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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to share CF in law stories from your weddings?

685 replies

Sconesandgravy · 26/04/2023 08:30

Please share your CF in law stories from your weddings. I need to know it's not just me that has one.

I got married on Saturday. We had a micro wedding for multiple reasons. Our daughter, our closest friend each and their partner, and our parents or in my case parental. No siblings or other family.

My Mother in Law is weirdly emeshed with DH's two older siblings and can't cope if they aren't included in everything.

As we were cutting the cake, and having our moment, She shouts out "Make sure you save a piece for BIL, SIL and grandad!" After we'd served everyone she hacked off a huge messy chunk for them, rather than take the finger slices we'd been cutting rendering the rest of the top tier unusable.

It sounds childish but out of all the "petty" moments of the day this one stuck out the most. I think it's because she "stole" my moment.

I'm sure I'll laugh about it in years to come, but it's been four days and amongst the nastier things she did I am beyond angry. So I'm using MN as a form of catharsis, in the hopes that other people have nightmare in laws 😁

OP posts:
Frankola · 26/04/2023 21:59

@Crepyenvalois what an amazing idea! Thanks for the inspiration 🙏

RaininginDarling · 26/04/2023 22:00

OhhhBiscuits · 26/04/2023 20:27

I’m getting married in 2 month and I’m wishing we had eloped reading these 😵‍💫

Ha! I'm getting married next month. And same 😳

Iltakethat · 26/04/2023 22:01

Whammyyammy · 26/04/2023 19:59

My husband went on a stag do to Vegas about 12 years ago. One night thregroom got huffy about something and stormed off and was agressive.

Next morning they all met for breakfast and all was OK. Once all home, it turned out groom went on a bender on his own, buying a £1500 bottle of rum and losing about £8000 gambling, money that was for the wedding.
Bride to be sent an invoice to each stag for about £1000 saying it was all their fault and if we didn't pay, then wouldn't be invited to the wedding.

Felt for her, but didn't pay, and don't think anyone else did. Never attended wedding.

Did no one tell her the truth?

Iltakethat · 26/04/2023 22:02

GeorgiaGirl52 · 26/04/2023 20:01

My DD1 married a wonderful man. They had church wedding on a Saturday, all relatives on both sides invited. Reception following at grandparents' home because it was accessible for family members in wheelchairs. One bridesmaid, her best friend for 20 years. The groom's parents came but his two brothers did not -- their favorite college football team was in the semi-finals and they preferred to stay home and watch the game.

They sound like Vince Vaughans brothers out of “Four Christmases”!

Clearthinking · 26/04/2023 22:06

Mother in law offered to pay for honeymoon a nice little lodge, booked 4 beds as she genuinely thought as she paid for it she would be invited 😀

Pearfacebananapoop · 26/04/2023 22:09

1 - my cousin RSVP'd including her boyfriend (who we had never heard of( we said sorry he can't come, that side of the family had a hissy fit and didn't come.

2 - my aunt ringing and asking my dad to come look at their car when he's in his wedding suit

3 - my uncle ringing on the morning and saying he's forgotten a shirt could my dad just pop one down to him (I was in my dress by this point and had a strop as I was convinced my dad would crash rushing so the photographer took the shirt to them - why they couldn't have come and got it I do not know)

4 - someone wrote us a lovely poem and stood up and read it unannounced (but it was all about getting married in a church - we were not in a church - odd)

5 - randoms turning up as we are saying vows outside the window to take photos

Aside from that all perfectly normal!!

Red0 · 26/04/2023 22:09

NotOnMyChristianiMinecraftServer · 26/04/2023 21:31

So… she wanted to marry her brother? Lol That is what it sounds like she is implying. 😨🤨

If she just wanted to insult the bride showing up in all black funeral getup would have made more sense. 😂

I know, it was weird. Then their parents (my MIL and FIL) changed their FB profile pics to them with my DH & SIL and it honestly looks like they’re standing with a bride and groom - but they’re actually brother and sister. What did I marry into?! LOL

Brieandme · 26/04/2023 22:10

Not my wedding, but a good friend. Gay wedding, mother of one of the grooms is very religious - evangelical, had taken many years for said groom to come out of the closet, and many more years before he dared to introduce a partner to his mum (he'd actually tried to stay single to appease his family for a long time)

However she eventually accepted his fiance & came to the wedding, fine. She told him & everyone else who would listen how generous she would be in her contributions to the wedding, despite her struggles with him marrying a man, of course she never gave them a penny. Worse though, at the actual wedding, we had to intervene as we realised that while mingling, she was cheerily asking for people to pray for her son because he was going to go to hell, and how big a sacrifice it was for her to be there and see him going through with it, and what a wonderful mother that made her! This included to other gay wedding guests (she probably didn't realise they were gay, not that that makes it any better) She had even brought with her pamphlets etc from her church and was trying to encourage people to join.

He & his guests had the patience of saints.

Abracadabra28 · 26/04/2023 22:11

We started planning our dream overseas (Europe not a million miles away) wedding and SIL then started with the "well it will have to be in the school holidays, we can't take the kids out of school"...... "it's going to cost so much it will have to be our mail holiday"..... "we will be staying on site right? You're paying for our accommodation?".
So we eloped instead, just the two of us
It was great, no regrets. Inlaws (despite not being interested in attending) never congratulated us. MIL cried. FIL removed himself from the family WhatsApp group in temper. Total bunch of knobs.

IForgotMyUsernameAgain · 26/04/2023 22:26

DH's cousin turned up with a baby that we had no idea existed. Said cousin was 16 (MIL's much younger brother was cousin's Dad) and apparently it was a bit of a scandal so kept hush-hush.

I had no problems with kids at the wedding, we had loads. But crucially, all of them were invited before hand and the only one that screamed all the way through my vows was that unexpected guest!

SaltedSageSounds · 26/04/2023 22:33

iwinguys · 26/04/2023 12:30

MIL wore an ivory dress identical to mine almost

I think you win a ⭐️

You have to wonder what goes through women’s heads sometimes.

My own sister, and the mother of the bride, both wore cream at my nephews wedding. Bizarre.

RaininginDarling · 26/04/2023 22:57

SaltedSageSounds · 26/04/2023 22:33

I think you win a ⭐️

You have to wonder what goes through women’s heads sometimes.

My own sister, and the mother of the bride, both wore cream at my nephews wedding. Bizarre.

THIS!

Every other thread in Style and Beauty has some woman asking for advice on her choice of wedding guest outfit- at least half, if not more, are bridal looking. Bizarre.

TheFireflies · 26/04/2023 23:46

mogtheexcellent · 26/04/2023 11:55

MIL made a second cake and decorated it specific to DHs job eg. camouflage ribbon and army tank for military DH. Sadly the cake remained in the box which was hidden by the caterers who then forgot where it was.

I mean, it was camouflaged …

SparklyBlackKitten · 26/04/2023 23:50

So you had a micro wedding
But a mega cake by the sounds of it

"Top tier"? Why do you have a top tier in a cake when only so few people where there.

Plus.. if you invite your closest friend's partner ,but not siblings?
Sounds to me you are the CF!

NotOnMyChristianiMinecraftServer · 26/04/2023 23:54

SparklyBlackKitten · 26/04/2023 23:50

So you had a micro wedding
But a mega cake by the sounds of it

"Top tier"? Why do you have a top tier in a cake when only so few people where there.

Plus.. if you invite your closest friend's partner ,but not siblings?
Sounds to me you are the CF!

I had a tier cake for my child’s birthday. You can get small ones that really aren’t very expensive. You just have to order in advance.

Ketzele · 26/04/2023 23:54

Back in the swinging sixties, my mum hastily married my dad at a registry office (I was on the way). My dad turned up in scruffy beatnik clothes and with only one witness - a bloke he'd been shagging. They had to beg a woman in the street to be witness, and to lend them her ring too.

Afterwards my dad went off with his boyfriend and my mum hitch-hiked back to her mother's place.

Strangely, the marriage was short-lived.

NotOnMyChristianiMinecraftServer · 26/04/2023 23:59

Ketzele · 26/04/2023 23:54

Back in the swinging sixties, my mum hastily married my dad at a registry office (I was on the way). My dad turned up in scruffy beatnik clothes and with only one witness - a bloke he'd been shagging. They had to beg a woman in the street to be witness, and to lend them her ring too.

Afterwards my dad went off with his boyfriend and my mum hitch-hiked back to her mother's place.

Strangely, the marriage was short-lived.

I can’t imagine why! 🧐

Throwncrumbs · 27/04/2023 00:01

Another MIL bashing thread …..yawn!

AngryBirdsNoMore · 27/04/2023 00:11

Ketzele · 26/04/2023 23:54

Back in the swinging sixties, my mum hastily married my dad at a registry office (I was on the way). My dad turned up in scruffy beatnik clothes and with only one witness - a bloke he'd been shagging. They had to beg a woman in the street to be witness, and to lend them her ring too.

Afterwards my dad went off with his boyfriend and my mum hitch-hiked back to her mother's place.

Strangely, the marriage was short-lived.

Wow!

Sconesandgravy · 27/04/2023 00:23

SparklyBlackKitten · 26/04/2023 23:50

So you had a micro wedding
But a mega cake by the sounds of it

"Top tier"? Why do you have a top tier in a cake when only so few people where there.

Plus.. if you invite your closest friend's partner ,but not siblings?
Sounds to me you are the CF!

I mean. I wouldn't say me or DH are being CFs for having the guests and cake we wanted at the wedding we paid for. But crack on I guess. I'm guessing you're someone who feels entitled to invitations? 😬

OP posts:
IclimbedSnowdon · 27/04/2023 00:36

Mine involved mil and sil. I had a double wedding with sil. Me, my parents dh to be, his parents, sister and her dh to be met several times to make arrangements leading up to the wedding. One of the things discussed was the cake. It was agreed we'd both have two tier cakes.

Night before the wedding my father took my cake to pil house as we were marrying in their town, so they were close to the venue. When he arrived home I overheard him tell dm he thought they possibly had a three tier cake.
Wedding day arrives, and on each end of the top table were our cakes. Mine a two tier, sil four tier.
I know its a silly thing, but at the time it really upset me.

Confusedmeanderings · 27/04/2023 00:38

My DH's side of the family is very small, just his sister, her two sons (who were toddlers then) and his mother who had been diagnosed with Alzheimers at that point. I have no idea why, but DSIL decided that I was not suitable for her brother. She refused to come to our wedding, which meant that MIL couldn't come either because she needed support from someone she was familiar with. In turn this meant that there was absolutely no one from DH's family at the wedding. She told me this was OK because it was not as if it was a proper wedding anyway (it was - church, reception and everything) and also she didn't think we would stay married anyway so it wasn't worth coming (we've now been married 38 years). She also somehow persuaded DH into inviting his ex girlfriend to the wedding. Apparently, her plan was that DH would come into the church, see his ex, realise that he was making a terrible mistake and leave me at the altar. There were two flaws to her plan. The first was that DH is a thoroughly decent bloke who would never do that and has proved over the years that he loves me very much. The second was that his ex was a lovely woman, who was horrified when DSIL told her of the plan. She didn't want to create drama for us, so she didn't say anything to us, but did have a quiet word with the best man in case DSIL tried anything else. 38 years later and I still dislike DSIL. She has not improved over the years - unlike her brother!

Julietand · 27/04/2023 00:42

I actually agree with PPs that unless you’re massively NC or have serious issues, it’s very poor form to not invite your DH siblings and grandparents to your wedding. I’m sure you could have stretched to 3 more people!

Cantbelieveit101 · 27/04/2023 00:45

My MIL had her outfit sorted and matching colour tie etc for my FIL.

Three days before the wedding she was "ironing the tie" and ruined it. Instead of buying a new tie in the same colour she went and got herself a new outfit in the same colour as my bridesmaid dresses.
She had found out the colour the day before.

Sconesandgravy · 27/04/2023 00:50

Julietand · 27/04/2023 00:42

I actually agree with PPs that unless you’re massively NC or have serious issues, it’s very poor form to not invite your DH siblings and grandparents to your wedding. I’m sure you could have stretched to 3 more people!

It would probably help if you read the thread tbh.
But because you clearly haven't: We didn't invite my siblings either. Both sets of grandparents are too ill/frail to attend. My parental figures came instead of my parents not as well as. Both sets of grandparents had already had visits arranged with us post wedding, one was too ill so we've rearranged
. And no. We couldn't have "stretched" due to venue limitations. Even if we wanted to. Which we didn't. Because the point of a small wedding with the people we're closest to is exactly that. A small wedding with the people we're closest to.

OP posts:
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