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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To kick off with my husband?

95 replies

MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 19:33

Who has just had a 10 minute moan at our son for finishing porridge oats and butter last night whilst making flapjacks?

DS was up late (he’s 19) and he’s made himself flapjacks. He’s used the rest of the porridge oats and most of the butter. I don’t care. Someone’s going to finish them. But DH has been moaning at him and now the mood’s fucked in the house and DS got upset and went up to his room.
DS has anxiety and OCD and can fixate on stuff. It’s his home and I think he should be able to eat what the fuck he likes!

I’m a minute away from kicking off with DH. AIBU?

OP posts:
CarrotCake01 · 27/04/2023 20:16

I'll be honest, I don't think this is just about the oats and butter.

jannier · 27/04/2023 20:17

MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 19:51

Thanks all. Feel a little calmer so can approach DH in a calmer mood 🙄

Ask him why he's so bothered about it if he doesn't eat either there must be an underlying issue . .or is he just a controlling dick

Dibbydoos · 27/04/2023 20:20

Be thankful you have a DH, mine died. I have noone on my side when my DS eats all tge icream I just bought so I could have a tablespoon every so often or takes my breakfast for days I'm in London or cooks all the meat I've bought to make my dogs their dinner when I've bought him something else for his tea and both our freezers are full of food for him.

I'd talk to your DS first and tell him he did nothing wrong, you'll get more butter and oats and was there anything else he needs for his flapjacks in future. Make sure he's OK.

I'd talk to my DH, tell him how fortunate he is to have you and DS. That DS shouldn't be made to feel bad if he chooses to use I ingredients in the house to make food he likes. You/he can always get some more. DS is upset and he should apologise. Don't force it, he has to grow up himself, but honestly don't wait until one of you is gone before you at least try to sort out his negative behaviours.

Good luck OP x.

Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 20:23

Hi @SunnySaturdayMorning, I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope you’re ok.

We’re all ok here really, but I agree that DH has feelings on this that may run deeper than just oats and butter.

Take good care of yourself. And buy more ice cream :)

OP posts:
Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 20:24

MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 20:23

Hi @SunnySaturdayMorning, I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope you’re ok.

We’re all ok here really, but I agree that DH has feelings on this that may run deeper than just oats and butter.

Take good care of yourself. And buy more ice cream :)

Sorry! That was in response to @Dibbydoos

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 27/04/2023 20:24

No he’s doesn’t eat either of those things. moany old bastard.

WTF is he moaning about it then?

Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 20:25

You’ve made my point for me @MrsTerryPratchett :)

OP posts:
Cherrysherbet · 27/04/2023 20:28

My boys are older, and often use up
the last of things! I couldn’t be bothered to get excited about it, and could never imagine dh going on at them about it! Would make for an unhappy household, and wouldn’t change things anyway!

Just tell him to stop moaning op!

ThisSingleMama · 27/04/2023 20:30

There must be another issue he is projecting onto this one

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 27/04/2023 20:31

So he didn't want it, doesn't eat it, and had no flapjack based inconvenience at all?! Who the hell does he think should eat the oats and butter then? Or does he think it's ornamental?

If he did use the remainder of the butter, I'd be pointing out that it was HIM that used the last of it, not DS, and he should apply all the nonsense he's been spouting to himself instead and see if he thinks it's reasonable to harangue someone for eating food in their own house!

Opplesandbononos · 27/04/2023 20:33

I grew up in a household like this, but worse.

Im a grown woman but i can't finish anything. Juice, chips, i will always leave a little of something.

CurlewKate · 27/04/2023 20:35

How does he know it was used up?

GoodChat · 27/04/2023 20:38

How does he know they were used up? Is he actually annoyed about DS not throwing the rubbish away when he's used things or something?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 27/04/2023 20:39

Happens in our house all the time.

We just find it funny and call each other greedy bastards. Every man for himself around food at ours’

willWillSmithsmith · 27/04/2023 20:40

The thing is you can’t always replace what you’ve just used straight away and someone has to be the last recipient of it. If things like this are normal (DH moaning about finished foodstuffs) it’s probably not a bad idea to buy another butter before the last one finishes - which he (DH) is quite capable of doing.

Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 20:41

Thanks all. I know it’s perfectly normal and yea it can be annoying but someone will finish off the the food at some point! I don’t know what’s wrong with DH.

OP posts:
Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 20:42

MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 20:41

Thanks all. I know it’s perfectly normal and yea it can be annoying but someone will finish off the the food at some point! I don’t know what’s wrong with DH.

Yes not yea!

OP posts:
coeurnoir · 27/04/2023 20:43

It’s not a healthy environment to bring a child up in and you apparently seem to think it’s normal.

He's 19 not 9. By the age of 19 it can't come as a shock that sometimes parents disagree. If it does then god help my adult children 🤣

I8toys · 27/04/2023 20:43

I have 17 and 19 year old ds's - they ask to use things and if they want food they ask if its okay to use/eat and don't just take things. Oldest is at uni. I always say just take what you want. I have no clue why its so formal tbh😂

Fairislefandango · 27/04/2023 20:45

I think I’m inclined to side with your DH, I think it is disrespectful to use something up and not replace it.

So you'd rush out immediately and replace something so as to be respectful, when the person whinging about it doesn't even eat those things?! He only made the flapjacks last night- how instantly would you expect them to be replaced? I replace things when I do the weekly shop, not individually immediately after I've used them!

OP, your husband sounds petty and unpleasant.

PollyPeptide · 27/04/2023 20:45

MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 20:04

Same @ThisSingleMama. I do tend to feel really sorry for him and take his side. Mostly the reason for starting this thread!

Out of interest, do you take his side because you feel sorry for him or because you think he's right?

UndercoverCop · 27/04/2023 20:46

I do eat porridge and I do eat butter, but I couldn't get worked up about this, there are flapjacks instead, surely they are superior!

We have a magnetised list pad on the fridge, you finish something or notice it's nearly gone, add it to the list, whoever goes shopping next takes the list

Schabernacker · 27/04/2023 20:47

LuluBlakey1 · 27/04/2023 19:55

Do well-adjusted adults really 'kick-off'? It's pathetic.

I was trying to work out how to say precisely this, but you have done it for me.

GoodChat · 27/04/2023 20:47

Equalitea · 27/04/2023 19:52

I think I’m inclined to side with your DH, I think it is disrespectful to use something up and not replace it. At 19 you’d expect him to have a little more consideration for others?

I am assuming that had it been replaced DH would have nothing to complain about.

In our house we'd just add it to the shopping list 🤷‍♀️

coeurnoir · 27/04/2023 20:48

My boys are older, and often use up
the last of things!

My son does this. He does have the slight redeeming feature of being a (very talented) trainee chef so we get to eat anything he's trying out....but even that doesn't quite make up for his habit of putting the empty boxes back in the fucking cupboard. Just why?