to be irrationally angry at unborn baby?

[Hungryfrogs23]

Ok, hear me out. So I definitely know I am being unreasonable. But I am just in search of some validation of being heavily pregnant and crazy hormonal I think.

So after a long road getting here (two 2nd trimester losses and a stillborn), I am pregnant with our (hopefully) 2nd child. A little girl. I couldn't be happier or feel more fortunate about that. Most of pregnancy, despite being very high risk for various health reasons, has been relatively smooth and I recognise that in so many ways I am incredibly lucky.

That is where the rational part ends. Due to a high risk pregnancy, bleeding disorder and previous stroke, I had made peace with the fact I knew I would be induced early. Induction isn't fun but it was ok, us both being safe is the main priority. HOWEVER, baby has decided she can't possibly oblige me by facing the right bloody way round! So I am 36 weeks and she is stubbornly breech/oblique/transverse. Any direction except the proper one. I literally give her life, oxygen, food, energy, waste disposal, warmth, fluids, and she can't do her ONE job?! FACE THE EXIT.

I have tried all the crazy yoga moves, the crabbing on the stairs, the bouncing on the ball, the ice pack at the top, warmth at the bottom, the playing music/shining lights, scrubbing floors, you name it, I've tried it. None of it has made a jot of difference.

I am honestly so irrationally angry at her. On account of my health conditions, an ECV isn't possible and an emergency section or attempted breech birth would also be very risky, so that only leaves me with an elective section. Due to my bleeding condition, even that isn't without higher risks, and to be brutally honest, I really, really don't want to be sliced open and have a massive wound to heal and not be able to drive or look after the baby or my older child easily. I have a real fear of surgery and all associated things.

I know all the logical things about how lucky I am, and how us both being safe is the main thing, and how I won't care once she is here. But today I have been honestly seething with rage at her, begging her to just bloody turn. I am furious.

Please help me be less crazy ragey, or at least tell me it isn't totally insane to feel this way. Or if you have a magic solution to make her move I would love to hear that too.

Blimey @EarthSight no need to be rude. It's only outing because I have told the story many times as DD is nearly 24. No I don't twitch curtains, nor do I comment on people genuinely trying to help someone.

I have a blood disorder. I was in labour for nearly three days after being induced at 38 weeks due to various risks. Ended up with an emergency section and it was fine, I recovered fairly quickly and had a healthy baby. I wish someone had just offered me an elective section, given everything I had going on. My memories of labour are pretty horrific, and I really envied the woman in the next bed who had an elective birth with her twins and looked so fragrant and serene, instead of knackered from three days toiling to get a baby out.

YANBU.

Anecdotally, acupuncture may help. Colleague of mine had baby in breech position - they tried to turn it in hospital (she had of course tried everything at home prior to this). Didn't work. The Dr then suggested acupuncture. Baby did then turn. Was far less painful too.

Acupuncture turned my second at 38 weeks. I was desperate as I was told I could only have a homebirth if he turned. Hope all goes well regardless of how she chooses to exit.

Pregnancy sucks (I know some love it but not me). I’ve had a cs and natural birth and my cs was a dream with a far faster recovery. My natural birth was pretty traumatic. However baby comes, go easy on yourself.

Not that it will be much help to you at the moment but my second child was exactly the same and it was only at the very last minute that the little blighter turned. The midwives couldn't believe he'd done it. I had him in 2 hours too.

Look up hypnobirthing and changing baby's positioning. It uses a sheet/towel

You are angry with baby
And probably with yourself
And that is perfectly normal and fine.
Just acknowledge it and move on

focus on the end result.

Reflexology worked for me (even though I didn’t believe in it).

Oh come on @Malbecfan . Your post was quite funny.

At 36 weeks, rage in any form is totally NOT unreasonable! I hope the little monkey turns for you, but as a voice of experience, ask for a scan to check. My 4th baby was breech at 36 weeks and they told me she'd turned when I was in labour but 24 hours later, they went to put a clip on her head to check her heart rate and found her bottom! She hadn't turned at all and was still breech, cue an emergency c section! That's the last thing you'd need with your condition so get them to just make sure. Good luck with everything x

Sending hugs @Hungryfrogs23

You, hungrytadpole, need to be good for your mother. Head down, push with your tail.

Sounds like Perdita would be a fitting name...

Just to warn you that their behaviour in utero is exactly the same as the big wide world. Mine was stubborn, very late and wouldn’t get in the right position. In life they are stubborn, always late and fannying around and sleep in weird positions that usually intrude in personal space.

Good luck when she’s born! 😂

Don’t know if they still do it but the doctors manually turned me when my mum was 38 weeks pregnant with me.

Apparently it was most unpleasant and painful. Afterwards my mum nearly reached the car park before I went “errr no - I don’t think so!” and turned back again.

Soz mum!

Op, I get it.

I have a clotting disorder which meant I was on blood thinners so surgery was extra risky for me too. I ended up with an emergency c section with my eldest, and an elective with my youngest.

I have major health anxiety and white coat syndrome/fear of anything medical.

Thet absolutely will give you drugs to help you relax during surgery. I had major anxiety throughout both my c-sections (funnily enough, the elective was actually worse!) and they gave me anti anxiety meds through my drip which had me disassociate for a few minutes at a time - it really helped. My recovery was not bad either time.

I have not got the exact same experience as you but my children are both miracle rainbow babies after many losses. A c section is actually the safest mode of delivery for baby (although is slightly less safe for mother)

Have you aired your concerns to a midwife?

Haven’t read the full thread.

My take on it is this. The way your daughter is, is how she is. She’s a baby and pregnancy is pretty crap, shit happens for everybody one way or another.

Why you would put yourself through breach/potential emergency caesarean is beyond me. I had emergency caesarean, after gruelling labour due to position of baby and I wish I had been lucky enough to have been offered elective. It was horrific.

If you have the option of elective then take it, for goodness sake you won’t be even knocked out, it’s done in a matter of minutes.

I’ve had a few major ops for gynae, caesarean was by far the easiest recovery, I was standing up the night baby was born.

And it’s only 6wks not being able to drive, where are you going to be going with a newborn anyway?!

Seriously, I think you need to stop being precious about it and worked up over something so transitory.

You’ll have your daughter so who cares what needs to be done to get her here.

Please try and relax and go with the flow, honestly a caesarean is not half as big a deal as it’s cracked up to be. Take care of yourselves.

I do understand how frustrating it is; and I still feel a bit irritated with DC for not turning but it is what it is. It was worth it.

In subsequent babies they turn later so there's still hope.

Thanks all, your encouragement and general words of support and nice stories of elective sections is actually going a long way to making me feel a bit calmer/happier.
I just want us both to be safe, however that has to happen.
It's just hard because I think at this stage, general fear and anxiety is kicking in anyway even without the change of plans. Massive solidarity to all who say induction was awful too, my first was induced and it took 4 days of labour, her heart rate dropping suddenly, theatre and forceps (with LOTS of stitches for me!) to finally wrench her out. But you're right, it all fades pretty quickly afterwards.
I just want her here, having cuddles. I need to try to relax I think or I will drive myself insane over the next couple of weeks!!
Oh and I love the nickname @SleepingStandingUp

Come on Hungrytadpole - we can do this!

My first turned the night after a session of acupuncture and moxibustion. No idea if it was related or coincidence.
mind you, when she turned she broke the waters and I didn’t go into labour so had to be induced in the end…
Good luck!

Yeah, your anger and frustration is a bit misplaced. It's not your baby's fault she's part of a high risk pregnancy. She didn't choose this. Don't put it on her. You don't want to start your lives together feeling resentment.

Any direction except the proper one. I literally give her life, oxygen, food, energy, waste disposal, warmth, fluids, and she can't do her ONE job?! FACE THE EXIT.
sorry OP but that made me laugh.
I hope she turns soon and everything goes well!
Oh and YANBU!

Try acupuncture... my sister - who so did not believe in it - was given it on hte NHS 24 years ago one or two days before giving birth .... the baby got into the right position from breech.....

If it makes you feel any better (possibly not) DC1 was a model baby and facing down, perfect position, then I got induced and before I could get to pushing stage she ended up being ‘brow presentation’ so she was looking up towards the exit rather than having her head tucked into her chin. So I had to have a section. So you just never know what might happen anyway. At least with an elective section it would be a lot calmer and more controlled. Hope you get the kind of birth you want though

My pain in the arse third baby did exactly the same. I had him turned by ECV so I didn’t have to have an CS and the wee bastard turned back. He’s still stubborn and pig headed.

Listen @Hungryfrogs23 all three of mine were elective c/sections. DC#1 was just too big for my pelvis to handle and the other two were a pound or more bigger. It's not the worst thing in the world when you hear about all the issues following a vaginal birth. After years of infertility, I wouldn't have cared if they had brought DC1 out my nose!!! Also had two m/c before DC3.

From all you say about your own health, it sounds to me as a complete layperson that the elective might be best all round?

Just remember she is going to grow up to be a selfish teen, and a dismissive adult lol!! Just get her out safely however you have to do it xx