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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be annoyed at my sister using my phone

94 replies

OhThatChicken · 30/04/2023 09:15

I’m not furious, just irked. Maybe even just strongly miffed. But I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday and am now wondering if I’m being OTT for how much I keep coming back to it.

Hosted a family party for a big birthday yesterday. My sister came along but her DP wasn’t able to make it.

Once the food had been eaten, the kids were playing in the garden with water pistols and there ended up being a bit of ‘taking on the grown ups’ team thing with my sister, BIL and DH basically being set upon my DC and various cousins. All really lovely, lots of laughter, good natured fun.

I largely kept out of it but took some pictures at various points including a couple of photos of my sister with her water pistol.

She asked me to send them to her so she could send them to DP and I said I would but the game was ongoing so I didn’t do it immediately. A few minutes later she asked if she could see them, I opened my photo reel and showed her, she started scrolling through them and we were laughing at them.

DS fell over and scraped his arm, so I nipped over to pick him up and check he was ok while she was still looking at the phone. It took basically a minute, he was fine, she gave me my phone back afterwards.

A while later once we’d all sat down / dried off / had cake she mentioned in passing her DP thought he needed to buy her a water pistol as she was having so much fun. I said ‘oh, I’ll send those photos over so you can send them to him’ and she matter-of-factly said ‘oh no it’s fine I sent them all to myself from your phone on WhatsApp and sent them on.’

Checking WhatsApp later she had indeed sent herself all the photos I'd taken - not just of her but also the kids/everyone else.

I didn’t say anything about it at the time (and even after the fact I’ll not mention it to her because she has a tendency in the family to (a) push boundaries and (b) cause drama that I just can’t be arsed to get involved in or kickstart by mentioning it to her.

But AIBU to find it an invasion of privacy? DH and I know each other’s phone codes but I wouldn’t even do that with his phone without asking first.

To be clear, we have a locked family photo stream thing and I'd have added most of them to it anyway a bit later, we were just wrangling kids/hosting etc so I didn't do it immediately.

Posting on mobile so I can’t enable a poll sadly but I’m intrigued to know other people’s perspectives on phone privacy. I definitely won’t be passing her my phone again any time soon.

OP posts:
strawberryfluff · 30/04/2023 09:18

If it were my sister I'd not be annoyed - photos from that current event fine. If she's gone back through my photos snooping then yeah I'd be a bit annoyed.

Awrite · 30/04/2023 09:19

It wouldn't bother me.

I imagine your sister might not take kindly to you doing it to her though. Just the impression I get.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 30/04/2023 09:20

But realistically you left her with the phone in the first place to go and help your son. She then sent herself pics that you were going to send anyway and upload to a stream.

I don't get on with my sister so she'd never have the opportunity to have my phone alone but if we did get on, I doubt id be bothered by this situation.

If she'd sent other photos you weren't happy about then yes, but from what you've described, no.

AuntMarch · 30/04/2023 09:25

It takes seconds to share a photo via WhatsApp, I don't really know why you didn't just do it as you were scrolling through together anyway, as she was there to say which she would like. Makes sense to me that she just did it while they were open rather than you have to go back through again later. She sent pictures you had said you were going to send anyway, and shared them with her husband. I cannot see what is wrong with that at all!

Waitingforsummertocome · 30/04/2023 09:25

I wouldn’t be too bothered to be honest

BonnieGlasses · 30/04/2023 09:25

It wouldn't bother me if my sister did this. It's a bit weird, but ultimately no big deal.

NerrSnerr · 30/04/2023 09:27

It wouldn't have bothered me. She wouldn't have needed to actually go into your WhatsApp account to do it, just from the photos themselves.

CuriousGeorge80 · 30/04/2023 09:28

This feels like a nothing - wouldn’t even occur to me that it should bother me. Is there some background on your relationship which makes you feel this way?

CuriousGeorge80 · 30/04/2023 09:29

(You know you click on the photos you want to send and then send them via WhatsApp, you don’t need to go into WhatsApp - so she didn’t need to access anything other than the photos you had already accessed)

Pahpahpotato · 30/04/2023 09:30

Non-issue imo. You gave her your phone to look at and you left that with her, she only really sent photos you’d have sent anyway.

QuizzlyBear · 30/04/2023 09:30

I wouldn't be bothered in this instance - you gave her the phone, you showed her the photos, then happily left her looking through.

As PPs said, if she'd sent herself photos outside of those you'd just taken, that would be taking the piss, but she just sent what you would have anyway to save time. No drama.

Are you maybe a bit over-sensitive due to her previous behaviour?

Swellinyewing · 30/04/2023 09:31

I would be glad she saved me from
doing it! Absolutely no idea why anyone would see a problem with it all!

Gladlynot · 30/04/2023 09:33

It wouldn’t bother me, I would have been sending her them anyway.

Erex · 30/04/2023 09:33

I thought you were going to say she sent more photos other than the ones you took on the day.
I don't see a problem, saved you doing it.

Forgetaboutme · 30/04/2023 09:34

This wouldn't bother me at all. Sounds like something i might even do if someone passed me their phone to show me pics I wanted a copy of. I would ask obviously but in this occasion i get that since you'd already discussed sending them she just went ahead and did it.

Curseofthenation · 30/04/2023 09:35

It wouldn't bother me at all.

mycatsanutter · 30/04/2023 09:41

Wouldn't bother me , I thought you were going to say she had started looking at your messages

Pinkdelight3 · 30/04/2023 09:43

This isn't a big deal at all. She was already using your phone with your permission to look at the pix and she sent them to herself. She wasn't snooping. She's your sister. It was a happy occasion. Don't give this another thought.

CurlewKate · 30/04/2023 09:46

It wouldn't bother me. As a very Mumsnetty non sequitur, if your dp was what we call "duty parent" why did you need to go and check the one that fell over?

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 30/04/2023 09:52

Eh, you have her your unlocked phone and then buggered off. I can see why she'd think she was ok to WhatsApp the photos to herself.

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 30/04/2023 09:54

I would be happy it saved me a job. Were you hoping to gatekeep the other photos?

greyhairnomore · 30/04/2023 09:54

Wouldn't bother me at all.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/04/2023 09:56

That wouldn't bother me at all. If I passed her the phone to show her the pictures I was going to send her anyway, why wouldn't she just forward them to herself?

RosieCockle · 30/04/2023 09:57

Your privacy has not been invaded.

SBHon · 30/04/2023 09:58

She’s only looking at what you had already shown her and were going to send her anyway How is that an invasion of privacy?

She’ll have sent the photos straight from them, not opened anything else like WhatsApp to do so. Are you mistakenly concerned that she’ll have opened that and been reading your messages or something?