Heartbroken and totally let down by education system

[Amatueuragonyaunt]

I'm after advice (and a bit of a vent). Ever since the start of the COVID fiasco, my two children (then 5 and 8 years old) have been totally failed by the state sector. My daughter is bright, but was not being pushed and was losing self confidence because of a lack of feedback and attention, so we moved her to a selective independent school where she is now thriving. The finances were (and are) a stretch, so we left our DS in the state system with the plan to see how things went and then move him at the same age as we moved our daughter (10). However, his needs are at the other end of the spectrum. It became apparent to us during pandemic home learning that there was some issue going on, but it took a further year before the school took it seriously enough to commission an assessment and another year after that before we got the report. It turns out he has severe dyslexia. This came as a both a surprise and not because we had suspected something, but generally his school reports were good with just a few weaker areas. Anyway, fast forward a few months when a load of interventions have supposedly been put in place - we don't feel confident that he's making much progress and we're aware of other children in the class with severe behavioural issues which were taking up the TAs time in entirety (so no support for anyone else). As such, we brought forward our quest to go independent and arranged taster days at a local non-selective school with good SENCO provision. Our boy loved it. However - here's the rub - the school won't offer him a place because he is more than two years behind the other children in that class. Needless to say, he's feeling pretty despondent about it, but what I'm fuming about is how his current school let it get that bad and not even tell us. Everything that has been put in place for him has only come about because we forced the issue and, when we were doing it, we were made to feel like we were overreacting and we're even told that actually our son was a bit lazy. This was before the report came out. This is an 8 year old who has been turned down for entry at a non-selective school that we are prepared to pay for because he is too far behind his peers. How is it that we have to send him in taster days just to find out how bad things are? The fact it's all come to light in a way which has left our son utterly gutted is the final straw. We didn't see it coming so couldn't manage expectations. We now have a situation where one child is flying and getting tons of opportunities while the other is completely shafted and there seems to be nothing we can do about it except give the current school a rocket (and what difference will that make?). To say I am fuming is an understatement. Anyone had similar or have any words of comfort or advice?

PS - the current school is supposedly 'outstanding' according to Ofsted, but it's not worked at all for our kids.

A lot of promises are made in the run up to an election, but that doesn’t mean they’ll be kept. Labour can’t just remove their charitable status, it’s not their decision. That’s down to the charity commission. When there was a case heard about the charitable status of private schools, private schools won in court.

What’s “causing it all” is an awareness

have you bothered to look in to the shockingly rapid increasing rates of adults being diagnosed as ND ie your peers!

This! This! This! ⬆️

Speaking as a fellow Primary School Teacher. It frustrates & upsets us more than you could imagine.

@izzy2076

The trouble is that teaching staff - who don't read or understand section B of an EHCP - can't distinguish between who is the most needy at an individual level and who is the most disruptive in whole class sessions.

Sometimes the most disruptive are the least needy. And the 'quiet' (ie selectively mute) are the most needy but fly so far under the radar that they are considered 'fine' until it is too late and they fall out of education entirely.

DS1 was failed at primary. Went to specialist after pushy parents got an EHCP and went to tribunal for specialist placement. It was too late.

what I'm fuming about is how his current school let it get that bad and not even tell us. Everything that has been put in place for him has only come about because we forced the issue

Over a decade ago this was our experience as well - only aware there could be issues because of diagnosis in my generation and kept being told it was all fine.

Luckily I could offer home support and MN primary board was fanatic for resource information.

there seems to be nothing we can do about it except give the current school a rocket (and what difference will that make?).

If you have money and little time I'd look at a tutor to support him otherwise -

https://www.soundfoundations.co.uk/

https://www.spelfabet.com.au/ is an Australia site and not really suitable for Uk style pronunciations but she good for resources and background info

Any maths problems - maths factor with some physical rods/numicon

What I wouldn't do is wait on the school to improve matters even with their interventions - I'd be looking to put in support outside school with hope he can catch up - and if he's really 2 years behind I'd expect it to take longer than that to catch up - so I'd be focused on trying to get him where he should be with a view to going private at secondary.

Also look at ways to bolster his confidence - groups/sports etc and keep interest with comics, audio books or https://www.barringtonstoke.co.uk/dyslexic-reluctant-readers/ style books or https://www.readingchest.co.uk/about-us

School are in a bad place at the minute resource wise - but even when they were in a better place we were fobbed off and our concerns dismissed.

We did move schools in end due to work relocation to a supposedly less desirable school that couldn't rely on parental support so much - smaller class sizes were a massive benefit but also we weren't snowed under with busy work homework and there was much less of an expectation we'd fill in gaps. I'm not sure if that would still be the case with all the funding cuts lately - but moving schools may be worth exploring.

I don't think people get that if your child has learning difficulties then school is exhausting so then 'extra' school with a tutor is a massive ask.

This was absolutely an issue how tired they were from school - even now it can be and lack of study leave I do think is adversely affecting DS even now.

I suppose because I was doing it not a tutor it was more possible to little and often but with multiple children needing help it did frequently feel overwhelming but be end of primary they weren't behind anymore and were in strong position for secondary.

I am surprised the teacher didn't pick anything for someone who is 2 years behind. Is it possible for you to hire a tutor and give full support at home, and prepare him for the next academic year.

They did offer him a place in the year below. We would have taken this option, but when we presented it to our son, quiet tears started and he buried his head on my shoulder and wouldn't speak. He has former and existing classmates either at or joining the school in September and is worried about what they would think.

I missed this - honestly I do this and keep a close eye on how he gets on in next year.

@PocketSand I agree with you. I would hope the SENco would have a summary of this information attached to the child's name on the register. With EHCPs being so long, they are often read then filed rather than referred to frequently therefore it's important that the info goes on a one page profile that is approved the the child and parents.

I've read all your posts here and understand the disappointment. Moving on, don't waste a minute further fighting the state school system, you will get no where. There are hundreds of parents just like you but unfortunately they dont have the funds to solve it. You do.. Seize the private school year below offer with both hands and run with it. Its times like now that you put your foot down and make your son go to private school. End of. Then support him there.

Fwiw, both mine go to outstanding selective grammars and both mine are fairly bright. I'm not joking when I say even in my school arena there are failures and the school can't pick up the outliers. They just can't. State education in UK is a shambles tbh and on thin ice.

When you say 'severe dyslexia' do you mean he has a 'spiky profile' e.g. some high scores and some low scores? Or does he have mainly low scores (below 84)?

Personally at home I would focus on his strengths and not push too much on the academic side. I would read to him every evening though and let him see the words as you're reading. Only ask him to read when he is ready to, and only to read things that he is interested in and are accessible to whatever his current reading levels are. Find a good dyslexia tutor who can make learning fun, rather than you trying to help him and him getting upset. It is learning to read that is key. Things like poor spelling can be compensated for with technology.

It is being able to read which makes the other subjects accessible at secondary level. If he cannot get reading fluency, using electronic reader when he's at secondary level and having that as his normal way of working will help.

@izzy2076 who do you think is saying the child is 'fine'? Even GOSH writing directly to the school had no effect. School is a such a short time. Just ignore the problem. Let PIP and ESA provide the funding when school fails. So shortsighted personally and financially.

I've checked out the Sound Foundations site and it looks really good - thank you for the recommendation. I've ordered some of the books and will try and work through them with him. I like the structure and the way it monitors progress. This is one of the things I find really hard about implementing the things the school have sent home - it's hard to see what difference it's making as it doesn't come with targets to know when we've done enough or the ability to have eyes on the wider context. We have also spoken with a specialist dyslexia tutor who has offered an hour a week on a Friday afternoon, either in the school setting or at her home within school hours (assuming the school agree) which helps avoid the very real exhaustion issue of piling on more studying after school - I can then keep my bits to the weekends. So with this and with him having agreed to the taster days in the year below, a plan is starting to fall into place. Hurrah!

What absolutely rubbish. Teachers are professionals used to juggling multiple children with different needs. Just because a child is quiet doesn't mean they get ignored.

I empathise completely. When my son was in yr2 we realised he was at least a year behind. Could barely read, couldn't do any maths and writing was ineligible. The school kept telling us he was working towards, working towards and was a delight with lots of friends. We didn't realise until we saw some of the other work of other students in his year. Moved him to a private school and now he is thriving . Said he used to put his hand up and no one would come to him. It did all start with really bad glue ear which was fixed in reception but the school did fuck all to ensure he caught up. Glad we moved him. Can see definite improvement. He also has a maths tutor and reading tutor each week. I am hoping by the time secodary school comes round, he will at least have caught up

I agree with this. This school doesn’t sound like it has as good an SEN facility and you think.

Unfortunately the most disruptive need dealing with before you can even think of supporting the most needy, I have found out this year. A poor boy in my class spent most of last year hiding under a table thanks to two behaviourally disruptive boys in his class. I’ve only been able to begin to help him according to his EHCP this year when my saintly TA managed to start calming those two disruptive boys down while I was teaching.

It did all start with really bad glue ear which was fixed in reception but the school did fuck all to ensure he caught up

How could they? What would you expect them to do?

I'm glad a plan is coming through now @Amatueuragonyaunt to help your son.

As a primary teacher I want you to know I wish there was more I could do to help children like your DS. There is SEN in my extended family (ASD, ADHD and Dyslexia) so I can understand how it can impact the person and their sense of self.

I do try my best to support (coloured paper and display screen, dyslexia font, take-up/processing time, preferred seating and working partner, visual prompts/supports) but within my class I have 3 diagnosed ASD and 2 on the pathway, 2 suspected ADHD, 1 EAL, 3 with dyslexia, 3 with suspected dyscalculia (not the same 3), a number of children with SS involvement due to home life issues. Any behaviour that is disrupting the class has to be dealt with first, otherwise no-one can learn and this can significantly impact teaching time if no TA is available to support the child having a meltdown. I also have some very able students whose parents will rightly expect that I extend and challenge their learning too.

I frequently end my teaching day knowing I haven't been able to give everyone the best opportunity to reach their academic potential. But my day isn't just teaching academics: it's talking through friendship issues, home life worries, period poverty, making sure some have had breakfast or a break time snack/drink, listening to their funny stories (some kids just want to talk to someone and feel heard), or just being there for them when they are not feeling well. I feel I wear many 'hats' and Teacher is just one of them. I love my job but I come home most days exhausted with not much left of myself to give my own family.

@Coffeeandbourbons what do you mean how could they? They should have identified that he was already behind and put a system in place to help him to catch up. Some sort of intervention. It was too little too late when they finally started to try so do something in yr2

What system though? Sounds like he needed one on one tuition, they don’t have the resources for that

@Coffeeandbourbons and then maybe at the very least they should have told us!!! We thought he was doing just fine for the first 2 years!

Thats really strange yes. Did they lie at parents evenings and in reports and just say he was doing fine?

@Coffeeandbourbons Tbey kept telling us he was working towards .... with little extra detail. Tbey talked a lot about how popular he was and a lovely boy and fitted well in the school and with the routine but everything was 'working towards' but with a positive slant. When the reality was that he was quite far behind

I agree ‘working towards’ and the terminology they use can be really confusing. It’s ordinary meaning would be ‘nearly there’ rather than ‘years behind’. I wonder if now they worry about offending parents so were told to use soapy language that doesn’t benefit the kids