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Original poster

Feel like husband has spoiled my birthday

86 replies

redkite17 · 28/04/2023 09:28

Firstly I don't want to sound spoilt or immature so please do call me out if I'm being unreasonable.

It's my birthday today.
For context my husband really is great (most of the time😂, I have my grumbles with some things every now and then like most marriages but nothing ever serious) he's a great dad and does mostly do what I need him to at home.

However last night he had an end of year presentation with work which coincided with a leaving do for 2 colleagues so he got the bus to work instead of driving as they were going for a drink afterwards. He did say he probably wouldn't be home for DC's bedtime but shouldn't be too late as he had work today.

Long story short he obviously got carried away with some work mates and he came home at 1:30am in an absolute state. Almost unable to walk/ throwing up in the shower kind of state. This isn't something he does all the time but I feel like he could've gone, had a few pints, come home at 10pm and still had a good time.

Instead he's a complete train wreck this morning and currently still in bed even though he usually starts work at 7:30am. I had a challenge trying to wake him at 6:30 while getting dc ready for school to see what he was doing about work, he eventually came round a bit and text his assistant to say he will be "in later". Not sure what that means but the state he's in I can't see him moving for the rest of the day.
He got out of bed for 5 mins and said "I'm sorry, happy birthday".

I'm just annoyed at the whole situation. I'm trying not to let it ruin my morning but it really has.

Do I need to just get over it 😂

OP posts:
TheDogsWardrobe · 28/04/2023 11:59

Crunchymum · 28/04/2023 11:39

Good to see the cool wives out in force.

@redkite17 Personally I think your DH has been very selfish. There was no need to be out so late and get into such a state. Regardless of whether he would be at work today or not, he's hardly going to be on top form for anything this evening is he?

His time and his needs are paramount, and now hes going to be a hungover arse on your birthday. Very selfish.

Lol. I’m very much not a ‘cool wife’. Not even close.

However, not being perfect occasionally is ok. I’m a good partner, but I once drank to much and it impacted slightly on a planned day with my partner. It’s not something I make a habit of, I’m not selfish and I apologised. Thankfully he doesn’t judge me on my very, very occasional fuck ups.

Ponoka7 · 28/04/2023 12:03

redkite17 · 28/04/2023 09:33

That is exactly my plan! 😂

It is just rubbish timing. I was hoping he would sort the dc for school and is get to drink a hot coffee before he went to work but that went well out of the window 🙈

Show quote history

I'm 55, I thought the days of men doing what they wanted without any consideration for their wives and kids, then throwing the little woman a few quid, were gone. We are told that we aren't our DP's Mum, so don't be disappointed on Mother's Day. Christmas certainly isn't about us, so that leaves Birthdays. Unless your arrangement is a financial one, a shopping spree on his card takes us back to the 50's.

ShowUs · 28/04/2023 12:08

Just get him to make it up to you tomorrow.

I’m sure he didn’t plan on getting so drunk and feeling like shit and potentially getting into trouble at work.

When you come home from work just do the minimum and get a takeaway for dinner and then get him to do the birthday breakfast tomorrow morning.

Happy birthday 🥳

Relaxd · 28/04/2023 12:31

Sounds to me that this isn’t a regular occurrence and yes it’s bad he has a hangover on your birthday but we’ve all been there and had a few too many without quite realising. Do you really think he set out to get deliberately hammered? I honestly thought you were going to say he hadn’t come back and had stayed out all night! Let this one go and make sure he makes it up to you properly at the weekend. Happy birthday btw.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 28/04/2023 12:34

Happy birthday OP. I would be annoyed as well and my DH doesn't get drunk that much and it's a brilliant husband and dad. But it's your birthday and he should've laid off the booze. However sometimes best intentions go out the window. Hopefully he will make it up to you. Don't get up early tomorrow!!

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 28/04/2023 12:35

Is not it's

Energydrink · 28/04/2023 12:47

Happy birthday!

😂😂 I would let it go… life is too short and he will probably make up for it

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 28/04/2023 12:48

This is golden. I’ve been with my DH for decades and this is a gift, you just don’t realise it yet! Be really nice to him, take him a cup of tea and tinkly laugh at him (what are you like). He will then feel soooo guilty you will be able to get him to do anything. Have the kids while you go to a spa for the day, done. Trip to shops, no problem, lie in, done, done, done! Opportunity- don’t waste it!

CraftyIrishMamma · 28/04/2023 13:02

WinterofOurDiscountTentz · 28/04/2023 11:06

To be honest, I won’t tolerate anyone getting steaming drunk in my house, inc

It;s his house too, its not for you to "tolerate" or otherwise. Are you always that controlling?

I feel so sorry for you thinking that’s it better to say nothing and allow the men in your life to treat you and your family with such disdain.

You know you are worth more than that, don’t you?

dottiedodah · 28/04/2023 13:03

I seems like he fucked up yes .However if its a bit of a one off I would let it go by .However tomorrow /Sunday ,Nice Restaurant,lie in ,he looks after DC .Also nice B/day gift please!

drpet49 · 28/04/2023 13:07

shakeitoffsis · 28/04/2023 09:31

I'd say yes his timing is utter shit but if he doesn't have form for this and he's generally a great guy I would give the benefit of the doubt, get his bank card and take myself off to the shops and out for lunch 🤣. I'm sure he will feel terrible.

This

Original poster
redkite17 · 28/04/2023 13:20

Thanks everyone for the replies!
I had a lovely lunch with a good friend and our toddlers so that has lifted my mood.

I called dh to see how he was he eventually made it into work at midday but he was very apologetic on the phone and I told him in a nice but serious way he has some grovelling to do for missing out on birthday breakfast and being a total state

He said he will be leaving work early to pick dc up from school so hopefully it hasn't spoilt our whole day. I will be milking the situation though 😂

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 28/04/2023 13:24

Happy birthday OP!

I'll never understand folks drinking until they're paralytic, throwing up and passing out . Be that every day or occasionally - yuck!

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 28/04/2023 13:30

Gettingbysomehow · 28/04/2023 10:38

Happy birthday OP. No you don't need to just get over his shitty behaviour. He knew it was your birthday today but he decided to just go and do this.
It was his choice to get rat arsed.
I'd be furious.

This I think.
It's nothing really to do with it being your birthday. It's to do with someone incapable of knowing when to stop drinking to the point they are ill. Which everyone has done, but usually when they're about 17.

Happy birthday. ❤️

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 28/04/2023 13:32

And it may be a one off.
But I'd be telling him it's disgusting and immature. And not, presumably, what you want your children witnessing. Not even once.

Createausername1970 · 28/04/2023 13:35

Hey - you have an unexpectedly large amount of brownie points in the bank to be spent over the coming months!

I wouldn't have been very happy either, but I have always found a sad face works better than a cross face. If someone is cross with me then I go on the defensive, but if they are sad at something I have done, then I am all apologetic and trying to put it right. My DH is the same and I suspect a lot of people are too.

Your DH did apologise from the depths of his hangover, so he obviously hadn't forgotten, it was just unfortunate that his occasional night out clashed with your birthday the following day.

Accept his apology with good grace, and milk it as much as you can 🙂

Original poster
redkite17 · 28/04/2023 13:41

No, I don't understand drinking to that level either. I'm not a drinker at all. A glass of Prosecco occasionally at a special event or whatever.

My mother was an alcoholic and died from this 2 years ago. I had many birthdays ruined as a kid from alcohol. This has nothing to do with DH situation. But I think it just touched a nerve. And wanted to make sure I wasn't being out of order by being sad about his lack of effort aside from my past. I make a point every year to ensure him and dc feel really special on their birthdays.

I'm not going to leave him over it of course. His timing was utterly shit and he has some serious making up to do

OP posts:
DepartureLounge · 28/04/2023 13:45

If it's out of character, is there any chance he was spiked? I like a drink, but the only time I've ever got so steamingly drunk I was throwing up and struggling to stay upright it was because I'd had a drink spiked with ketamine. If he feels shocking for days instead of picking up by teatime, you might consider it. There's a lot of assholes out there who think it's a funny thing to do on a night out.

I hope you can still enjoy your birthday anyway.

Username24680 · 28/04/2023 14:01

Happy Birthday @redkite17 🎂😊

Pretty crap timing on your DHs part 🙈 your DH sounds like mine…the best dad and DH 99.9% of the time but once in a blue moon he comes home like a 15year old that didn’t know his limits at a house party 🤮🤣 it’s usually every couple of years for my DH.

I’m sure he’ll be feeling nice and sorry for himself today 😅 Make sure he sorts the kids for bed and buys you a nice meal tonight. If it were me I’d be ordering Chinese knowing that DH wouldn’t be able to stomach it and I’d get it all 😂🐷

moomoomoo27 · 28/04/2023 14:14

redkite17 · 28/04/2023 13:41

No, I don't understand drinking to that level either. I'm not a drinker at all. A glass of Prosecco occasionally at a special event or whatever.

My mother was an alcoholic and died from this 2 years ago. I had many birthdays ruined as a kid from alcohol. This has nothing to do with DH situation. But I think it just touched a nerve. And wanted to make sure I wasn't being out of order by being sad about his lack of effort aside from my past. I make a point every year to ensure him and dc feel really special on their birthdays.

I'm not going to leave him over it of course. His timing was utterly shit and he has some serious making up to do

Okay this puts an entirely different take on things. It's not just careless or getting carried away one time, it's fucking awful of him. It must have brought up some really awful stuff for you, and it was totally avoidable.

toomuchlaundry · 28/04/2023 14:15

Is his work flexible? I assume they realise he is off due to being drunk

LlynTegid · 28/04/2023 14:16

Happy birthday, yes milk the situation. Hope he never is as drunk again with work colleagues or indeed anyone else.

TomatoSandwiches · 28/04/2023 14:18

SkyandSurf · 28/04/2023 10:36

This kind of drinking seems to be normalised on Mumsnet but personally I think it's pathetic for a grown man to write himself off like that and I'd be annoyed even if he was an otherwise decent man.

Same, makes me cringe that adults get themselves into that state, especially with children at home.

ISpyNoPlumPie · 28/04/2023 14:18

Yeah I’d be fucking livid, not so much about my birthday (I’m old enough to not really give a crap about that) but the level of drunkenness, the vomiting, not pulling his weight in the morning then missing work are completely unacceptable to me. I don’t do that (now, I was 20 once). I’m a grown up, we have children and responsibilities- you can have fun without taking it that far. In fact at this point of being so drunk you can’t walk, I’d argue you’re not having fun anymore. My DH does do this from time to time and he pays for it. He has to tidy/clean anything he messed up, I’ll normally go out without him and leave him to deal with the kids, he’s responsible for all meals etc. Sometimes I’ll say he’s not to go out somewhere or he has to drive. It’s not normal and I don’t think it’s ok.

Original poster
redkite17 · 28/04/2023 14:18

toomuchlaundry · 28/04/2023 14:15

Is his work flexible? I assume they realise he is off due to being drunk

Flexible to an extent, he can leave early if he needs to etc without having to ask permission.
Yes they will know. He has quite a senior position and is well respected at work. I hope he hasn't ruined his very good reputation for one night out

OP posts: