I'm accidentally a bad dog owner

[LetDownDog]

Name changed for this.

Please be a little gentle.

Ok.... So, I had dogs growing up from birth til I left home. Always thought I knew them. We had several different breeds.

About 2 years ago we, as a family, finally decided after much deliberation to get a dog. Thought it would be nice for DC to learn to care for something and develop empathy skills etc.. learn to help a bit. But mostly DH and I just wanted to make our house a home, and loved the idea of a dog to snuggle in the evening while watching movies, or taking him/her for long family walks etc ..

We spent a good year researching what would make a suitable pet for us. We had wanted a dog a long time, but waited til I was work from home and DCs old enough to handle dog well and to be safe around dog. We waited til we lived somewhere with a garden, near appropriate fields for off lead walking etc...

We visited a few dogs, researched some online, and eventually after a year of actively looking, we found one that seemed perfect for us. He was a Labrador cross (trying stay anonymous, so not saying what crossed with - but think along lines of a collie or working dog). We knew he'd require 2 good long, off lead walks a day

For some stupid reason, I considered the following:
-will i be at home to keep him company - yes
-suitable for family - yes
-able to provide walks - yes
-garden space - yes
-suitable walking areas for off lead - yes

• Children old enough etc.. - yes

-good temperament - yes

But now we have said dog I discover he needs 3 or 4 X 1 hour + walks a day (I had banked on 2). I can cope with that. What I can't cope with is how much attention he needs. How much mental stimulation. I have no idea why I didn't consider this.

He constantly wants to play, is in between my feet, eats everything in sight if I don't play with him, follows me around. He needs so so much stimulation.

1. AIBU not to have thought about this (I guess I am, but it's not really covered in any of the stuff I read about finding the right breed for the family etc..)

1. How do you keep a dog stimulated? We now send him to a dog play group once a week so he can play with other dogs (which he also does on his walks), and have fun and stimulation. But we can't afford it daily. Any tips??? Pleeeease. We want to stick with him, would never consider re homing unless it was in his v best interests, we love him. But...how do we keep him entertained while also working, making dinner for the children etc...?? He has toys, chew sticks, balls etc...

Help! I genuinely thought we did everything right prior to getting him!

I could have written your post about our Spaniel, he’s 17 months old. We crate him after morning walk, afternoon walk and for his dinner. He definitely needs rest or he’s worse than overstimulated toddler!

I use licky mats, cow hooves for chewing (box of 30 from Amazon), Kongs with frozen sweet potatoes. I make my own liver cake and use inside plastic bottles that I cut small holes in so he can use as a shaker toy. Also treats folded into an old sheet keeps him occupied for ages.

Good luck!

Thanks!! 👍🐶

It sounds like you're a great dog owner and just reaching out for support which is commendable!
I agree with other posters in that it sounds like it's a combination of pure 'teenage twatdom' (couldn't think of a better way to put it than said above) 😂 which he will grow out of after about 18 months plus neutering, it's the worst of it now.
Plus it sounds like you're being too active with him and not giving him a chance to switch off. To start with as he's used to being so active now, try and introduce quiet times after he's done something tiring, ideally mentally not just physically tiring.
E.g. Trying some brain games, things you buy off the shelf or scent work depending on the cross might appeal to you both? Then when that is over, try and make it a clear segmentation almost so pack it away or do that in one area of the house/garden then move somewhere else. Then just ignore him! Unless he's doing something dangerous or destructive of course! You might have to redirect some of his initial energy by offering something safe to chew if he's a chewer. But try and let everyone in the household know that now it's his time to rest which means no one fussing him or even talking to him for a bit.
It will probably feel mean at first as you're used to interpreting his energy as needing to be matched, but he will feed off your energy too so if he sees you calm and distracted (like just watching the tv/reading) he will start to learn to copy. Try not to anticipate him being active and destructive if you can.
Gradually build up the time you do these almost no contact periods for, but start off with around 30 minutes-1hour initially to give him a chance to settle and you'll get there.
He'll be sleeping for hours or copying your lower energy soon enough I promise, it's just a routine that he needs building on! Consistency and energy are key.

I do agility with my 2 collies which gives them lots of mental stimulation which is so important for working dogs, things like that or just walking them somewhere new are great for them. But it doesn't have to be anything big or expensive, just start small and with something you can get behind as you'll want to be setting the routine up and repeating it a lot. You shouldn't need to do more than 2 x 1hr walks most days when he learns to settle.

second dog to play with

We had this same issue with our mixed breed rescue, and it took us a while to realise that overtired/ overstimulated is definitely a thing! As some PPs have said, frozen kongs were great for getting her to settle down and sleep in the evening, and we gave her food in a snuffle mat, a wobbly food dispenser thing or a ball she’d roll around to get the food out. We also started giving her nap time shut in a separate room. Now she’s older (over 2) she is much more chilled out and able to just chill herself during the day without us having to structure naps etc.

I think it’s really easy to fall in the trap of forgetting what puppies/ teen dogs are like because it’s a short part of their life, so it’s a surprise when you have a young dog! But they definitely get easier.

Posting to find this again as we have a somewhat similar story

Oh my word. 4 x 1 hour walks is BONKERS op. The dog will be so overstimulated, constantly on a high and the behaviour is likely due to that.

I'm wondering if your cross is lab x springer? You mentioned the dog being bored, I just wondered if you meant looking bored? Because those sad spaniel eyes look like they're right out of an RSPCA advert sometimes, even when they're living their best life! However, spaniels tend to look sad when they're relaxed ime so if that is the case you need to get used to not bothering them at that time!

For comparison, we have a working springer who's 10 months and currently gets one 1.5 hour walk a day and scent work training at home for about 30 mins. She has adhoc tug of war with whoevers around and a long lasting chew or licky mat sometimes. But she's left to her own devices (with company, whilst I WFH) for plenty of time because she has to. If she brings me a toy when I'm working I say 'not now' and don't engage, then she'll huff and wander off to have a nap.

Ideally we'd walk her twice, her main offlead and then a second shorter on lead walk - but we've had to stop the second one for a bit because we're really struggling to keep weight on her so the vet advised to drop a walk.

The first think I'd do in your shoes is drop 4 walks to 2, give it a few weeks and see if that makes a difference.

If it helps, the favourite activity I do with my dog is to chuck a handful of kibble or small treats into the grass in my garden. Probably more is required for a lab cross. This gives him an activity that mentally stimulates him while he sniffs it all out and hunts it down. Even just the activity of using their nose increase hearts rate and wears him out to a degree as well as keeping him occupied. You can even do this with his dinner if you feed him kibble. A way to to stimulate his brain without the physical exercise.

How olds the dog?
would a second help? We have two and it’s amazingly good as they entertain play and company for each other! We do a lot less because of this

Puzzles. Treasure hunts- sprinkled grated cheese in the garden - very little cheese keeps them going for ages. Boxes to unpack. Training sessions where he has to use his brain and self control. Proper down time, so he learns to relax.

second dog to play with

well I suggested this to poor knackered DH! And he looked at me like I'd just asked him if we could have another 3 kids!! It was a v definite 'no'! 😁😁🐶

Good to know I'm not alone!! Hope you r finding the tips helpful too :) 🐶👍

Thanks again everyone! I'm so surprised at the lovely and v helpful posts!! I really thought everyone would say how I'm a rubbish dog owner and should have thought about all this beforehand etc... And 'if you can't cope with 4 walks you should never have had a dog ...' It's so so reassuring hearing all the comments. Especially hearing that 4 walks is too many! I can't wait to cut that down!! :)

Yes you are unreasonable as this is a live animal and not a cuddly toy. However, dog ownership is tough and you are not the first person to have made this mistake and you certainly won't be the last. I'm glad you are seeking help.

I can't think of a breed that needs 4 hours of walking a day. I can only think of a collie who need 2-3 hours which you can achieve by walking dog before work, lunchtime and after work. Join a club that could provide mental stimulation of some kind- agility training or scent training. I know someone who joined search and rescue team in the local area.

Good luck x

We play a game call 'find it' for our dog and hide treats around the house, can keep her busy for ages.

I agree with nearly all this too! We got a Lab and she if brilliant but it’s been such hard work, far more than I anticipated. It’s the evenings that still get me when she wants to play every night between 8-9.30 and I just want to sit after a busy day! But at just over 2 she is becoming very rounded. Stick with it OP, it does get easier!

Highly recommend Susan Garrett’s Recallers program. If that is too pricey, try Homeschool the Dog. Her philosophy and approach work amazingly well. She also has a podcast and lots of free material on her YouTube channel if you want to see before you buy.

I second this. We have a working line GSD and he has a 1-2 hour walk a day (whatever I can fit in with the baby, but plenty of outdoor time in the garden and interaction through the day. But when I say "that's enough" he knows it's time to wind down and stop the crazy!
Dogs will take whatever you give them, you can actually build up their stamina. You give them 4 x 1 hour walk and they will expect it. Give them less and they will get used to that too!! My boy would go and go and go until I tell him it's enough because he can't switch that working line brain off.

My spaniels get two walks a day. Some days they get one. They have 4 training sessions a week and through shooting season the one who isn't retired will be out working too.
They are both working bred spaniels and the young one is a year and a half. They need switch off and settle time to do nothing. Mine will sleep all day then they turn on instantly if needed!

You’re not a bad dog mum and whatever breed he’s crossed with he doesn’t need 4 hours of walks a day! My 2 year old lab is happy with 1.5 hours of walking, agility on Wednesday nights, and some playing in the house. 10-12 months was the worst period for us and then he settled down as soon as he turned one (not neutered until 18 months). One thing that’s worked really well is teaching him “finished” with a hand gesture when we’ve had enough of throwing his ball. I used to teach 0-3 year olds with SEND and one of the first things we taught them was finished with a sign. Apparently dogs have the brain power of a 2 year old child so it’s worked perfectly with him too 🥰.

We have a lab x spaniel and she was exactly like this until she was about 18 months, and then it was like overnight she just learnt that during the day is work time, and she just naps on our bed (think she thinks she's being sneaky 😂) or on the sofa. We found as well that she settled amazingly if she could just see outside. Is there a place he can watch through a window? Ours will happily stare at people and dogs walking past for hours.
We originally played with her constantly and had an automatic fetch machine which she loved but it did just make her a bit more energetic!

Spaniels are high energy I remember having one as a kid and he was very bouncy but so lovely 😊. As others have said could you do some specific work with him? Hoopers/agility/working trials/scent work etc to keep him ‘busy’

i would also work on calm. Reward calm ignore calm and just not give him attention when you’re not doing things with him. My retriever was like this as my partner constantly bloody gave him attention etc so he constantly wanted attention etc. it took ages to just let him be, training partner and dog to just not react to each other. Or if he’s needing something he gets a licky mat, long lasting chew or frozen kong just to settle him. Works well. Am sure you’ll find what works but our golden retrievers face can often be hard to ignore as I’m sure your dogs is whwn he wants love and cuddles but give them when you choose rather than him asking, we do the same for walks etc to stop him predicting and getting stressed if he can’t be walked then etc

There’s an electronic ball thrower thing ,you just have to train the dog to put the ball on the top and it throws the ball back out …id get that for my dogs if I had a big enough garden

This. I have working gundogs and frankly, you could spend 24hrs a day 'stimulating' them and they,'d still be ready for more. You have to put them somewhere safe and give them a chew toy to just chill out.

Lol @LetDownDog made those same mistakes. I paid a behaviourist to come in and she said I didn’t reward good behaviour and that my dog couldn’t differentiate between good attention and bad attention. It was just attention and he didn’t care which kind of attention he got.
Had to learn to ignore his naughty behaviour or redirect it, which was hard at times and reward and praise calm behaviour.

It’ll work out.

(Beware throwing balls for dogs- my vet says it’s the worst thing you can do for a dogs joints… )