I'm accidentally a bad dog owner

[LetDownDog]

Name changed for this.

Please be a little gentle.

Ok.... So, I had dogs growing up from birth til I left home. Always thought I knew them. We had several different breeds.

About 2 years ago we, as a family, finally decided after much deliberation to get a dog. Thought it would be nice for DC to learn to care for something and develop empathy skills etc.. learn to help a bit. But mostly DH and I just wanted to make our house a home, and loved the idea of a dog to snuggle in the evening while watching movies, or taking him/her for long family walks etc ..

We spent a good year researching what would make a suitable pet for us. We had wanted a dog a long time, but waited til I was work from home and DCs old enough to handle dog well and to be safe around dog. We waited til we lived somewhere with a garden, near appropriate fields for off lead walking etc...

We visited a few dogs, researched some online, and eventually after a year of actively looking, we found one that seemed perfect for us. He was a Labrador cross (trying stay anonymous, so not saying what crossed with - but think along lines of a collie or working dog). We knew he'd require 2 good long, off lead walks a day

For some stupid reason, I considered the following:
-will i be at home to keep him company - yes
-suitable for family - yes
-able to provide walks - yes
-garden space - yes
-suitable walking areas for off lead - yes

• Children old enough etc.. - yes

-good temperament - yes

But now we have said dog I discover he needs 3 or 4 X 1 hour + walks a day (I had banked on 2). I can cope with that. What I can't cope with is how much attention he needs. How much mental stimulation. I have no idea why I didn't consider this.

He constantly wants to play, is in between my feet, eats everything in sight if I don't play with him, follows me around. He needs so so much stimulation.

1. AIBU not to have thought about this (I guess I am, but it's not really covered in any of the stuff I read about finding the right breed for the family etc..)

1. How do you keep a dog stimulated? We now send him to a dog play group once a week so he can play with other dogs (which he also does on his walks), and have fun and stimulation. But we can't afford it daily. Any tips??? Pleeeease. We want to stick with him, would never consider re homing unless it was in his v best interests, we love him. But...how do we keep him entertained while also working, making dinner for the children etc...?? He has toys, chew sticks, balls etc...

Help! I genuinely thought we did everything right prior to getting him!

11 months ...

Is it 12 or 18 months for the snip? We've had conflicting advice!!

I hated my lab/pointer cross until he was about 18m old. Just exhausting!

Thanks! That's v reassuring!!

You sound the furthest thing from a bad dog owner I can think of.

I'm not a dog owner so can't help on the entertainment front.

But you're not a bad owner. You can't plan for every eventuality, just like with kids. Some dogs are more calm from the get go, others spend a long time in puppihood. I think it really is one of those things that you don't know until you do it. You prepared the best you could.

From what I understand from other dog owners, typically the first two years are the hardest and they tend to settle after that.

I work with dog owners a lot for a dog food brand and believe me this is so common and doesn't make you either unreasonable or a bad dog owner just makes you human.

I have a poodle and my goodness does he need mental stimulation, the best I found was giving him a snuffle mat midday and when on a walk at night practice some commands, this keeps his head right.

Dogs by nature want stimulation but too much isn't good either. Practise maybe 15 mins a day or less with simple commands even if your dog knows them, this keeps their mind active or get your DC to do this.

I also go to doggie training once a week, great way to meet dogs and also a bit of fun, I pay 30 per month whether it's a 4 week month or 5 and can be really helpful to understand how to stimulate your dog without getting overwhelmed.

Take some time and know you're not a bad dog owner at all, just a lovely person giving your dog the best home.

Our vet said 6 months. He had it done around 7 or 8.

The Facebook group previously mentioned may well be Canine Enrichment. Full of loads of great, often very budget friendly ideas for mental stimulation.

You could also look at Absolute Dogs which is a brilliant online based training company that use short, simple games to engage both you and the dog (and the kids if you want to get them involved)
Alot of their training is really handy for teaching your dog to settle independently without you needing to be in constant contact with them.
They quite often have deals on their courses too so we'll worth looking out for those😊

As for neutering the general advice is usually to wait until around 18 months for larger breeds as they take slightly longer than smaller dogs to reach maturity.
Part of the reason I have chihuahuas😂

We found with our high energy breed that he needed to be taught how to settle and to have regular naps. Between the ages of 8 and 18 months he was an absolute nightmare!

We use frozen kongs and lick mats to give him something to do in in the evenings before he settles. Also we give them beef slices which are really long and take ages for them to chew on which helps him settle.

We also started flyball and it’s surprising how much that tires his wee brain out (and he absolutely loves it). He goes flyball training on a Saturday morning for about 40 mins to an hour and is zonked for the rest of the day.
He also does agility training which makes him use his brain too. Scentwork is good for challenging them mentally too.

We also find that food makes a massive difference. The AADF website is really helpful when looking at alternative food options.

Blimey! 11 months is still young so will definitely be high energy.
We had a black lab retriever x border collie when I was growing up and he had 2x1h walks/day and that was plenty.
Lots of enrichment activities to keep busy - can hide treats in old towels and knot them up, there are balls you can put kibble in and they have to bop it around to get the treats out, there are the mats you can smush food into and they have to spend time licking them to get the food out etc.
After the snip our lad became much calmer and chewed a lot less…
Give him time, he’ll get there (as will you!)

It sounds like you have the puppy blues! And that is totally normal. My dog didn't start settling down until about 18 months and he's only a little Westie.

He could be an absolute terror especially when it comes to playing and wanting to be outside all of the time and wanting attention every single waking minute. I used to sink down of an evening when he finally settled wondering what the hell I had got myself into but... it doesn't last. He had to go through his shi#y teenage years before he seemed to calm down. You go through the same phases with a dog as you do children. 😂

My mother in law got a puppy last year and she stayed with us for an evening recently. It bought it all back and reminded me of what we went through with our dog and how glad I am that he has matured a little bit now! 🤣

What you are feeling is totally normal and doesn't make you a bad dog owner. And I would definitely cut down his walks, quality over quantity.

In terms of when to have the snip, we have an assistance dog puppy and the charity had him done at 12 months. One vet advised they would have waited until 18 months for a large breed (lab) but our charity didn’t follow that
practice. He’s calmed down quite a lot though it takes a few weeks.

Your pooch is right in the throes of teenage twatdom. Mine was an attention seeking nightmare at that age

That's far too much walking though. You need to stimulate his brain.

Gundog training is brilliant, as is agility, mantrailing and scentwork. Do the Kennel Club good dog citizen scheme: just get training so that he's working his brain. When mine has been to gundog class he literally walks in, has a drink and immediately flops into bed 🤣🤣. It's only an hour, with hardly any physical exercise. He's just mentally shattered. That's what you want!

Loads of training, and teaching him to settle with a frozen Kong or chew and you'll get there.

But those teen months are bloody awful. I promise they get loads better by 2!!!

Thank you so much everyone. I have read all the posts, sorry I am too knackered to reply to them all individually, but there are so many useful tips, so thank you for each post! DH just got home and has taken him out just now (4th walk of the day!!) - I said as he was walking out the door that I think we need to teach him to settle and he's overstimulated, but it wasn't registering! (I think he'd been looking forward to the walk!) But when he gets back and children in bed, and hopefully dog a bit calmer, I'll have a chat about us not taking him out so much and trying to get the doggy settled a bit more throughout the day! With less play and more quality over quantity!

Thanks everyone. So much useful advice. I'll read it all again tomorrow and start taking some action!

As a comparison my spaniel gets 1x 1hr offlead training walk, one village walk of 20 minutes to do the school run and one "neighbourhood watch" block walk first thing for a wee and poo. 2/3 x 5 minute training sessions during the day whilst kettle boils etc. He sleeps for 12 hours a night and a fair chunk of the day!

You're definitely not bad owners!! If anything he needs less attention, not more. He needs to learn to chill out and you can teach him that.

Have a look at the Absolute Dogs website and you tube channels - they advocate short bursts of games and then a LOT of active rest time.

Excellent advice on here re settling. We have a BC and I could have written your post too. She's three now and waaaaay calmer, teaching settle and just ignoring her lots helped her learn to switch off. You will get there.

Two other things - you cannot tire a working dog out with walks. You can only tire them out mentally by making them work. Make sure you practice obedience on walks, hide things, teach tricks whatever it takes to make your dog focus on you. He'll come back way more tired than from just hurtling around and eventually you can get down to the 2 walks you planned. Which is all he should need.

You don't have to do competitions to learn from obedience or agility trainers. In the end we learnt how to do rally training with our dog. We don't compete, but it's fast, focused and requires her to really work and she loves it.

Hopefully my pooch will get to that point :) the 'sleeps a fair chunk of the day' sounds like heaven!! And less walks will be like a gift from the gods! 4 is just sooo many!! I can't tell if my DH is loving the walks or about to have a complete nervous breakdown! I think maybe both :)

Thanks :)

I know you said saying the cross would be outing but I think it would be interesting to know. There are so many different working dogs that would have so many different outcomes when crossed with something else. We’ve got a lab x springer who gets a lot of mental stimulation and 2 good walks a day and he’s an absolute dream now. He’s 5 years old

You’re not a bad owner! No dog needs 4 walks a day of that length though.. And they need to sleep lots in the day too.

He sounds over stimulated and unable to settle. He will calm down but I would cut down the walks. Especially as he’s only 11 months and half Labrador- you have to be careful not to over exercise due to joint issues.

The more you walk them, the fitter they will become and they need more and more. A couple of long walks is plenty.

Less distance walking! If your dog is marathon trained, it'll want more and more of it. Dogs like labs and collies are basically adrenaline junkies and they have no idea what's good for themselves and you'll find lots will end up with health issues from too much distance e walking / running in time.

Reduce the length of the walks - drop one or two ASAP. Do one really good "sniffy" walk a day and maybe one exercise walk. Encourage stopping to sniff on the sniffy walk. Don't march, slow down and be ready to stand around a lot.

Have a day off long walks! It's good for you and the dog to have a day of rest each week as well.

If your dog has a ball you take on a walk, throw it away. No tennis ball chasing! That the action of chasing breeds obsession and it's terrible for joint problems when used as a primary source of exercise.

Use snuffle mats and scatter feeding for food to keep them busier for longer in the house.

Have a look at the free videos from trainers like Southend Dog Training for settle / keeping the dog entertained on its own / boundaries for things like when you're working.

The more you walk them, the fitter they will become and they need more and more. A couple of long walks is plenty.

yes, we were thinking this! I also have 2 DC, one of whom is v sporty. And since toddler hood when have tried to ware him out! By increasing activity! He's now 11 and swims 7 times a week, football twice a week, running, athletics, basketball team. I am truly exhausted just taking him everywhere and watching him!! But I have realised you cannot exhaust a battery when it comes to kids, it only gets charged up more!! I should have realised this also applies to dogs! (I totally need a spa day!!...no wonderful dogs or children, as lovely as they all are!!)

He needs to learn to be alone. Start working on going out or to another room for periods of time. That way he learns to settle and you get a break too - you’ll be more ready to play after that!

work on a place/bed command and build up time he can be there with you next to him and then you out the room

try brain games, snuffle mats and make him work for every single meal or treat he gets

take all his toys and chews away except one. Then throughout the day change out which one he has, to break his day up.

get the kids to help, so at least once or twice a day they each need to do a walk or some training or intense playing with him, so it’s not all on you.

i think with all the walks you might just be making him fitter haha. You’ll be better off giving him ‘jobs’ maybe - see what breeds he is and what jobs they may typically like.