Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Did I say something wrong?

83 replies

DollyPlop · 01/05/2023 07:20

I’m a community nurse. Last night I was doing an out of hours shift and I was paired up with a young HCA.
As we drove off I tried to get conversation going and asked her where she worked previously, she said this was her first job so I said “oh right, are you doing your nursing?”

Well this seemed to really piss her off!! She replied “doing MY nursing? Errr no … I’m working as a HCA”. I was a bit taken back as she seemed so offended! So I just said “oh it’s just that a lot of people train to be a nurse whilst working as a HCA, I thought maybe that was what you were doing” so she said “why would you assume that? Not everyone wants to be a nurse”

We didn’t talk much after that!! Did I say something wrong??

OP posts:

HP07 · 01/05/2023 10:35

Probably along the same lines as someone asking you if you are training to be a doctor!
I’m a Vet Nurse and in my younger years I was asked a lot of times if I was training to be a Vet. Nope! Different profession altogether.
You implied that her choice of vocation was not adequate and that she should be working towards something more. So I think you put your foot in it.

shortanddumpy · 01/05/2023 11:26

I used to get this as a TA and it was a definite sore spot for me. I was never as rude in response but it does grate on you.

pizzaHeart · 01/05/2023 11:31

Clarinet1 · 01/05/2023 07:49

I think that you were just trying to make conversation and show interest in her. Whatever the reasons for her reaction may have been it, it was impolite and rude.

I agree with this^.
It was just a conversation, it would be more weird if you said after her words: oh did you enjoy the weather yesterday? Of course you do certain assumptions in the conversation and this one wasnt so unusual.

Botw1 · 01/05/2023 11:31

It's a reasonable assumption and a reasonable question

Shed know that if she had a bit more experience

CityCommuter · 01/05/2023 11:33

@DollyPlop no you didn't say anything wrong as you're right it's common for people work as a HCA while they're training to be a nurse at the same time. It's gives a good insight as to whether they're cut out for the job or not!

You were being friendly and chatty, she's just miserable and sounds like one of those people who gets easily offended about absolutely everything! It's a pity you didn't reply it's just as well you're not training to be a nurse as you don't have the personality for it! 🤣

Lizzt2007 · 01/05/2023 11:50

DollyPlop · 01/05/2023 09:03

I used to be a HCA, nothing wrong with it at all … I guess I just assumed as she was so young she’d be planning on going up the ladder. I’ll have to be more careful in future

So you see an hca as being bottom of the ladder and not a career choice on its own? Yes op, you were extremely rude and are compounding it.

Changeforachange · 01/05/2023 12:08

You didn't assume, you simply asked if she was going into nursing - it's not unreasonable given that to you've met several young HCA taking that route.
It's also not unreasonable to have a work-related conversation at work.

Huffy & defensive isn't a mature response in a work situation, even if she felt you were rude.

Maybe her Parents or whoever have given her grief over it "you can do better etc" - who knows. But it wasn't you.

Shopper727 · 01/05/2023 12:09

She could’ve just said no I quite enjoy my job and happy to remain as I am getting all crabbit about it seems a bit ott but I also wouldn’t assume a person was doing their training even though you didn’t mean it in a bad way. She’s clearly prickly about it for some reason. I did hca shifts pre training with adults then went on to do paeds nursing, I was asked by someone if I was doing childrens nursing because I didn’t like adults? Well children have parents who are adults, people are weird they don’t always think before speaking.

someoneisalwaysintheloo · 01/05/2023 12:51

Community nurse with poor communication skills.

You made assumptions / judgements about someone because of their age and job.

ag7962 · 01/05/2023 12:57

When I was a HCA I would have potentially seen it as a compliment. When a psychologist asked me if I'd ever considered a career in psychology I was grateful of the suggestion but the question shows privilege that is not available to some. Further training is an opportunity that not everyone can manage. I think they were rude! But it could be for many reasons not necessarily that they felt you were making out that they are less than.
Now I'm a nurse I am mindful of my wording perhaps something like some of the best nurses I know have been HCAs have you ever thought about doing your training.

SeasonFinale · 01/05/2023 13:11

mainsfed · 01/05/2023 08:20

Where did OP say there was anything wrong with being a HCA?

Show quote history

Because in effect she implied someone would only want that job as a stepping stone into a perceived better one.

Couldyounot · 01/05/2023 13:15

She sounds fucking rude. Pay her no mind.

Botw1 · 01/05/2023 13:25

@SeasonFinale

No she didn't.

She asked a question based on a reasonable assumption

bamboonights · 01/05/2023 13:34

She was rude. End of.

Bivarb · 01/05/2023 13:39

You were quite rude. She probably shouldn't have snapped but perhaps she's tired of her hard work being devalued by nurses.

SeasonFinale · 01/05/2023 13:56

Botw1 · 01/05/2023 13:25

@SeasonFinale

No she didn't.

She asked a question based on a reasonable assumption

Why is it a reasonable assumption? She may not have the qualifications to become a nurse. Therefore she may have chosen to be an HCA. Of course it isn't reasonable to assume someone in a low paid job is there by choice.

QueenSmartypants · 01/05/2023 14:05

neverbeenskiing · 01/05/2023 07:46

It was the implicit assumption that the job she's doing must be a stepping stone to something 'better' that offended her.

This, unintentionally rude. I'd apologise and explain that you didn't mean to imply being an HCA isn't a worthy role within itself.

jabbajabbafunday · 01/05/2023 14:08

@SeasonFinale i would likely have made the same assumption. That assumption comes from over 20yrs experience as an AHP where the vast vast majority of young people I have met taking on HCA and TA roles in the NHS do so as a stepping stone into a healthcare profession. That could be nursing, physio, OT, psychology or others.

I would not make the same assumption if it was an older person even though it certainly can be the case then too. But when we interview for new support roles we expect that most of those being interviewed will be taking the job on to gain experience then will move on. And most of the time that is correct.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with remaining an HCA at all.

The OP says this is the persons first job. They are going to have nasty shock if they are offended by a question such as the OPs and think a response in that tone is acceptable.

FarmGirl78 · 01/05/2023 14:09

Nimbostratus100 · 01/05/2023 07:48

I think you were clumsy and she was easily offended but you dont know her back ground, so maybe dont make the assumption next time

This!!

You've put yourself across as someone who thinks no-one would ever choose to be "just" a HCA.

If I were her I wouldn't have kicked off, but you would be pissed me right off. I'd assume you thought very little of me and lofty ideas of yourself as a high and mighty nurse.

On my very day in the NHS I was taught the staff in the lower bands have the most important jobs. The band 2/3 staff are more important than us 5s snd 6s. Why? Because of they don't do their job correctly whatever effort we put into our jobs is just a waste of time. Worlds best heart surgeon going into theatre? No point if admin haven't got the right records, the HCA have taken the wrong bloods. Treat your lower band staff like gold dust.

I'm sure you know so the above. I'd be apologising to her if I were you, making it very clear you were clumsy with your words and understand how insulted she must have felt. Don't try and justify it, just apologise.

greyhairnomore · 01/05/2023 14:15

Fillyfrog · 01/05/2023 08:48

She was rude but as a HCA of 15 years I've been asked this loads and sometimes it does grate - sometimes feel like it's asking why would you 'just' work as a hca when actually it's a very important role. I sometimes feel we're seen as right at the bottom of the healthcare ladder, even though I deal with things that nurses can't. We're even classed as unqualified on rotas 😅

Unqualified on the rota just means not as RN.
What is it you can do that an RN can't , just out of curiosity?

Botw1 · 01/05/2023 14:21

@SeasonFinale

What @jabbajabbafunday said

@Fillyfrog

You are unqualified. You're not a qualified nurse and don't have a registration.

The role of hca is skilled, valuable and essential. It is not a stepping stone but it is not unusual for it to be used as one

Also interested to hear what you're doing that registered nurse can't

Fillyfrog · 01/05/2023 14:52

Botw1 · 01/05/2023 14:21

@SeasonFinale

What @jabbajabbafunday said

@Fillyfrog

You are unqualified. You're not a qualified nurse and don't have a registration.

The role of hca is skilled, valuable and essential. It is not a stepping stone but it is not unusual for it to be used as one

Also interested to hear what you're doing that registered nurse can't

I know that it means we don't have a registration, but a lot of us have qualifications, and unqualified makes it sound like we don't 😊

I went into a children's ward with a child I was looking after who had a ventilator and a tracheostomy and the nurse assigned to looking after us was definitely scared or apprehensive about looking after him. I'm not saying she wouldn't have been fine with some training! And I've nothing against nursing, I love nurses and healthcare in general, just saying in that situation I felt I deserved more pay 😂

Botw1 · 01/05/2023 14:56

@Fillyfrog

Ah ok. A registered nurse can work with tracheostomy pts.

Hca def need better pay.

CoffeeCantata · 01/05/2023 14:56

Possibly you might have put your foot in it a bit, OP, but I think your colleague was the rude one. Blimey - I've had so many people make assumptions over the years which, if I was a very precious person, I could have found offensive, but really, life is too short. I think I've been doing it all wrong - the number of times I could have had a flounce! I only take offence when I think it's intended, not because of tactlessness or thoughtlessness.

This person obviously has other issues going on, so I wouldn't feel too bad about it. I often read on MN that people find it frightening to initiate conversation and I've wondered why sometimes. But when people take massive umbrage at a bit of small-talk, I can see what they mean.

ChaosOnTheCoast · 01/05/2023 15:00

You effectively told her that her job was not ‘enough’. Maybe she is fed up of hearing this.

Flip

1 2 3 4