Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you to share CF in law stories from your weddings?

685 replies

Sconesandgravy · 26/04/2023 08:30

Please share your CF in law stories from your weddings. I need to know it's not just me that has one.

I got married on Saturday. We had a micro wedding for multiple reasons. Our daughter, our closest friend each and their partner, and our parents or in my case parental. No siblings or other family.

My Mother in Law is weirdly emeshed with DH's two older siblings and can't cope if they aren't included in everything.

As we were cutting the cake, and having our moment, She shouts out "Make sure you save a piece for BIL, SIL and grandad!" After we'd served everyone she hacked off a huge messy chunk for them, rather than take the finger slices we'd been cutting rendering the rest of the top tier unusable.

It sounds childish but out of all the "petty" moments of the day this one stuck out the most. I think it's because she "stole" my moment.

I'm sure I'll laugh about it in years to come, but it's been four days and amongst the nastier things she did I am beyond angry. So I'm using MN as a form of catharsis, in the hopes that other people have nightmare in laws 😁

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 27/04/2023 01:24

My brother was always the golden child. His behaviour was always appalling and covered up by my parents. At my engagement party, he tried selling all my friends drugs and was so entirely off his tits he kept saying, “Oh no @Fraaances and I aren’t close at all, but I’m looking forward to her wedding. I could do with a holiday and mum and day can afford it, can’t they?” (He’s never worked a day in his life.) We were so embarrassed by this and his vomiting all over one of my friends, etc that we decided to uninvite him. Of course that went down well. We compromised and said that we would invite him, but he would have to sit all night with my parents and they would have to supervise him. If he were to approach me or upset any guests, he would be kicked out. If there was any suspicious drug activity, same thing. They kicked off, but sucked it up. (We were paying of course…) The week prior to the wedding he was so off his gourd, he crashed into a parked car, pushing it into a power pole and totalling both cars. My parents paid cash to cover up the incident. Of course that story quickly turned into him swerving to avoid an animal (what a hero). They “punished” him by cancelling his flights to our wedding and they had a bloody marvellous time without him there. Of course the narrative changed very quickly to suit them that I had been the horrible big sister who “banned” him from coming. They’re dead now and he’s still never had a job. He thought I’d step in and be Mummy #2. Boy was he disappointed.

Hawkins003 · 27/04/2023 01:48

Reading with intrigue

HelzBelz06 · 27/04/2023 02:32

Op you don’t need to justify who or why you didn’t invite to your wedding.
We also chose a small wedding as inviting our siblings, plus their partners and children would have added another forty plus guests.
Ignore the goady replies they aren’t worth acknowledging.

bugbugMNthx · 27/04/2023 03:44

Translation help please!

CF?

DC?

Thank you

Flatandhappy · 27/04/2023 03:47

My MIL brought two uninvited guests to our small (30 people) wedding. She asked if she could bring a friend, we said no. Her DH, two sisters and other son were there, we didn’t know the woman, no need. Friend and her son who was driving her turned up at the church - fair enough, it’s a church - MIL then just brought them back to our house where we were having the reception with no consultation on the basis of “it’s a buffet so it doesn’t make any difference”. They are in all our group wedding photographs despite the fact that I never even spoke to them.

PollyThePixie · 27/04/2023 05:34

Phos · 26/04/2023 18:02

My (now ex) MIL decided she was taking the cake home the day after the wedding. She was told by my grandma (who had paid for the cake amongst other things, my in laws didn’t contribute a penny) that she most certainly was not. Anyway everyone went home and it transpired some of the cake was in the box but a tier was missing and so was the extra cake the baker had done for us (it was fruit cake so she’d meant it as an anniversary present or something) MIL denied all knowledge, venue couldn’t find it so we had to accept they were lost.

Until a year or so later when both cakes turned up. As Christening cakes for my SIL’s latest brat. They’d had some icing put on them but some detail meant they were unmistakably the missing wedding cakes.

Did you say anything? I wouldn’t have been able to keep quiet.

GnomeDePlume · 27/04/2023 06:27

Julietand · 27/04/2023 00:42

I actually agree with PPs that unless you’re massively NC or have serious issues, it’s very poor form to not invite your DH siblings and grandparents to your wedding. I’m sure you could have stretched to 3 more people!

But it isn't 3 more people is it? I assume the siblings have partners, possibly children. That could easily be 10 more people which completely changes the dynamic (and cost).

OP & her now DH wanted a micro wedding.

Talia99 · 27/04/2023 07:37

howrudeforme · 26/04/2023 21:27

Ooh married overseas as ils wouldn’t come to uk. Sooooo their culture is to give money as a wedding gift.

next morning I spotted mil and sil counting the cash and putting aside the money mil paid upfront as we weren’t there to organise the wedding (I didn’t have a say in stuff anyhow) fair enough - she should t be out of pocket.

The rest was taken by sil who had got her fiancé to agree to marry her saying wedding would be paid for (yes, from my wedding’s present money). And that was that!

this was 2001. Things got worse. Came home from work to find dh had packed up our lovely sideboard that my mum had gifted us (heirloom) to be shipped to mil.

divorce coming through in next few weeks.

Did you at least manage to keep the heirloom sideboard? (I totally agree with getting rid of the DH)

Panjandrum123 · 27/04/2023 07:41

@Sconesandgravy on another thread if you were organising your wedding everyone would be saying it’s your wedding, you get to choose who you invite. You did exactly what you wanted and now you’re being flamed for it. Honestly MN is sometimes the most illogical place.

I hope, despite the cake moment, you enjoyed your day and one day can laugh about it.

howrudeforme · 27/04/2023 07:50

@Talia99 no!

this was down to dh rather than ils though. Once divorce through he’s moving home to his DM. I prefer her to him tbh.

Talia99 · 27/04/2023 07:58

howrudeforme · 27/04/2023 07:50

@Talia99 no!

this was down to dh rather than ils though. Once divorce through he’s moving home to his DM. I prefer her to him tbh.

Sounds like you are well shot of him - sorry about the sideboard though😄

More seriously, I think this thread shows that catering to CF in-laws never works - it just lets them do additional damage before it is necessary to stand up to them anyway. It seems the only way to go is to show a united front against them (see no wedding cake DH mentioned previously) but I know it can be hard for people to recognise their family don’t “mean well” and aren’t “just trying to help”.

Original poster
Sconesandgravy · 27/04/2023 08:01

Panjandrum123 · 27/04/2023 07:41

@Sconesandgravy on another thread if you were organising your wedding everyone would be saying it’s your wedding, you get to choose who you invite. You did exactly what you wanted and now you’re being flamed for it. Honestly MN is sometimes the most illogical place.

I hope, despite the cake moment, you enjoyed your day and one day can laugh about it.

It is illogical at times! I do suspect some people are deliberately goady and some people are the type to feel like they're entitled to an invitation because they came out of the same womb as their sibling.

I did really enjoy my wedding... And truth be told we did have a giggle about MILs audacity last night 🤣

OP posts:
thimblewomgee247 · 27/04/2023 08:07

LadyMuckingabout · 26/04/2023 17:15

Where to start… sigh. For a start the pil turned up at the church after me. The vicar was spitting feathers. Dh was panicking. They were late… just because.

During the signing of the register fil came straight up to me and started on angrily that the lane up to the church was bumpy.

Afterwards Mil only ordered wedding photos of herself . When I mentioned our wedding a few weeks later, mil breezed that she couldn’t remember a thing about it 🙁. Needless to say they contributed nowt and our present turned out to be the same one they’d bought for bil’s wedding five years before which had not taken place.

Honestly I would have started the service and let them walk in late. (Unless there was an excellent reason)

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 27/04/2023 08:14

PIL offered to pay for half of the reception with my parents. They were looking at the brochure from the hotel and the sample menus. It was a summer wedding so we'd picked melon starters, and a gateaux selection for dessert as most people like cake.

FIL kicked off because they wanted soup for starters and apple crumble and custard for dessert. They kept threatening not to come and not to pay for their share. I had a word with the hotel and said could we have our chosen menu for everyone else but could they do soup and apple crumble for them two. The hotel lady said this was fine. FIL kicked off about that as he claimed I was making him look stupid as he'd be different to everyone else, so he begrudgingly accepted the melon and cake.

DP wanted himself, best man and the two Dads in top hat and tails, so he organised suit rental. FIL kicked off at that and said he didn't want to wear the suit. DP told him the trousers and waistcoats were grey with black jackets and hats, so if he could wear a black or grey suit, he'd blend in with the rest of the males. He turned up on the day in beige chinos and a brown tweed jacket. DP was upset about this as he looked out of place and not part of the wedding party.

As it happens, it was one of the hottest days of the year. We'd been standing around in the sun in the park next to the hotel having photos done, so everyone was hot and sweaty! By the time everyone got into the reception and were seated, they were extremely grateful when the plates of cool melon came out. Loads of guests said thank you for picking that!

OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide · 27/04/2023 08:56

SparklyBlackKitten · 26/04/2023 23:50

So you had a micro wedding
But a mega cake by the sounds of it

"Top tier"? Why do you have a top tier in a cake when only so few people where there.

Plus.. if you invite your closest friend's partner ,but not siblings?
Sounds to me you are the CF!

We had 60 guests, more in the evening and were still eating cake 4 years later (from the freezer).

The cake cost 3 times what my dress cost (only bought that 2 weeks before because my mother refused to let me get married in jeans). There’s not enough focus on the cake at weddings in my view. 😁

ReadersD1gest · 27/04/2023 09:11

4 years Confused

thebestbirtheraccordingtoDD · 27/04/2023 09:12

howrudeforme · 26/04/2023 21:27

Ooh married overseas as ils wouldn’t come to uk. Sooooo their culture is to give money as a wedding gift.

next morning I spotted mil and sil counting the cash and putting aside the money mil paid upfront as we weren’t there to organise the wedding (I didn’t have a say in stuff anyhow) fair enough - she should t be out of pocket.

The rest was taken by sil who had got her fiancé to agree to marry her saying wedding would be paid for (yes, from my wedding’s present money). And that was that!

this was 2001. Things got worse. Came home from work to find dh had packed up our lovely sideboard that my mum had gifted us (heirloom) to be shipped to mil.

divorce coming through in next few weeks.

Wowee. That's unbelievable

OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide · 27/04/2023 09:13

ReadersD1gest · 27/04/2023 09:11

4 years Confused

It wasn’t an ordinary cake. ;)

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 27/04/2023 09:54

The trolls are being boring now. "How very DARE another family have a different dynamic to mine!" Take no notice @Sconesandgravy, you don't have to give in to the demands to explain every aspect of your life.

Charlottewebsbabies · 27/04/2023 11:03

I've told the story of my cf brother and his cf bride on here

But my cf narcissistic mother at the wedding-she's a very controlling woman to say the least

We had to talk her out of wearing white-the colour scheme was red and white

She had a hissy fit so cf brother and cf bride changed it to pink and white

She demanded to choose the brides dress,shoes,veil and underwear

Cf bride refused and took her own mum to which my mother threw a fit and told them she wasn't going to the wedding

Cf brother and cf bride freaked out as she was paying for the after-doo and if she wasn't going,she wouldn't pay for it (her family where paying for the wedding day-my parents for the evening bit)

They wanted to get married,but didn't see why it should cost them a bean

I don't know how they calmed her down but they did

She had another fit over the cake-they wanted chocolate-she wanted fruit

Another fit over the guest list-they couldn't invite their friends-it was her list or nothing

She wanted to choose the best man-my uncle not cf brothers bestie

Loads more but would be here all day

Wedding day finally arrives-cf mother is sat wearing dark purple and black (she claimed to have modelled herself on carole middleton-which didnt make any sense as im sure carole didnt wear dark purple and black to the royal wedding),she stinks to high heavens of b.o as she refused to have a shower (she's a larger lady) and had refused to allow my father to shower either-hed been shovelling horse shit (gardener) an hour before,so he had a whiff about him too (and his suit was his 'best'-he'd bought it for his own wedding day,40 years earlier and it was 'well worn' to say the least-he wasnt allowed to buy or hire another)

We get to the meal-30 jacket potatoes with no toppings (not even butter) for over 150 people-another fit as I had to run to sainsburys just feed my kids

She'd been in charge of the food herself-and had ordered just 30 jacket potatoes out of sheer spite

She'd also ordered the cheapest white wine-a full 3 bottles-150 people and 3 bottles of wine-coke was £5 a glass

We get through this-to the evening doo-speaches and everything

My mother has another hissy fit as she's not been given a bouquet of flowers to say thank you for giving birth to the groom-screaming, shouting,tears-the whole 9 yards

She then sat and got pissed,bitched to her uninvited bitchy sisters,threw up in a plant pot and passed out

The bride and groom lasted 3 months after this

viques · 27/04/2023 11:11

I have read through this thread, and OMG do I now want a slice of wedding cake, fruit cake please, with marzipan and royal icing, my favourite. So if anyone out there is hoarding a top layer they have pinched from a recent wedding please let me know.

Crepyenvalois · 27/04/2023 11:19

Charlottewebsbabies · 27/04/2023 11:03

I've told the story of my cf brother and his cf bride on here

But my cf narcissistic mother at the wedding-she's a very controlling woman to say the least

We had to talk her out of wearing white-the colour scheme was red and white

She had a hissy fit so cf brother and cf bride changed it to pink and white

She demanded to choose the brides dress,shoes,veil and underwear

Cf bride refused and took her own mum to which my mother threw a fit and told them she wasn't going to the wedding

Cf brother and cf bride freaked out as she was paying for the after-doo and if she wasn't going,she wouldn't pay for it (her family where paying for the wedding day-my parents for the evening bit)

They wanted to get married,but didn't see why it should cost them a bean

I don't know how they calmed her down but they did

She had another fit over the cake-they wanted chocolate-she wanted fruit

Another fit over the guest list-they couldn't invite their friends-it was her list or nothing

She wanted to choose the best man-my uncle not cf brothers bestie

Loads more but would be here all day

Wedding day finally arrives-cf mother is sat wearing dark purple and black (she claimed to have modelled herself on carole middleton-which didnt make any sense as im sure carole didnt wear dark purple and black to the royal wedding),she stinks to high heavens of b.o as she refused to have a shower (she's a larger lady) and had refused to allow my father to shower either-hed been shovelling horse shit (gardener) an hour before,so he had a whiff about him too (and his suit was his 'best'-he'd bought it for his own wedding day,40 years earlier and it was 'well worn' to say the least-he wasnt allowed to buy or hire another)

We get to the meal-30 jacket potatoes with no toppings (not even butter) for over 150 people-another fit as I had to run to sainsburys just feed my kids

She'd been in charge of the food herself-and had ordered just 30 jacket potatoes out of sheer spite

She'd also ordered the cheapest white wine-a full 3 bottles-150 people and 3 bottles of wine-coke was £5 a glass

We get through this-to the evening doo-speaches and everything

My mother has another hissy fit as she's not been given a bouquet of flowers to say thank you for giving birth to the groom-screaming, shouting,tears-the whole 9 yards

She then sat and got pissed,bitched to her uninvited bitchy sisters,threw up in a plant pot and passed out

The bride and groom lasted 3 months after this

Shock
Inkpotlover · 27/04/2023 11:20

Julietand · 27/04/2023 00:42

I actually agree with PPs that unless you’re massively NC or have serious issues, it’s very poor form to not invite your DH siblings and grandparents to your wedding. I’m sure you could have stretched to 3 more people!

No it's not. My sister is an aggressive narc who treats my parents like shit and her partner is a racist bigot and I'm LC with them. If I ever got married in the same way OP chose, no way would I invite them over my best friends, who are lovely and none of the above.

Shirls2 · 27/04/2023 11:29

Charlottewebsbabies · 27/04/2023 11:03

I've told the story of my cf brother and his cf bride on here

But my cf narcissistic mother at the wedding-she's a very controlling woman to say the least

We had to talk her out of wearing white-the colour scheme was red and white

She had a hissy fit so cf brother and cf bride changed it to pink and white

She demanded to choose the brides dress,shoes,veil and underwear

Cf bride refused and took her own mum to which my mother threw a fit and told them she wasn't going to the wedding

Cf brother and cf bride freaked out as she was paying for the after-doo and if she wasn't going,she wouldn't pay for it (her family where paying for the wedding day-my parents for the evening bit)

They wanted to get married,but didn't see why it should cost them a bean

I don't know how they calmed her down but they did

She had another fit over the cake-they wanted chocolate-she wanted fruit

Another fit over the guest list-they couldn't invite their friends-it was her list or nothing

She wanted to choose the best man-my uncle not cf brothers bestie

Loads more but would be here all day

Wedding day finally arrives-cf mother is sat wearing dark purple and black (she claimed to have modelled herself on carole middleton-which didnt make any sense as im sure carole didnt wear dark purple and black to the royal wedding),she stinks to high heavens of b.o as she refused to have a shower (she's a larger lady) and had refused to allow my father to shower either-hed been shovelling horse shit (gardener) an hour before,so he had a whiff about him too (and his suit was his 'best'-he'd bought it for his own wedding day,40 years earlier and it was 'well worn' to say the least-he wasnt allowed to buy or hire another)

We get to the meal-30 jacket potatoes with no toppings (not even butter) for over 150 people-another fit as I had to run to sainsburys just feed my kids

She'd been in charge of the food herself-and had ordered just 30 jacket potatoes out of sheer spite

She'd also ordered the cheapest white wine-a full 3 bottles-150 people and 3 bottles of wine-coke was £5 a glass

We get through this-to the evening doo-speaches and everything

My mother has another hissy fit as she's not been given a bouquet of flowers to say thank you for giving birth to the groom-screaming, shouting,tears-the whole 9 yards

She then sat and got pissed,bitched to her uninvited bitchy sisters,threw up in a plant pot and passed out

The bride and groom lasted 3 months after this

Oh my gosh. The jacket potatoes and wine! She sounds like a nightmare. Did she expect to work a miracle like Jesus feeding the multitudes with the few loaves and two fish?

This is why we insisted on paying for ours ourselves. It felt great to say “Our wedding and our money 🤷🏼‍♀️” when people questioned some of our choices - usually stuff from parents like “You’re paying how much on X?!” I just knew these words would be said and I would have opted for stuff I didn’t really love but were cheaper if we accepted very kind offers to pay for certain things, even though I know that shouldn’t be the case. We knew the relatives kindly offering are very interfering and would have wanted a certain dress, cake made by their unreliable, flaky acquaintance etc.

Charlottewebsbabies · 27/04/2023 11:44

Shirls2 · 27/04/2023 11:29

Oh my gosh. The jacket potatoes and wine! She sounds like a nightmare. Did she expect to work a miracle like Jesus feeding the multitudes with the few loaves and two fish?

This is why we insisted on paying for ours ourselves. It felt great to say “Our wedding and our money 🤷🏼‍♀️” when people questioned some of our choices - usually stuff from parents like “You’re paying how much on X?!” I just knew these words would be said and I would have opted for stuff I didn’t really love but were cheaper if we accepted very kind offers to pay for certain things, even though I know that shouldn’t be the case. We knew the relatives kindly offering are very interfering and would have wanted a certain dress, cake made by their unreliable, flaky acquaintance etc.

Show quote history

It was her way,or she'd ruin the whole day

Honest to God it was sheer spite the whole time

She's always done it-i remember giving birth to her first grandchild

She moaned because I gave birth just after 11pm

She goes to bed at 8:30

I didn't allow her to be at the birth

She ordered a takeaway to keep herself awake-she tried to charge me £10 (26 years ago) for it

She threw the tantrum from hell because we A-didnt ring her the second the head crowned
B-we had ten minutes as a family first
C-she claimed we rang everyone else first-she should have been the first to know
(She was the first)
D-i put baby in an outfit I bought as the first-i should have put bubs in the outfit she'd bought-which I didn't clap eyes on until the next day
E-she chose the most awful,tatty rag as bubs coming home from the hospital outfit-another fit as I put my own outfit on her and chucked the rag-i wouldn't have mopped the floor with hers-it was threadbare and full of holes

I'm nc with her