Mixed sex sleepovers for teens

[Creasedover382]

Appropriate or not? DS aged 14 would like to invite 2 boys and 2 girls over to camp in our back garden.

YANBU-Not Appropriate
YABU-Absolutely fine if parents are happy with it

No, no, and no. Unless you want a rape case on your hands

it would probably be easier to teach her son not to rape women perhaps? And before you come back with bullshit about underage - no, the police wouldn’t be interested in consensual sexual activity amongst teens the same age.

Me at that age - nightmare. DD at that age - possibly reasonable.

Yep sounds great fun!

my DC were all in mixed sex friendship groups at that age, it’s really encouraging.

and, as @DistrictCommissioner said, Dartmoor was heaving with kids camping last weekend, mostly mixed sex and all unsupervised.

as regards the comment about a rape case - wow. So very disparaging to teenagers and so disrespectful to survivors.

DD12 has two boys in her friendship group since they were all in Reception. I’d be very sad to think they have to be excluded from sleepovers in another year or two. Besides, some of the girls sleeping over could be gay so what’s the difference?

No way. Apart from anything else, all it would take is something to happen in a moment and a true (or even false) allegation to be made and life gets very difficult for all involved.

Not a chance

😂 your teen is very lucky you are evening considering this. Especially considering they will be in tents outside!

the poor men eh? Even the sensible ones are vulnerable around underage girls. Check yourself

If one is underage, it's enough if a parent or somebody else kick up a stink - and you have a crime case. This isn't some 20-30 years ago, where if anything untoward happened, everybody would just keep silent to avoid a scandal.

I would allow this. As long as all parents are on board. If they are going to have sex, they do it anyway, elsewhere.

@MsWhitworth Pregnancy and the risk of being / being accused of rape is the difference!

I had mixed sleepovers at that age, but only with people I knew REALLY well. I don't think I would have liked to share a tent, a room would feel less invasive.

@JazbayGrapes fuck off with trying to excuse and invalidate male/ female rape. The percentage of females that call false rape versus the percentage of men that actually rape is negligible and it’s disgusting to suggest teenage friends who are girls are a danger to the boys.

Yes from me.

My children aren't at this age yet, but unless they go completely off the rails when they are, I would allow this.

I went to mixed sex sleepovers almost weekly with a group of friends when I was 14/15, sometimes in tents, sometimes in lounges, sometimes in bedrooms. We even shared beds.

Apparently bizarrely, there was no sex/rape/allegations of rape/pregnancies.

Just friends hanging out.

I don't really get your logic. If you're saying that there's a risk that the boy will commit actual rape rather than just there be a false allegation then the parent has a much greater problem with their son than the topic of this thread.

fuck off with trying to excuse and invalidate male/ female rape. The percentage of females that call false rape versus the percentage of men that actually rape is negligible and it’s disgusting to suggest teenage friends who are girls are a danger to the boys.

Oh nice. So you're ok with putting girls in a situation where they might be violated?
False or not false - underage sex isn't exactly consensual by law.

Yes if it's a group of friends who happen to be mixed sex and they know each other well. Spent my teenage years with large groups sleeping at each other's houses with no parents around most of the time and nothing happened for the large group sleeping on sitting room floor/sofas, it was only when couples sneaked upstairs to bedrooms that things went further than as a parent I'd want to happen now. So yes if all in one tent, no if more than one tent as more potential for privacy.

DD1 (16) has had 3, larger groups of mixed boys and girls, fairly safe all in together. Last weekend 2 girls plus one lad, but the boyfriend of the second girl, yes but only with her mum’s explicit consent. I don’t think she would have done anything with DD around, and DD had already set the ground rules to her friend with “no canoodling in my bedroom”!

When I was 14 I had a mixed sleepover, about 6 girls and 3 boys, we all stayed in the lounge, my mum didn’t care as long as we weren’t noisy. Nothing untoward happened as I made sure it didn’t, I was pretty mature as kid… just depends if you trust your dc…

No! Way too much responsibility for you.

I don't really get your logic. If you're saying that there's a risk that the boy will commit actual rape rather than just there be a false allegation then the parent has a much greater problem with their son than the topic of this thread

I’m saying, all this bullshit from posters about ‘protect your boys from false claims of rape’ has to stop. It has nothing to do with the op’s son.

@JazbayGrapes no. Not at all. You said the boys will be accused of false rape, I said this isn’t a thing.

Same. My 14 yo year 10 dd is far more sensible and mature than I was at her age. I don’t think she’d do much with a boy as she’s quite prim and proper but I’m also aware this may not last. I’m still not sure I’d be ok with her sleeping in a tent based on my experiences. She actually asked me the other day if I’d allow her to go to a male friend’s house as she wasn’t sure if I’d allow this...

I otoh was very inquisitive, had had a couple of boyfriends by this age etc. My friends and I were having “orgies” in year 10 or maybe even from the end of Yr 9. A group of 3/4/5 boys and 3/4/5 girls. Basically a big snogathon and swapathon in a room all together. By the end of year 10, more than one of the girls (including me) was sexually active and one of my friends had sex in a room with several couples at this age so I don’t think being in a group stops horny teens.

I’m therefore for big boundaries and not allowing this type of sleepover. I wish I’d had more guidance and the right sort of protection at this age.

Me and my big group of mixed friends never did, just had a laugh together.
The cool kids did, a few got pregnant at 14.

You said the boys will be accused of false rape, I said this isn’t a thing.

I mean it clearly is a thing. It might be unusual, but a lot of the parenting advice on here, rightly or wrongly, boils down to over-anxious parents worrying about unlikely eventualities.

We let our sensible kids and their sensible friends do this. In fact on one birthday we let them have booze and a larger group in a 10 birth tent. They all dutifully lined their air beds up and froze to death trying to get to sleep in the cold summer air. We knew they would all be hilariously abstinent because it would not be cool to try and shag and get off with each other - especially around 8 others!

I think many parents forget how relatively prudish and self censoring young people are these days. They are especially conscious of anything getting out on social media. Anything sexual is just simply not going to happen in a group!

A definitely no from me. More from a behaviour point of view than anything else. Dd is slightly older - house party age. There’s is definitely a different vibe when boys are there- more showing off, flirting & general rowdiness (from both sides).