Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am DONE with pregnancy

119 replies

elm26 · 04/05/2023 17:28

I'm almost 37 weeks after 13 miscarriages and so grateful but today I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I had Hyperemesis from 6-33 weeks as soon as the sickness eased to only once a day, I got covid and ended up in hospital on oxygen, I got rid of that and felt great for about 5 days before pelvic girdle pain kicked in. I've been grinning and baring it but today I've finally cracked.

I'm exhausted, I'm awake from 1-6 every night, I'm in agony, my DH is working 7 day weeks at the moment so I'm quite lonely at the minute.

I've cried all day, I've really had enough.

I've tried talking to friends or female relatives about how I feel but if I hear "you think you're tired now wait until the baby is born" or "you'll forget about it and have number 2 within a couple years" once more I actually think I may commit murder.

I told my DH when he called me earlier that he can forget about ever having another one and he kind of half laughed so I put the phone down on him 🤦🏻‍♀️

I've tried to keep my head above water the whole way through, the first 16 weeks were plagued with worry I'd miscarry and sickness, second trimester I was more sick than ever and lost 2 stone and now the third trimester is so painful I don't know what to do with myself.

I'm really worried that by the time I go into labour I will be an absolute exhausted wreck and not actually make it through it. I have no strength left. I can't even pick up my dogs pop anymore because I can't bend so going for a slow walk and getting out in the fresh air isn't an option. (DH walks him when he's home instead now).

Please somebody tell me there is an end in sight because I just feel absolutely emotionally and physically done today.

OP posts:
Original poster
elm26 · 04/05/2023 18:03

@SorryIAintGotNoMoney I can't wait to enjoy food again, miss it so much! X

OP posts:
Americano75 · 04/05/2023 18:05

elm26 · 04/05/2023 18:00

@Americano75 thank you for your kind words. Deep down I know it'll be so worth it, I can't wait to meet her and finally be a Mum after 9 years of heartache and loss. I just thought maybe I'd have an easy pregnancy after all of the trouble we had to get here but no such luck x

Do you know what, if anyone deserved a better pregnancy it's you and it's gutting that you didn't get it. Your baby is going to be awesome though.

Sleepingbeauty2510 · 04/05/2023 18:05

This was me. Had an awful pregnancy. Posted many times on here about when does it get better from 5 weeks to the end 😂. It never got better. But the second I delivered I felt the best I had in months even post csection! I would love another baby and do the whole newborn stage again in a second...but pregnancy? no chance. I find unless people have been through a rough pregnancy they don't understand. I have friends who are all about positive mindfulness, it's the most natural thing ever, your body knows what it's doing, pregnancy is beautiful etc what a load of crap!

bumpetybumpbump · 04/05/2023 18:08

You poor thing. It's rubbish when you have a tough pregnancy, it's a very long time to feel awful. I had one really tough pregnancy with sickness, SPD, back issues, stress with baby movements, growth scans, I was a mess. (Also had two pregnancies either side that were fine...)

Yes the newborn days are tough but it's not the same - at least your body is your own again! You can sleep more comfortably, you are mobile, you can get more help, someone can hold the baby for you. There is no break from it in pregnancy, it's relentless.
Hang in there, I have never felt such poor bliss as when ds2 was born, part relief all was ok and part joy the longest pregnancy of all time was over! Hopefully you will be feeling the same in a few weeks time Daffodil

bumpetybumpbump · 04/05/2023 18:09

*pure bliss!!

Original poster
elm26 · 04/05/2023 18:10

@Americano75 appreciate your kind words ♥️

OP posts:
Original poster
elm26 · 04/05/2023 18:12

@Sleepingbeauty2510 sounds like so many of us go through it yet I feel like such a minority in "real life"! One of my best friends is like this, I adore her but she was doing yoga upside down at 8 months, didn't even take a paracetamol in her labours, bathed herself in essential oils, didn't get one stretch mark and had 3 pregnancies like that! She's amazing but my god I'm jealous 🤦🏻‍♀️ x

OP posts:
Original poster
elm26 · 04/05/2023 18:15

@bumpetybumpbump that's lovely to hear that you had two "good pregnancies"! I'd of loved a big family but after all the miscarriages and now this I think I'm scarred for life!

I feel like it'll be the hardest thing I ever do (parenting and especially the newborn and toddler stage) but I keep thinking, my DH will be able to take her whilst I bathe, eat etc etc. he's so excited and I know he'll be hands on so at least I'll get SOME break. Like you said, at least my body will be my own again. I've been with her for 9 months non stop and although I'm super grateful for this little miracle, I'm ready to give her to Dad for half hour 😂 x

OP posts:
RecordPlayer · 04/05/2023 18:16

Echoing pp, I had zero sickness and very few issues during pregnancy (heartburn was the worst of my complaints) and I STILL felt like this during the last couple of months. Got way more sleep once babies arrived, and that's breastfeeding/tandem feeding after my pregnancies.
It is rough now, but it is temporary. Hang in there!

DaaamnYoullDo · 04/05/2023 18:20

That sounds awful! I'm so sorry it's been that hard, I'd be at the end of my tether. You're nearly there, you'll be holding your baby soon and it's insane how fast you start to think "ah it wasn't that bad, I could have another" 😂

Colourmylifewith · 04/05/2023 18:21

Just wanted to add some solidarity. I was honestly shocked about his utterly dreadful pregnancy was and how much you just have to ‘put up with’
I had loads of friends telling me they loved being pregnant and I couldn’t relate one bit. It got so bad at 36 weeks I couldn’t physically get out of bed and was just laying in the dark crying, my DH phoned my mum as he didn’t know what to do with me and we were considering paying privately for an early c section.
We didn’t in the end and I got there, but it is flipping hard!!! Hang in there x

goinginsaneinthemembrane · 04/05/2023 18:22

You're not alone! I really don't enjoy being pregnant, I'm 31 weeks with DC2 and hating it, still struggling with sickness and PGP, constantly uncomfortable, in pain and feeling sick.

I'm very grateful to be pregnant but not enjoying it.

If it makes you feel any better I found the newborn stage 100000X easier than being pregnant, managed ok with the tiredness and wasn't any more tired than when I was pregnant!

Moraxella · 04/05/2023 18:23

I’m 4 days overdue and everyone’s telling me the baby looks very high and clearly isn’t ready! I’m done done done

EsmeSusanOgg · 04/05/2023 18:24

roarfeckingroarr · 04/05/2023 17:35

I hate pregnancy. I find newborns much easier then late pregnancy. I've done it twice now and that's enough!

Pregnancy is effectively a solo experience too. It is so much more exhausting and miserable than the early weeks (not to say that the first few weeks are not tiring - they are - but you can usually draw on support).

Coffeeandbourbons · 04/05/2023 18:28

You’ve described my most recent pregnancy to a T, minus the Covid. By the end I was just utterly flat, not at all excited, just exhausted and in pain. The good news is I have found having a newborn a walk in the park. The sleep isn’t better but everything else is - no pain, I can wee properly again, when I do sleep it’s comfortably, I’m like a new woman. So there is that - I know a lot of women who sailed through pregnancy but found a newborn a complete shock to the system. Good luck for the birth 💐

Coffeewithmyoxyg3n · 04/05/2023 18:28

Solidarity here. I'm 29 weeks with baby no. 2 and miserable too. Had HG with both pregnancies and felt so much better after giving birth. My DH still comments on how I sprung out of bed after having our first cause I felt human again even after 24 hours of labour.
I also hated people saying you will get over it and forget within a couple of months, I was genuinely traumatised by my first pregnancy as the sickness was horrific and felt completely out of control of my own body, the impact it had on my mental health etc. It took nearly 4 years to reach a point where I felt ready to go through pregnancy again.

Rowthe · 04/05/2023 18:28

elm26 · 04/05/2023 17:53

@NamingNames it's such a relief to know that you guys get it and understand. That's all I needed to hear was some understanding because none of the women in my life seem to have had prolonged sickness or lots of pain. I definitely need a chocolate filled hug lol. Good luck for your delivery x

My pregnancies are really bad.
The first 12 weeks are horrendous and then the risk of miscarriage.

It really is horrendous. Then the last few weeks just so tired I can't function. Part of the reason we aren't having any more.

FearTheWankingDead · 04/05/2023 18:29

I would pick a newborn that stays a newborn for 9th months over 9 months of pregnancy - and I didn’t have half the problems you had OP.
I hope you feel ok soon.

ILoveToSquanderPromise · 04/05/2023 18:32

There comes a point where "better out than in" really applies to pregnancy.

And the really bewildering thing is that within a few weeks, you'll be thinking there's no way it could have been that bad that you wouldn't consider doing it again.

thespy · 04/05/2023 18:32

Oh I really disliked pregnancy. Got SPD with all three. So painful, walking everywhere like a one hundred year old man. Terrible pregnancy rage. The tiredness. I felt awful. I remember the HV coming round after number three and asked me if I was feeling blue at all. I said she was too late & should have been there 6 weeks earlier & that I felt on top of the world now! Good luck OP - I hope it's the same for you and that in a few weeks time you will feel amazing. No hormonal havoc, no waddling or tossing and turning all night & a beautiful little baby! For now, hang in there - relax as much as you can, you've got this far & you will make it! Flowers

Lwrenagain · 04/05/2023 18:45

I'm really sorry for your losses and your horrid pregnancy experience.

I'm on my 4th HG pregnancy and I promise you that a baby is a million times easier. I've had SPD twice but it hasn't kicked in yet, I'm only 21 weeks.

I literally just said earlier after vomiting the small amount of food I got in how sleepless nights are fuck all compared to pregnancy.

Youre almost at the finish line! 💐

Carla224 · 04/05/2023 18:58

It's absolute bs the whole - if you think you're tired wait till the baby comes - thing.

By my last month I was a wreck. Everything hurt, it hurt to even try and sit on the loo! You have absolutely no energy. Your whole body is at the limit of its physical endurance.

All I can say is almost as soon as they're out - it's like you can finally inhale and breath again. It takes time to get back to normal but honestly just not carrying around all that weight anymore makes you feel like you're floating!

I was never as physically exhausted post pregnancy as I was during that last trimester. Tired sure....but not - I can't breath, can barely get up a flight of stairs, can't ever get comfortable, feel like my stomach is under my chin, can barely move - exhausted as I was from week 36-39.

You're at the last leg. It's rough, but you'll get there!

LemonDrizz · 04/05/2023 19:04

I'm so with you on this.

My first pregnancy and it has been awful all the way through with sickness. I'm 37+2 now and so uncomfortable, I can't DO anything.

People keep saying I'll be tired when the baby arrives and I should enjoy this time, but quite frankly I want the baby out and my body back and not to be in constant pain.

Ostryga · 04/05/2023 19:08

Also I think it’s very common for women who have struggled to conceive and dealt with loss to feel guilty about moaning or not enjoying every aspect of pregnancy.

Well that is utter shite, you don’t have to put on a front for anyone or ever feel a second of guilt.

And as everyone has said, the tiredness and pains are nothing when baby gets here. Yes it is hard, but you’ve got endless hormones driving you on and it isn’t anything like pregnancy pain and exhaustion. You will have your little girl and that in itself makes it so worth it. Sending lots of love for the last few weeks x

Greeneyegirl · 04/05/2023 19:19

I had pelvic girdle pain and the things that helped me were a bump support band in the day and (hear me out here) sleeping sitting up propped up on my bed pillows and my pregnancy pillow. I also got way more sleep with a newborn (especially laying down on my back)