Feel like husband has spoiled my birthday

[redkite17]

Firstly I don't want to sound spoilt or immature so please do call me out if I'm being unreasonable.

It's my birthday today.
For context my husband really is great (most of the time😂, I have my grumbles with some things every now and then like most marriages but nothing ever serious) he's a great dad and does mostly do what I need him to at home.

However last night he had an end of year presentation with work which coincided with a leaving do for 2 colleagues so he got the bus to work instead of driving as they were going for a drink afterwards. He did say he probably wouldn't be home for DC's bedtime but shouldn't be too late as he had work today.

Long story short he obviously got carried away with some work mates and he came home at 1:30am in an absolute state. Almost unable to walk/ throwing up in the shower kind of state. This isn't something he does all the time but I feel like he could've gone, had a few pints, come home at 10pm and still had a good time.

Instead he's a complete train wreck this morning and currently still in bed even though he usually starts work at 7:30am. I had a challenge trying to wake him at 6:30 while getting dc ready for school to see what he was doing about work, he eventually came round a bit and text his assistant to say he will be "in later". Not sure what that means but the state he's in I can't see him moving for the rest of the day.
He got out of bed for 5 mins and said "I'm sorry, happy birthday".

I'm just annoyed at the whole situation. I'm trying not to let it ruin my morning but it really has.

Do I need to just get over it 😂

I get he would have been at work anyway, but normally we have birthday breakfasts etc together with the kids and I'm just hoping he isn't like this all day!

Capitalise on the imminent grovelling and send him a Pinterest board of gift inspo! (Even tho - as PPs ave said - he doesn't really need to grovel BIG time but he doesn't need to know that! 😜)

Annoying, but now he owes you a couple of lie ins and a meal out for sure!

OP, whilst I can sort of understand the sentiment behind wanting to let it go because he’s an otherwise good partner and Dad, I don’t think that’s very fair on you.
My husband is a good man, works hard, does more than his fair share around the house, is a fantastic father etc. but if he did this I would be hugely disappointed and I wouldn’t think that I should push that feeling aside because it is out of character. You’re allowed to be upset, disappointed or angry because he’s let you down. Just because he doesn’t let you down all of the time doesn’t mean you should have to hide your feelings.
I get the same response from my Mum, if ever I have a gripe about my husband.. “you’re so lucky to have such a good husband and father to your children”. And it honestly drives me mad. It’s the attitude that you should be grateful you’ve found a ‘good one’ and so you shouldn’t pull them up on any shortcomings because you should count yourself lucky. Well yes, you are lucky you’ve got a good husband, but he’s also lucky he’s got a good wife and he should have treated you better today. He should have thought about you instead of getting blind drunk and being a write off for your birthday. You should be able to express that to him. If he apologises and tries to make it up to you some other way then by all means you can move past it, but it shouldn’t just be forgotten about that he’s been a bit shit because he’s not usually this way.

I'm hoping he will do all of these things 😂
Usually he isn't home until 6pm but I'd like to think he will leave early

It’s not hard to imagine is it? From what the op has said he’s in such a state he’s going to be good for nothing all day. My oh used to do this. It would have been nice for the op to wake up to her husband fresh and happy, and perhaps getting ready to go to work like he was supposed to. She’s already said she’s disappointed that he didn’t get up with the kids and give her 5 minutes to have a coffee in peace before she had to work, I don’t think that’s too much to ask for on your birthday. And if he’s anything like my oh used to be, he might very well take her out to dinner later thinking that it makes up for it. Where he’ll still likely be feeling absolutely horrendous and be sitting there with a face like a slapped arse clearly wishing he was at home in bed instead of celebrating his wife’s birthday. Of course it ruins your day. Did he make it into work op?

YANBU to be upset and disappointed. To echo previous posters though, he’s usually a good guy, good partner and good dad. I would forgive after a certain amount of grovelling. Happy birthday hope you have a great day 💐

My DH has form for this sort of thing, he has no filter when drinking and its horrible really. He has ruined a few 'special' days doing similar. He's actually a really nice person overall but unfortunately over a number of years this has made me like him a lot less, he doesn't do it that often but it always seems to be when we have something planned. I think it's because I now have low expectations of him which makes me think less of him.

Hopefully it is a one off for you OP, like others have said, treat yourself and hopefully he will make it up to you!

Happy Birthday @redkite17

To be honest, I won’t tolerate anyone getting steaming drunk in my house, inc. DC. I find it disrespectful and shows very poor judgement in my opinion. Can you imagine what his colleagues will be thinking?

I’d be very clear in letting your DH know that he’s behaving like a silly teenager and he’s likely to damage his reputation at work through his childish antics.

Happy birthday, OP. I hope you're heading out to enjoy yourself today. Your DH sounds mostly lovely but let him know you're expecting to be treated royally over the weekend. A delayed birthday can be just as memorable.

To be honest, I won’t tolerate anyone getting steaming drunk in my house, inc

It;s his house too, its not for you to "tolerate" or otherwise. Are you always that controlling?

Feel like husband has spoiled my birthday
posted at 09:28
have a word with yourself and have a great birthday!

How often does he get so drunk that he vomits? Once a decade, a year?

Happy Birthday. Make sure he cleans the shower!

It sounds like a one-off, I wouldn't make a big deal of it but do ensure he makes it up to you this weekend!

I'm going against the grain here and will ay that I think OP has every right to be upset and angry. It's certainly not LTB territory, especially as he doesn't have form for this, but it's not "let it go" without him actively making it up to you.

On my birthday, if DH has to go to work I'd still 100% expect him to get up early enough to take on the bulk of the load of DC in the morning, bring me tea etc. And I'd absolutely do the same for him on his birthday.

He needs to be suitably apologetic and totally accept that he fucked up because otherwise, what he's really saying is that his wants and needs are more important than yours.

Quite often on my birthday if it falls midweek I'd arrange something for the weekend and not care too much for the day itself, maybe he can make it up to you over the weekend?

I think you’re confusing controlling with having standards. There’s children in the house and he’s paralytic to the point he can barely walk, is vomiting all over the bathroom (and I can guess who cleaned that up). And is such a fucking train wreck today that he likely didn’t even make it in to work. And all the op has complained about is the fact that he’s done it on her birthday. So instead of having a lovely morning having a birthday breakfast with her family, she’s had to deal with her husband with a rotten hangover and not even time for a quiet coffee before work.

Ugh, I have no tolerance for grown ups who know but don't/won't stick to their limits or acknowledge when they've had enough regarding alcohol. I find it weak to be unable to say That's enough for me. To get himself into such a state that he is unable to go to work the next day is pretty pathetic.

I'd be fuming if DH came home in a state like that, tbh. Let alone when it's my birthday the next day. He chose to get that drunk. It wasn't forced on him.

It's a bit pathetic to be honest, and I'd have less respect for him for it especially if it ruins this evening as well.

I really hope you didn't clear his mess up.

Yuk. I’d have zero tolerance. While I’d have no problem in him out enjoying himself having a few drinks, coming home throwing up in the shower not being able to stand nope!

Good to see the cool wives out in force.

@redkite17 Personally I think your DH has been very selfish. There was no need to be out so late and get into such a state. Regardless of whether he would be at work today or not, he's hardly going to be on top form for anything this evening is he?

His time and his needs are paramount, and now hes going to be a hungover arse on your birthday. Very selfish.

"cool wives" just means normal non controlling women. Using it is a comment on you, not them.

Not the point. You can hate it, you can be pissed off, whatever. But he's an adult man who can do as he chooses.
If you don't want to be in a relationship with a person who acts in a certain way, you can leave the relationship. What you can't do is control the actions of a grown adult.

Agreed! So glad I’m in a relationship where we’re both relaxed and neither are controlling or manipulative.