We’ve lost sight of what is a healthy weight

[SpringPop]

Was chatting to my husband yesterday about getting to a healthy weight.

I am 5ft3 and at start of year I was weighing 80kg (12st 8)

I have hired a PT, workout 3 x weeklyand started eating healthy and now weigh around 72kg (11st 4). I’m not restricting food types or on any fad diet. I’m literally eating a balanced diet and the correct amount to lose up to 1lb a week.

I’ve done a decent start but still want to get to below 10stone where I would be a healthy weight for my height according to BMI.

I literally look like a ball in photos I took at the weekend. So fat.

He thinks I look great and lovely. Which is very kind. I literally don’t get how done people can’t see that I look fat. He’s not just being kind.

we got chatting and I Said to him that people we watch on tv that we think are “normal” (not underweight) and are similar height to me probably weigh between 8-9 stone therefore how could he not see I was overweight and not looking great.

AIBU to think no wonder we are quite an overweight nation. We equate 8stone/9stone as “skinny” but actually isn’t that healthy for someone who is just over 5ft? There should not be any shame in trying to reach a healthy weight. I kinda feel like we have lost sight of what is a healthy weight.

at 11stone/12stone, I’m not my healthiest, I’m not my fittest, I don’t look good. I’m opening myself up to more health conditions. Clothes make me look like a beach ball. I’m quite large chested and instead of making me look sexy/attractive, I just look ridiculous and almost ball shaped.

Your husband is the wrong person to have this convo with, he’s hardly gonna agree you’re fat? Not exactly objective.

Agreed. Somebody said they were surprised I could function at all the other day and that I must be unhealthy. Nobody in RL (ie the people who look at me!) has ever said that.

Isn't BMI horrendously outdated? I'd like to exercise more, when I have the time again, but for my own sake, not to become a certain weight.

There are obviously people who think normal sizes are too big, there's a poster on this thread saying today's size 10 clothes are "big". I know these ridiculous opinions can go both ways, but come on. I'm a size 10 (in most places) and am almost 6ft tall. No way am I "big".

Funnily enough, I was browsing clothes in my size (sale section organised into sizes) a few days ago and a woman walked past with her friend. Friend looked at a top and said how it was nice, woman smugly says in a raised voice "yes, but it's a 10, it's much too big for me." I don't think the snort that came out before I could stop it was the reaction she intended, going by the indignant look on her face. 😂

Well maybe if the government didn't entirely gut the mental health provision in this country, we could talk about healthy weights and stuff. A lot of people eat to make themselves feel better or because they're depressed, etc.

Agree with this too. If you're naturally small-boned, narrow frame, slight, whatever, it's not "unhealthy" to have a low BMI.

I really disagree and I think the demonising of carbs is part of a disordered approach to diet.

We all need carbs as part of a balanced diet. Refined and processed carbs are not good but complex carbs are absolutely fine and necessary.

Humanity has lived on bread, pasta and rice for around 1000 years and it had not previously led to obesity.

Indeed if you look at the size of Asian peoples - Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Indian - where the predominant grain is rice - it is clear that rice does not make people fat.

Low carb diets have become popular because people find weight loss easier on them. That’s fine, but a tool that is useful for short term weight loss should not be confused with an optimal healthy full time diet.

@Jourdain11

Because overweight people are told that all the time

How can you function? How can you work or look after kids. You must be so unhealthy

If its true for an over weight person it's true for an underweight person

Lol, if that was aimed at me then you need to read properly rather than cherrypicking what you quote to suit your flawed arguments - I DO have a wide skeleton, regardless of my body weight. I will own that I am overweight right now but doing something about it, however my previous post referred to when I was a lot thinner and still had a ‘wide skeleton’. Is 8.5 stone at 5’6 an acceptable weight for you? Because that’s how much I once weighed, with my wide frame. I looked gaunt and ill because of my build vs my weight.

To be clear, I am NOT suggesting that the size of someone’s frame should be used to justify a huge and unhealthy weight gain. Obviously someone weighing 11 stone+ at a height of 5’6 (in other words over a BMI of 25) will be overweight.

I'm the same as you, I am 5'3" tall and an apple shape, thin arms and legs and podgy in the middle. I look like a wee bumble bee!
I have cut out biscuits, snacks and am exercising more and have managed to get down to just below 10 stone.
I have had breast cancer and was told by the cancer nurse the abdominal fat was very unhealthy for me. A great incentive.
My partner has never said anything about my weight, this is for me.

I think this thread has kinda proved my point

ive got people telling me great job but I still have a way to go (this is my view also)

others are saying I’m goading… I’m not quite sure how. At my original weight I was obese and looked ridiculous. I’m only referring to myself here nobody else. I’m not boasting. I’m far from my dream fitness/body. This is not where I want to be.

others are saying that I should basically just stop because it’s affecting those with ED etc. and this type of conversation isn’t helpful.

in real life my lovely DH refuses to acknowledge I’m overweight and just says I look lovely.

friends try to throw me off my goal and tempt me with alcohol and treats. “You look fine”

some members of my family tell me I would look better if I was a normal weight. And actively encourage me to drop weight.

social media tells me to celebrate all body types.

my dr tells me the reason I have health issues is because I’m overweight.

Fat face says I’m a size 12

h&m tells me that I’m not a size 12

my wedding dress shop tells me I’m even bigger in size.

And nobody can agree with with what is a healthy diet? How do you lose weight? What is best?

So actually I do think as a whole, we have lost the plot!

This! I’m what I would call a 90’s size 8 but have to buy size 4 or 6 in shops like Reiss in the UK. There is so much vanity sizing around.

@SpringPop

Your oh can think you look lovely even if you're over weight and you don't

Before I had dc3 I lost 3 stone taking me down from almost obese to the upper end of a healthy BMI. Before I lost the weight lots of people told me I didn’t need to lose weight, that I looked fine. When I lost the weight I had lots of people telling me I was too skinny, I’d lost too much weight, almost begging me to stop. I was still the upper end of a healthy BMI! I think nowadays people see normal weight as skinny, overweight as normal and obese as a bit overweight.

Im overweight again after the birth of dc3. I want to get down to middle of a healthy BMI and I’m keeping quiet about it this time!

I was a lot thinner and still had a ‘wide skeleton’. Is 8.5 stone at 5’6 an acceptable weight for you? Because that’s how much I once weighed, with my wide frame. I looked gaunt and ill because of my build vs my weight

It's actually at the very lower side or normal for your height.

So you are saying that you have a wide skeleton and are 5 ft 6 so someone who the exact same height and weight as you can look normal but you look literally like a wide skeleton...because you have a wide skeleton?

People have eaten bread etc for a long time but the health of these people have steadily declined. They also don't eat the vast quantity of it that people in the west do. A portion of rice that comes with a Chinese dish would be three days worth to the average Japanese villager so we have the double whammy of it being a low nutrition food containing phytins that a lot of people cannot process and in vast quantity.

There is also the phenomenon of 'skinny fat' where people look relatively normal weight but have fatty livers and a huge amount of fat throughout their body but because they have no muscle, their BMI is low and they look relatively normal. This is widespread in India among the poorest people for example.

The Japanese and the like eat rice because it is easy to grow in their climate etc. but it is of relatively low nutritional value compared with the rest of their diet. Looking at just the rice consumption and assuming they are healthy doesn't cover half of what needs to be looked at.

If everyone ate meat in variety, veggies that grow above ground with the exception of legumes, cut their fruit and dairy consumption in half, stopped drinking and had extra virgin olive oil and ate a fair amount of animal fat, we would all be healthier. Everything is designed the opposite and it's all about money.

I can see that’s very confusing OP. I would stick to what you know in your heart, what your scales and mirror tell you, and what the doctor says. Everything else can be filtered out.

As to the mode of weight loss - just go with what suits you. Whatever you’re doing is working well thus far, so if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. Some people seem to prefer to limit carbs some to limit protein - but it all boils down to eating less and moving around more.

Do have to say that your DH is a keeper!

To be fair, I’ve noticed that more often than not people telling you that you’ve lost “too much weight” are often overweight themselves and it’s easier for their self esteem if everyone is overweight rather than just them.

Obviously this isn’t the case if you’re now underweight, but it’s an observation. Humans don’t tend to like seeing others do well, especially if your success is something that they see in themselves as a weakness.

It’s not just weight loss though. I see it all the time with promotions in work and whatnot. Some people can’t stand to see you do well so they’d try to put you off doing something that will enrich and further you. It’s easier for them if they can try to make you doubt yourself so you don’t apply for the job, rather than just being supportive.

Its not normal or healthy to be a size four or six if you are a grown adult who has gone through puberty. Seriously if you are that emaciated I’d suggest getting urgent help.

i can’t tell if this is real or parody

if real you need to think about fucked-up you are to need fat people to say this to you before you will listen to them. I know you’ll just dismiss this (and you probably think I’m fat too, and therefore doubly dismissible), but just to state the message, this is a fucked-up way to think about fat people

I will have to disagree for a couple of reasons.
Unprocessed carbs fine.
Even processed carbs are ok in small amounts. The problem is in 2023 generally we are not eating them in small amounts and that’s where your argument falls apart. In moderation. Yes but they are being consumed so far out of moderation it’s shocking.
Bread and pasta particularly where it’s not unusual for someone to have a wheat breakfast of cereal or toast, a sandwich or roll for lunch and then pizza or pasta for dinner. Added in with some biscuits or cake for dessert. Wheat wheat wheat. All day every day.
Rice may not make you put on weight as easily but if you know anything about nutrition, you will know that it is almost entirely empty of any goodness / nutrients and beside filling you up (which is why it’s been used for 1000’s years) it does nothing positive for your health.
The reason people in the countries you mentioned (who eat traditionally) have better health is the lack of high processed sugary factory make foods (and bread / pasta!) and the inclusion of far more fresh fish and vegetables than we have in western diets. It’s nothing to do with the nutritious content of rice.
oh and no, we haven’t been eating pasta for 1000’s years. Certainly in the Uk. It’s only become a heavy staple in the last 40 / 50 years or so. If you are over 40, it’s very unlikely that your grandmother would have been cooking pasta for dinner.
Bread as we know it has only been around since the invention of sliced bread 80- 100 years ago. Before that it was fresh baked bread and it certainly wasn’t eaten in the quantities we do today.
Besides which, the wheat that was used 100 year ago is not the same wheat as we eat now. The gluten level is raised making it worse for many people.

But why? Arnt those things are true?
If someone gave you a magic wand and said if you wave this everyone on Earth will be in a healthy weight range now and forever wouldn’t you do it? If not why not?

Health has both improved and declined over time. Longevity now is far higher than in the past.

I’m not sure why you’re referencing apparently poor agricultural workers in China or Japan - millions live in cities with normal food consumption levels.

I didn’t comment on the healthiness of rice just pointing out that rice consumption doesn’t make people fat.

Im not sure why you’re proposing your apparent preferred diet as some kind of cure all. The link between red meat and cancer is well documented. As is the link between saturated animal fat and high cholesterol. Many people don’t like meat. Fruit is perfectly healthy in moderation and indeed forms a key part of the Mediterranean diet, which is generally regarded by medics as the most healthy.

My daughter is 23, 5 foot and a perfect size 6.

She is normal.
She is healthy.
She is not emaciated.

What a stupid statement.

Anyone can comment on what shop/s don't do vanity sizing? I would really love to know what my real size is.