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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mixed sex sleepovers for teens

103 replies

Creasedover382 · 04/05/2023 21:12

Appropriate or not? DS aged 14 would like to invite 2 boys and 2 girls over to camp in our back garden.

YANBU-Not Appropriate
YABU-Absolutely fine if parents are happy with it

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 04/05/2023 21:45

It might sound illogical... but one tent could be better. No chance of couples swapping....

MuckyPlucky · 04/05/2023 21:55

Absolutely 100% not. Given your DS hasn’t had female friends up until now, does it not strike you as suspicious that him & his male friend suddenly want to invite two girls round to sleep in a tent with them?! 🤣

ittakes2 · 04/05/2023 21:56

I think it depends on the kids. Trust your gut

Blondewithredlips · 04/05/2023 21:57

Nope

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/05/2023 21:59

Itsrainingatlast · 04/05/2023 21:23

In separate tents?
Lots of teens will be doing exactly this on their DofE expeditions which is a very alright mumsnet thing to do, and I can assure you that staff are not awake all night supervising!!

This really.

But you could say the boys stay indoors if you want, but don’t stop him having a sleepover.

DistrictCommissioner · 04/05/2023 22:01

Depends on the teens?

my DC just did this last week, 3 girls, 3 boys… on Dartmoor for Ten Tors.

mast0650 · 04/05/2023 22:02

I think it's fine! My son went on camping trips with small mixed groups of friends aged around 14-15. All just good fun.

I honestly don't see the point of trying to keep friendship groups of boys and girls apart just because it happens to be night time. Couples might be a bit different.

JMSA · 04/05/2023 22:03

Depends on the children and the maturity levels involved. If they're a fairly innocent bunch, absolutely yes in separate tents.

mast0650 · 04/05/2023 22:03

But I think group dynamics can vary a lot so only you and the other parents can judge really.

JMSA · 04/05/2023 22:04

And sensible, obviously!
Anyway, sounds like fun. And the kind of adventure they'll remember in years to come.

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 04/05/2023 22:04

I don't have a problem with it. They are all in a room or a tent together, they don't sleep and they don't get up to anything sex related either, not in front of all their mates! They just stay awake all night talking, singing and pratting around.

Anyway in a big group of teens chances are at least a couple are gay or bi so do we stop then having sleepovers of the same sex too?

WestwardHo1 · 04/05/2023 22:04

We used to do it all the time and we managed not to shag each other.

Maybe we were strange, I don't know

elm26 · 04/05/2023 22:05

rainraingoawaay · 04/05/2023 21:17

I went to mixed sex sleepovers throughout my teenage years - we were all a close group of friends, not a single inappropriate thing ever happened at one of these sleepovers!

I think if parents are happy with it, why not? Camping in the garden sounds fun!

Me too but maybe our parents were just lucky that it was purely platonic!

Beautifulstrange1 · 04/05/2023 22:08

I wouldn’t, based on my behaviour at that age!!

MadEyeMoodysEye · 04/05/2023 22:11

I did, nothing happened beyond watching scary films and cooking in the middle of the night. Depends on the kids I think.

Tiggy321 · 04/05/2023 22:11

I am going against the grain. My daughter had mixed sleepovers (and still does ) now aged 17. Some of her best friends are boys. She's in a mixed scout group (not UK) and they camp together for 2 weeks in the middle of nowhere. I genuinely have zero worries on that front (many many worries in other fronts!!!)

hairdresserbreakup · 04/05/2023 22:14

A group of mates together in one tent is probably ok. Are any of them boyfriend/girlfriend? I'd be more worried about alcohol probably. Do you know the kids? Are you able to communicate with their parents?

tiredhadenough · 04/05/2023 22:16

The group of children that were in primary together no problem at all, the group in secondary I don't know, definitely not!

BelperLawnmower · 04/05/2023 22:20

Another yes from me. I'd agree that if they want to have sex you're fighting a pointless battle anyway, they will have it in a tent, or at home when you're not there or in a park, in a bus shelter ... (based on my own experience!).

Flowertight · 04/05/2023 22:21

If teens want to have sex they’ll have sex. I did at 14. I’m not sure I would have done in the garden of a friend’s house whilst camping though…..mumsnet are hysterical when it comes to teenagers and possible physical contact

Meggymoo777 · 04/05/2023 22:22

Wouldn't be a problem for me at all, as long as other parents are happy. DS has been in a group of 2 male and 2 female best friends since he started school, thick as thieves and never any inappropriate behaviour. I guess it depends on the kids and the friendships

Axahooxa · 04/05/2023 22:23

No way!
they’ll probably get drinking too so not a good idea.

and if you do say yes-at what age do you say no?

JazbayGrapes · 04/05/2023 22:24

No, no, and no. Unless you want a rape case on your hands.

Flowertight · 04/05/2023 22:25

No, I wouldn't allow this. I have a 15 year old DS. He's a sensible lad but I would not want him in that scenario with underage girls

the poor men eh? Even the sensible ones are vulnerable around underage girls. Check yourself

I wouldn’t based on my own behaviour at that age!

so you had fun as a teenager and did what normal teenage kids want to do so you think your children shouldn’t experience that.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 04/05/2023 22:27

I think its fine as long as all the parents agree.

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