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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don’t want husband to have weekend away..

99 replies

verytiredd · 02/05/2023 21:28

My husband has had a weekend away with mates in the calendar for a while, coming up this coronation bank hols.

I encouraged him to go as I feel he needs time with his mates & want him to relax.

However, in the last couple of weeks, our two young kids’ sleep has been atrocious (especially the youngest, whom I’m up with at least 5 times a night almost every night) and they’ve now picked up a nasty cold and we’ve all got sore throats etc.

I also start a new job next week. I’m quite nervous and want to spend the weekend getting kid stuff sorted & last bits of prep (sorting childcare stuff, being on top of jobs etc). I didn’t know I’d be starting a new job when OH booked weekend away.

Accommodation was meant to be booked close to where we live, but is now much further away so he can’t come back if all goes tits up.

Part of me wants him to go because he deserves a break (he works long weeks & is fairly hands on at home), but the other half of me is so burnt out & sleep deprived & I don’t know how I’ll cope without him if the kids mess around all night. I can manage one, but when it’s two..there’s just no sleep!! I’m also knackered and just want to regroup before launching into new job.

AIBU to ask him to not go for the whole weekend? What’s the best thing to do without ruining his weekend? Eurgh, kids are burning me out!!

OP posts:
hoeaboutit · 02/05/2023 21:30

YABU. I say get over it. People have to solo-parent for all sorts of reasons, illness, bereavement, work. You’ve got to get on with it for a single weekend, pull yourself together.

Curtains70 · 02/05/2023 21:31

Sorry I think YABU. Its all booked, you agreed to it and I'm sure he's looking forward to it. It's a weekend of solo parenting, hardly the end of the world

Aylestone · 02/05/2023 21:31

Yabu. It’s booked. He’s been looking forward to it. You ENCOURAGED him to go. It would take a lot to justify making him cancel. Your kids have colds, not the plague. You’ll survive a single weekend without him.

Curtains70 · 02/05/2023 21:31

Curtains70 · 02/05/2023 21:31

Sorry I think YABU. Its all booked, you agreed to it and I'm sure he's looking forward to it. It's a weekend of solo parenting, hardly the end of the world

Just to add to this, do get your own weekend away booked ASAP though. You also deserve a break!

AluckyEllie · 02/05/2023 21:32

Yeah sorry YABU. Just do whatever you need to get through the weekend- screen time/easy to make food/ grandparents if you have them close by! Make sure he leaves the fridge topped up with food before he goes. Good luck with your new job!

TomatoSandwiches · 02/05/2023 21:33

YABU, can you not co sleep for the weekend and get your bits for work ready before DH leaves for his weekend?

CoffeeBeansGalore · 02/05/2023 21:34

Get everything you need sorted before he goes. Get a shop delivered or get him to go for it.
Then spend the weekend doing as little as possible. Let the kids slob out, have pyjama days & try and relax. If chilled out hopefully they and you will get some sleep.

And book yourself a weekend away later in the year as something to look forward to.

Hope you all feel better soon.

Daffodil92 · 02/05/2023 21:35

Honestly it’s ONE weekend. I’m sure you’ll cope with 2 nights broken sleep. A cold is a mild annoyance for healthy people who aren’t immunocompromised-absolutely no reason for him to stay at home.

Book yourself a girls weekend at some point you get a chance to rest and let your hair down too.

Quitelikeit · 02/05/2023 21:36

YABU just let him go

its two nights fgs

you’ve managed thus far you will be fine

Skybluepinky · 02/05/2023 21:39

18 year old single parents manage, I’m sure u will.

ivegotthisyeah · 02/05/2023 21:43

Yeah I agree with others he will thank you more for letting him go without a fuss! Think of it as a lazy weekend for you and the kids it's only 2 days. For single parents it's every day!
You've got this ! Be organised and it will pan out

grayhairdontcare · 02/05/2023 21:46

It's Tuesday so get all organising and regrouping sorted before you wave him off

Tiredmum100 · 02/05/2023 21:46

Sorry another one who thinks yabu. It's only Tuesday. Hopefully by the weekend everyone will be feeling a bit better. I agree with PPS, get your dh to d a food shop before he goes. Get organised for work before when goes, and do what you need to get through the weekend, screen time etc. Do you have any family that can help you out? Make sure you book your own weekend away soon!

Hell121 · 02/05/2023 21:47

Ffs it is one weekend you will cope. YABU

ZenNudist · 02/05/2023 21:48

Jeez just let him go in good humour. I picked up a friend who's partner was pissed off they were going for one night. Just seems really controlling and also making a big fuss over nothing if they're usually a supportive person.

Oysterbabe · 02/05/2023 21:48

I'm with the others, you'll cope.

BarkyMatherson · 02/05/2023 21:49

Do an online shop of foods you love, include lots of child based snacks. Spend the weekend in PJs and watch too much TV.

Sleep when the kids sleep, take the pressure off yourself.

DDivaStar · 02/05/2023 21:51

Its booked and you admit he deserves it to ask him to pull out now would be unfair.

Can you get him to take over with the kids in the next couple of days to give you some time to get organised before he goes.

SpongeBob2022 · 02/05/2023 21:52

I sympathise although if it were me I would still let him go.

He'd be dealing with the 5 x a night wakings in the lead up to his weekend off though.

nutbrownhare15 · 02/05/2023 21:53

I agree he should go. However as you are knackered I think you should have a plan for how he will support you with sleep and time to yourself in the run up to the weekend and after it. Can he not take on some of the night times/bed times/ get up with the kids?

HungryandIknowit · 02/05/2023 21:53

I understand. The nights are brutal with 2 kids when they're waking. If you're not breastfeeding can he do the night for both on Sunday night to allow you to catch up on sleep before you start your new job? Can you visit family and get help with the one of them overnight? I think you need to let him go though and not make him feel bad about it.

FabFitFifties · 02/05/2023 21:58

YABU, but I understand the dread. He can make it up to you.

Original poster
verytiredd · 02/05/2023 21:58

I’d like to just add, the weekend is three nights/days, off the back of several recent work trips away, and he works very long hours all week so I am only parent with kids all week. Totally appreciate single parents are solo all the time (I have historically been a solo parent most the time as husband used to work away all the time, so realise how exhausting it is!).

I think I’d be less unreasonable about it if he helped with sleep a bit more but he prioritises his sleep in the week as he works long days etc and is still working on helping more at night.

I totally see why people think I’m unreasonable - I don’t want him to cancel, I just don’t want him to get home the evening before I’m meant to be starting a new job & I’m totally zombified by a full few weeks of non stop parenting whilst he’s had a lot of time away.

Guess I’ve just hit burnout & feel I need his support (as he is their dad, after all).

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 02/05/2023 22:00

Why don’t you ask him to do the night wake ups so you can get some extra sleep before he goes and give you some time to get stuff sorted

ivegotthisyeah · 02/05/2023 22:00

SpongeBob2022 · 02/05/2023 21:52

I sympathise although if it were me I would still let him go.

He'd be dealing with the 5 x a night wakings in the lead up to his weekend off though.

😂 and when he arrives home 🤣

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