AIBU to be annoyed at my sister using my phone

[OhThatChicken]

I’m not furious, just irked. Maybe even just strongly miffed. But I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday and am now wondering if I’m being OTT for how much I keep coming back to it.

Hosted a family party for a big birthday yesterday. My sister came along but her DP wasn’t able to make it.

Once the food had been eaten, the kids were playing in the garden with water pistols and there ended up being a bit of ‘taking on the grown ups’ team thing with my sister, BIL and DH basically being set upon my DC and various cousins. All really lovely, lots of laughter, good natured fun.

I largely kept out of it but took some pictures at various points including a couple of photos of my sister with her water pistol.

She asked me to send them to her so she could send them to DP and I said I would but the game was ongoing so I didn’t do it immediately. A few minutes later she asked if she could see them, I opened my photo reel and showed her, she started scrolling through them and we were laughing at them.

DS fell over and scraped his arm, so I nipped over to pick him up and check he was ok while she was still looking at the phone. It took basically a minute, he was fine, she gave me my phone back afterwards.

A while later once we’d all sat down / dried off / had cake she mentioned in passing her DP thought he needed to buy her a water pistol as she was having so much fun. I said ‘oh, I’ll send those photos over so you can send them to him’ and she matter-of-factly said ‘oh no it’s fine I sent them all to myself from your phone on WhatsApp and sent them on.’

Checking WhatsApp later she had indeed sent herself all the photos I'd taken - not just of her but also the kids/everyone else.

I didn’t say anything about it at the time (and even after the fact I’ll not mention it to her because she has a tendency in the family to (a) push boundaries and (b) cause drama that I just can’t be arsed to get involved in or kickstart by mentioning it to her.

But AIBU to find it an invasion of privacy? DH and I know each other’s phone codes but I wouldn’t even do that with his phone without asking first.

To be clear, we have a locked family photo stream thing and I'd have added most of them to it anyway a bit later, we were just wrangling kids/hosting etc so I didn't do it immediately.

Posting on mobile so I can’t enable a poll sadly but I’m intrigued to know other people’s perspectives on phone privacy. I definitely won’t be passing her my phone again any time soon.

It’s a non - issue. She was already on your phone looking at the photos (with you). She only chose the photos & hit share/send.

If you have a regular sibling relationship I can’t see the problem.

i wouldnt mind

I have been a royalist leaning person most of my life. I actually prefer a random person, by act of birth, being the powerless figure head of our nation. Doing the random shit stuff with visiting dignatories. The other option, an elected president, is , imho, fraught with all the power corruption risks that follow presidents around and are political whims . The very people who’d go into presidential election are, imho, the very worst people to actually do that job 🤷🏼‍♀️. At least we have a series of kings and queens of late that appear t be les# than keen on the job and , whilst very very wealthy have very str No resitrictuons on abuses of power.

but, even I’m a tad alarmed by the way charles is miss reading the room. We have worst cost of living crisis in decades, the nation is angry, pissed off, diallusioned with the way the country is run, and Charles wants to splash £millions up the wall on a elitist ceremony . It should have been massively paired back, and he should, at least, have paid a significant contribution to certain aspects of the ceremony itself.

now this edict- no, no, no. Reeks of USA citizens swearing allignece to the flag. Charles and the AoC or whoever has dreamed this up, need to take a long look at what happened to Charles 1. The revolution (ok, we’re british and politely call it a civil war ), firmly set precedent that the powers of the monarch are limited and that we owe nothing as citizens to our monarch. We have but a constitutional monarchy. They do not rule us. Government and parliament rule us (god forbid at the moment 🤦‍♀️🤣). Yes, we can commit treason by killing the monarch, or various other monarchy type offence, but we do not ever since the revolution swear alligence to the monarch. We leave that to the monarch’s cronies (peers) that benefit in their positions of power and the monarch wants their commitment to his position to do that.

I was actually really shocked to read this. If it wasn’t acceptable in the 1950s after a horrible war and general support for monarchy and an empire, while the hell do they think, given what’s going on now, this was ever a remotely acceptable thing to suggest? Sounds like desperate wokiness idea to help everyone engage and be energised with the event like a sing-a-long at a concert. Badly judged.

and has actually put me off even tuning in out of vague interest and historic event type reasons.

Maybe not privacy, but confidentiality has been breeched. I would not expect anyone to use my phone like that and I'd have made that clear.

😱😱😱🤦‍♀️wrong post

Non-issue.

I wouldn’t care at all. She wanted the photos from the event and you left her with your phone. She saved you a job.

Wouldn't bother me. Neither of us are precious over our phones.

It’d only bother me if I had something to hide on the phone - I can’t see the issue personally

Yeah, it wouldn't bother me at all.

@JudgeRudy
I don't see in what way confidentiality was breached. They were photos she was freely being shown.

A sibling or close friend doing this wouldn’t bother me. Given it’s a family event, I don’t see how any of the pictures were ones that couldn’t be shared either.

However, my views on it aren’t really what’s important here. You feel as if your privacy has been breached so moving forward keep your phone away from her, locked and with a code she doesn’t know.

How have you got the head space to be bothered by this. She's your sister not the FBI! 🙄

I would feel a bit invaded.

I recreated the sharing and when you get to WhatsApp then it shows all my most used chats -so groups and people.

Would everyone be happy for someone to see all those group names -could be a family chat that sister isn't in or something called "surprise party for xyz". Even "health condition support group"

And she'd have to search to find her name - maybe under sister or name, again showing contacts/groups.

Would probably be fine but still a small breAch of privacy.

You could also say its weird that people won't be patient and wait.

Everyone's obsessed about photographing every little thing these days.

She didn't volunteer the info either, only said it when she was asked.
My phone is my phone and I wouldn't really want anyone doing this. You don't know what they are looking at.

Be patient or use your own phone.

This is a good point. I am different things to different people, I wouldn’t want my family seeing my exchanges with friends.

To be clear you don't see the chats when you go to share via WhatsApp just group names.

But no need for sister to know you call hubby "big boy" or your most regular contact is "therapist Joan"

Totally normal yabu

You left her with your phone unlocked, you can’t be too worried about your privacy

yeah I wouldn't see an issue with it. It would be different if she'd picked up your phone when you were away, bypassed security and sent them to herself without asking but you had given her the phone and agreed she could have the photos, so why does it matter who sent them over?

It's a bit like you agreeing she could take leftovers home, you're both putting things away in the fridge - you turn to do something else and she boxes up the stuff you agreed she could take rather than waiting for you to do it. It would be weird if she just randomly went to your fridge or took stuff without you agreeing - but you had agreed so she was just saving the effort for both of you by doing it herself at a convenient time rather than waiting until later.

If I was so concerned about my sister seeing anything on my phone (I'm not) then I would never leave my phone unlocked in her presence, never mind actively leave her with it and walk away.

I trust my sister 100% not to go snooping on my phone but if she did she'd find nothing I wouldn't mind her seeing, and if there was stuff I didn't want her seeing then I would definitely not leave my phone unattended in her presence.

I think this hinges on the relationship between the two sisters.

I didn’t say anything about it at the time (and even after the fact I’ll not mention it to her because she has a tendency in the family to (a) push boundaries and (b) cause drama that I just can’t be arsed to get involved in or kickstart by mentioning it to her.

If sisters get on well no problem. This sounds like the sister is someone who always wants her own way and will make sure she causes a fallout if she doesn't get it, so maybe the rest of the family - like the OP says she won't here - don't challenge her to keep the peace. Therefore she gets away with it.

So this may be a very small thing in the wider world, but to OP it's just another example of many where the DSis does what she wants and maybe it's not the straw that breaks the camel's back, but it's one more straw adding to the load.

Which she forwarded to other people from OPs phone. That's effectively sending a message pretending to be someone else. Presumably too she went into OP address book to access these contacts too. The content is irrelevant. It's the act.

It's your sister !? She sent on a few pics it's not like she was nosing through your phone
You Abu

What an unnecessary level of detail!
But no, this wouldn't bother me at all. Not from a close family member anyway.