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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Massive row with DH over me refusing to stay at SILs.

98 replies

Runaway0 · 29/04/2023 13:00

SIL (dhs brothers wife) lives 3 hours away they have 3 kids younger than DD. I haven't gone to stay for a year and half

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 29/04/2023 13:02

Does he want you to randomly visit? Can't he go?

StripeyDeckchair · 29/04/2023 13:02

Why?
What's your issue with her?

GabriellaMontez · 29/04/2023 13:02

Can't he go on his own?

maddening · 29/04/2023 13:02

Why do you not want to stay?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 29/04/2023 13:02

What's your reason for refusing?

CinnabarRed · 29/04/2023 13:02

More information needed…

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 29/04/2023 13:03

Fascinating thread

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 29/04/2023 13:03

Why won't you go and stay?

Laiste · 29/04/2023 13:03

Hotel if you don't want to stay at hers.

Does she come to stay at yours?

Lefteyetwitch · 29/04/2023 13:04

Are you stopping him going with the kids.
If no then he can Foff
He can't tell you what to do.

If you are stopping it then you are being unreasonable and you can't do that

Timeforachangeisitnot · 29/04/2023 13:05

Very sparse on information there OP. Does DH’s brother live there too ? Have you been invited to stay? Is there an occasion coming up ?

But basically, it’s fine not to want to stay with her, but I would go along and stay elsewhere if it helped DH maintain a family relationship he valued.

Original poster
Runaway0 · 29/04/2023 13:08

She's incredibly rude and rinsing DHs elderly parents. FIL went to lie down on a sofa he purchased for them and she said don't do that you will make it smell. They never travel to see us.
They came to visit us once about before the kids were born and were incredibly snobby and entitled.

OP posts:
WheelsUp · 29/04/2023 13:08

Need some more info like why you don't want to stay, if you'd mind your h taking your dd to stay with you and whether SIL comes to yours instead ?

LauderSyme · 29/04/2023 13:09

Does he want you to go and stay for any particular reason or special occasion? Does he feel he can't go either and is missing his sister, or does he go without you but would rather be with his wife too?

Is it the long journey and her young kids putting you off? More details needed please!

Original poster
Runaway0 · 29/04/2023 13:10

Lefteyetwitch · 29/04/2023 13:04

Are you stopping him going with the kids.
If no then he can Foff
He can't tell you what to do.

If you are stopping it then you are being unreasonable and you can't do that

I never stopped it but DD recently refused unless i went along as SIL was rude to her. I've agreed to go I've never mentioned my dislike to dd I usually book shifts over the weekend they go so I have an excuse.

OP posts:
Devoutspoken · 29/04/2023 13:11

Why don't you go and wind her up

TheApplianceofScience · 29/04/2023 13:11

Shocking, you couldn’t make it up.

LauderSyme · 29/04/2023 13:13

cross post

I don't think your DH is being unreasonable to expect you to make an effort with his family even if she's not your favourite person.

Lefteyetwitch · 29/04/2023 13:14

So just say no and stop engaging in an argument.

If he brings it up just say.

I said No.

And go no further. If he argues walk away.

Ponoka7 · 29/04/2023 13:14

Devoutspoken · 29/04/2023 13:11

Why don't you go and wind her up

It isn't a healthy behaviour that you should want to teach your children.

OP, so is he going with you? Why can't you challenge her when she's rude?

LauderSyme · 29/04/2023 13:15

cross post again! DH needs to talk to dd and his sister about this.

knittingaddict · 29/04/2023 13:18

TheApplianceofScience · 29/04/2023 13:11

Shocking, you couldn’t make it up.

😁

Original poster
Runaway0 · 29/04/2023 13:19

LauderSyme · 29/04/2023 13:15

cross post again! DH needs to talk to dd and his sister about this.

It's not his sister it's his brothers wife. The rest of his family is lovely.

OP posts:
blahblahblah1654 · 29/04/2023 13:21

I wouldn't stay either. Your husband can visit my himself if he wants to go that badly.

LauderSyme · 29/04/2023 13:30

Sorry I didn't read carefully enough.

That makes it trickier then. I wouldn't want to visit someone who was rude to my child either! How come DH does want to? Is he willing to address her behaviour, either directly with her or with his brother?

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