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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Im probably being U but...

93 replies

legalseagull · 30/04/2023 19:37

Myself and DH sage 2 young kids 4 and 5

I work PT and he works FT clearly earning more.

We both keep £200 'pocket money' and everything else goes in the joint account which feels very fair and works well.

Last month I worked overtime over the Easter bank holiday. I don't need to, but I was covering for someone. I got an extra £300. Put it all in the joint account.

He's just won £300 on a bet and is delighted.

I don't expect him to put it in the JA but I am pretty peeved that he doesn't think I should have kept the overtime money. He thinks it's completely different.

I say - he's used his 'pocket money' to make a bet so should keep the winnings, but equally, I've used my bank holiday so should be able to keep some of it (not all, as he still had to care for the kids)

AIBU to think it's a similar situation and I should be able to keep some
Overtime pay for myself if I do it?

OP posts:
Iloveacurry · 30/04/2023 19:39

Withdraw £300 from the joint account.

Fatandfunny · 30/04/2023 19:40

It’s a bad day when you’re marriage is reduced to arguing about 300 quid.

Fatandfunny · 30/04/2023 19:41

However I agree with him, he earns more than you and puts more in, this time you earned a bit more. So should put it in.

earnings v his winnings for me are different.

rainraingoawaay · 30/04/2023 19:41

The extra money you put into the joint account - did he tell you to? Or did you just decide to?

I kinda see his point, if he spent some of his monthly money on a scratch card and won, then surely that's just extra bonus money for the month?

Him winning on a scratch card and getting cash is a bit different to you working to cover for someone else (as you said, childcare etc).

Original poster
legalseagull · 30/04/2023 19:42

Fatandfunny · 30/04/2023 19:40

It’s a bad day when you’re marriage is reduced to arguing about 300 quid.

We're not arguing.

OP posts:
Botw1 · 30/04/2023 19:43

Either you both keep your 300 each or neither of you do.

wildfirewonder · 30/04/2023 19:44

If you usually pool money other than your £200 then the winnings should be pooled too IMO.

Original poster
legalseagull · 30/04/2023 19:45

I put the money in without us talking about it. We've got a lot of expenses coming out at the minute so needed it.

I don't want his money, I'm happy for him for winning, but maybe in the future I should keep some overtime pay for myself too - he doesn't think I should.

OP posts:
rainraingoawaay · 30/04/2023 19:46

legalseagull · 30/04/2023 19:45

I put the money in without us talking about it. We've got a lot of expenses coming out at the minute so needed it.

I don't want his money, I'm happy for him for winning, but maybe in the future I should keep some overtime pay for myself too - he doesn't think I should.

So he earns more and puts more into the account and you earn less and put less in - but both get the same monthly spending budget.

Surely if you actually go out and "earn" more (by working not winning scratch tickets!) then that should be contributed - he doesn't have a choice to keep back some earnings?

TheSnowyOwl · 30/04/2023 19:47

I think you should have said you would be keeping your overtime money but presumably it has gone towards the household bills for you all that he otherwise pays more of?

MayDayMay · 30/04/2023 19:49

I’d take out the £300 and not get interested a discussion about it.

naemates · 30/04/2023 19:52

OP presumably does childcare in addition to her PT work

Original poster
legalseagull · 30/04/2023 19:53

Interesting mixed opinions thank you.

I don't really think about him paying in more, because he doesn't work harder than me. He works 9-5 and I work 9-3 and then pick the kids up so have childcare. I feel like we work equally.

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 30/04/2023 19:55

if he loses money in a bet, does he get reimbursed from the joint account? If so, his winnings go into the joint account

mrsm43s · 30/04/2023 19:56

If all earnings go in the pot, then all earnings go in the pot, including your overtime. He works more days than you every single week, and doesn't keep that extra money to himself because he's worked several hours (days?) "overtime" compared to the number of hours you've worked!

The bet is his windfall to keep, although personally I'd use it to benefit the whole family, especially if money is tight.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/04/2023 19:58

I agree with him, overtime is work, you pool all your work money. Overtime, inheritance do as you wish.

Original poster
legalseagull · 30/04/2023 19:59

mrsm43s · 30/04/2023 19:56

If all earnings go in the pot, then all earnings go in the pot, including your overtime. He works more days than you every single week, and doesn't keep that extra money to himself because he's worked several hours (days?) "overtime" compared to the number of hours you've worked!

The bet is his windfall to keep, although personally I'd use it to benefit the whole family, especially if money is tight.

But Im not say around sipping champagne for those extra two hours a day - im picking up and looking after our kids - therefore allowing him to work

OP posts:
GoodChat · 30/04/2023 20:00

But Im not say around sipping champagne for those extra two hours a day - im picking up and looking after our kids - therefore allowing him to work

Presumably he looked after the kids over the bank holiday when you worked?

SquirrellyTheSquirrel · 30/04/2023 20:02

For the love of all that’s holy, let the man enjoy his winnings.

Surely you can’t be this petty over £300?

Original poster
legalseagull · 30/04/2023 20:02

GoodChat · 30/04/2023 20:00

But Im not say around sipping champagne for those extra two hours a day - im picking up and looking after our kids - therefore allowing him to work

Presumably he looked after the kids over the bank holiday when you worked?

Yes, which is why I don't think it should keep all of it. I'd like to have kept maybe £100 and put £200 in the JA

OP posts:
Original poster
legalseagull · 30/04/2023 20:03

SquirrellyTheSquirrel · 30/04/2023 20:02

For the love of all that’s holy, let the man enjoy his winnings.

Surely you can’t be this petty over £300?

I've said I want him to enjoy it. I hope he treats himself. I'm just saying when I get some extra money I should also be able to keep some to myself

OP posts:
Botw1 · 30/04/2023 20:03

legalseagull · 30/04/2023 20:02

Yes, which is why I don't think it should keep all of it. I'd like to have kept maybe £100 and put £200 in the JA

Show quote history

Then why didn't you?

Original poster
legalseagull · 30/04/2023 20:07

He definitely would have been pissed off and has since said all my overtime should go in the JA

OP posts:
FiveShelties · 30/04/2023 20:07

If he had lost 300 would you have wanted him to take it from the joint account?

Original poster
legalseagull · 30/04/2023 20:09

FiveShelties · 30/04/2023 20:07

If he had lost 300 would you have wanted him to take it from the joint account?

He would never bet that. He does £10 accumulators maximum.

OP posts: