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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel like husband has spoiled my birthday

86 replies

redkite17 · 28/04/2023 09:28

Firstly I don't want to sound spoilt or immature so please do call me out if I'm being unreasonable.

It's my birthday today.
For context my husband really is great (most of the time😂, I have my grumbles with some things every now and then like most marriages but nothing ever serious) he's a great dad and does mostly do what I need him to at home.

However last night he had an end of year presentation with work which coincided with a leaving do for 2 colleagues so he got the bus to work instead of driving as they were going for a drink afterwards. He did say he probably wouldn't be home for DC's bedtime but shouldn't be too late as he had work today.

Long story short he obviously got carried away with some work mates and he came home at 1:30am in an absolute state. Almost unable to walk/ throwing up in the shower kind of state. This isn't something he does all the time but I feel like he could've gone, had a few pints, come home at 10pm and still had a good time.

Instead he's a complete train wreck this morning and currently still in bed even though he usually starts work at 7:30am. I had a challenge trying to wake him at 6:30 while getting dc ready for school to see what he was doing about work, he eventually came round a bit and text his assistant to say he will be "in later". Not sure what that means but the state he's in I can't see him moving for the rest of the day.
He got out of bed for 5 mins and said "I'm sorry, happy birthday".

I'm just annoyed at the whole situation. I'm trying not to let it ruin my morning but it really has.

Do I need to just get over it 😂

OP posts:
shakeitoffsis · 28/04/2023 09:31

I'd say yes his timing is utter shit but if he doesn't have form for this and he's generally a great guy I would give the benefit of the doubt, get his bank card and take myself off to the shops and out for lunch 🤣. I'm sure he will feel terrible.

Original poster
redkite17 · 28/04/2023 09:33

shakeitoffsis · 28/04/2023 09:31

I'd say yes his timing is utter shit but if he doesn't have form for this and he's generally a great guy I would give the benefit of the doubt, get his bank card and take myself off to the shops and out for lunch 🤣. I'm sure he will feel terrible.

That is exactly my plan! 😂

It is just rubbish timing. I was hoping he would sort the dc for school and is get to drink a hot coffee before he went to work but that went well out of the window 🙈

OP posts:
Devoutspoken · 28/04/2023 09:35

That's massively selfish

3dogsandarabbit · 28/04/2023 09:36

If he's not normally like this, I would let it go, are you going out for a meal or anything later.
Happy Birthday 🎂

TokyoSushi · 28/04/2023 09:41

Ugh, hopefully he sees the error of his ways and does something nice for you later. Happy Birthday!

SmileyClare · 28/04/2023 09:42

I don’t think you sound “spoilt” at all, just disappointed.

Dh or I will very occasionally have a big night out, get too drunk and feel like Hell/ be a bit useless the next day. We’re talking about once a year though.
It’s annoying and I can’t stand dh when he’s hungover but I let it go.

He should have given you a card and arranged something from the dc though. He’s had a whole year to think about this 🤔

He has some making up to do that’s for sure.

🎉 Happy Birthday 🎂 I hope your day improves xx

TheDogsWardrobe · 28/04/2023 09:42

If he’s not normally like this, I’d let it go. If he’s a good bloke, he’ll feel guilty on top of the hangover. It sounds like he’d have been working today anyway. He might feel better later or you can do something nice over the weekend.

Happy Birthday 🥳

DustyLee123 · 28/04/2023 09:44

I’d be disappointed that a married father, so has responsibilities, got into that state on a work night.

Original poster
redkite17 · 28/04/2023 09:46

I do think he will feel bad and will be grovelling later!
Thanks for the birthday wishes 🥰 I feel better knowing I'm not overreacting by feeling disappointed. But I will let it go.

He is absolutely allowed to go out and enjoy himself but I wish they'd chosen a different week 😂

OP posts:
EggInANest · 28/04/2023 09:50

A big eye roll for him, not ideal at all.

But you wouldn’t normally be ‘celebrating’ your birthday between 6.30 -7.30 am on a week day work day, he did say sorry, and hasn’t forgotten.

So I would say definitely don’t let it spoil your whole day or any celebration you had planned this evening or over the weekend. Give him space to make his apology and amends.

WindUpPenguin · 28/04/2023 09:51

As you say he's not normally like this and is a lovely person, I will say you have 'won' in the long run as he will need to plan something extra special and/or do everything he can re: your childcare/house responsibilities to make it up to you once he is recovered! Make sure you give him the sad but understanding eyes at every opportunity today. 😂

Original poster
redkite17 · 28/04/2023 10:10

You're all very right. Thank you ❤️
I am over it. Im sure he will do his best to make up for it

OP posts:
shakeitoffsis · 28/04/2023 10:17

Have a fab birthday OP!

Devoutspoken · 28/04/2023 10:23

It's one day a year, for him not to have got massively pissed

RoseBucket · 28/04/2023 10:25

If he is going to be working anyway (eventually) I’m not sure how he has ruined your birthday?

Quitelikeacatslife · 28/04/2023 10:28

It's a bit rubbish but please yourself with what you want to do today. Get takeaway or easy tea like pizzas or go out with a non hungover friend? Then book somewhere for nice meal at the weekend

Mortimercat · 28/04/2023 10:28

Hopefully he will be feeling better later. But as he was only going to go to work anyway, he can’t have spoiled the day that much.

Devoutspoken · 28/04/2023 10:31

Of course op can still have a lovely day but it might have been nice for him to deal with the kids in the morning rather than lie in with a hang over

Flappingtarps · 28/04/2023 10:33

Depends what happens tonight. If he has to work late to make up for this morning then I would be very pissed off.

If however he manages to cobble together a nice dinner and a present and put the dc to bed, then I’d forgive him 😀

Hope you have a lovely evening op! Happy birthday!

Coffeesnob11 · 28/04/2023 10:34

Ask for a birthday morning do over tomorrow so you get a lay in, coffee in bed etc.

SkyandSurf · 28/04/2023 10:36

This kind of drinking seems to be normalised on Mumsnet but personally I think it's pathetic for a grown man to write himself off like that and I'd be annoyed even if he was an otherwise decent man.

CarrotCake01 · 28/04/2023 10:37

It probably is unreasonable, he didn't do this on purpose just to wreck your birthday buutttt I'd be pissed off too! His inability to control himself on a night out has effected the one day a year that should be about you, it that was selfish.
Just one of those things I guess. He was dumb and it's annoying but you'll look back and laugh.
Happy birthday though! I'll bet you have something lovely planned for the evening/ Bank Holiday weekend!

Isheabastard · 28/04/2023 10:37

Tell him you want to go out to dinner tonight and drink champagne and whatever his favourite drink is.

Watch him boak at the thought.

Id just move my birthday to another day and guilt trip him all the way.

Gettingbysomehow · 28/04/2023 10:38

Happy birthday OP. No you don't need to just get over his shitty behaviour. He knew it was your birthday today but he decided to just go and do this.
It was his choice to get rat arsed.
I'd be furious.

CalpolDependant · 28/04/2023 10:39

LTB.

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