Im probably being U but...

[legalseagull]

Myself and DH sage 2 young kids 4 and 5

I work PT and he works FT clearly earning more.

We both keep £200 'pocket money' and everything else goes in the joint account which feels very fair and works well.

Last month I worked overtime over the Easter bank holiday. I don't need to, but I was covering for someone. I got an extra £300. Put it all in the joint account.

He's just won £300 on a bet and is delighted.

I don't expect him to put it in the JA but I am pretty peeved that he doesn't think I should have kept the overtime money. He thinks it's completely different.

I say - he's used his 'pocket money' to make a bet so should keep the winnings, but equally, I've used my bank holiday so should be able to keep some of it (not all, as he still had to care for the kids)

AIBU to think it's a similar situation and I should be able to keep some
Overtime pay for myself if I do it?

Lesson learned for next time then OP. 🥰

Does he keep to himself 1/3 of the extra money he earns in the extra two hours each day that he works while you're doing childcare?

Either money that one parent earns whilst the other parent does childcare goes in the pot or it doesn't. You can't expect it all to go in the pot when he's earning it, but for you to keep some or all of it to yourself when you're earning it.

The bet winnings is a separate issue, and is his to keep (unless he was gambling with family money rather than his own spends).

^ This

He won his £300.00, you worked a BH for yours. You should both keep your £300.00 to spend on yourselves or you both put it in the pot.

Absolutely fine if he also gets to keep the extra money he earns by working more hours than OP week in week out. But that's not the way this family seem to work. There seems to be a (entirely reasonable IMO) arrangement that money earned whilst one parent does childcare and the other parent works is jointly earned money and goes in the family pot. So IMO OP's overtime should go in the family pot, just as the money her DH earns from working an extra 2 hours every day goes in the family pot. Her OP was doing childcare to enable OP to work, just as she does on the extra hours he works - a joint effort - and money should be for the family.

Yes, which is why I don't think it should keep all of it. I'd like to have kept maybe £100 and put £200 in the JA

Does he keep a third of his earnings while you're looking after the children?

You keep the extra £300 you earned. That’s very fair.

It’s completely different. If he bet his personal money and won then it’s his. Sure it might be nice for him to do something joint with it or go for a meal but I don’t think it has to automatically go in the joint.
It’s not the same as you working an extra shift when you currently work part time.

By that logic the OPs husband should keep everything he earns above the OP since “he worked for it”.

They are both one off rare occurrences I think I would just keep the £300. In fact I don't think I would put it up for discussion tbh. Xx

My view is - if he won £300 then it would be nice if he did something to treat the family with it.

Day out, meal - something like that, then banks the rest.

So sure, if he's got an eye on a pair of trainers he should go for it, but probably be nice if he also took you all out for a meal and the cinema etc aswell.

When you were working overtime, he was watching the kids - your overtime is income, his was winnings - they are different.

My 2p worth - both amounts are "bonus" money. Both should go into the joint pot then as a treat - split in thirds - one third to your account, one third to his account and one third to your joint savings for the future.

What if one of you won a big life changing sum on a lottery ticket bought from your personal accounts? How would you expect to deal with that?

I'm with your DH.
You earned money while he did childcare, it goes in the family pot.
He earns money while you do childcare, it goes in the family pot.

The winnings are different but I I know my DH would ask me what I wanted us (as a family) to do with it.

When I've won £20 on the lotto, i keep it. IF i won £300 say, i 100% would share that with the family.
People saying oh he works longer than you, but has same disposable money - what a load of shit!! Marriage means sharing everything and divorce starts at 50/50 remember?
OP has said numerous times, she works by watching the kids after school. Is his paid employment worth more than her unpaid? I'd say not, with the amount of threads started about the costs of childcare! And if you believe that, well all SAHM should get nothing but child benefit money, as the husbands work for THEIR money. And if over the threshold for CB well just tough. Maybe the hardworking DHs can bung a tenner at their non working wives 🤨
OP, i think you should have kept like £100 of your OT money, but you put it in the joint. Can you not discuss this with him and come to a compromise? Also, if money was so tight your OT money had to go into the account, then surely the same rules should apply to him??

This is fucking nuts, it's £300 not £30,000. He bet his own personal allowance, he got lucky. Let the man have something for himself for once.

He was doing childcare whilst she was working (just as she does whilst he works the extra two hours a day), so the money she earned was enabled by the effort of both of them, and should go in the family pot, just as the money earned by him in the extra 2 hours a day whilst she does childcare goes in the family pot. His unpaid employment is no less valuable than her paid employment in just the same way as her unpaid employment is no less valuable than his paid employment. Any money earned when both parents are working (one out of the home and one providing childcare) is joint money surely? Why should the rules differ based on the sex of the person working and the person providing childcare?

Love it when the first response nails it 👏

Please take a stand and take out that £300, OP. Do it now!

Surely this is only an issue if you aren’t each allowed to use the JA as joint money when you need it?! My DH and I both keep the same spends as you - £200 each and the rest goes in the pot. I work half a day less and earn quite a bit less in general.

However if he wanted to go and spend £100 from the JA on clothes or something personal for him I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. Neither would he if it was for me. Because we both know £200 a month isn’t enough for us to do any proper spends from if needed. New shoes/clothes/toiletries quickly eats into that money leaving none for nights out etc.

Essentially it isn’t policed. It’s all joint money. Just some stays in my account and some in his. We also happily pay for a top up shop or taxi or whatever from personal accounts. It’s all our money, it’s just divided a bit and that is mainly so we can do presents for each other etc. wouldn’t it just be easier and nicer to have money everyone can spend without having to earmark it as yours or theirs?

Why should she?

He provided childcare to enable her to work - joint money in the same way as she provides childcare to enable him to work an extra 2 hours a day the money from which goes into the joint pot.

TBH if I was OP's DH and she did this to me, I'd start keeping all my wages earned in the extra 2 hours a day I was working to myself. Because money earned when one parent is working and one is providing childcare is either joint money or it isn't.

Appears neither of us are BU as there's a split in opinion, just like there is between us.

I never said their sex had anything to do with it!!
I said that people stating woe is him for working 2 additional hours and yet not getting to keep the extra were talking shit! I pointed out that that's not how marriage works.
She gave up a bank holiday to work for the extra money and then put it into the joint pot. He wins 300 for no extra effort and gets to keep it. I was questioning the fairness surrounding that arrangement. And god forbid he had to watch the kids for an extra day when he works full time so sees them less anyway - what a hardship.

AND i suggested they come up with a compromise that would leave them both happy. In addition to OP reference to money being tight, i queried why he would keep the money if that was the case.

You're welcome.

And then she should start billing him for the 2 hours extra she's watching them a day.

We've got a lot of expenses coming out at the minute so needed it.

his behaviour sounds very selfish to me, especially in this context.

And he could bill her for the hours he spent looking after the children whilst she earned her overtime!

That's my whole point. Money earned when one person is providing childcare, enabling the other to work in paid employment is jointly earned money and therefore family money. OP thinks this is the case when she provides childcare for her OH to work and feels equally entitled to the money he earns, but thinks that when her OH is providing childcare for her to work that she should selfishly keep some or all of the money earned by their joint efforts all to herself.

To be honest, as the lowest earner, OP benefits massively from the "all joint money in the pot" approach that they currently have. But she actually seems to think that his earned money (whist she provides childcare) should be joint, but her earned money (whilst he provides childcare) should be partially or wholly for her alone and not family money.

I do think that if I won £300 my first thought would be to treat the family to something. But that doesn't negate the fact that his win is his money, whilst money earned by her whilst he provided childcare is family money.