Heartbroken and totally let down by education system

[Amatueuragonyaunt]

I'm after advice (and a bit of a vent). Ever since the start of the COVID fiasco, my two children (then 5 and 8 years old) have been totally failed by the state sector. My daughter is bright, but was not being pushed and was losing self confidence because of a lack of feedback and attention, so we moved her to a selective independent school where she is now thriving. The finances were (and are) a stretch, so we left our DS in the state system with the plan to see how things went and then move him at the same age as we moved our daughter (10). However, his needs are at the other end of the spectrum. It became apparent to us during pandemic home learning that there was some issue going on, but it took a further year before the school took it seriously enough to commission an assessment and another year after that before we got the report. It turns out he has severe dyslexia. This came as a both a surprise and not because we had suspected something, but generally his school reports were good with just a few weaker areas. Anyway, fast forward a few months when a load of interventions have supposedly been put in place - we don't feel confident that he's making much progress and we're aware of other children in the class with severe behavioural issues which were taking up the TAs time in entirety (so no support for anyone else). As such, we brought forward our quest to go independent and arranged taster days at a local non-selective school with good SENCO provision. Our boy loved it. However - here's the rub - the school won't offer him a place because he is more than two years behind the other children in that class. Needless to say, he's feeling pretty despondent about it, but what I'm fuming about is how his current school let it get that bad and not even tell us. Everything that has been put in place for him has only come about because we forced the issue and, when we were doing it, we were made to feel like we were overreacting and we're even told that actually our son was a bit lazy. This was before the report came out. This is an 8 year old who has been turned down for entry at a non-selective school that we are prepared to pay for because he is too far behind his peers. How is it that we have to send him in taster days just to find out how bad things are? The fact it's all come to light in a way which has left our son utterly gutted is the final straw. We didn't see it coming so couldn't manage expectations. We now have a situation where one child is flying and getting tons of opportunities while the other is completely shafted and there seems to be nothing we can do about it except give the current school a rocket (and what difference will that make?). To say I am fuming is an understatement. Anyone had similar or have any words of comfort or advice?

PS - the current school is supposedly 'outstanding' according to Ofsted, but it's not worked at all for our kids.

why do you believe the private school that he is two years behind ( behind what?) and not the state school, that he is managing but has areas of weakness?

that private school is clearly NOT non selective. And I doubt it is comparing your child to the national average, more likely to be comparing your child to children who have been hothoused from day one, and when they say 2 years behind, they probably just mean "more than one year behind the average for a hothoused child"

I'd be more annoyed at the private school's discrimination in not accepting your son rather than the state school.

You have every right to feel let down and angry that your DS has been so let down. These situations in school are the main reasons teachers are striking. I’m a TA - 3 children in my class should have 121 support. There are no 121 TAs in the whole school! They just have me in among Groups, interventions, S&L , first aid, personal care, class prep….. They are being completely failed by the system. I do my best.

Schools are woefully underfunded and the amount of SEN has rocketed to the point they can no longer cope with all the adjustments needed. According to my primary teacher friend. When I was at school there was one girl in my class who needed additional support and now it’s a third of them. They can’t keep up. Take up that private place if you can

They have accepted him

One more thing, sorry op you have triggered me!

Many teachers don't understand what an ehcp is or how hard parents have to fight for it.
Always make sure the teachers have read it and again you will have to explain it to each and every teacher your dc has.
Make sure they read it! Even on here many teachers have admitted they don't read it!

Some are actively opposed to getting involved with them at all.

But to everyone with dc with sen or any issues in school please be aware, always, always always push.

And from my personal experience within where I volunteer, complains as high as you can if it's the only way to facilitate change.

Go to the head or governor if you don't get satisfaction fast trim the teacher.

no, teachers dont read them, or have the time to read them, or have any reason to read them.

The SENCO reads them, and interprets them, and gives teachers a short summary of what they need to know.

Sounds like the wrong sort of independent school. You need to research one that is more tailored to your child’s needs. For example, where I live, there are two independent schools, one for each sex, that don’t have 6th form provision and are well known for being nurturing rather than ‘competitive’ and offering support to children who are not conventionally ‘academic’. Do some research.

Try kings inter high. Very inclusive. Big SEN parent support group. School very flexible to needs.

The Private school might be results led but who knows?
The difference is that they are in a position to choose who they accept whereas a State school which had a place available would have to take a child who was 2 years behind his cohort.

I really hate some volunteers who amble in for an hour a week and feel they know absolutely everything about teachers and are so judgemental.

This 100%.

You're right to be annoyed with the state school. They should have been honest with you. It's not good enough to lie about it.

I would have a serious think about accepting the place in the year below. My sister in law repeated year 6 when she moved up to a private secondary school - again due to severe dyslexia (secondary was actually 3-18 so she just joined in y6 rather than y7). Very similar story, the primary school didn't mention anything, only difference being it was a private school too! Anyway she now has two degrees and a professional job so it all turned out well in the end.

Lots of people repeat years later on in life, at college, university. It's not a huge stigma. Can you talk your son round?

Other option is a tutor but I would be uneasy sending him to the state school as they are obviously rubbish. Is there a different state school perhaps?

Maybe he will always be behind the others if his dyslexia is severe and it is not necessarily the school’s fault?
I would try to keep learning fun and reassure him and help him find his talents.

The private school may say they are non selective but it's not true or they would take your son. Many private schools do not have very good provision for SEN pupils and don't want them. My local private school used to take in quite a few children from local state schools who were young and showing early signs of SEN but then they became much more selective. They just didn't want to have to deal with SEN children and felt it was putting off other parents from sending their children to the school.

Look for a crested school? Crested run a register of dyslexia specialist schools - mixture of independent and maintained. That’s what we did.

Could you get him a good teacher to tutor him 3x a week to bring him up to spec so he’d catch up enough for the independent school.

Also - asking gently - are you sure the Indy were being honest? It might be that you coach him heavily and they reject him again, so be wary of that. Look at other Indy’s if there are any nearby.

I'm not sure how you didn't realise they'd have been struggling to read.
The private school is not non selective as they've turned your child away. Find a tutor to support

The private school has accepted him, though. He has been offered a place in the year below.

OP I can imagine this is a really frustrating and upsetting but think you are looking to ‘blame’ someone and actually this isn’t helping.

Have I just read in your update that actually the independent school did offer him a place, albeit in the year below and were very nice? You then present this an option to your DS, he doesn’t like the idea and so now you’re not doing it? That makes no sense to me. You are the parent and make the best decision for your child’s education.

If it were me and in your echoes I would move to independent.

*shoes

Op, what you've been told about EHCPs is incorrect. I suggest that you make a parental application for an EHC needs assessment to try and get an EHCP in place. There are specialist schools that can be funded by an EHCP. Are you able say roughly where you live?

This was my question you. Given op has an older child, how did she not know roughly where he should be? Why is it entirely up to school? 2years is a massive amount of time to be behind so how did you not notice for 2 years?

It was the private school that said the DS was 2 years behind their pupils - there’s no way OP could have known that. It is quite possible for a private school, even one without entrance tests, to have a cohort that’s well above average. They may say they’re non-selective but as they have refused this child a place, that isn’t really the case.

I agree that a specialist private tutor would be the best way to go.

Do request an EHCP OP, and then appeal if refused.

It is poor practice for teachers who are teaching a pupil to just get a short summary of their EHCP from SENCOs. 9.212 of the SENCOP states “…It is important that teachers or other educational professionals working closely with the child or young person should have full knowledge of the child or young person’s EHC plan. School governing bodies should have access to a child or young person’s EHC plan...” Teachers teaching pupils with EHCPs should at least have read B&F to ensure they are providing the provision legally required.

In my school (I’m a governor), we have 3 children with EHCPs who it’s acknowledged by all should be in specialist provision but there are no places across the whole county. In total there are more children with EHCPs, those are just the ones who really should be in specialist provision.