I am DONE with pregnancy

[elm26]

I'm almost 37 weeks after 13 miscarriages and so grateful but today I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I had Hyperemesis from 6-33 weeks as soon as the sickness eased to only once a day, I got covid and ended up in hospital on oxygen, I got rid of that and felt great for about 5 days before pelvic girdle pain kicked in. I've been grinning and baring it but today I've finally cracked.

I'm exhausted, I'm awake from 1-6 every night, I'm in agony, my DH is working 7 day weeks at the moment so I'm quite lonely at the minute.

I've cried all day, I've really had enough.

I've tried talking to friends or female relatives about how I feel but if I hear "you think you're tired now wait until the baby is born" or "you'll forget about it and have number 2 within a couple years" once more I actually think I may commit murder.

I told my DH when he called me earlier that he can forget about ever having another one and he kind of half laughed so I put the phone down on him 🤦🏻‍♀️

I've tried to keep my head above water the whole way through, the first 16 weeks were plagued with worry I'd miscarry and sickness, second trimester I was more sick than ever and lost 2 stone and now the third trimester is so painful I don't know what to do with myself.

I'm really worried that by the time I go into labour I will be an absolute exhausted wreck and not actually make it through it. I have no strength left. I can't even pick up my dogs pop anymore because I can't bend so going for a slow walk and getting out in the fresh air isn't an option. (DH walks him when he's home instead now).

Please somebody tell me there is an end in sight because I just feel absolutely emotionally and physically done today.

Hey,
Im 36 weeks with my first and want to stand by you as I’ve had a similar journey. Here’s mine to share:
Hyperemesis started at 5 weeks exactly and started extremely violently by waking up every 15 minutes from 9pm until the next day. I was so ill the following morning I ended up in A and E needing fluids.
I spent 3 weeks in hospital with absolutely none of the RCOG recommended treatments working and unable to keep down any tablets/ water or food.
Eventually went on to steroids which instantly made me feel better (as they do) but remained vomiting/not keeping anything down.
Ended up readmitted and next course of action was for tube feeding.
Suddenly my body started taking small amounts of liquid and food, whilst on 30 mg steroids, ondansentron, xonvea, metaclopramide, prochlorperazine and omeprazole so avoided the tube feeding!
I was discharged and slowly weaned off steroids at home.
Whilst the above was happening, I lost 10
kg, lost all my strength and could barely walk any more, go up the stairs of my house let alone do anything enjoyable.
This slowly improved to a point that I could walk etc and eat ok as long as I had all my anti emetics.
The sickness has never left me. I wake up heaving at about 5/6 am and have to take ondansentron immediately to stop it. I still randomly vomit and have some bad days. I’ve lost track of the inappropriate places I’ve vomited! Obviously this is much better than before though!

From 30 weeks, I’ve developed severe sacroiliac pain. I now can’t walk far at all, I am in agony. I seize up if I do anything that isn’t lying down. I can do no house work, I can’t walk, I can’t swim, I can’t do any of my hobbies, i can’t walk the dogs, I can’t bend down to clean.
I’ve cried in pain, I’m taking cocodamol, using a tens machine and hot baths just to get through daily life which is solely resting at home.
I’ve been signed off of work as I can’t even make the walk through the doors of my workplace from my car, let alone work a full day.
The Ondansetron has caused horrendous constipation and fecal impaction episodes.

My mental health is rocky. I went through a very bad patch at 27 weeks. I’ve lost every part of my identity. I can’t work, I can’t do my hobby, I can’t care for my animals, I can’t even prepare my own house for the baby. I am useless.
I am also incredibly anxious about caring for a baby for the first time in my life and how I’ll cope.
I barely speak to my colleagues any more as I had so many insulting anecdotes and help passed to me like ginger biscuits, boiled sweets, how they had the same sickness but back in their day there was no help, keep moving to solve my back pain etc etc which has chipped away at me. Oh and the enjoy every minute before the baby arrives line constantly.

Our stories are similar! I’m so happy to see another person sharing the struggles with the world.

I am planning to formula feed for my own mental health, after this pregnancy I’m sure I will not cope with the demands of breastfeeding and really need my body back and some help with feeding.

Im hopefully being induced by end of May!

Oh lord the PGP is horrendous isn't it, I really suffered with it for the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy and was unable to walk for the last 2 weeks pretty much. You are so so close and this waiting bit is the hardest part! Just think - in probably just a couple of weeks you will have your DD in your arms enjoying the happy chaos of the newborn days. My long awaited and much longed for DS arrived in November and those early weeks were a blur of crazy hormones and all the things people say "just you wait..." about, but oh my they were just the most wonderful days. My PGP disappeared as soon as he was born btw so there's that too! Can you just watch loads of telly, get some fresh air, and do lots of oxytocin producing things in the meantime?

Oh you poor thing, you've described one of my pregnancies here so I just want to give you a massive cuddle.
HG has contributed to me losing jobs, friends, needing therapy after the ptsd for all the sickness and weeks attached to a drip etc and I can absolutely promise you, as shit as it is, you will 100% get your life back once baby is here.
It's such a tough thing to go through and unless you're speaking to someone who has had HG, then they'll down play it no matter how awful its been.
I've made friends online who've had HG who have been carried off airplanes, collapsed at weddings and been in intensive care. All these women's stories are so dramatic sounding if you can't imagine your body being so sick, so they've also been shunned a bit for attention seeking when the reality is, it's a hideous allergy to pregnancy and it isn't being precious, you literally are having to survive for 9 months.

Your story and journey is awful and any feelings you have are valid and if you ever want to moan about anything just message me.

But I promise you, your baby is worth the horrific hell you've endured and you'll have this amazing bond, like you've experienced a massive war together.
People often say shit about how the newborn stage is worse, those people don't know what an impacted bowel, crumbling teeth, canulas in ankles, not being able to cope with the smell of your loved ones feels like.

Baby's are hard, nobody disputes that, but once that placenta is out, you'll start to recover. There's plenty of time to process all the shitty months you've had when you're feeling better and you can start to properly enjoy your life with a baby!

Your story really hit home because I feel your shock with a first pregnancy, nobody ever expects pregnancy to be HG 😔

@skyofdiamonds re formula feeding, I've always been to anemic to make milk after HG so it's best you're planning to formula feed anyway, even if you attempt boobing, it'll possibly just be too much for your body.
Those tommee tippee machines are fantastic.
I'm planning on using kendamil milk this time as its got amazing reviews.

Pregnancy sucks. Give me a newborn any day!

I had HG with my first pregnancy (and having it now with #2 although a bit better controlled with meds) the insomnia the heartburn and the pelvic pain too, safe to say there was no “glow”. And I agree people are very insensitive with their comments (and that includes medical professionals). All I can say is once DD was born it was such a relief. The symptoms went away and I didn’t even mind the sleepless nights, I was just grateful not to feel crap 24/7!!!
You’re almost there, any chance to be induced early? I’m sorry it’s been so rough for you but you’ve done amazingly to get through it this far. Trust me, newborn phase is a piece of cake after this.

I get you. I’ve got cramps on my legs, I’m slow walking. Im knackered.

This is is an IVF pregnancy, and I can’t wait to meet baby but pregnancy is tiring. Emotionally too, I’ve spent months thinking I’d lose her…I just want her here in my arms. And I am for sure not doing this again (very luckily already have one child). Two is our dream. Im DONE

I also had covid two weeks and it sucked!!!

Pregnancy is miserable. You will feel so much better when the baby is born!

Here's hoping @CatNamedBob 🤞🏻😂 x

@summerpoolandsun hope you're better now, it's horrid x

@summerpoolandsun congratulations ♥️ sounds like we've both been through a long journey to get here. Wishing you a healthy delivery and bubba x

@evuscha sorry you're suffering, HG is really nasty. I'm glad they are able to control it somewhat with meds. I'm holding out for this relief everyone talks about once they're here 🤞🏻 my consultant won't induce any earlier than 40 weeks unless for an emergency or no choice such as waters have gone but no labour. Good luck and best wishes for a safe delivery! X

@Bumbers I'm beginning to think pregnancy is a scam and really it's the newborn days that are easy 😂 x

Thank you for your lovely response, it makes me well up. It’s not something you can really
speak about with anyone that’s had a ‘normal’ pregnancy as they just don’t get it. It is so isolating.
I forgot about the destroyed teeth, lost
voice and sore throat from vomiting acid and the lying flat on a bed with all extremities out whilst they search and fail to find IV access.
I returned to work for them to ask if I’d deliberately timed the pregnancy to avoid doing an exam I.e faking the sickness!
And heard that my own manager had been telling people in the staff room how convenient it was that I was off and not sitting my exam (thankfully the university did let me sit it later on anyway, not that she cared).
I have been fortunate in life to not have been particularly unwell/ disabled before and cannot believe how crappy people have been. How they assume I’ll be right as rain in a week or so and how I’m just off having a jolly time.

The only positive I would say is that I have been incredibly fortunate with my antenatal care. The A&E staff, the ward and my consultant were amazing and really did everything they could to help me. It also makes me well up now as they were so kind. Lying on the ED waiting room floor crying, heaving and vomiting acid certainly does cut out the wait time!

@bravotango thank you and congratulations on your bubs!

I have been doing things that make me happy such as walking the dog in the countryside, reading, cooking but now I'm in too much pain to do it and it feels very lonely and tiring all of a sudden. X

@skyofdiamonds oh my goodness, you sound like you've had it worse than me! I'm so sorry you're suffering like this. I have no advice just solidarity ♥️ wish you all the best for a healthy delivery. I really hope you find some relief soon xx

@Greeneyegirl I will try to sleep propped up, thank you for the tip! Hoping my MW will give me a band tomorrow or at least point to what size I should be buying x

@elm26 I do pregnancy well from the outside - don't put much weight on, always told I look glowy and that bollocks - but Christ I hate it. My ribs have to stretch out to accommodate a baby, causing a burning pain. I'm always knackered. Nausea, sore hips, emotional, physically less able to exercise. My last pregnancy o was in bed by 8.30 almost every night for 8 months. Newborns are IMO wonderful; my baby is 13 weeks tomorrow and I have loved every day since giving birth, despite having a toddler too. You don't have too much left to endure. Rest as much as you can and be very kind to yourself.

@Ostryga thank you for your kind words. I definitely feel guilty for moaning but you're absolutely right. X

Thank you @RecordPlayer & @DaaamnYoullDo x

If you have PGP look for the PGP Fb page or their website, you'll find support from people who understand how hard that is. Pregnancy is really quite shite and don't feel bad for finding it so! There are so many uncomfortable, worrying, painful, annoying things to put up with as you have discovered. Some people sail through with no problems but I'd imagine for most there are plenty ups and downs. You've got this and although these next few weeks will drag and feel rubbish you will get there. Rest as much as possible, PGP isn't going to get better till either you see a specialist or have baby. It can get worse so please don't over do it....get help where you can....dog walker (PGP and walking doesn't mix well) cleaner, husband do more, its temp and don't fell guilty! Good luck

@Colourmylifewith I'm sorry you suffered too. My consultant offered me a C-section due to my history of miscarriages and my anxiety but now I'm thinking I should of just said yes 😞 x

@goinginsaneinthemembrane thank you, congratulations! It's really hard going isn't it?! Wishing you a safe delivery x

@Moraxella oh no I feel for you! Fingers crossed she/he comes soon! Wishing you a safe delivery x