DH forcing DD to read AIBU?

[user1469032438]

DD is just 6 and in year 1 and last week graduated to what I would call "big books" in school, about 30 pages so not massive but alot bigger than her previous books of 8-10 pages and with more words on each page. DH is forcing her to sit and read the whole book and DD is getting upset and can't do it is tired and rushing which makes DH cross and now its like a vicious circle and I am finding it very uncomfortable.

For context though DD is not DH's although he has been in her life since she was 18 months old. He is honestly fantastic with her, caring, loving always says she's his DD to people not step DD (her dad isn't involved at all) and he does his fair share of everything parent related.

At DD's parents evening last week her teacher said she is exceeding her targets in everything.

I am currently pregnant with a complicated pregnancy and poor mental health (caused by the pregnancy) and don't know if im just being hormonal, I know I can be very protective of DD

So AIBU to think A) the book is too long for one sitting and should be read over 2 days and B) all DH is doing is making her hate reading?

Or would you expect your 6 year old to sit and read the whole thing and I'm a bug softy who needs to toughen up?

I wanted an outside perspective before I said anything to him

AIBU DH is right
AINBU I am right

Just thinking, a compromise situation to keep your daughter motivated in learning/reading may be to provide her with a dictionary and have her show her Dad new words as she encounters them to discuss what the words mean/how to use them.

I had a 'proper' dictionary (as well as a pocket version) from about 6yo. There was no greater joy than discovering a new word and then telling everyone how to spell it/what it meant. 😂

He’s going to make her hate reading if he carries on like this.

I agree.

Reading proficiency will come with time. There is absolutely no point pushing it.

It's way more important to talk about what she is reading!

As you are learning Welsh, can you read with her and ask her to explain to you what she is reading? That way you both benefit.

But your husband needs to adjust his expectations. And maybe read some books about child development...

I agree with everyone else, although I thought this was going to be about him making your dd read the AIBU forum on mumsnet

If the books are in Welsh then why don't you join them and learn too. It will boost your DDs confidence if she thinks she is teaching mummy too!

If she can read the entire book in 10 mins then YABU as this is fine, but if it is taking more than 30 mins then YANBU.

Please stop him doing this to your daughter. Stop it today. It's upsetting thinking of your poor daughter enduring this.

Maybe think of doing a set time of reading (maybe 20 mins), instead of a set number of pages. Then if she wants to do a bit more, then great. If not, no pressure. Is she reading aloud to him? Does he ask questions about what she thinks the characters are doing? Thinking? Is he explaining unfamiliar words?At her age it really is about gaining understanding and vocabulary as much as learning to read the words. By putting too much pressure on he will turn her off reading instead of encouraging her. I am sure he is trying to help the best he can, but might just not understand what is too much. Especially when tired after school.

We always used a timer, my two have ASD so when they were small it would take hours to read a handful of pages along with a lot of tears and frustration and I just wasn’t prepared to put any of us through that every night so we decided on a 15-30 minute timer depending on how interested they were in the book.

The timer worked a treat and made reading a more enjoyable for everyone, even if they only read half a page!

They are both older now and love to read, I’m constantly buying them books as they get through them so quick!

Ours is ten mins day plus parental reading. Can DH read it to her instead?

Yes same here. That’s why it is a half hour every evening of reading or colouring or a bit of both. It worked well too because I have three children so has to be for the whole family to do (yes, DH and I read or do art too), but also age adjustable.

And yes to you joining in and learning the language through that as well

My daughter’s teacher at that age said they were only to do 10 pages, sometimes I let her to do 11-12 and pretended it was naughty.

Did anyone else think the OP's DH was forcing the DD to read the AIBU section of Mumsnet? I clicked to see what the heck that was all about!

The reading is irrelevant. How specifically is this man forcing your child? What’s he doing to her? What happens when he ‘gets cross’? Poor kid.

(I meant red herring. You do not allow a man to force your child to do anything, and do not make her be around an angry man. Imagine how scared a 6yr old child would be by a man who is angry at her. Over a non-issue he invented.)

Mine only ever read 4 or 5 pages on an evening..... She only needs 10 mins a night, even then if she's tired you can discuss the story/drawings.... There's usually small exercises on the back pages.

She's getting nothing from this every night. Simply decoding the words is only part of the puzzle, she needs to have comprehension and if it's this miserable every night it will just put her off. My 6 year old gets incredibly bored with the school books he much prefers non fiction books with random facts in them so at home he goes to bed about half an hour before bedtime and reads his book.

My friend actually had this with her son, they live on an island with a vulnerable language and the school teach entirely in that language. She couldn't get him to read for years even though he speaks both languages fluently. They eventually taught him how to read English and he picked it up very quickly because all his games and programs are in English so it made him want to learn it. He now reads both languages well. I do know all the evidence shows that total immersion in the second language is best, we seriously considered gaelic medium education for mine but a blended model was better for my friend's child.

How much to read depends upon the kid as at that age their ability varies hugely. Please sit him down and explain that he is putting pressure on a 6 year old and likely to put them completely off reading rather than encouraging them. Their teacher is happy with their progress so he needs to stop worrying and trying to be a competitive parent. You could suggest that they have a dedicated time for reading / activities. X minutes for her reading to him, then X minutes for some kind of game (could involve numbers or something different from words) and then X minutes of him reading her a story. It would make it seem more like a fun time together and less like a lesson. Bath/bedtime routine could be incorporated as well.

My DHs trick when moving up book stages is to read the books himself to DDs as a bedtime book then the next night get them to read them back to him. Once they are comfortable they either pick it up themselves or we carry on doing the bedtime routine. We never push when they are tired though. As others said, reading is to be enjoyed, forcing her will put her off reading, especially if it’s also a different language too.

Yes me.

Well I’m glad it’s books she’s reading and not AIBU! I was concerned 😂

I agree that YANBU and he shouldn’t be pushing it on her. Reading is a joy for my dc because they’ve become capable and interested in it at their own pace.

and me!

He sounds like he thinks he is doing his best but he needs to listen to you. A time limit for reading is better. And then maybe have him read to her. reading should be seen as a pleasure - not something to dread or cry about.

He is BU

I learned v early on to read, there was always books about and magazines etc. although my mum was awful in so many ways, she did the best thing for me reading
Basically nothing was banned, I could read what I wanted and she would let me loose in the library.
It helped that I wanted to read but I also saw her reading and she would say "have you read this about police horses/something horse related?" And pass it over to me to read myself
It was also made out to be a big treat to have an early night with a new book or magazine

My DD is 6 and reading the longer books too. We read about 10 pages a day. If she’s not interested definitely don’t force her to read all of it in one sitting.

He is right that she should be reading every day, but you are right that a couple of pages is enough.

Eats Shoots and Leaves comes to mind with the tittle,
But causing trauma around reading is counter productive. It has to be fun at that age, not forced.