to be irrationally angry at unborn baby?

[Hungryfrogs23]

Ok, hear me out. So I definitely know I am being unreasonable. But I am just in search of some validation of being heavily pregnant and crazy hormonal I think.

So after a long road getting here (two 2nd trimester losses and a stillborn), I am pregnant with our (hopefully) 2nd child. A little girl. I couldn't be happier or feel more fortunate about that. Most of pregnancy, despite being very high risk for various health reasons, has been relatively smooth and I recognise that in so many ways I am incredibly lucky.

That is where the rational part ends. Due to a high risk pregnancy, bleeding disorder and previous stroke, I had made peace with the fact I knew I would be induced early. Induction isn't fun but it was ok, us both being safe is the main priority. HOWEVER, baby has decided she can't possibly oblige me by facing the right bloody way round! So I am 36 weeks and she is stubbornly breech/oblique/transverse. Any direction except the proper one. I literally give her life, oxygen, food, energy, waste disposal, warmth, fluids, and she can't do her ONE job?! FACE THE EXIT.

I have tried all the crazy yoga moves, the crabbing on the stairs, the bouncing on the ball, the ice pack at the top, warmth at the bottom, the playing music/shining lights, scrubbing floors, you name it, I've tried it. None of it has made a jot of difference.

I am honestly so irrationally angry at her. On account of my health conditions, an ECV isn't possible and an emergency section or attempted breech birth would also be very risky, so that only leaves me with an elective section. Due to my bleeding condition, even that isn't without higher risks, and to be brutally honest, I really, really don't want to be sliced open and have a massive wound to heal and not be able to drive or look after the baby or my older child easily. I have a real fear of surgery and all associated things.

I know all the logical things about how lucky I am, and how us both being safe is the main thing, and how I won't care once she is here. But today I have been honestly seething with rage at her, begging her to just bloody turn. I am furious.

Please help me be less crazy ragey, or at least tell me it isn't totally insane to feel this way. Or if you have a magic solution to make her move I would love to hear that too.

Sorry for typos...
Last line should say another month

I did all that spinning shit then gave up and sat on the sofa eating crisps and raging.
You are allowed to have emotions, I remember telling my bump that he was little shit. He of course turned when I fast asleep and it was incredibly painful which terrified me. I’ve experienced losses and infertility and felt for a long time I had to be permanently grateful but I’ve come to terms that actually I’m going to be grumpy with the world sometimes and that is okay!!

I was Not Happy during my 3rd pregnancy at all so I get it.

She turned very very late on, around 38 weeks I think, but unfortunately it was so that she was breech - this was only discovered in hospital about 30 minutes before I gave birth 🤦🏻‍♀️ she'd been head down until then!

You’re very brave OP and been through a lot. I don’t think you should feel you’re angry at the baby, as you’re not, you’re frustrated at the journey you’ve taken to this point and now you just need this one thing to go right. You know you love baby, it’s just you’d like baby to turn. I hope it all works out.

Could you try wading on n your local pool? Babies naturally turn in water, although it usually takes moving water. Native American women would go into streams in their last week's of pregnancy and at the start of labour. I would be wanting a planned C section rather than them persevering with forceps etc. You need a frank discussion and set out what you don't want.

Oh OP, I can only imagine how you feel.

After so much loss, might a nice calm ELCS not be the best option? It sounds like your experience of vaginal birth was not great anyway.

I had my first baby after five first trimester losses and I was so nervous at the end, I was terrified something would go wrong at the very last minute and that I wouldn't bring home a living baby. I ended up being induced for reduced movements (still not sure whether that was real or just in my head as everything looked normal when I went in for monitoring), the induction didn't work, and after 30 hours I ended up having an emergency C-section. I was so disappointed and it took me a while to get over it, but at the end of the day, I finally had a healthy baby. The recovery was hard for the first week or so but after that it was honestly fine.

Second time round I did have a successful VBAC but it was a difficult decision because I thought my body wasn't capable of giving birth vaginally and an elective C-section would have taken all the unpredictability and stress out of the situation. In the end my baby was perfectly positioned and I went into labour pretty much spontaneously after a sweep, but if there had been the slightest complication or if she had been in a suboptimal position I'd have just gone for the ELCS and made my peace with it.

In your position I don't think anyone would blame you for just wanting to get your baby out as quickly and safely as possible. I think there's a lot to be said for having a spinal anaesthetic, being wheeled into theatre and having a baby in your arms a few minutes later.

Swimming helped with my three, might be worth a go, good luck!

Great story :)

Yanbu at all as I am in the same boat. 36+3 and baby is lying across my stomach with no intention of moving at all. Hospital today for growth scan and ecv and section chat I'm not looking forward to it at all

OP my second child was like this. In those days GP would manually turn the child which was painful. Night after I would be sick. The following week back for the check up again, the baby had turned back to breach. I had a second manual turn more painful than the first time. The baby turned itself into a breach again. Then 2 days before he was due my baby turned itself into the correct position for birth all by itself. It sometimes just happens. If my GP had just left the baby alone it would have saved me pain and worry.

Mine moved at 36 weeks by going in swimming pool and doing handstands. When I got out he was hiccuping face down and could tell he'd moved!! Good luck! Xx