DH forcing DD to read AIBU?

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DD is just 6 and in year 1 and last week graduated to what I would call "big books" in school, about 30 pages so not massive but alot bigger than her previous books of 8-10 pages and with more words on each page. DH is forcing her to sit and read the whole book and DD is getting upset and can't do it is tired and rushing which makes DH cross and now its like a vicious circle and I am finding it very uncomfortable.

For context though DD is not DH's although he has been in her life since she was 18 months old. He is honestly fantastic with her, caring, loving always says she's his DD to people not step DD (her dad isn't involved at all) and he does his fair share of everything parent related.

At DD's parents evening last week her teacher said she is exceeding her targets in everything.

I am currently pregnant with a complicated pregnancy and poor mental health (caused by the pregnancy) and don't know if im just being hormonal, I know I can be very protective of DD

So AIBU to think A) the book is too long for one sitting and should be read over 2 days and B) all DH is doing is making her hate reading?

Or would you expect your 6 year old to sit and read the whole thing and I'm a bug softy who needs to toughen up?

I wanted an outside perspective before I said anything to him

AIBU DH is right
AINBU I am right

You are very right and he's very wrong. Maybe it would be best coming from the teacher if he won't take it from you?

He’s going to make her hate reading if he carries on like this. A few pages is fine. And I say that as someone who has always absolutely loved reading. Total bookworm. Dc have to want to do it. Also - there’s more reading than just reading books. Words are everywhere. You can be creative - ask her to read instructions on things, food packets, instructions on games online etc etc.

You need to be advocating for your dd here.

He's making a small child cry, make mistakes and get upset, which is making him angry, for no real reason.

The school will give her a limited number of pages to do anyway. They wouldn't be expecting a 6 year old to read 30 pages a night after school.

He needs to back off.

Reading needs to be fun. Not a battle. He will turn her off books for life.

Wtf? Why haven't you stopped him. He is damaging her and soon she'll hate reading. It doesn't need to come from the teacher you're her mum- tell him to back off and take over the reading with her.

You are right, but parenting is hard and we learn as we go. Have a chat with him and come to a compromise between you.
I find it quite interesting that you mention he isn’t her biological dad. If he’s her only father figure, treats her exactly like her own and has been a permanent fixture in her life I’m not sure how that’s relevant? Have you mentioned it to sway the voting in your favour? Really not fair is it?

The school will not expect a child that age to read the book in one sitting, maybe ask the teacher for a general number of pages so your DH has a more realistic idea of expectations. Poor child will lose interest very quickly if forced.

Pushing a child to read like that is not going to end well. Reading needs to be encouraged not pushed.

He's being very short sighted, pushing her like that is a sure fire way to make her resentful and hate reading, which would be a massive shame.

Reading can be one of life's great pleasures but that's not going to happen for her if she's turned off at a young age because it's been made into for her to dread.

I agree with @Xrays as a fellow bookworm. I loved reading as a child but I was not 'forced' into reading, I just naturally enjoyed it.

Also agree, that helping your daughter to notice words everywhere and learn those words as and when encountered will maintain her interest in reading.

I was the child who, literally, read the back of the cornflakes box. 😃

I have worked in schools and no teacher would expect a child that age to complete that many pages in one night. Usually over a few nights so that the story is taken in by the child.

Year 1 TA here. Wow your daughter is a super reader ! A book that long would take a few days. At that age a few pages at a time is more than fine. We would never expect to read that in one sitting. Please don’t let him squash her love of reading.

The teacher's at my child's school say 4-6 pages a night is plenty. And to ask the child questions about they have read to gage understanding. They also say not to read the whole book in one night as they want the children to have time to take in new vocabulary and that won't happen if you are rushing through a book.

YANBU at all. Anecdotal I know but both my two were on the late side with reading and we never pushed it. Just had loads of books available and modelled reading as adults. DD1 had the highest reading ability in her year by year 7 and DD2 is forecast GCSE 7/8 for English (she is dyslexic). In contrast friends’ DC who were forced to read have now disengaged from literacy altogether.

Does your DH check that your DD actually understands what she is reading?

As part of reading is comprehension.

So he needs to get her to read a few pages and see if she understands them. It will take a while for her get use to explaining what she has read.

Also as a PP has said he needs to encourage her to read things around her.

The associations that she makes now about reading will stick with her for life. He can't bully her into it fgs, he's gonna fuck everything up.

You need to step in and stop this.

Either or really...
At 6 years old my DD would have read the same book cover to cover and some.
My DS on the other hand hated reading and we struggled to get him to read more than a few pages a night.
But forcing them to read is not the way to go.

I mentioned it because I think sometimes it sways my feelings on things, when I got pregnant with DD I fled domestic abuse started from scratch and did everything all by myself for the first 18 months (and longer cause obviously he didn't meet her and jump straight in to acting like dad) and I know it makes me very protective of her and I also know it sways my view on things when he does stuff I don't 100% agree with there is a part of me going "you aren't her dad though" although I would never ever say that to his face.

Also don't know if this is relevant but the books are welsh as she goes to a Welsh school and I don't speak Welsh but DH does and DD is learning in school so I can't read with her very helpfully as I don't understand (I am trying to learn) and I think the books being not in DDs first language make it extra hard on her

The trick with reading is to stop whilst the child is still interested. He needs to back right off before he turns her away from reading for good. You need to tell him this.

I agree with this.

I empathise because reading has always been a nightmare with my DSS, he sulks and drags his feet, and is about to finish primary school but still seems basically like he did at the beginning of school. It's been painful, it can get very frustrating.

We don't always get it right straight away. I would research how fast the average 6 year old would read and tell him your findings so he knows she's age appropriate and he needs to slow down.

This so not good I don't know where to start. You actually know this so stop allowing him to bully her she will become anxious and fearful if he doesn't stop. He's not responsible for hothousing reading amounts. He's obv stressed out, why don't you stop books and get him to listen to a few chapters of a good audio book or buy one that comes with a hard copy for them to share and rebuild the enjoyment. You need to be advocating for her, not him.

I agree with you, my DS HATES reading at home, he's in year one also and is still so little. He comes home exhausted and reading his school book is a battle. Rightly or wrongly I've stopped doing it for now, I don't want him to hate reading. He's actually been put in with Year twos for reading at school now and we read a book together every night at bed. I'm not going to battle with him and make him hate reading

A child should never be forced to read. Your DH’s goal is admirable but he is going about this all wrong. The books the schools issue are usually boring, so these should never be a battleground. Let the child decide how much to read and when so long as any deadline the school makes is met.

Encouraging reading is fantastic and your DH has good intentions, so I’d suggest he start taking her to the library sort of every other Saturday morning and letting her pick books she can read herself and books that can be read to her as bedtime stories. Most libraries let you check out 7-12 books at a time so there is no risk of agonising over what to check out.

If she gravitates towards graphic books like TinTin or Asterix - encourage it. Comics are still reading and many classic books are now in graphic format as well. Then have a half hour quiet time each evening for reading or art and she can read whatever she wants. She can bounce between books or just read one. She can do ten minutes on the school assigned book and then giggle at Asterix the rest of the time. If she’s not interested in reading, then it’s quiet colouring in or drawing.

Our were expected to read for 15 mins a day which in those books is a book a day.

Please please please get him to stop.

Teacher here, he will turn her off reading. She should ideally be reading for 10 mins but I know with my own DS, sometimes you take what you can get. I would not be expecting a child to read a whole 30 Pg book a night.
If they have chapters you could do a chapter a day, or at least say that is what you will start with.

I think this would be bad enough as it is, but with Welsh not being her first language, forcing her to read so much, will also put her off learning the language. Please OP, step in and put your foot down if necessary.