Heartbroken and totally let down by education system

[Amatueuragonyaunt]

I'm after advice (and a bit of a vent). Ever since the start of the COVID fiasco, my two children (then 5 and 8 years old) have been totally failed by the state sector. My daughter is bright, but was not being pushed and was losing self confidence because of a lack of feedback and attention, so we moved her to a selective independent school where she is now thriving. The finances were (and are) a stretch, so we left our DS in the state system with the plan to see how things went and then move him at the same age as we moved our daughter (10). However, his needs are at the other end of the spectrum. It became apparent to us during pandemic home learning that there was some issue going on, but it took a further year before the school took it seriously enough to commission an assessment and another year after that before we got the report. It turns out he has severe dyslexia. This came as a both a surprise and not because we had suspected something, but generally his school reports were good with just a few weaker areas. Anyway, fast forward a few months when a load of interventions have supposedly been put in place - we don't feel confident that he's making much progress and we're aware of other children in the class with severe behavioural issues which were taking up the TAs time in entirety (so no support for anyone else). As such, we brought forward our quest to go independent and arranged taster days at a local non-selective school with good SENCO provision. Our boy loved it. However - here's the rub - the school won't offer him a place because he is more than two years behind the other children in that class. Needless to say, he's feeling pretty despondent about it, but what I'm fuming about is how his current school let it get that bad and not even tell us. Everything that has been put in place for him has only come about because we forced the issue and, when we were doing it, we were made to feel like we were overreacting and we're even told that actually our son was a bit lazy. This was before the report came out. This is an 8 year old who has been turned down for entry at a non-selective school that we are prepared to pay for because he is too far behind his peers. How is it that we have to send him in taster days just to find out how bad things are? The fact it's all come to light in a way which has left our son utterly gutted is the final straw. We didn't see it coming so couldn't manage expectations. We now have a situation where one child is flying and getting tons of opportunities while the other is completely shafted and there seems to be nothing we can do about it except give the current school a rocket (and what difference will that make?). To say I am fuming is an understatement. Anyone had similar or have any words of comfort or advice?

PS - the current school is supposedly 'outstanding' according to Ofsted, but it's not worked at all for our kids.

I honestly feel like your child could be in my child's class. We have had nothing but issues since reception, I have been in countless times trying to get support and nothing. Then home learning happened and I noticed the dyslexia, I brought it up with the class teacher and they just said yeah sounds like it, but nothing we'd do for age 7 so not point. I went to see SEN, they assessed and said highly dyslexic in literacy and they'd support- this leaves much to the imagination. They have two badly behaved children on the class so all the time is spent on them and my child is completely overlooked. I am waiting till year 6 to pay for the assessment as I have read that if they aren't done within x period then high schools need another in order to put things in place and we can't afford to spent £800 twice

I agree with everything in this post. The situation is very difficult in state school's.

We have been in a similar situation. I have to say provision for dyslexic children in mainstream settings is (despite the best efforts of teachers) barely exists.

Have you considered a dyslexia specialist school? DC1 attends one and it has been transformative, although they are hard to come by and often independent. You can get funding through EHCP although it usually involves a fight in the courts, which is what we did but absolutely worth it.

DC2 is also ND (but not dyslexic) with above average cognition. He also had similar experience to your child where he began to slide backwards in mainstream, despite being academic. We tried a local private school but I have to say it was a waste of time, they didn’t offer him any suitable support and so now he attends an independent specialist school which is still aspirational for the children but offers a much more flexible approach to help optimise their learning.

Both are making progress in their settings. The idea of specialist schools can be a bit off putting to some but if you can find a good mid-range school for high functioning children then the results can be remarkable.

I second what the previous poster says. DS moved from mainstream primary to a specialist secondary setting. It's the best thing we've done. He has Dyslexia and a language disorder and was treated appallingly in his primary school. He's due to pass all of his GCSES next year which I could never have dreamed of before.

I work in a school (not a teacher). Hellothere54 has said it all and has hit the nail on the head. This is why teachers are striking!

This right here is exactly it and the main reason teachers are currently striking!!

Its heartbreaking.

those of you complaining about teacher strikes, read this thread!!

At the least.

Having worked in and had personal experience of both sectors I would say just because the school claims to be “ non selective” doesn’t mean they want to take all applicants - nor is there any guarantee they will actually give the time and attention your son needs. Some independent schools are actually worse for children with additional needs IF they have a statement/ allowance for 1:1 support or interventions in state school. Obviously at the moment that’s not happening. If you can afford to pay for school redirect the £ towards coaching/ tutoring - especially dyslexia specific or Montessori style interventions. One size doesn’t fit all and just because a school move was v successful for child 1 doesn’t mean will work for your other child. Surely there’s also the issue of whether you’d child is happy, confident and/ or thrives in other areas to factor in? ( sport, music, arts?). At a relatively young age childrens’ development can be extremely asynchronous and I question a brief assessment from an independent school reliably and definitively deciding he is 2 years behind in everything. It’s soon enough to get him the help he deserves and needs - but concentrate on action and support rather than blame.

Can you pay for a tutor and he might be able to catch up so he can then go to the other school?
I'm dyslexic but didn't get diagnosed until year 7. When I started secondary school my reading age was 5 and a half years. My mam couldn't afford a tutor but I fell in love with the Harry Potter franchise and wanted to know what happened after the second movie so I taught myself how to read and within a year I was reading at 12 years. Once I caught up with reading, I had the confidence to participate in class and even answered questions, while before I was scared in case the teacher asked me to read something out. By year 8 I was moved into a higher set and did well in my exams.
Hopefully your son can get the support he needs.

I agree. All three of my DC went to or are currently at private schools. We’ve always said the same, if DC are super smart or average private is fine, but if they need additional support, forget it. We’ve seen many children (that could negatively impact the schools performance rating) be asked to leave over the years. I think I’d go with the private tutor option.

Don't let the opportunity for your child's happiness slip away. If he wants to go to the school he tried just make it happen. Don't be fobbed off. Tell them your child is desperate to attend the school and you will do everything to support him. Ask them to give him a try for a year. If no luck go yo the head or the governors with your story. Never ever give up!

Your son does not have to be 6 years behind to get an ECHP … you just have to prove that his learning is affected by his disability and that school can not support him effectively. He will be assessed and they will decide a level of support he needs… school won’t encourage you to apply because they are obligated by law to provide the funding of the hours awarded.
My friends daughter has just been awarded an EHCP & she certainly isn’t 6 years behind…. She has just dropped from being almost top of her class in juniors to struggling to deal with the senior school environment… she’s been diagnosed with ADHD/autistic spectrum but it only affects her social skills, is very intelligent….. but she needs 1:1 support with her learning to cope in that environment…. Without the extra support she would fall behind.

You can apply for one yourself - type in your local authority and ECHP & go from there…. You’ve nothing to loose.

I advice joining dyslexia support groups on Facebook or looking up charities that will often give advice on these matters.

it’s also probably worth putting in an official complaint about school ‘missing’ this…. It’s quite disgusting that parents have to fight so bloody hard against the system just to get their kids the education they’re legally entitled to!

I've worked in primary schools for years. They're full of wonderful people who want the very best for our children but the system was broken pre-covid and it's way worse now. It's so sad. In a classroom there is far too much to do and expected of 1 teacher and one minimum wage TA (if you're lucky). I also think that we as parents put too much on the schools. Did you know that you're actually responsible for your child's education? And, some children don't progress as quickly as peers despite extra interventions (often happening during subjects they'd enjoy like art, music or pe but that's another issue of mine). I'm fed up of the whole thing and happen to have a child sitting GCSEs which are a whole new level of shit. I'm moving out of education for good.

Entirely depends on the school. There is a huge range of different types of school available within the private sector - some are super supportive to SEN and some are not. The ones that are have much more time and resources to give to individual students and the benefit of smaller class sizes.

To refer to the post you quoted - the school haven’t refused a place, he’s been offered a place in the year below appropriate to his age and current level.

It tends to be the academic private schools that chuck kids out - but that can be as much about behaviour as academic performance, and as much about not working as inherent ability.

Equally, I’ve seen some SEN kids really sink at state schools - both comprehensives and grammars - from lack of support or extensive bullying or both.

My son's new school have basically said he is doing fine, yet when he has tried to write a birthday card he literally cannot do it. I couldn't read a word of it. He is nearly 9.
I am working with him at home to help improve it now but I have a feeling he is also dyslexic and feel very let down by the previous school and current one for not highlighting this sooner.

Yep, welcome to state school education. Unfortunately they aren't set up or equipped for children who are different, it's been the same forever.
I am sorry to hear you're all going through this, it's a shit show.
I went through this with two of my DC's they were both on the spectrum & one was also ADHD. She was moved from school to school & in the end she left with no qualifications & no self esteem.
My 3rd DC was bright, sporty, fitted in perfectly & did very well. I always knew though that if she was different in any way she wouldn't have done so well.
Personally I would get a private tutor as others have said, hopefully catch up with others if that is the issue. The other option is to look at other private schools? See whether they are different. Or commission a private assessment report to see exactly where he is with his education.

4. ECHP - we don't have one. We've been told by the dyslexia tutor (who also does work for the council) the LA won't consider putting this in place until a child is at least six years behind his expected level. We are not prepared to just wait until things are worse.

I can’t imagine being told this and not doing a 2min Google to check that correct

https://www.cellfield.co.uk/ This might help. My good friend Fiona is a brilliant teacher (former head teacher) who left the state system because she knew children were being failed and she did not have the power she needed to effect the change she believed in. Now she gets incredible results with children struggling with dyslexia. Check out her FB page. Fiona is based in Scotland but there are centres throughout the UK I think.
I would also consider taking the place in the year below. It’s really common in independent schools for them to offer a place in the year below. He’ll make new friends, be mature for the year and therefore good at lots of things, such as sport, because of his maturity and it won’t be such a struggle to catch up. I’d be talking him round to this. Good luck.

An outstanding judgement in my experience as an ex teacher simply means they spend a lot of energy trying to tick ofsted boxes and not necessarily doing what is best for individual students - try investing in some quality individual tuition to get him back on track - it will be cheaper than school fees and one to one so boosting his confidence

Hi OP. Your story is exactly ours (and several of my friends): no real problems reported at school and I identified learning difficulties (including dyslexia and working 3 years behind his peers) during homeschooling; I pushed for interventions for my son, which were put in place (and he flourished); but the interventions disappeared as soon as a child with ‘greater’ needs (behavioural rather than cognitive) arrived in the class. So I started to push for the school to apply for an EHCP. They delayed the application by a year, then it took a year to get through the process, but my son is now as happy as they come in an independent specialist school for dyslexia, dyspraxia, dysgraphia and dyscalculia. If you can afford to pay the fees whilst you wait/fight for the EHCP, I’d advise you to identify and visit any local specialist schools and get him into one asap. I do not think a regular private school would be a good fit.

You could have gone to your local authority to ask that they carry out an assessment

Wow, that sucks for your son. Is there a specialist school, not the one you have had a taster day at. But where I live in Sheffield, we have a school that deals with children with SEN needs. It is local authority.
It sounds as he needs to go, when he was assed for dyslexic, what did they say? I am dyslexic and when I got told I was borderline, I could have gone to a specialist school. However my mum decided to let me decide. A six year old child been asked, do you want to stay with your best friend or move to a new school with no friends. So you can guess my choice. I wish now my mum had pushed for the special school. (80's) when I got to secondary school, my mum managed to get me help through school, I was assed as 2 years behind my peers. Sadly a English teacher, who didn't know me or my dyslexia. Didn't think my work was that bad and stopped me going. So I didn't get great grades, so I am stuck in low wage jobs. Sadly SEN kids get a bad deal in school.

You're obviously far more intelligent than me.

up and down the country they are all full. There are children with great need who are still in main stream schools sadly

I'm obviously too thick. Lucky I have you to point it out. I shall try and follow your perfect example in future 🙄