more civilised wake-up time of around 6, but no. Please don’t give advice as a year or more of trying to fix this hasn’t worked 😅 but honestly it is pretty miserable. I can’t have hobbies in an evening or watch ‘adult’ TV or nights out or date nights if we got a babysitter. I am sick of being tired and yawning, fat because I seek sugar to boost my energy and always have a headache. It’s shit.

Tallulasdancingshoes · 07/05/2023 09:01

I remember the 5am starts well. Mine are 10 and 7 now and we relied on CBeebies. It was awful getting up at 5am and waiting for the programmes to start. Altogether we probably had about 6 years of it. It does gradually get better though. Today the 7 year old got up at 7:20 and the 10 year old at 7:30. I heard them get up and put the telly on. I got up shortly after. I know half 7 isn’t a mass lie in, but it’s soooo much better than the 5am days.

Wat2do222 · 07/05/2023 09:36

Wow I've just read this entire thread! My sympathies OP, children are all about phases but I agree the posters trying to make out X is worse the Y are unhelpful. My sons were pretty good save the odd phase of early wake ups, my niece on the other hand I know 100% I would have struggled with and properly rate my sister and husband for coping and working/managing a household. Now I'm a bit older and wiser I know that we have an idea of what raising a child is but the reality can be far far different. The love you feel is unprecedented but it's very tough when things that we have never experienced/considered like persistent sleep issues, reflux, unending bugs, epic tantrums...the list goes on! Every child is different and it sounds like you're the right one for the job, remaining compassionate and not resorting to physical punishment or witholding comfort😣 It's OK to say I can't fucking take this anymore, the truth is you are taking it, have been taking it and you're still alive and your son is happy and safe and your also growing another human! You'll look back at this and be grateful when you can roll over while your teenagers are just stumbling through the door💐

mylifestory · 07/05/2023 11:27

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 06/05/2023 22:57

Do you really think someone on their knees after over a year of sleep deprivation hasn’t tried an earlier bed time?

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Well they didn't mention it anywhere!

Mumofasdgirl11 · 07/05/2023 11:28

I have got the opposite. A child (now diagnosed with ASD) who has always taken ages to get to sleep, but who gets super terrified on her own, so we don’t get the evenings. We are always shattered in the mornings as a result and she won’t wake.

BigButtons · 07/05/2023 12:05

Iheartherain · 06/05/2023 22:22

And for those who are wondering why I’m being so sharp to the ‘just you wait’ posters, it is partly because it is very annoying not being able to have a bit of a moan but also it is more than that. I actually find it a little creepy how insistent some are that parenting a teen is ‘exhausting’ when logic screams it isn’t - yes, midnight drop offs but not every night and besides, you aren’t then woken at 5am the next day unless you have younger children too.

So what people are claiming is that their teen causes them such worry that they lie awake endlessly fretting about them and that is what is exhausting, and that is both peculiar and if true a bit sinister because the worry is caused by nothing more than independence. I mean, I have read posts here which say things along the lines of ‘I can no longer control my child’s life and this worries me so much.’

I could be an anomaly here but it comes as no shock to me to know my children will be independent of me and they will do things I might not personally choose to do. Perhaps because I’ve got a reasonably good head on my shoulders, but I don’t see this as inherently risky. My teenage child goes to a party and sure, there are a thousand possibilities that could lead to harm but all are pretty unlikely and mostly it will be ‘oh, well have a good time.’

There’s a million futures out there for my kids. Not all are pretty and not all are long and I so hope they are, but they are their futures, not mine. Lying awake fretting about them not only will not bring them a more positive future but actually impedes it. Try ‘I have confidence in you to make sensible choices’ rather than ‘I worry so much about a choice you haven’t even made yet.’

The teen parenting and angst and exhaustion has nothing to do with their independence.

You haven’t got a clue what your kids will do until they become teens. You haven’t got a clue how you will be with them and what they will throw at you.
some of my kids were ok teens others were horrendous.
I have a work colleague who is having a hell of a time with her 17 year old daughter and has been for a couple of years now. I am watching her visibly age with the exhaustion and stress of it.

BigButtons · 07/05/2023 12:07

Mrsgreen100 · 07/05/2023 05:32

I would go back there in a flash , getting less sleep now with a 19 year old who’s in a horrible place mental health issues etc
post us finding out her father was a cheat fraudster and con man
I would swap this kinda of sleeplessness for playing at 5.00 am in a heartbeat
try to enjoy it
seriously you will look back fondly

I agree with you completely

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 07/05/2023 12:30

mylifestory · 07/05/2023 11:27

Well they didn't mention it anywhere!

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They probably didn’t feel they had to list absolutely everything they’d tried since they specifically asked people not to give advice…

Susandorothy22 · 07/05/2023 12:45

Definitely the worst thing, when they are too young to wake up and get to the loo in time.
One of mine, vomited on the bottom of her bed, then went back to sleep, leaving the vomit to soak into the duvet, bottom sheet and mattress. Have used mattress protectors ever since!
As for the early starts, it does not last forever, they get to a stage where they don’t need you straight away and are content to play.😀

ThisMamaNeedsSleep · 07/05/2023 12:51

❤️

Original poster

Iheartherain · 07/05/2023 13:15

Of course you would, @BigButtons . You can’t actually stand it if it’s not directly about you in some way 😂 And forgive me but I do think there just might be a link between the posters who absolutely can’t bear something not to be ALL about them and nightmare teens. Adds up, doesn’t it?

OP posts:

BigButtons · 07/05/2023 13:18

Iheartherain · 07/05/2023 13:15

Of course you would, @BigButtons . You can’t actually stand it if it’s not directly about you in some way 😂 And forgive me but I do think there just might be a link between the posters who absolutely can’t bear something not to be ALL about them and nightmare teens. Adds up, doesn’t it?

No. You are wrong. What irritates me is your know it attitude about an age group you have never parented. The rest of it I couldn’t be a toss about.

Hardbackwriter · 07/05/2023 13:30

I actually also think the OP's comments about parenting teens and why people find it hard were misjudged. I think in general if you haven't done something then your thoughts on how you'd do it better don't carry much weight! I would like to point out, though, that she was provoked into those comments by people posting about their totally irrelevant teenagers over and over again, after she'd made it very clear that it was unhelpful and upsetting her. Going on about teenagers offers nothing practical of help to OP - it's hardly comforting for her to think that things will just get worse when she's clearly currently finding it tough - and I agree with her that it's really self-centred. She dealt without for pages and pages with some posters coming back to make the same unhelpful point over and over again so I think it's unfair to blame her for then getting a bit cross and making some slightly ill-judged comments in response.

Fishonabike68 · 07/05/2023 13:30

Absolutely relate to this. One of the hardest things is trying to hold down a full time job with a team of colleagues who either don't have children or their children are grown up. I try to hide my exhaustion sometimes, work meetings can be such hard work! Roll on the teenage years. I'm absolutely not a morning person and some bad mornings I've been woken up 4.45 or 5 by my 4 year old son and can't get back to sleep. My 6 year old daughter conversely won't get to sleep until 9 or 9.30pm. Oldest son gets up only a bit after my 4 year old. Feels like I have no life sometimes!!

Original poster

Iheartherain · 07/05/2023 13:42

@Hardbackwriter i have no idea if ill judged or not, but I do think that there are several things going on here.

It seems fairly obvious to me that if you have the sort of personality where you can’t bear something to not be about you, and how it affects you, and how it makes you feel, then that doesn’t marry well with parenting teens. Or parenting at all I suppose, but teens will be more aware. For example, if someone’s reaction to a failed exam is how it reflects on them, how it has caused them personal stress and worry and exhaustion, how they will now be worrying so much, then that’s pretty toxic and a lot of parents do use that as a parenting tactic, I won’t hold back - I’ve no patience for that sort of bullshit, and I wouldn’t blame a teenager for being fed up with it as well.

What people are wanting is a golden time of innocence where they are gods and goddesses in their child’s eyes. It’s clear that’s not going to last.

OP posts:

Original poster

Iheartherain · 07/05/2023 13:48

Iheartherain · 05/05/2023 09:31

Even when not pregnant, there is a difference between sleeping 9pm 5 am and 10 pm 6am.

And if your teens are causing you this much worry, maybe it’s your parenting you should look at. It’s unheard of me to make such a bitchy comment but special needs aside if a sixteen year old is genuinely as time consuming and exhausting as a two year old, that’s not right.

And @SparklyBlackKitten trust me, I’ll have tried it. Whatever it is. Unless it’s child abandonment.

And your DD has additional needs I see @BigButtons and you’ll notice I helpfully made that distinction in this post. I actually do think that parenting children of any age with additional needs is more challenging than a NT child of any age, because that ‘it won’t last’ thing doesn’t work.

But it is not what I’m about here. It is unbelievably frustrating being endlessly followed about through a thread by a Greek chorus of parents of teens who feel the need to inform me life will get worse <eye roll>

OP posts:

Hardbackwriter · 07/05/2023 14:12

Iheartherain · 07/05/2023 13:42

@Hardbackwriter i have no idea if ill judged or not, but I do think that there are several things going on here.

It seems fairly obvious to me that if you have the sort of personality where you can’t bear something to not be about you, and how it affects you, and how it makes you feel, then that doesn’t marry well with parenting teens. Or parenting at all I suppose, but teens will be more aware. For example, if someone’s reaction to a failed exam is how it reflects on them, how it has caused them personal stress and worry and exhaustion, how they will now be worrying so much, then that’s pretty toxic and a lot of parents do use that as a parenting tactic, I won’t hold back - I’ve no patience for that sort of bullshit, and I wouldn’t blame a teenager for being fed up with it as well.

What people are wanting is a golden time of innocence where they are gods and goddesses in their child’s eyes. It’s clear that’s not going to last.

I think I'll also be great at giving my children appropriately increasing independence and handling any issues they have with grace and compassion when they're teenagers. But then I remember that my toddlers weren't going to have screen time or sugar and I was going to teach them simply not to interrupt when adults were talking, unlike so many clearly inadequate parents I saw...

As I said, I'm fundamentally on your side here. And it doesn't really matter whether we agree on whether we can foresee the challenges of teens because we're in agreement on the central fact that the challenges of teens are not in any way relevant to this thread!

Original poster

Iheartherain · 07/05/2023 14:23

I don’t disagree with that, but I do strongly disagree (not with you - you HAVE been helpful!) with the basic premise that teens are more exhausting than toddlers because they just are - I know there are some exceptionally demanding teens and some exceptionally non demanding toddlers (although I don’t know any!) but on a typical trajectory I wouldn’t expect most parents of teens to be up at 5 and spending the day chasing them round soft play or similar! And so then we come back to the ‘ah but you see it is the emotional stress’ which does make me think there is something in the memememe posts and the difficulties with teens.

OP posts:

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 07/05/2023 14:31

Iheartherain · 07/05/2023 14:23

I don’t disagree with that, but I do strongly disagree (not with you - you HAVE been helpful!) with the basic premise that teens are more exhausting than toddlers because they just are - I know there are some exceptionally demanding teens and some exceptionally non demanding toddlers (although I don’t know any!) but on a typical trajectory I wouldn’t expect most parents of teens to be up at 5 and spending the day chasing them round soft play or similar! And so then we come back to the ‘ah but you see it is the emotional stress’ which does make me think there is something in the memememe posts and the difficulties with teens.

I agree. On the whole teens are not as tiring because they generally sleep and don't get up at 5 am and even if they do, they don't need you to supervise them at 5am.
They can be emotionally tiring, especially if there are special needs. My 15 yo has adhd and it's stressful always getting crap feedback from school and trying to motivate him, worrying about his academic progress. But that's not every day and not physically tiring.

Original poster

Iheartherain · 07/05/2023 14:36

Oh, special needs are a different ball game - I did make that distinction above. And I’d never judge any parent for saying ‘dear god this is shit just now’ whether their child is 4 weeks, 4 years or 44 years. But telling a parent it gets worse is breathtakingly insensitive and very attention seeking on behalf of the poster. I know I have made this point before but it really is like me seeking the teen board to tell those parents how much worse my life is!

OP posts:

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 07/05/2023 14:54

Iheartherain · 07/05/2023 14:36

Oh, special needs are a different ball game - I did make that distinction above. And I’d never judge any parent for saying ‘dear god this is shit just now’ whether their child is 4 weeks, 4 years or 44 years. But telling a parent it gets worse is breathtakingly insensitive and very attention seeking on behalf of the poster. I know I have made this point before but it really is like me seeking the teen board to tell those parents how much worse my life is!

Yes I totally agree. On the whole (even with my adhd child) it gets easier. It's never easy all the time but there's nothing as full on and bone crushingly knackering as small children who wake at 5 am, for most people.
Anyone claiming that teens are always harder and that it only gets worse are a bit weird if you ask me.

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 07/05/2023 15:15

MadeInYorkshire69 · 07/05/2023 06:23

CBeebies saved my sanity back in the day.

Were you around in the era where they had a kind of teletubbies screensaver for an hour straight before they started proper programs?

MadeInYorkshire69 · 07/05/2023 15:58

Yes and I think it was before IPlayer as well…started at 6am in the mid 00s
And Netflix came through the post in dvd form ….

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 07/05/2023 17:23

MadeInYorkshire69 · 07/05/2023 15:58

Yes and I think it was before IPlayer as well…started at 6am in the mid 00s
And Netflix came through the post in dvd form ….

IKR - the start of streaming services was a life changer, pause your program come back to it later, suddenly you can watch half decent telly at stupid times of day 'cos that's when you've got a bit of a break

T1Dmama · 07/05/2023 18:21

The only time my daughter saw 5am was if she was up all night screaming and refusing to sleep.. I’d be happy with seeing 5am if she’d gone down at 8pm!! But if she fell asleep in the car or went down at 8pm she’d wake at 11pm & remain awake till stupid o’clock!
if your child sleeps 7/8 till 5am if count yourself lucky

Ritasdaughter1969 · 07/05/2023 18:32

The point that all of us mother's of teens is trying to make is that as soon as you have children your whole life is consumed by them. They cause you sleepless nights through every stage of their lives and wear you out. The stage you are at now will end and you will forget it, in much the same way you forgot how painful child birth was. Then you will be on with school runs, covering illness from school and school clubs that they need running to and from and birthday parties. And on it goes. That's not to say that they don't bring tremendous joy but they are exhausting at all stages.