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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To kick off with my husband?

95 replies

MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 19:33

Who has just had a 10 minute moan at our son for finishing porridge oats and butter last night whilst making flapjacks?

DS was up late (he’s 19) and he’s made himself flapjacks. He’s used the rest of the porridge oats and most of the butter. I don’t care. Someone’s going to finish them. But DH has been moaning at him and now the mood’s fucked in the house and DS got upset and went up to his room.
DS has anxiety and OCD and can fixate on stuff. It’s his home and I think he should be able to eat what the fuck he likes!

I’m a minute away from kicking off with DH. AIBU?

OP posts:
SunnySaturdayMorning · 27/04/2023 20:48

LiliLil · 27/04/2023 19:54

Oh for fucks sake, no she doesn’t hence why she wants to bring it up with her husband.

Her son is an adult, she isn’t bringing up a child.

Did it hurt to reach that hard?

Show quote history

She has brought her child up in a household where both parents think it’s acceptable to kick off over minor things.

As an adult he now has anxiety and OCD. I don’t think that’s unrelated.

Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 20:51

I’ve also just realised that DH won’t throw out an empty container. I’ve gone to the cupboards/fridge and picked up an all but empty jar/packet of something.
DH is strange bless him.

OP posts:
Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 20:52

Stop now @SunnySaturdayMorning, you’re making a fool of yourself.

OP posts:
Goldbar · 27/04/2023 20:57

Your husband sounds like a moany, miserable git but, as people have identified, the porridge and butter is probably not the real issue.

You sound a bit like you baby your DS. This might be reading too much into it, but it sounds like you have quite low expectations of what he, as an adult, should contribute to the household in terms of money/chores/consideration for others. And that you enable him by taking his side against your husband whenever he complains about your DS. If so, you're probably not doing him any favours long-term in terms of preparing him for a more independent life.

Original poster
MonkeyBollocks · 27/04/2023 20:58

@Goldbar there’s definitely some truth in that.

OP posts:
MakesMeFeelSad · 27/04/2023 21:00

Some people just like to fucking moan

Sounds like you are married to one of them MonkeyBollocks

FictionalCharacter · 27/04/2023 21:05

So he didn’t need the butter or oats and was moaning because he’s just moany? Hm, does he replace everything he uses in the kitchen immediately?
He doesn’t sound like a very nice dad.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 27/04/2023 21:14

He made a midnight snack and used up the oats and butter? Not the expensive chocolates, champagne and sirloin steak? He is expected to replace what he used up immediately? Does he drive? Was there time to rush to the all-night market for oats and butter before Big Daddy got up for his breakfast which did NOT include oats and butter? What is wrong with you people? Surely the household could last for 24 hours without oats and butter?

Simplelife1 · 27/04/2023 21:21

Is he DH's Son? I have been told Men can get strange when another grown man is in their home that isnt biologically related?

Persuaderama · 27/04/2023 21:25

All this ‘kicking off’ sounds ridiculous. Does no-one discuss things normally? I’ve honestly never ‘kicked off’ at anybody in a pre-planned manner like this. Your poor son.

bellsandwhistles333 · 27/04/2023 21:26

If he doesn't eat them and had plans to it's ridiculously petty. I'm moaning at the 17yr old for not finishing /eating stuff I buy!

Only time I think I moaned when she finished off two portions of leftover Chinese 😂

amiold · 27/04/2023 21:30

Wouldn't even acknowledge it. I'd pop your head in to sons room and ask him to nip to the shop with you to replace them. Yous can have an hour out, calm down, hopefully husband calms down and realises he's being petty and if he fetches it up later just play it down saying you don't eat them and we've replace them anyways. No harm done.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 27/04/2023 22:31

Just tell him to eat something else or go to she shop.

Annoyingwurringnoise · 27/04/2023 22:34

Just two caveats, I didn’t need them for anything, and that he gave me some of the flapjacks.

note to self, encourage DS to make some more flapjacks.

pimplebum · 27/04/2023 22:38

So what was OH saying to your son for 10 minutes ?
If your OH doesn't eat oats or butter what was his point exactly?

Is it his son ?
Is OH stressed about something else and son took brunt ?

willWillSmithsmith · 27/04/2023 22:41

The only rule I’d enforce and does irritate re being the last to eat something is don’t leave an empty packet of something in the fridge/cupboard so I think we still have some!

LouBaloo · 27/04/2023 22:42

I think there’s more issues than butter and porridge oats tbh.

SorePaw · 27/04/2023 22:43

PinkFizz1 · 27/04/2023 19:52

Sorry I think YABU. Presumably you mind if/when DH finishes the last of anything and doesn’t replace it? Your son is a grown man who doesn’t pay any rent/board (presumably nothing towards the food shop either?) he’s going to get a shock when he moves out and he actually has to replace the things he’s finished.

I think that's a really odd way of doing things. I don't see the need to go out to replace something you used the last of (unless it's a basic essential that someone will need & your usage was excessive)- t can just be replaced in the next shop

@MonkeyBollocks I'm on your side completely & with DS the way he is, DH would be getting a right earful.

DH didn't want them for breakfast, so what was the point of his rant?

pimplebum · 27/04/2023 22:44

Sorry I think YABU. Presumably you mind if/when DH finishes the last of anything and doesn’t replace it? Your son is a grown man who doesn’t pay any rent/board (presumably nothing towards the food shop either?) he’s going to get a shock when he moves out and he actually has to replace the things he’s finished.

But every food item has to be finished at some point in the week / month I don't go out and replace everything as soon as it's used up ? OP's son knows his dad has no interest in oats or butter OP is easy going so is was a bit OTT

WandaWonder · 27/04/2023 22:50

Imagine it was reversed whch in a way it is, you are not happy with the way he has reacted so you want to do the same reaction?

TheApplianceofScience · 27/04/2023 23:01

We have a rule in this house, use what you like, but tell Alexa to put XY or Z on the shopping list, I check it once or twice a week and add to the online shop.

That aside, I couldn’t get excited about porridge oats, but might be irked if we had no butter in the morning, it took me years to wean DD and DH off plastic spreadable shite, that said I always have a stash in the outside fridge that they would need to move things (perish the thought) to find.

Indoorcatmum · 27/04/2023 23:03

I grew up in a home where I had to ask before eating anything and felt constantly monitored regarding amounts.
The food belonged to my parents and me eating it was at their discretion.

I would say it is one of the things that has stuck with me with how I view them now.

My friends used to have total freedom and nothing was a "big deal" and I envied that.

KarmaStar · 27/04/2023 23:21

Yabu to " kick off " sounds very immature.
Not good for d's to hear either.
You can show support in a more adult and suitable manner.

SchoolTripDrama · 28/04/2023 09:41

SunnySaturdayMorning · 27/04/2023 19:48

Why does your son live in a household where everyone’s kicking off over simple things?

No wonder he has anxiety and OCD in that kind of environment.

This was uncalled for

SchoolTripDrama · 28/04/2023 10:32

ThisSingleMama · 27/04/2023 20:03

Aww I feel for the boy!

Really???? Hmm He's loving rent free, with free food & bills at 19 and is helping himself to whatever he likes. At 19 I'd lived alone, paid rent, council tax, bills & food myself for 2 years and I'd had a mortgage for a year.

I'm interested as to whether you'd be saying "Awwww I really feel for her" if he was a 19yr old girl? It seems that having a penis seems to make boys have women feeling all maternal over them 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️