Heartbroken and totally let down by education system

[Amatueuragonyaunt]

I'm after advice (and a bit of a vent). Ever since the start of the COVID fiasco, my two children (then 5 and 8 years old) have been totally failed by the state sector. My daughter is bright, but was not being pushed and was losing self confidence because of a lack of feedback and attention, so we moved her to a selective independent school where she is now thriving. The finances were (and are) a stretch, so we left our DS in the state system with the plan to see how things went and then move him at the same age as we moved our daughter (10). However, his needs are at the other end of the spectrum. It became apparent to us during pandemic home learning that there was some issue going on, but it took a further year before the school took it seriously enough to commission an assessment and another year after that before we got the report. It turns out he has severe dyslexia. This came as a both a surprise and not because we had suspected something, but generally his school reports were good with just a few weaker areas. Anyway, fast forward a few months when a load of interventions have supposedly been put in place - we don't feel confident that he's making much progress and we're aware of other children in the class with severe behavioural issues which were taking up the TAs time in entirety (so no support for anyone else). As such, we brought forward our quest to go independent and arranged taster days at a local non-selective school with good SENCO provision. Our boy loved it. However - here's the rub - the school won't offer him a place because he is more than two years behind the other children in that class. Needless to say, he's feeling pretty despondent about it, but what I'm fuming about is how his current school let it get that bad and not even tell us. Everything that has been put in place for him has only come about because we forced the issue and, when we were doing it, we were made to feel like we were overreacting and we're even told that actually our son was a bit lazy. This was before the report came out. This is an 8 year old who has been turned down for entry at a non-selective school that we are prepared to pay for because he is too far behind his peers. How is it that we have to send him in taster days just to find out how bad things are? The fact it's all come to light in a way which has left our son utterly gutted is the final straw. We didn't see it coming so couldn't manage expectations. We now have a situation where one child is flying and getting tons of opportunities while the other is completely shafted and there seems to be nothing we can do about it except give the current school a rocket (and what difference will that make?). To say I am fuming is an understatement. Anyone had similar or have any words of comfort or advice?

PS - the current school is supposedly 'outstanding' according to Ofsted, but it's not worked at all for our kids.

@DarkVelvetySilkyShiraz i don’t think you’re being very fair.

Teachers are there to teach kids. It’s no longer as simple as simply creating a lesson plan then enacting it any more. They have a million hoops to jump through, mountains of paperwork, there’s been a huge increase in the number of children with ‘needs’ that require consideration. I have family members who teach and they’re all trying to find jobs outside of education. All of them are tired of breaking their backs but being accused by parents of ‘not doing enough’ to support their children. There’s only so much they can do when tasked with the full time education of some 30 children when they’re not properly supported themselves. Schools aren’t really schools any more, they’ve become a kind of quasi social health centre for special needs, mental health and children with bad family set ups. They weren’t designed for this purpose and are struggling.

You are absolutely right. We are working with our son to try and get him to see that starting year 4 again would not be socially detrimental - he's a summer term baby after all. It's been less than 24 hours since we found all this out and less again since we first discussed it with him, so we all need time to digest. What I absolutely will not do is take away all agency from him and make him go if he is adamant that he doesn't want to - what's the point if he's not engaged? We've spoken to him again today. He's still reluctant, but has at least agreed to go to taster days in the power year group.

Because he’s 6 OP. 6 year olds shouldn’t have ‘agency’ over their education, their parents should. He’ll engage fine as soon as he’s settled. This is the best option for him, his life chances matter much more than fleeting embarrassment in front of other small children.

This is why there are strikes OP, the education system hasn't let you down the government has let you down. There aren't enough resources and schools are stretched beyond belief. Beyond the schools educational psychologist are struggling beyond belief, our borough cant recruit, referrals are taking years, there is no support for preschoolers so the children arriving in schools are getting more and more challenging. It's not an excuse, no, but I hope people reading these threads don't misplace their anger towards schools.

He's 9 in a couple of weeks. I'm happy to agree to differ on the agency point. I'm not saying that just because he says no we won't do it. However, I don't want him to feel railroaded so will do my best to try and lead him to the decision we think is best for him!

exactly, I have up to 60 different SENDs on my timetable some years, and have had much SEND training, but it doesn't cover everything and it doesn't even cover any one type of SEND thoroughly, and all children are individual.

Of course teachers getr SEND training, hundreds of hours of it! But that doesn't mean your specific child's problems have been covered.

They want an extra years fees out of you, I’ve seen it happen several times (I’ve worked in various indies)

When you say "the school won't offer him a place because he is more than two years behind the other children in that class". How was this determined? In any case, a one to one tutor twice a week over the Summer will bring him on leaps and bounds. A retired teacher with plenty of experience who will bring him along, set him work every week etc.

To be clear.

Are you saying teachers will refuse to read a child's EHCP due to the government?

If so, what absolute bollocks.

It's already been mentioned by PPs but the behind 2 years comment will be aimed at 2 years behind their students. I have had 2 students join my class (regular state comp) and both have commented on the work they are currently doing, they did 2 years ago and their friends are now miles ahead of them. Private schools do not need to follow the NC, and their smaller classes gives the teacher more time with each student, and some private schools give teachers more frees than they'd get in the state sector, meaning more time can be given for considering plans of action, planning more differentiation, run clubs and support sessions etc.

You also have to consider the lack of training. The specialists who are trained to diagnose SEND are not random people they pulled in off the street, but professionals with years of education and training in these fields, teachers on the other hand usually have a month between starting their pgce and actually teaching their first lesson, in which they are learning about the curriculum, improving their subject knowledge, especially if they are expected to teach a subject that's not related to their degree, learn about behaviour management, metacogniton, how to talk to parents, how to organise a mark book, how to plan and sequence a coherent lesson and how to differentiate. There's very little time for them to sit down and understand what signs to look out for with specific SEN.

BUT as someone who's been teaching a while and also didn't get this SEN education in their pgce, the reason that it is a bigger problem now is:

1. Older teachers could pass on their wisdom to the rookies, and you learnt a lot with experience. Now teachers are leaving in droves, so there's less opportunities for more experienced members of the department to even exist in every school to impart that wisdom.
2. Class sizes are bigger, with more needs in them, so it's harder to give each student with SEN the time they need.
3. A wider range of needs with less ta staff to support. At one time it might have been maybe two or three kids that needed a bit of support, nowadays I could (and do have classes) where half or more of the class needs some level of support with maybe two or three of them having an SEN which prevents them from accessing the curriculum.
4. League tables, performance related pay etc alongside more students, little planning time, more needs, less support etc has meant those students who actually need the curriculum to go at a slower speed and be more spread out e.g. with poor retention (for example, I have a student with dyslexia who is very bright and can understand abstract concepts easily, but will not remember the next lesson) will still be expected to keep up because the teacher will have a certain amount to teach before the assessment, which will be used to judge their performance as a teacher. If they went slow, the class would all underperform even if it meant the SEND student would actually do better, whereas if they got through it, it's easier to blame the SEND on the underperforming student and have the rest of the class on expected or above progress, and there just isn't the funding to provide private classes/tuition for those students. When I first started teaching, those students who did require a slower curriculum etc would be taken out of classes they struggled to access e.g. French, history or maybe an hour of PE, so they could go sit with the SENCo team and do extra work. Now it's not feasible.

So it's not the teachers failing the student(for the user that was insinuating that merely reading the ehcp plan would be sufficient in ensuring support would be in place). Education is a mess at the moment. Parents of SEND have known for a while but other parents are just starting to wake up to it. I am a teacher, but also a parent of a girl with ADHD (diagnosed) and suspected ASD (on the waiting list) and it worries me what sort of education she's going to get, because I just don't have the funds to top it up with tuition or private school.

As with anything which is state funded, the bar is set very high for any intervention to be recommended (because £££ - see also NHS), to the obvious detriment of those to whom assistance at a much earlier point could often be life-changing. I support state education and the NHS, but neither of them are serving us well at the moment, and I don’t know what the answer is.

There is no push back from school so everyone thinks they are coping. My dd has 15 hours of TA in her ehcp. But there is no TA in her year 3 class. The teacher told me she needed that TA but denied it the next day to the senco. I stopped talking to the teacher after that. The teacher made me to be a lier

This - I would would also add

when the private school says ‘2 years behind, what yardstick are they using to measure? What age related expectations are they measuring against? Does a Y2 in the state school work at the same level as a Y2 in the private school?

Not all dyslexic children make progress, even after all of the evidence based interventions have been put in place. Some make no progress. Some go to specialist dyslexia provision which is rarer than hen’s teeth. If his reading difficulties are so severe that he rejected by apparently non selective schools then he needs a comprehensive assessment ,probably privately by a psychologist with a lot of experience in assessment of children’s other severe literacy difficulties. some children benefit from specialised reading instruction frameworks (Wilson? - open to correction here, long time since I was a SENCO) which are offered by independent specialist schools. Far beyond what is possible to put in place in a mainstream setting.

did he pass his Y1 phonics check?

what exactly do you think the prep school is offering that will remedy the difficulties? - smaller class? Additional instruction? More 1:1 support? .

the child that ‘commandeers’ the TA time is quite possibly the child that TA is funded to support.

kindly, your expectations of the support mainstream class can provide for your son, seem very unreasonable.

"the specialist they use to message diagnose sen are not random pulled off the street"

"there is no time to learn sen after pgce".

Firstly how can any parent or student even begin to get the help they need if their teacher has no time to learn the absolute basics of what different den present like?.

How can Senco "coordinate" support when neither they or the teacher has the faintest idea of what id wrong with the child.

This combination with usual funding issues is why so many children leave primary school unable t oread.
And why we have so many illiterate people in prison.

As you say it's essential to prioritise your child's best interests, and as many have mentioned, he may be too young to fully understand the implications of this decision. Consider the benefits of transferring him to a school that provides better support, allowing him to repeat a year and potentially thrive academically. If he stays in his current year group, he may continue to fall behind, with these differences only becoming more pronounced over time. Initially, repeating a year may impact his self-esteem, but as he matures, he'll likely compare himself more to his successful peers, which could be even more detrimental.

Speaking from personal experience, I had to repeat year 12 due to failed exams. Although I initially felt inadequate, I was old enough to realise the importance of a solid education and exam results for my future, and it really worked out. If your child's struggles stem from a disability and inadequate school support, this change could be especially beneficial.

Given that he's a summer-born child, he'll only be slightly older than his new classmates, making the transition smoother. He might be concerned about the social stigma of repeating a grade, but in a new school, this is less likely to be an issue. He'll have a better opportunity to keep up with his peers and gain a strong academic footing.

If he's already fallen behind by two or more years, it's improbable that he'll catch up with his current classmates. Large classes present challenges for teachers to accommodate diverse learning abilities, and as other posters have mentioned, they often don't have the time or resources to develop personalised lesson plans. The current system is more about appearance than substance.

My wife, a primary school teacher, finds this reality disheartening and frustrating. Parents often seek diagnoses for their children, hoping it will lead to meaningful changes, but the lack of resources prevents any substantial improvements. Teachers are left with limited options, such as peer teaching or assigning unrelated tasks to struggling students, which can be unfair and ineffective.

Ultimately, prioritising your child's academic and emotional well-being is crucial, and exploring alternative educational environments may provide the support he needs to succeed.

Most know the absolute basics of the common ones, but sometimes this is often not enough. Each child is different and it takes experience to form a repertoire of methods that work for that individual subject. Or even, like a pp mentioned, you might know, but won't get the funding to proceed with assessment. SENCo, in my experience, have always been amazing but very stretched. They are usually hit first by redundancies and the hardest in regards to funding.

@SleepyRich
Money is always an issue and the last two decades have been awful but.. It's not soley a funding issue at all.

My child needed very minimal small changes, absolutely nothing that cost them anything at all and that's the concern I have.

I'm the little kid's dad and the husband of the OP.

To those of you who have been able to offer advice, encouragement and words of wisdom, thank you.

I just want to be clear on a few points though.

1. We are both very capable and high performing at what we do. But neither of us is an educationalist.
2. We are both exceptional parents (obviously!), But kids don't come with an instruction manual.
3. I expected (clearly in error) the school system to actually teach my kid, not to abandon him because it's all a bit difficult.
4. I expected teachers to be open, honest and upfront about issues. Clearly we are a family with access to greater resource than the average - although to be clear we are not loaded and every financial decision we make is measured. If they'd spoken to us openly and honestly and signposted us in the right direction, it's possible that it would have been a better outcome for them because we could have funded some additional help ourselves.
5. On the point above, how is a parent to know that a diagnosis is required. I've never had to deal with SEN, I wasn't aware that this was possible initially. And why would I be? Unless someone tells you something or you look it up, it's an unknown unknown.
6. I've put my 'money where my mouth is' with this since the initial diagnosis. I joined the governance committee at his school, not to be difficult, but to bring my experience to bear if there's anything I can help with. It's clear to me that funding is a massive issue and I have great sympathy for that. It's also pretty clear to me that the scale of the problem is either not known within the school or has been withheld from us.
7. I've become much better educated around dyslexia since boy's diagnosis. There is a lot of contradictory research and some specialists claim it doesn't exist. We are not parents taking a back seat and bleating on the interwebs about how rubbish everything is. We are engaged and actively seeking solutions - however we don't see boy in his everyday learning environment and we therefore rely on what those drawing a salary to actually teach him are telling us.

Iratus Pater.

@TheNefariousOrange
Not in my experience, firstly on the outside as I started to go down this journey with my dc and now I'm on the inside I see how hopeless it is.

@Iratuspater

Quite.

Someone should spend this thread to the government

I repeated a year at a similar age because I was the youngest in my year, and had had health problems that meant I’d missed quite a bit of school. I moved to a different school for it. Best thing I ever did. Never even thought about the stigma aspect until now as my parents didn’t frame it like that.

Your son will take the lead from you as to how you frame it. If you present it as a positive he learn from that. He might be upset for a bit but the idea that he won’t then engage at school is ludicrous. He will soon forget about it when he’s at the new school.

Just to clarify, as I wrote the message late last night and realise what I said was misleading (sorry), the two years behind is in respect of standardised age related expectations, not the class he was looking to join. Not all the class currently meet age-related expectations, but he would be further behind than the current lowest performer, hence they can't support him in that class. A lot of comments suggest my expectations of the state provision are unrealistic. I know the state sector doesn't have the resources needed to support him, hence looking at alternatives. However, the bit that gets me is that it has got so bad on their watch. We thought something was up, so it's not that we didn't notice, but every time we tried to discuss it with the current school we were reassured it wasn't that bad and they had mechanisms in place. In a one hour telephone call the SENCO of the independent was able to give us so much more detail about his performance and struggles and where he truly sits academically against national standards than his current teachers, who seem to avoid being drawn on questions of this type. This isn't a criticism of the teachers by the way - in a class of 30+ I'm not surprised that they don't know every child intimately, but the gap has widened on their watch and I would have thought that being this far behind would have been noticed and flagged in plain terms - is that so unreasonable? It seems to me that because he's articulate and polite, and doesn't demand a lot of attention in a class setting, he has been overlooked.

Exactly.

Sometimes you have to have courage in parenting to make a decision that a child isn’t wild about at the time. You have the view of the horizon, they can only see what’s in front of them.

Your upset and frustration is justified, but it's being misdirected as PP have pointed out.

Private schools can choose to reject kids with SEND (or find excuses to reject them such as "he's 2 years behind") whereas state schools don't have this option. In the state secondary where I work we have kids working at a Year 1 level, and kids who genuinely cannot access anything more challenging than colouring in and playing with lego so we are essentially providing childcare rather than an education. We have kids who need an adult within arms length of them at all times for their safety and that of others, but the LA won't grant an EHCP so we have no funding for a 1:1 TA.

When we tell the LA we can't meet a child's needs the response we get is 'tough luck, you're taking them' basically. It isn't fair to the staff who are doing their absolute best but most importantly it isn't fair to the child who is being set up to fail. These are kids who 100% would have met the criteria for a special school place 10 years ago, but now there are no places available.

What this government has done to Education in this country is utterly shameful and those who are the most affected are rarely in a position to even think about private tutoring, let alone private school.