to be irrationally angry at unborn baby?

[Hungryfrogs23]

Ok, hear me out. So I definitely know I am being unreasonable. But I am just in search of some validation of being heavily pregnant and crazy hormonal I think.

So after a long road getting here (two 2nd trimester losses and a stillborn), I am pregnant with our (hopefully) 2nd child. A little girl. I couldn't be happier or feel more fortunate about that. Most of pregnancy, despite being very high risk for various health reasons, has been relatively smooth and I recognise that in so many ways I am incredibly lucky.

That is where the rational part ends. Due to a high risk pregnancy, bleeding disorder and previous stroke, I had made peace with the fact I knew I would be induced early. Induction isn't fun but it was ok, us both being safe is the main priority. HOWEVER, baby has decided she can't possibly oblige me by facing the right bloody way round! So I am 36 weeks and she is stubbornly breech/oblique/transverse. Any direction except the proper one. I literally give her life, oxygen, food, energy, waste disposal, warmth, fluids, and she can't do her ONE job?! FACE THE EXIT.

I have tried all the crazy yoga moves, the crabbing on the stairs, the bouncing on the ball, the ice pack at the top, warmth at the bottom, the playing music/shining lights, scrubbing floors, you name it, I've tried it. None of it has made a jot of difference.

I am honestly so irrationally angry at her. On account of my health conditions, an ECV isn't possible and an emergency section or attempted breech birth would also be very risky, so that only leaves me with an elective section. Due to my bleeding condition, even that isn't without higher risks, and to be brutally honest, I really, really don't want to be sliced open and have a massive wound to heal and not be able to drive or look after the baby or my older child easily. I have a real fear of surgery and all associated things.

I know all the logical things about how lucky I am, and how us both being safe is the main thing, and how I won't care once she is here. But today I have been honestly seething with rage at her, begging her to just bloody turn. I am furious.

Please help me be less crazy ragey, or at least tell me it isn't totally insane to feel this way. Or if you have a magic solution to make her move I would love to hear that too.

HungryFrog is scared. Of course she knows it isn't HubgryTadpoles fault, she's just desperate to get her out safely after a series of traumas. The only thing she's going to be starting their life off together feeling is relief when she screams for her Mom

I am so sorry for your losses.

I have not read the whole thread. My advice is:

Do nothing to try to turn her.
Be in whatever position makes you comfortable.
Go in for an elective C section.

Best wishes. Let us know how it goes.

YANBU but I had an emergency c-section for my DD at 33 weeks due to me having worsening pre-eclampsia and DD being in distress and too small. Then DS had to be born by elective section due to his large size and being breech. This was after 10 years plus of ttc before DD arrived, plus two unsuccessful IVF cycles. Honestly, even though I am a complete wuss about hospitals, both c-sections were absolutely fine - quite relaxed actually and even though I was pretty ill with pre-eclampsia the first time around, I recovered from the op quickly on both occasions. I did not have a massive wound either time, and was able to look after DD in SCBU after two days and DS right from delivery. Best of luck with everything. They definitely get even more troublesome once they are out!

You're not irrational or unreasonable. You're (understandably) anxious. And that's okay.

For what it's worth... My daughter was (very) breech, and she turned quite close to my due date. I was 38/39 weeks. She was born naturally at 41+4.
I also tried everything in the book to shift her. And then one day she just decided to move while I was relaxing in bed. I still think it was to prevent me from getting comfy 🤣.

I know it's not the same positioning or the same situation, but I'm hoping that I provide some your baby might still move.

Good luck ❤️

My boy turned 24 hrs before my c. Then swiftly engaged and they had to use forceps to pull him out back through my stomach 😂

He just wanted things on his terms bless him.

Well aren't you pleasant @EarthSight? Well actually, no you are not.

When most of us on MN say we are worried about our posts being outing, we mean that if anyone we know, eg. next door neighbour, SiL, cousin, second best friend since we got drunk together after our Ancient Greek A levels, etc, reads our post, then it won't be difficult to recognise us because of information we have given.

In this particular case I don't suppose there are very many Double Bass, orchestra players on MN, who also tell the story of their baby changing position in the middle of a concert, so I imagine that could have been quite outing for @Malbecfan! In fact, I think it was nice of her to risk it, in the hope it would give the OP some comfort and reassurance - and maybe even another giggle?

But I am glad that you found yourself so funny EarthSight...

Is there any way that a doctor can manually turn the baby.
I would ask.

My first was back to back and unfortunately didn’t turn and I didn’t know a doctor could have tried.
I had to have an emergency Caesarian with our twins but it was fine. Never had an op before, so I was quite worried. Driving is an issue afterwards, but even though I had an older kid and just me and dh to cope we did. Go for the safest route and don’t worry.

So sorry, put my post in the wrong place and can’t work out how to delete it 😣

You should start a thread @LLOC
Go to the top. Highlighted in blue it says ‘ start a new thread’
ps. You can’t delete a post once posted, don’t worry, it happens.

You're being completely reasonable OP! I hope she stops being stubborn and turns for you. However, if you do need a section then you might be surprised at how quickly you heal and are able to be mobile again. It won't be ad bad as you are fearing.

It's not a "massive wound". I was pushing a pram for walks after a week and driving after ten days and that was after an emergency section. Recoverery from my vaginal birth was much harder.

Childbirth is one thing you cannot control. So best to just relax, stop the anger, go with the flow and stop doing dangerous things like crabbing up and down stairs.

If youre actually feeling rage towards the baby as opposed to the situation, I would keep an eye on that TBH.

You have a few factors that put you at higher risk of PND and PNA.

Its normal to feel fed up, and you've had a hard road to get here. But I'm not sure it's normal or healthy to be angry at the baby.

Your baby owes you nothing. Even if you feed them etc. they owe you nothing.

OP, good luck whatever happens. I know someone whose 3rd child was breech/transverse position at about your stage, then turned in time. Unstable lie is more common in later pregnancies I think.

My sister had 2 emergency sections - the second rather difficult - then a third, elective section. Her recovery from that one was remarkably smooth. I hope that, if you need a section, that is the experience you get.

I'm very sorry for your losses, OP.

Crazy pregnancy hormones are just that - crazy! Fear, rage, it's all 'normal'.

I would say though, that consistently feeling very angry and anxious is not going to be helpful to you or your baby, either getting through the rest of your pregnancy or during birth.

If you're anywhere near London (specifically Sloane Square area), I'd highly recommend going to see my osteopath who specialises in obstetric and paediatric care. He will make sure that your body is optimally aligned ready for childbirth, and treatment can also do a lot for one's emotional/psychological state as well. PM me for details if you want.

As per PPs, moxibustion (which is Traditional Chinese Medicine, and involves holding a smouldering tube of herbs? (a bit like a cigar!) near your little toes - I know, sounds crazy, but there's some evidence for it - is worth a try, also acupuncture.

Failing those three, if baby is still breech I would go for an elective c-section over an induction, particularly given your description of your previous labour - and I am the biggest natural birth advocate you can imagine.

Maybe try talking to your baby, asking her - nicely! - to move if she can... but also tell her that you forgive her and still love her if, for whatever reason, she can't... As PPs have mentioned, sometimes there is a physical reason for their positioning, which is can be dangerous to override (ie through ECV).

I hope you have a good labour and birth xx

Really @squidwid?

The OP was using dark humour to describe and acknowledge her feelings of fear and frustration, oh, and did I mention fear?
So @Hungryfrogs23 does not need to be told off in a sanctuous manner by someone who appears to not understand complex humour, or to have any empathy.

@Hungryfrogs23 I am so very sorry for your incredibly sad losses, but I am also heartened that you seem to realise that your feelings are absolutely understandable in these horrible circumstances. I am so glad that most of the PPs on this thread also understand this, and have been able to offer you some very sound advice - from what we know so far, I am in the team for you having an elective CS - however I would probably ask one of the Drs or midwifes whom you instinctively trust, what they would do in your circumstances. Your love for your new child is palpable OP, and your fear for both this baby, your older child, and indeed yourself, is also very understandable ❤️

Please come back and tell us how you and your dearest little girl got on OP, there are so many people here who are wishing the very best both for you, and your little bundle of noise and frustration joy and delight xx

Hiya

Don't worry about being left with a massive wound. I had an emergency c section with baby number 6. I am now post csection 4 months tomorrow hooray. And my scar is very small.

Wish you all the best

Ah I wouldn't call you unreasonable at your stage. Anyway I wouldn't dare!! 🤣🤣

When she's here you'll take one look at her little face and all will be forgiven.

Good luck and come on little girl. Turn around for your mummy!

If it makes you feel any better I felt irrationally angry with my newborn daughter at birth after all the pain she had put me through. When she was FINALLY born and started wailing I asked my husband to pick her up and cuddle her. I honestly felt I'd had enough of the little madam already.

(no trouble bonding once past this initial strop, I should add)

My DS was the same until the last few weeks. I think he turned between 34 - 36 and was born at 42 weeks. It happened very quickly and hurt a lot when he got in place.

Hopefully you'll be okay. Congratulations 🎉

I had a breech baby and had acupuncture and he flipped within 24 hrs afterwards. It might be a bit late for you now, but maybe worth a go? I also spent weeks on end lying on an ironing board!

Well you are clearly being unreasonable to take this out on your baby of course. It won't be her fault, and you'd probably be better off being annoyed at your uterus or yourself for sitting reclined on the sofa for much of your pregnancy. But actually, as you know, that will do noone any good. What I would really encourage you to do is to try refocus. It's well known that pre-natal depression can turn into PND. Of course this may just be hormanal irrationality, but I do think it's worth reframing in a positive light.

Also, a csection really isn't the end of the world. I know when you are pregnant your birth is the most important thing (as I said, my baby was breech and I know the desperation to turn them), but actually it won't really matter one bit in a couple of weeks.

My third was breech right up to 40 weeks. I tried everything and then did moxibustion and he turned within 12 hours. Could be pure coincidence but maybe worth a go?
As others have said, it could be cord related or for another reason that the baby won’t turn.
Good luck with the delivery however it goes down.

My baby is breech and his head is knocking against my ribs, his legs are in my hips so I can barely walk without feeling my hips are dislocating and I throw up after most meals and i am also 36 weeks. Thank you for making this thread I am irrationally angry at someone who isn't born yet.
I know I will love him and I know there is an end in sight but anger right now is my emotion. You be angry or anything you want to be. You are allowed to have them feelings especially with what you have been through you are entitled to feel however you want to feel. I hope she turns around but don't put pressure on yourself this really is not in your control maybe your girl is just too comfy Or the space is just too small for where she wants to be.
On a side note going in for a second section and couldn't be more relieved about that. First one was honestly a magical experience really well controlled. Praying this one will be the same. However for your sake I hope she turns. After section I was up walking quickly and venturing further a field after ten. Also driving fairly quickly after doing the bottom step test.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. You're coming to the end of a high risk, stressful pregnancy and it's totally fine to be emotional and a bit mad.
I don't have a baby turning round story but I have a positive elective section story if that's how it goes.
Eldest was an emergency section...little bugger was actually huge and just got wedged in the birth canal so was fished out. Recovery was ok though, but I was all the place after "failing" to give birth. A few months later something went wrong with my back and I was in emergency surgery and left with some nerve damage, needed physio and was walking with a stick and struggling with toileting. At this point I totally unexpectedly got pregnant with twins. Now I wasn't allowed to labour so had a planned section just 1 year after major spinal surgery. And took home 2 babies when I had a toddler at home. Recovery was fine. The planned section was wonderful - relaxed, calm, and just a world away from the emergency situation. I could drive within a few weeks and was able to manage the children with help too. Healing was fine, neat and tidy scar and honestly whatever gets that little girl here safely is what you need.
But anyway you totally legit be angst, anxious and just done with it all, because at 36 weeks it feels like it's just never ending and another means seems a long way to go. Just remember once she's here, you'll forget this anger anyway.