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Original poster

Mixed sex sleepovers for teens

103 replies

Creasedover382 · 04/05/2023 21:12

Appropriate or not? DS aged 14 would like to invite 2 boys and 2 girls over to camp in our back garden.

YANBU-Not Appropriate
YABU-Absolutely fine if parents are happy with it

OP posts:
Malarandras · 04/05/2023 23:46

Not a chance would I let my kids do this. Hell would have frozen over before my parents would’ve let me do it either!

Summerfun54321 · 04/05/2023 23:56

Absolutely loads of inappropriate things happened at mixed sleepovers when I was a young teen, including sex. There were always creepy wondering hands from boys trying it on. No one needs to have a sleepover.

similarminimer · 05/05/2023 07:18

Are posters above saying that if 2 15 year olds mutually decide to have sex the boy is a rapist and the girl has committed no crime? That cant be right if neither are legally able to consent.

Beezknees · 05/05/2023 07:38

Flowertight · 04/05/2023 22:25

No, I wouldn't allow this. I have a 15 year old DS. He's a sensible lad but I would not want him in that scenario with underage girls

the poor men eh? Even the sensible ones are vulnerable around underage girls. Check yourself

I wouldn’t based on my own behaviour at that age!

so you had fun as a teenager and did what normal teenage kids want to do so you think your children shouldn’t experience that.

"Check yourself?" 😂😂😂 get a grip.

snitzelvoncrumb · 05/05/2023 07:46

You could work around it by having all the kids around for a while, the girls go home and the boys sleep over. I imagine a lot of parents wouldn’t let their daughters sleep over even if you do invite them.

ChristmasLightsLover · 05/05/2023 07:46

No. No. And No.

If something goes wrong there will be no end of issues. Everyone is underage and you will be the facilitator.

Chocolate376 · 05/05/2023 07:47

DustyLee123 · 04/05/2023 21:16

It would be no from me, until they’ve done their GCSE’s.

Once they've got some qualifications, nothing can go wrong!

SchoolQuestionnaire · 05/05/2023 08:09

Beezknees · 04/05/2023 21:26

No, I wouldn't allow this. I have a 15 year old DS. He's a sensible lad but I would not want him in that scenario with underage girls.

Why? What do you think he will do?

We allowed this from 15 onwards for ds, but the kids weren’t outside to sleep (although they were for most of the evening as it was summertime). The girls slept in the spare room and the boys in ds’s room as one of the girls mums had called to ask what the setup would be and this was her preferred option. I also had strong words with ds about trust and keeping an eye on his friends when drinking became involved as they got older. That being said they were generally a very sensible bunch and aside from one ‘couple’ they were all just friends.

Beezknees · 05/05/2023 08:39

SchoolQuestionnaire · 05/05/2023 08:09

Why? What do you think he will do?

We allowed this from 15 onwards for ds, but the kids weren’t outside to sleep (although they were for most of the evening as it was summertime). The girls slept in the spare room and the boys in ds’s room as one of the girls mums had called to ask what the setup would be and this was her preferred option. I also had strong words with ds about trust and keeping an eye on his friends when drinking became involved as they got older. That being said they were generally a very sensible bunch and aside from one ‘couple’ they were all just friends.

Show quote history

I don't want to encourage underage sex. I know they'll do it anyway if they want and all of that but I wouldn't be comfortable with it under my roof. And I don't want the responsibility of other people's kids potentially having sex at my house.

I got pregnant when I was 17 and it's made me very wary of DS following the same path.

Curiosity101 · 05/05/2023 08:45

I did mixed sex campouts when I was a teen and it really wasn't an issue. My friendship group was platonic and mixed 50:50 boys and girls.

I also remember me pointing out that I was allowed girls to stay over un supervised and the only difference was that I couldn't get pregnant.

So whilst I'm not looking forward to being in your position OP (my boys are 1 and 3 at the moment). In theory it seems fine to me so long as the other parents are fine with it.

user1492757084 · 05/05/2023 09:00

Make the first one an all males camp out.
The kids won't think it odd if you are strict..
Have parent's approval and phone numbers.

Invite the girls for the cook out part - until a certain hour - and insist that a parent picks them up.
This way you get to see how they behave together, you get to speak and meet with all parents.
Don't allow alcohol, any smoking (vapes included), porn, gambling or drugs. Know of any allergies and whether they have ambulance cover..
It is easier to become more liberal once you know the entities and you are their guardian so parents need to trust you.

Often girls, unless they are only romantically motivated, will bring a common sense approach to decision making in groups of teens. Mixed trustworthy friends are fun but that doesn't mean that you need to have responsibility for mixed sleep overs.

When much older they can arrange camping in parks and forrests, with all parents ágreement and you will not have that burden.

Sartre · 05/05/2023 09:02

No way, wouldn’t allow it especially not in the garden away from adults. It’s pretty obvious what might happen there…

W0tnow · 05/05/2023 09:09

Depends on the kids. I’d let mine at that age.

thebestbirtheraccordingtoDD · 05/05/2023 09:10

icelollycraving · 04/05/2023 21:18

Depends on the teens! Me as a teen? No.

Just what I was I thinking 😂

ShowOfHands · 05/05/2023 19:24

My y11 DD has 8 very close friends, all boys. She stays at theirs, they stay at ours and they all camp out together regularly. I have zero concerns.

I also happen to teach secondary and know that some of her peers have mixed sex sleepovers and the sex, drugs and alcohol are everything you fear as a parent.

It depends on the group. I know DD's friends. I teach them, have them in my home constantly and have watched them grow up. There is zero risk for their group.

TomeTome · 05/05/2023 21:17

It depends on the group. I know DD's friends. I teach them, have them in my home constantly and have watched them grow up. There is zero risk for their group.
I think this is really naive.

Irritateandunreasonable · 05/05/2023 21:19

Yep tents is an even worse idea 🤣🤣🤣.

Seems odd imo.

HydrangeaFairy · 05/05/2023 21:27

I let mine up to 13, very supervised. After that no.

ShowOfHands · 05/05/2023 21:55

TomeTome · 05/05/2023 21:17

It depends on the group. I know DD's friends. I teach them, have them in my home constantly and have watched them grow up. There is zero risk for their group.
I think this is really naive.

What do you think could happen?

TomeTome · 05/05/2023 21:57

@ShowOfHands use your imagination, I’m certainly not detailing on a public forum.

Mutabiliss · 05/05/2023 21:59

Beautifulstrange1 · 04/05/2023 22:08

I wouldn’t, based on my behaviour at that age!!

Same! 😬

Whenisitsummer · 05/05/2023 21:59

Yes I would allow it.

ShowOfHands · 05/05/2023 22:08

TomeTome · 05/05/2023 21:57

@ShowOfHands use your imagination, I’m certainly not detailing on a public forum.

I know my DD and her friends. I've known them for years. They don't drink, don't smoke, wouldn't take drugs. They play chess and scrabble, drink herbal teas and have an actual spreadsheet of their favourite blends, they go out and take photographs and edit them, watch documentaries, go to poetry readings and art galleries, do physics revision and mock Futher maths papers, they come and sit in the other room with me and DH and talk about politics and comedy and something funny they heard on the radio, they are young feminists, politically-motivated and socially aware.

They are never in the house alone. We are in the room next door or they're camping in the garden, ditto when at other houses, they're never home alone. I know their families. I know them.

They are smart, respectful, kind, mature young people and I am not naive, nor is DH, a copper of 16 years.

Please note that I acknowledged that some groups should not be trusted. I know what they do. They're pretty open about it in school. Some of them worry about it and approach staff for guidance. I know teens. But I also know my DD and her friends.

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 05/05/2023 22:15

Depends on the teens and the parents.

my dd has a mixed friendship group. She’s been invited to sleep overs at one persons house. I’ve said no. Some of the other group I’d be ok at. The parents are more on my wave length.

tricky to manage though

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 05/05/2023 23:03

Well it certainly is mixed views isn't it.

Sure, some kids will get in to trouble. I've seen it. But not all kids.

I'm still of the view that I don't have a problem with it. My 16 year old and friends are a good lot. Yes they get daft, some have a bit of alcohol, some don't and yes they will likely do some idiotic things as they get older just like most people. But I don't understand why puerile think they will all, without exception, suddenly start shagging in mixed sex social situations. They manage not to shag behind the bike shed at school, they manage not to shag on duke of Edinburgh or scout/Explorer camps. I reckon they can manage not to shag in my garden or basement too.

Anyway, my ds says he is bi so is it girls or boys I should be preventing him from having sleepovers with? I suppose I could tell him no sleepovers with anybody ever and also ban him from being out of my sight with anybody of either the same or opposite sex. Would that work?