I'm accidentally a bad dog owner

[LetDownDog]

Name changed for this.

Please be a little gentle.

Ok.... So, I had dogs growing up from birth til I left home. Always thought I knew them. We had several different breeds.

About 2 years ago we, as a family, finally decided after much deliberation to get a dog. Thought it would be nice for DC to learn to care for something and develop empathy skills etc.. learn to help a bit. But mostly DH and I just wanted to make our house a home, and loved the idea of a dog to snuggle in the evening while watching movies, or taking him/her for long family walks etc ..

We spent a good year researching what would make a suitable pet for us. We had wanted a dog a long time, but waited til I was work from home and DCs old enough to handle dog well and to be safe around dog. We waited til we lived somewhere with a garden, near appropriate fields for off lead walking etc...

We visited a few dogs, researched some online, and eventually after a year of actively looking, we found one that seemed perfect for us. He was a Labrador cross (trying stay anonymous, so not saying what crossed with - but think along lines of a collie or working dog). We knew he'd require 2 good long, off lead walks a day

For some stupid reason, I considered the following:
-will i be at home to keep him company - yes
-suitable for family - yes
-able to provide walks - yes
-garden space - yes
-suitable walking areas for off lead - yes

• Children old enough etc.. - yes

-good temperament - yes

But now we have said dog I discover he needs 3 or 4 X 1 hour + walks a day (I had banked on 2). I can cope with that. What I can't cope with is how much attention he needs. How much mental stimulation. I have no idea why I didn't consider this.

He constantly wants to play, is in between my feet, eats everything in sight if I don't play with him, follows me around. He needs so so much stimulation.

1. AIBU not to have thought about this (I guess I am, but it's not really covered in any of the stuff I read about finding the right breed for the family etc..)

1. How do you keep a dog stimulated? We now send him to a dog play group once a week so he can play with other dogs (which he also does on his walks), and have fun and stimulation. But we can't afford it daily. Any tips??? Pleeeease. We want to stick with him, would never consider re homing unless it was in his v best interests, we love him. But...how do we keep him entertained while also working, making dinner for the children etc...?? He has toys, chew sticks, balls etc...

Help! I genuinely thought we did everything right prior to getting him!

Have you looked at brain games for dogs? https://www.battersea.org.uk/pet-advice/dog-advice/search-dog-advice/brain-games-dogs I used to use a lot of brain training stuff for my very active girl to help keep her engaged in a positive way.

I actually don’t think you’re being unreasonable and I don’t think you’re a bad dog owner because you’re asking for help and want to fix things.

we’ve just got a spaniel and I could have replicated your post. It’s so much harder than I thought. The truth is you can research as much as you want - living with a dog is harder and more work than anyone can prepare for.

Its like kids. We’re all perfect parents until we have them. But at times we struggle. You can read all the baby books in the world and it won’t prepare you for it. Sometimes people can be harsh to dog owners and say “well what did you expect … I’d rehome the poor thing now and never get another pet.” 😂

Youre learning to live with a different species who doesn’t speak the same language as you. It’s going to be hard. The first few months you’re getting to know one another. It’s ok to admit sometimes you struggle and you don’t know what to do.

Not much advice but hope it made you feel a little better.

Is he crate trained? Kong toys for mental stimulation? Bones to chew?

Teach him how to settle. In my experience, dogs who have constant stimulation end up like over tired kids where they just get more and more wound up. Get him a crate or other "bed" space and when he's tired, give him whatever command you want to use so he associates it with chill time.

Lickey mats and scatter feeding might be worth a try too.

There's a very active Facebook page for dog sensory activities- I can't recall what it's called now but someone will. Also a book called Stop Walking Your Dog by Nikki French - she has lots of brain stimulation ideas. Also, scatter feed. Just toss a handful of kibble on the floor - ours loves that. A kong, or active feeder helps too.
good luck!

Needing that many walks and stimulation doesn't sound right - and that's coming from someone who grew up with border collies and kelpies!

I'd focus on quality rather than quantity, including really good mental stimulation. I'd also teach the dog about down time / quiet time and ensure he isn't over stimulated by the household. I wonder if you need to be firmer not to pander to him.

Get a trainer in to help too.

You need to teach him how to settle. It sounds like he is over stimulated.

Similar ideas to others but scatter feeding, Kongs, chews and agility training... Also doing things like leaving the crate door open and telling him to stay while you do something else then lots of praise when he does it, being good takes mental effort!

You're not a bad dog owner. I'm guessing you have a teenager puppy who has tons of energy. He will settle down and hopefully the lazy lab side of the mix will kick in soon.
We've had to teach all our dogs to settle and snooze, and it took time. You'll get there, and you are a wonderful dog owner because you're worried about your pup.

Thank you so much for that! I thought everyone would pile on and say 'well what did you expect, you r a really bad person'. Which I would have deserved! But thank you, your post has made me feel better!

Bless you. You don't sound like a bad dog owner at all.

Carry on what you are doing and also as per pp advice above all I have to add is:

Check diet apparently some food gives too much energy, have you got a ball thrower they are a GOD SEND especially when using several tennis balls back to back.

Also dog will slowly start slowing down a bit from now, this is as hyper as they are going to get they will slow down. Eventually!

Agree rest brain games too like hiding some small bits of treats around for them to sniff out and puzzle toys.

What food does he have?

Just asking as we have two spaniels, both from working lines, and neither of them are as you describe, or weren’t after that age of twelve months anyway.

They sleep quite a lot! The youngest is only 18 months so not just an age thing. They are fine on one 45 minute off lead walk a day and garden time - often have more than that, but it would be enough to keep them happy.

But, I noticed that when they have had some supermarket foods they have become bonkers, a bit like kids after a birthday party.

They don’t have anything especially fancy now, Markus muhle or Chappie (bought in bulk so it’s cheaper) but I know it makes a difference to them.

Also, he been castrated? Our eldest was a bit more on the bonkers side until that was done.

Maybe you need to ignore him a lot more so he stops following you around expecting to be entertained.

Dog trainer here - as others have mentioned, he needs to learn how to settle when attention isn't on him. As long as the two hours walking is off lead (or on a long line if his recall isn't there yet) then that's enough - otherwise you'll just make him super fit and he'll need more and more exercise. Get as much bang for your buck as you can by not feeding out of a bowl - scatter his food on the lawn for instance to spend 15 mins snuffling around for. I see so many dogs like you describe and I honestly think a few sessions with a qualified, reward-based trainer would make a huge difference in teaching you how to teach him to chill out at home. I'd use the Association of Pet Dog Trainers or the Animal Behaviour and Training Council websites to find ones local to you.

Oh, I also misread and thought you said you’d had your two dog for two years but just realised you actually haven’t.

If he is a puppy then don’t worry he will naturally calm with age. I’ve noticed puppies become much more tolerable at about twelve months, and our elder dog noticeably calmed at 2 years.

I know someone who has a Labrador / Australian shepherd cross. I think it is pretty intense compared to her previous dogs ( not this mix). She was told by a dog trainer that this combination is so full of energy because of the Australien Shepherd, they just don’t stop. She does a lot of dog activities including being part of a missing persons dog search team.

How old is the DC , can they get involved with some kind of dog sport (if/ when the dog is old enough to do this)?
Good luck !

You need to teach the "settle" command and provide a safe space for your dog to settle into.

Your dog sounds like an overstimulated toddler! We crate trained ours and it helped him settle and know when it was play time and when it was sleep time!!

Thank you so so much everyone! This has all been so helpful! Mumsnet really can be quite a helpful place sometimes :)

I will try a few things you've suggested -

1. Try and teach him to settle (I think we've been feeling guilty and trying to play with him all the time, so maybe he is over tired!)

1. I'll change the food and go with chappie or Markus muhle.

1. We will look at brain games.

Also - really good to know this is not normal. I thought everyone would say - 'what, you thought you could get away with only 2 massive walks?? Crazy!) So pleased that actually 1 long off lead walk is normally enough, and means maybe there is some hope he'll call as he gets older (and we get better at settling him and giving the right food!) and when he's had the snip (which is soon!)

He's still a puppy I assume (about a year old?), so will calm down to a degree.

I agree, no dog needs 4hrs + of walks to be ok. You need to teach him to settle and give him brain game type stuff to do. I think it would be worth the investment of getting professional advice with a dog trainer.

YANBU, it sounds stressful, but I think there are lots of things you can try to improve the situation.

I don’t think you’ve made a mistake or a bad owner at all. Your dog sounds nuts😂the dog will calm down.
Would anyone like to walk him? Borrow him for a walk. Would a dog walker be better than a whole adventure day…

Do you talk to him /fuss constantly?
Do you reward calm behaviour?

Good luck, you sound like a good owner to me.

Oh, and the dogs we've had have been exhausted by being with other dogs. Lots of dog walkers do group walks or doggy daycare in a big field so all the dogs just run around together. Might be worth looking into if you dog likes socialising.

Neutering is likely to help too, your dog is essentially a hyper teenager at the moment!

Oh yes he should settle down alot more once he's had the snip. Be patient. Sounds like you are doing great. Definitely go to dog training or even 121 with a trainer- it's more affordable than you think!

I think this is part of the problem. DH and I feel guilty that he's bored and so we keep pandering to him and playing. DH is wonderful and does at least two walks a day, sometimes REALLY long ones (did 2 hours the other morning (or maybe he just goes to the pub and pretends he's taken him out? 🤔🤔 - just kidding ,he wouldn't do that!!) But he's a bit worse than me re: constant fussing. He is constantly fussing over him. I mean constantly! I think we need to learn to ignore him a bit more, and let him just settle. (Right now he is running round the garden with DCs school shoes 😥🐶)

How old is he?

Thanks. Yes, we will try a trainer! Thank you!