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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be annoyed at my sister using my phone

94 replies

OhThatChicken · 30/04/2023 09:15

I’m not furious, just irked. Maybe even just strongly miffed. But I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday and am now wondering if I’m being OTT for how much I keep coming back to it.

Hosted a family party for a big birthday yesterday. My sister came along but her DP wasn’t able to make it.

Once the food had been eaten, the kids were playing in the garden with water pistols and there ended up being a bit of ‘taking on the grown ups’ team thing with my sister, BIL and DH basically being set upon my DC and various cousins. All really lovely, lots of laughter, good natured fun.

I largely kept out of it but took some pictures at various points including a couple of photos of my sister with her water pistol.

She asked me to send them to her so she could send them to DP and I said I would but the game was ongoing so I didn’t do it immediately. A few minutes later she asked if she could see them, I opened my photo reel and showed her, she started scrolling through them and we were laughing at them.

DS fell over and scraped his arm, so I nipped over to pick him up and check he was ok while she was still looking at the phone. It took basically a minute, he was fine, she gave me my phone back afterwards.

A while later once we’d all sat down / dried off / had cake she mentioned in passing her DP thought he needed to buy her a water pistol as she was having so much fun. I said ‘oh, I’ll send those photos over so you can send them to him’ and she matter-of-factly said ‘oh no it’s fine I sent them all to myself from your phone on WhatsApp and sent them on.’

Checking WhatsApp later she had indeed sent herself all the photos I'd taken - not just of her but also the kids/everyone else.

I didn’t say anything about it at the time (and even after the fact I’ll not mention it to her because she has a tendency in the family to (a) push boundaries and (b) cause drama that I just can’t be arsed to get involved in or kickstart by mentioning it to her.

But AIBU to find it an invasion of privacy? DH and I know each other’s phone codes but I wouldn’t even do that with his phone without asking first.

To be clear, we have a locked family photo stream thing and I'd have added most of them to it anyway a bit later, we were just wrangling kids/hosting etc so I didn't do it immediately.

Posting on mobile so I can’t enable a poll sadly but I’m intrigued to know other people’s perspectives on phone privacy. I definitely won’t be passing her my phone again any time soon.

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/04/2023 09:58

Or do you mean she sent photos from other days? I wouldn't like someone going through my entire gallery forwarding random photos.

MegaManic · 30/04/2023 10:03

Non-issue for me - would have saved me a job of sending to her via WhatsApp. Do you not want her having pictures of your kids? What is she took some on her own phone?

SunnySaturdayMorning · 30/04/2023 10:04

YABU and creating a problem where there isn’t one.

It’s a pain in the arse having to wait for people to send photos to you. Easier to just do it yourself.

MegaManic · 30/04/2023 10:06

Also, it wouldn't even occur to me that anyone would be annoyed by this - I think if a friend had agreed to send me photos are we were looking though them on her phone and she went off to do something I would send the on to myself to save her a job!

MegaManic · 30/04/2023 10:07

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/04/2023 09:58

Or do you mean she sent photos from other days? I wouldn't like someone going through my entire gallery forwarding random photos.

I don't think that is what the op said - she said photos of other people from the day from what I understood but I stand to be corrected.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/04/2023 10:09

I don't think that is what the op said - she said photos of other people from the day from what I understood but I stand to be corrected.

That's what I understood too, and it wouldn't bother me - I was just thinking there must be something more to it.

LittleFreakJezebel · 30/04/2023 10:13

Completely fine to me and I'd probably do the same in that situation, she's likely not even gone off the photos (just sent them to WhatsApp from your camera roll) so I can't see what the issue is.

JenniferBarkley · 30/04/2023 10:15

I think that's fine because you gave her your phone and had agreed you'd send her the photos. She'll have just shared them from the photo gallery so it's not like she read your messages. All she'll have seen is the photos you gave her access to and your WhatsApp chat with her, which obviously she is familiar with.

Different if she'd picked up your phone and unlocked it.

Sounds like a lovely day, don't let a minor misunderstanding ruin it.

melj1213 · 30/04/2023 10:18

YABU - it wouldn't even register as a thing if one of my siblings had been looking at my phone and sent themselves pictures I'd been planning to send them anyway, tbh I'd probably thank them for saving me from having to remember/do the job later. There's been many occasions at family events of one or other of us has either asked the phone owner for some information that is on their phone and they've just said a variation "I'm busy but my phone's not locked so help yourself". The only time I would be annoyed is of I had specifically said "I'll get it for you in a minute," because there was stuff I didn't want them to see on my phone and they went ahead and took my phone anyway.

You were happy enough to leave your sister with your phone (so you clearly weren't worried about her snooping) and she only sent herself the photos from the day that you were looking at together and that you'd have sent her anyway so what's the issue?

If she had sent herself photos of your family from events she hadn't been at or was nosying in other things then I could see why it would be irksome, but what actually happened was perfectly fine.

It takes seconds to send a few pics over WhatsApp, she was probably looking at them while you were sorting out DS and thought, "Oh I'll just send these to myself now because I really want to send that one of me to DH and since I'm looking at them already it saves OP coming back to do it later"

Grumpypotamus · 30/04/2023 10:19

It wouldn't bother me. Be grateful of your lovely day instead of finding faults.

SquirrellyTheSquirrel · 30/04/2023 10:20

Wouldn’t even think to think about this, tbh.

seven201 · 30/04/2023 10:30

I think I'd have done the same if I were her.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 30/04/2023 10:32

Cheeky not to ask first or just wait. I myself would never do it unless the phone owner gave me the red light to go ahead.

Gothambutnotahamster · 30/04/2023 11:17

This seems a total non-issue to me & seems more like you're looking for offence.

What she did is no big deal to me & me & my friends do it on nights out all the time, so really wouldn't mind if it were a close family member.

UnnamedPoster · 30/04/2023 11:26

Sorry, YABU here.
It's your sister, the photos were all family and she had your phone in her hand. I wouldn't even blink at this, and would probably be glad she saved me the bother.

NadjaCravensworth1 · 30/04/2023 11:45

Tbh it wouldn't even cross my mind to be annoyed. I would do this with any member of me family and would have zero problem with them doing the same. What exactly are you worried/annoyed about? I don't get it

TinaYouFatLard · 30/04/2023 11:54

Total non-issue.

mainsfed · 30/04/2023 11:55

It depends on your relationship with your sister, YANBU to be annoyed though.

I know my sister’s phone and email passwords and have sent pictures from her phone to myself but she doesn’t know my passwords at all. Everyone has different tolerance for privacy.

Royalbloo · 30/04/2023 11:57

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. In fact she's probably done exactly this and I haven't even noticed.

GOW56 · 30/04/2023 11:59

It wouldn't bother me at all. In fact I think my DC have done this with my phone before and I think I may have done it with theirs and with my DH. It doesn't seem to be an issue with us.

RightOnTheEdge · 30/04/2023 11:59

No, I wouldn't care about something like this.

zingally · 30/04/2023 12:02

I wouldn't have an issue with this. Saved you a job.

Ginger1982 · 30/04/2023 12:02

You're being ridiculous. Your phone was obviously unlocked so it's not as if she had to overcome any security and all she did was send the photos. She didn't do anything else. She wouldn't have had time to given you said she had your phone for about a minute.

Greengold123 · 30/04/2023 12:06

YABU - you handed her the phone so not an invasion of privacy.

I find it weird when people take photos, have the phone in their hand and won't press 2 buttons to send on - like they get some weird power trip over being photo custodian.

TellerTuesday · 30/04/2023 12:35

Wouldn't bother me if a family member or even a friend did this to be honest