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Original poster

To ask you to share CF in law stories from your weddings?

685 replies

Sconesandgravy · 26/04/2023 08:30

Please share your CF in law stories from your weddings. I need to know it's not just me that has one.

I got married on Saturday. We had a micro wedding for multiple reasons. Our daughter, our closest friend each and their partner, and our parents or in my case parental. No siblings or other family.

My Mother in Law is weirdly emeshed with DH's two older siblings and can't cope if they aren't included in everything.

As we were cutting the cake, and having our moment, She shouts out "Make sure you save a piece for BIL, SIL and grandad!" After we'd served everyone she hacked off a huge messy chunk for them, rather than take the finger slices we'd been cutting rendering the rest of the top tier unusable.

It sounds childish but out of all the "petty" moments of the day this one stuck out the most. I think it's because she "stole" my moment.

I'm sure I'll laugh about it in years to come, but it's been four days and amongst the nastier things she did I am beyond angry. So I'm using MN as a form of catharsis, in the hopes that other people have nightmare in laws 😁

OP posts:
Sugarshoots · 03/05/2023 21:36

Some of these stories are awful, the cheek of some people thinking they have right over a wedding! Also eye rolling at how mumsnet never changes with the posters who can’t seem to read before replying. OP has made her situation clear at least 5 times, she done nothing wrong and they had the day they wanted so move on.

I went to a relatives wedding a few years back and there was a clear divide between both family sides. They wouldn’t mingle with each other and sat far apart pretending each other wasn’t there. There hadn’t been a falling out, I think the MOTB was jealous of her DD relationship with her MIL. It was very awkward and felt like enduring a playground punishment. The poor bride looked upset all day and didn’t enjoy any part of it.
Another that stands out was when the groom got drunk at the breakfast and wore a pineapple shaped fancy dress hat and plastic sunshine sunglasses all day. The bride spent the whole day trying to pull him away from situations like a naughty toddler. Every single photo has him looking like a child’s entertainer. The bride had lost some weight so her dress didn’t fit at all, her MIL made a speech about how she wishes she didn’t have a fat DIL but she’s glad she’s finally eating salad and should be slim soon. Anger from the brides family soon came and the reception was cut short. Extremely outing so apologies if the bride is on here and sees this!
I have never been married and I’m relieved because DP has some toxic situations within his family and they’d no doubt ruin it for us.

bugbugMNthx · 05/05/2023 00:14

Biscuitmonster2318 · 30/04/2023 23:15

Probably but after losing parents, my daughter a grandson at a few months old and my husband is receiving palliative treatment for liver cancer and my children also losing all of these people. We are quite close.
I wouldn’t be there all the time and would wait to be invited, I would follow any rules about care that my children and partners wanted. But I would want to help with that burden of childcare costs.
If a parent was at home then obviously that would change. Maybe it seems I’m selfish and overbearing but I don’t want my children to struggle with childcare and costs etc if I can help a few days. Why would I not want to help relieve that stress for them if I could. Then not needing to pay out as much leaves them with more spare cash. How is that being selfish? The biggest issue with new families is that loss of income due to paying out. Being able to reduce that for them by even a day or two, from my seemingly selfish and self centred viewpoint, so they don’t have to worry and use it for a house or for family time and trips etc or just have a next egg to build.
Seemingly wrongfully I don’t want my children, their partners or grandchildren having to struggle. But to be able to enjoy their family lives without worrying.
I know the extortionate costs of daycare as I had 4 children in day care for years and worked very hard to get into a position where I can help my children and their families.
I had my children at 16 and 18 and 26 and 28.

I have read many threads on here where people are complaining that parents are not helping.

I have brought my children up and told them that is what I would love to do.
But I’m sure I will be finding threads on here in the future saying what a nightmare I am
But, I would never tell them how to raise their children and never not follow the instructions they gave me. Their children and their way. I simply want to make it easier. Less stress for them and hopefully happier families.
I would probably be vilified if I also explained that I used my house to take out mortgages to buy houses for my two older children already. They couldn’t get mortgages as too young. So I took out deposits for them both from my equity and they simply pay the mortgages and I told them what I could afford to put down and what their limit was and they chose properties. My son wanted one across the road and up one and my daughter on the street behind.

If and when they want to move they can. I’m not tying them to me.

But simply want to help them.

I've read your previous posts and can appreciate your losses and experiences have made you want to be an involved, helpful, loving grandparent.

However, as a (now) 50+ woman who never had children due to several circumstances and also having friends who have remained child-free due to choice, illness, infertility etc., it's important that you realise grandchildren are not guaranteed and no-one has the right to them.

I experienced, as a younger woman, the hopeful hints from parents and ILs and I found it pressuring. It also tipped me into guilty feelings when it became clear it couldn't happen. My mother has apologised to me for it since.

Support your children as you already do and welcome their choices and/or situation as it develops, nothing is guaranteed as you already sadly know. My best wishes to you.

WaterIris · 10/06/2023 19:54

My MIL was lovely (sadly no longer with us) and was super supportive. My DM on the other hand went a bit batshit and it culminated in a roaring row the night before the wedding. The next day was very much gritted teeth when we saw each other. We made up a few months later and in the best British tradition, never spoke of it again Grin

I have still not forgiven the colleague who I invited to my evening reception, who turned up with his GF with the pair of them in dirty jeans and anoraks. I wouldn't have minded if I'd liked him but he was an irritating twat, and I only invited him because I couldn't think of a way to invite everyone else in my team (who were fab) and leave him out, without it seeming horribly rude...

Mumtobabyhavoc · 12/06/2023 04:26

It is absolutely bizarre to me - and beyond rude - that anyone would help themselves to wedding cake when it is being served. Unless you served out pieces then said, If anyone wants seconds please help yourself, then the polite and normal thing to do is to ask. Tradition is to save the top for the first anniversary. Some don't do that now, but many do.

She sounds unhinged. What was your DH's reaction?

Magicears · 12/06/2023 06:54

My DH went to stay with my mil the night before our wedding. As it's quite close I went round and pushed a card through the door for him to read on the morning of our big day. I made it very clear on the envelope who it was for etc. As you can imagine it was very personal and heartfelt and for his eyes only...however...she opened it and read it. CF...

Porkipye · 12/06/2023 08:20

SIL asked me to design and get printed Nieces wedding invitations saying she would pay me back . Asked for the money and was told no Niece would pay me . Asked Niece and was told no SIL was paying ... and back and forth it went until I gave up

Convinced husband lent SIL money towards this wedding as money went out of our bank account that could not be accounted for . Bank statements were not as itemised back then as they are today . Checked back through the cheque book to find stubs torn out that matched the mystery amounts . HB said that he'd ordered some adult videos that hadn't arrived but they noticed that he turned frosty toward SIL afterwards. They are now nc (long story) but I'm convinced he gave her this money . Can't prove it so let it go for the sake of our marriage.

PollyThePixie · 12/06/2023 16:14

Sconesandgravy · 26/04/2023 12:04

No. My aunty and uncle. My parents weren't there. Hence why I said his parents and my parental figures.

Show quote history

Hi Op, did you previously have a thread about the accommodation - how to allocate the rooms?

PollyThePixie · 12/06/2023 16:17

I was once at a wedding where the brides father sat and cried very loudly throughout the ceremony he was so upset by his daughters choice of partner. Anyone could have been forgiven for thinking someone had died. It was extremely embarrassing.

Fifty years later the couple are still married.

Hoppinggreen · 12/06/2023 18:26

I went to one where the father of the bride stood up to do the FOB speech and instead did a eulogy to his late mother who had died over 6 months before. I mean I get that a mention would have been nice but he didn’t talk about The Bride at al.
And no, it hadn’t been agreed with the newly weds either

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