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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did I say something wrong?

83 replies

DollyPlop · 01/05/2023 07:20

I’m a community nurse. Last night I was doing an out of hours shift and I was paired up with a young HCA.
As we drove off I tried to get conversation going and asked her where she worked previously, she said this was her first job so I said “oh right, are you doing your nursing?”

Well this seemed to really piss her off!! She replied “doing MY nursing? Errr no … I’m working as a HCA”. I was a bit taken back as she seemed so offended! So I just said “oh it’s just that a lot of people train to be a nurse whilst working as a HCA, I thought maybe that was what you were doing” so she said “why would you assume that? Not everyone wants to be a nurse”

We didn’t talk much after that!! Did I say something wrong??

OP posts:
shakeitoffsis · 01/05/2023 07:21

No, she's a miserable git!

Yogameup · 01/05/2023 07:24

She sounds odd. You said nothing wrong.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 01/05/2023 07:24

Possibly the assumption that what she’s doing isn’t enough and she has to do something better.
maybe it’s a sore point for her.

Ladybug14 · 01/05/2023 07:25

You made an assumption and your implications was that it could only be a stepping stone to another job

It may be that she's tried to become a nurse and has been turned down

MintyBinty · 01/05/2023 07:27

She was rude. It’s not you.

PaigeMatthews · 01/05/2023 07:41

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 01/05/2023 07:24

Possibly the assumption that what she’s doing isn’t enough and she has to do something better.
maybe it’s a sore point for her.

Id say this.

Fatandfunny · 01/05/2023 07:41

I’m not in the industry but I don’t understand why you assumed she was only doing this job as she was training to be a nurse. Plenty of folks work in health care without being a nurse. You surely know that.

Catlord · 01/05/2023 07:46

She was very spiky but it might be a point of contention for her- didn't get in, other commitments mean she can't train, or was just ungracious about saying that she's happy as a HCA, thanks. Rude either way. A lot of HCAs are doing their nurse training so it's not an unusual question.

neverbeenskiing · 01/05/2023 07:46

It was the implicit assumption that the job she's doing must be a stepping stone to something 'better' that offended her.

Nimbostratus100 · 01/05/2023 07:48

I think you were clumsy and she was easily offended but you dont know her back ground, so maybe dont make the assumption next time

Clarinet1 · 01/05/2023 07:49

I think that you were just trying to make conversation and show interest in her. Whatever the reasons for her reaction may have been it, it was impolite and rude.

TidyDancer · 01/05/2023 07:50

neverbeenskiing · 01/05/2023 07:46

It was the implicit assumption that the job she's doing must be a stepping stone to something 'better' that offended her.

Yes I agree with this.

Her response was unnecessarily abrasive but your assumption sounded dismissive of the valuable job she does.

I have a couple of friends who do incredible jobs in care homes. I couldn't in a million years do what they do, they are amazing. But they are continually met with the attitude that they are 'just carers' like it's easy and doesn't matter. My guess is your colleague has come up against that similar attitude before and is sick and tired of it.

Mosaic123 · 01/05/2023 07:53

In my book you were subtly insulting her by saying that she was in a job where she she would obviously be wanting to move up to a different one. And it's not as though you knew her well.

A question about if she was local, for example, would have been more appropriate.

I'd be offended too.

PentagonPogo · 01/05/2023 08:00

Mosaic123 · 01/05/2023 07:53

In my book you were subtly insulting her by saying that she was in a job where she she would obviously be wanting to move up to a different one. And it's not as though you knew her well.

A question about if she was local, for example, would have been more appropriate.

I'd be offended too.

Yeah this!!

CheeseMunchies · 01/05/2023 08:04

She took it as you saying being a HCA isn't good enough and is only something people do to become a nurse. I made the same mistake when I asked a TA if she was thinking of applying for teacher training in the future. She was very offended and explained why.

mainsfed · 01/05/2023 08:14

I’d not be making the effort with her again. Polite and professional and that’s it.

Zingy123 · 01/05/2023 08:18

You were rude. What is wrong with her being a HCA?

mainsfed · 01/05/2023 08:20

Zingy123 · 01/05/2023 08:18

You were rude. What is wrong with her being a HCA?

Where did OP say there was anything wrong with being a HCA?

BessieSurtees · 01/05/2023 08:22

said “oh it’s just that a lot of people train to be a nurse whilst working as a HCA, I thought maybe that was what you were doing”

Nah, you know there are a lot of people who work as an HCA without training to be a nurse. You were definitely implying that HCA wasn’t good enough.

Why didn’t you simply ask if she was enjoying it if you wanted to make conversation? You are a community nurse without great communication skills, especially if you have to ask on here did I say something wrong. 🙄

Ponoka7 · 01/05/2023 08:36

There's many Nurses/Doctors etc who massively undervalue HCAs. Why would you make that assumption? It's a perfectly valid choice to work as a HCA and it's better for service users of we have people who stay in that job role. Look at the posters who have immediately assumed that she couldn't get into Nursing. Being a HCA means that you often see the patient from start to finish and are more hands on. You get to offer practical and emotional support. You've inadvertently put her role down by suggesting that it isn't good enough long term. You've been clumsy in your attempt at conversation.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 01/05/2023 08:38

You implied that her job wasn’t good enough and that yours, as a nurse, was better than hers and what she should aspire to.

you were rude

Gwdihooooo · 01/05/2023 08:42

Lots of people on here op that would get offended in the most polite of conversations.
You did nothing wrong. She was rude.

Fillyfrog · 01/05/2023 08:48

She was rude but as a HCA of 15 years I've been asked this loads and sometimes it does grate - sometimes feel like it's asking why would you 'just' work as a hca when actually it's a very important role. I sometimes feel we're seen as right at the bottom of the healthcare ladder, even though I deal with things that nurses can't. We're even classed as unqualified on rotas 😅

VisionsOfSplendour · 01/05/2023 08:52

mainsfed · 01/05/2023 08:20

Where did OP say there was anything wrong with being a HCA?

Show quote history

There's an implicit assumption in the question that it's not a job in itself, merely a stepping stone.

I can see why she was a bit pissed off if that was your opening gambit

primroseknows · 01/05/2023 08:52

I'm a TNA and I would think that was a perfectly normal question you were asking!