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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To kick off with my husband?

95 replies

MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 19:33

Who has just had a 10 minute moan at our son for finishing porridge oats and butter last night whilst making flapjacks?

DS was up late (he’s 19) and he’s made himself flapjacks. He’s used the rest of the porridge oats and most of the butter. I don’t care. Someone’s going to finish them. But DH has been moaning at him and now the mood’s fucked in the house and DS got upset and went up to his room.
DS has anxiety and OCD and can fixate on stuff. It’s his home and I think he should be able to eat what the fuck he likes!

I’m a minute away from kicking off with DH. AIBU?

OP posts:
bookworm44 · 27/04/2023 19:42

Why is your DH so bothered by it? I would prob be kicking off by now too. Aleays tend to come down on the side of the kids & dogs 😁

Equalitea · 27/04/2023 19:45

If DH didn’t want to eat porridge for breakfast and had enough butter then he’s being unreasonable.

If he had porridge and toast every morning and there was no porridge and no butter for toast and he went to work hungry then he’s not being unreasonable, no.

Does DS pay board? Pay for food? I think everyone in the house should be able to eat what they want to but with in reason and with consideration for others. By about age 8 my son with learning difficulties knew to ask before using the last of something or make sure some was left.

Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 19:48

No he’s doesn’t eat either of those things. moany old bastard.

DS has long term health problems and isn’t able to work many hours. We don’t ask him for rent (and he’s doesn’t really make enough money to pay anything).

I just don’t see the point of the moaning.

OP posts:
SunnySaturdayMorning · 27/04/2023 19:48

Why does your son live in a household where everyone’s kicking off over simple things?

No wonder he has anxiety and OCD in that kind of environment.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 27/04/2023 19:48

I don't know - is there enough left for breakfast tomorrow?

If there is - YANBU, if there isn't, then DS should go out and replace what he's used. It really annoys me to come down at breakfast and find that DH has used up all the bread or milk or butter.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 27/04/2023 19:48

Obviously he can't eat what he likes, that's just not considerate.

That said, I think the argument hinges on DH's breakfast habits. If he has a non-porridge breakfast 5/6 nights a week then yes he's being a dick. If he's had porridge 5 times a week for years then I'm inclined to side with him.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 27/04/2023 19:49

Just seen your update, YANBU then. (Although I still disagree with the notion anyone can eat what they like, sometimes food is there for a specific meal)

Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 19:49

SunnySaturdayMorning · 27/04/2023 19:48

Why does your son live in a household where everyone’s kicking off over simple things?

No wonder he has anxiety and OCD in that kind of environment.

Oh please. “everyone’s” kicking off?

OP posts:
Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 19:51

Thanks all. Feel a little calmer so can approach DH in a calmer mood 🙄

OP posts:
PinkFizz1 · 27/04/2023 19:52

Sorry I think YABU. Presumably you mind if/when DH finishes the last of anything and doesn’t replace it? Your son is a grown man who doesn’t pay any rent/board (presumably nothing towards the food shop either?) he’s going to get a shock when he moves out and he actually has to replace the things he’s finished.

Equalitea · 27/04/2023 19:52

I think I’m inclined to side with your DH, I think it is disrespectful to use something up and not replace it. At 19 you’d expect him to have a little more consideration for others?

I am assuming that had it been replaced DH would have nothing to complain about.

Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 19:53

Thanks @PinkFizz1, always good to see both sides.

OP posts:
SunnySaturdayMorning · 27/04/2023 19:53

MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 19:49

Oh please. “everyone’s” kicking off?

Show quote history

Yes. DH is kicking off over porridge, you want to kick off over that.

It’s not a healthy environment to bring a child up in and you apparently seem to think it’s normal.

LiliLil · 27/04/2023 19:54

SunnySaturdayMorning · 27/04/2023 19:53

Yes. DH is kicking off over porridge, you want to kick off over that.

It’s not a healthy environment to bring a child up in and you apparently seem to think it’s normal.

Show quote history

Oh for fucks sake, no she doesn’t hence why she wants to bring it up with her husband.

Her son is an adult, she isn’t bringing up a child.

Did it hurt to reach that hard?

LuluBlakey1 · 27/04/2023 19:55

Do well-adjusted adults really 'kick-off'? It's pathetic.

CovertImage · 27/04/2023 19:57

I think that calling your husband an old bastard on MN is quite charming

Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 19:57

LiliLil · 27/04/2023 19:54

Oh for fucks sake, no she doesn’t hence why she wants to bring it up with her husband.

Her son is an adult, she isn’t bringing up a child.

Did it hurt to reach that hard?

Show quote history

“Did it hurt to reach that hard?” 😁
Brilliant

OP posts:
Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 19:59

Thanks @CovertImage, appreciate it.

OP posts:
ThisSingleMama · 27/04/2023 20:03

Aww I feel for the boy!

Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 20:04

Same @ThisSingleMama. I do tend to feel really sorry for him and take his side. Mostly the reason for starting this thread!

OP posts:
orangegato · 27/04/2023 20:08

YANBU your husband is a miserable git. Teenagers do this, and don’t suddenly grow out of it when they hit 20 either. Have kids prepare to have your food eaten. Your husband coulda had a flapjack instead.

Moreorlessmentallystable · 27/04/2023 20:09

Can't he have flapjacks for breakfast? Food is there to be used, it will finish at some points and gets replaced at the earliest opportunity...your husband is being unreasonable.

Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 20:09

Thanks @orangegato. I love DH and he’s a good man but he is quite miserable!

OP posts:
Rosula · 27/04/2023 20:10

Has anyone replaced the oats and butter since last night?

I'd suggest your son should be beginning to learn that, before you finish food, you think about anyone else is going to want some of it before there is a chance to replace it.

Stillcountingbeans · 27/04/2023 20:12

Did your DH want porridge that morning?
Did need more butter for his breakfast?

If the answer is 'no' then there is something else going on with DH - and you need to talk to him calmly to get to the bottom of it. Why was he moaning? What is the real issue here?

Is it because he wants DS to move out or pay his way? Is he fed up of having to pay for a hungry teenage boy? Does he think DS is ungrateful and greedy?
You need to understand what DH is thinking before you can explore how he is being unreasonable.

Also, do you have a system for shopping lists? - e.g. a board where people can jot down when something is used up or getting low.