Page 16 | To ask you to share CF in law stories from your weddings?

Sconesandgravy · 2023-04-26T07:30:25+00:00

Please share your CF in law stories from your weddings. I need to know it's not just me that has one. I got married on Saturday. We had a micro wedding for multiple reasons. Our daughter, our closest friend each and their partner, and our parents or in my case parental. No siblings or other family. My Mother in Law is weirdly emeshed with DH's two older siblings and can't cope if they aren't included in everything. As we were cutting the cake, and having our moment, She shouts out "Make sure you save a piece for BIL, SIL and grandad!" After we'd served everyone she hacked off a huge messy chunk for them, rather than take the finger slices we'd been cutting rendering the rest of the top tier unusable. It sounds childish but out of all the "petty" moments of the day this one stuck out the most. I think it's because she "stole" my moment. I'm sure I'll laugh about it in years to come, but it's been four days and amongst the nastier things she did I am beyond angry. So I'm using MN as a form of catharsis, in the hopes that other people have nightmare in laws 😁

NotOnMyChristianiMinecraftServer · 26/04/2023 20:41

SpicedPumpkinLatte · 26/04/2023 20:27

This is standard if it's a South Asian family. You don't have a wedding, or any function, without serving a hot meal. You don't even have a house guest without offering a hot snack or meal tbf.

It's overstepping, but also a massive culture clash and the groom's family probably would have felt extremely embarrassed not to have a hot meal for guests.

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Yeah sorry I’m white as snow and I feel like the groom should have stepped in and said something to the bride when planning so she could avoid this. I know a lot of asians particularly chinese have a strong cultural feelings about hot drinks for example. Apparently it’s rude to serve them hot water if I’m not mistaken? It’s just my two cents but in my opinion a wedding is an event for both families to come together. The grooms family’s feelings should have been taken into consideration in this case scenario. While yes it’s overstepping I am sympathetic to their plight.

Blondey2023 · 26/04/2023 20:42

Red0 · 26/04/2023 20:40

Same here. Didn’t speak to me all day in fact. Who knows why. And she’s got a face like a slapped arse on all the pictures.

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Haha yup the classic MIL facial expression! 😂

Crepyenvalois · 26/04/2023 20:45

Frankola · 26/04/2023 20:02

My SIL wore a WHITE TULLE skirted dress!

My MIL brought a picnic and they kept it in the car. After the wedding, whilst photos were being taken and canapés and champagne were being handed out for guests she went to the car and got out a tonne of sandwiches wrapped in tin foil...DHs family then sat there scoffing them. As well as helping themselves to the canapés too. When DH mentioned it to them and asked why they brought food when canapés were provided and the wedding breakfast was being served just 60 mins after the service she simply said "we didn't want to be hungry" 😡

SIL gets married in a year. Yes i will be getting my own back. I don't care if its petty 😂

Order Dominos and get them to honk their moped horn when they arrive!

Frankola · 26/04/2023 20:47

Shirls2 · 26/04/2023 20:40

Ah Frankola, I had a (gluttonous) CF in-law who said she was going to bring snacks to my wedding. Like you, we had far more food than the main meal and food was a massive chunk of our budget as it was so important to us that our guests really enjoyed the food and were full as we are both greedy and love nice food. She is getting married next year and let’s just say I will be like Gordon Ramsey judging the food… 😁😉 It’ll be a dry wedding (not religious/alcoholism reasons but for costs) and imagine I announced I’d be taking a hip flask…

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Yes @Shirls2 ! Come join my club! I thought I was the only 1!

If I were you I'd definitely be taking a personal drinks stash. And snacks. Noisy, crunchy snacks that make it obvious 🤣

Squidger45 · 26/04/2023 20:47

margarine17 · 26/04/2023 12:16

Yeah, I guess there's small, there's eloping and then there's (my aunt but not your brother). Still each to their own. But I don't blame MIL for trying to ( apparently clumsily) grab a bit of cake for her other children and her dad. She was probably in bits. My adult children are close though so maybe that's the difference. If one of them upped and eloped everyone would be thrilled. And there would be a big party for them when they returned. If they had a teensy ceremony at the registrar office all good too. Again a big party afterwards.
But asking an aunt and uncle but not a sibling would not fly in my family. I accept that every family is different but that would be verging on unforgiveable in mine. It would be like not asking your mum.

Aunt and uncle replaced brides parents - they were her parental figures as her mother and father were not invited. Not quite the same as you're suggesting.

SpicedPumpkinLatte · 26/04/2023 20:51

NotOnMyChristianiMinecraftServer · 26/04/2023 20:41

Yeah sorry I’m white as snow and I feel like the groom should have stepped in and said something to the bride when planning so she could avoid this. I know a lot of asians particularly chinese have a strong cultural feelings about hot drinks for example. Apparently it’s rude to serve them hot water if I’m not mistaken? It’s just my two cents but in my opinion a wedding is an event for both families to come together. The grooms family’s feelings should have been taken into consideration in this case scenario. While yes it’s overstepping I am sympathetic to their plight.

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Exactly. It's such a huge cultural norm, that the groom should have sorted it in advance and ensured food would be acceptable for his family too.

HarleyLane · 26/04/2023 20:53

NOOOOOO not more MIL bashing.

I want to write about my CF DIL.

NotOnMyChristianiMinecraftServer · 26/04/2023 20:54

Sorry I meant it’s rude to NOT serve them a hot drink.

Red0 · 26/04/2023 20:57

SIL turned up in a white gown and veiled fascinator. Twat.

stepstepstep · 26/04/2023 21:00

My aunt (my ILs were impeccably behaved) invited about 10 people to my evening do and they proceeded to drink the free bar dry (I’d never seen these people in my life). The morning after a different aunt slipped in the shower at the hotel where the wedding was held (a mat was provided but she didn’t use it), insisted my dad drive her 50 miles home and then tried (unsuccessfully) to sue the hotel.

alphasox · 26/04/2023 21:03

Also not my wedding but that of a close friend many decades ago. My friend’s MIL-to-be insisted that a group of Aunts and Uncles be invited to arrive an hour early, because they had form of turning up v late and ruining weddings. Of course the group then turned up 90mins early, found a locked church and were so pissed off with her MIL for the deception that they started a fight that kept bubbling up all day, including one throwing a punch at the groom, and so they ruined the wedding anyway!

nedtherobbot · 26/04/2023 21:08

We planned a very small budget wedding, but had all the family from both sides that our parents wanted to invite, church wedding followed by reception in local pub which was ours for the day as we knew the owner well hot buffet and evning disco. Choose to use family cars/walk to very near by venue almost opposite each other a street away from house. Mil insisted we needed a proper wedding car a couple of weeks before wedding and that she would pay for it as it was thar important to her. She cleared Dh's savings out to pay for it (family outfits, professional hair and make up, and other extras that she wanted to add) they had a joint account set up when he was a teen struggling with his mental health so she could get his benefits for him, that were meant to pay for out inital cost of our first rental after the wedding. Later found out by looking at thr bank statements it had been booked for months.

DivorcingEU · 26/04/2023 21:12

I got married in STBX's home country. Different customs, but I rolled with it. I wanted a tiered wedding cake though, that was really important to me. And I wanted it to be a fruit cake, marzipan and royal icing. I was organising from abroad, in another language and getting this cake made (no tradition of fruit cakes or even wedding cakes there!) was a lot of effort. The baker quite enjoyed the totally new challenge but it was stressful.

So cake ended up just how I wanted it. Top tier to be saved.

Only MIL decided that my absent SIL (her DIL) should have some cake. There was plenty of cake left. But she took the entire top tier and gave it to BIL (her Son/DH's brother) who left with it before I knew. I only found out because I spent ages looking for it the next day without success.

I know it's not the end of the world, but the cake was one of they only things about the wedding that was from my culture and I was so happy to have actually managed to get it made properly. I had also paid for it. And this SIL was truly a PITA, with her kids being the hardest kids anybody has ever had in the history of kids and she was such an amazing mother to bring them up (her voicemail answer was along the lines of "Hello, Supermum here! I'm busy being an awesome mum and I can't get to the phone. Please leave a message after the beep."). Of ALL the people to get that top tier, she was bottom of the list of people I'd have wanted to have it.

DottieDolly · 26/04/2023 21:14

I think your wedding sounds lovely and good for you doing it the way you wanted. I don't understand how people are so closed minded that they can't understand why you'd want to have a small wedding with friends rather than family. I would want something similar and totally get your reasoning. Her behaviour sounds really awful and I'm sorry she ruined your moment. Hope you still managed to have a lovely day. I'm having toxic MIL issues at the moment so can really sympathise.

Flyingsparks · 26/04/2023 21:18

Sconesandgravy · 26/04/2023 11:57

No we didn't refuse to invite his grandpa. His grandpa is actually incredibly poorly and cannot leave his nursing home without a tremendous amount of intervention, and it then leaves him poorly for weeks.

No matter what wedding we'd have had his grandpa wouldn't have been able to come. It's a similar situation with my grandma, except she's in a totally different part of the country so there was no way we could have had either there

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Don’t bother explaining yourself OP. Some people on here dying to take offence over other people’s choices.

Your choices are totally reasonable.

You had the wedding you wanted, with the people who are most important to you.

Some people like big weddings- others prefer small ones. Some people are closer to friends than family. I have no idea why people don’t get that people ( and their situations ) are different 🤷‍♀️

Congratulation on your marriage

ImJustMeSimpleMe · 26/04/2023 21:20

Week before our wedding mil decided she was now vegetarian and I needed to sort her a vegetarian meal.

Then there was the talk of mil/fil wearing matching football shirts because it's a small wedding so must be casual wear.

We booked them a hotel room....they left after the wedding meal (wedding was 1pm, meal about 3.30, they left at 5pm) to go home because they had a house viewing. (They did manage to empty the room of tea, biscuits, toiletries before the left)

Then day after the wedding they invited all DH side of the family to a meal and night in a hotel which was close to where we live. But didn't invite us. (So, mil, fil, DH grandparents, sil, bil, their partners and dc) we only found out because bil asked what time we would be getting to the meal as we parted ways day after wedding.

Now bare in mind we got married in one place, we live 2hrs drive away, in laws drive this same way and then an extra 3hours home). They expect us to believe they drove 5 hours home for a house viewing the following day, then 3 hours back (after house viewing) to have a meal with family (minus us). DH and I are convinced they went straight to the hotel they had the meal at after our wedding rather than stay over.

And there was the 2nd hand present with food residue inside it.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 26/04/2023 21:21

OopsAnotherOne · 26/04/2023 14:31

Not my wedding but my best friend's - she's given me the "role" of planning her hen do. She understandably wanted everyone to contribute to their own accommodation etc and arrange it as a getaway for the girls, rather than a specific hen do in a venue etc. We could all decide on a plan we are all happy with, as well as something we knew the bride would like. The bride, on her request, was not in the groupchat that us girls had to plan the hen do as it was supposed to be a surprise.

We'd spent a month or so organising a little trip away that would be fun, affordable and avoided international travel to further save on costs but also hassle. This is due to some of the attendees being in financial situations which meant we couldn't have stretched our budget further but we thought the bride would rather the good company and laughs with all of us than booking a much more expensive holiday far away where only half of us could attend. The holiday we'd agreed on was in the same country we live in, but a few hours away in the car so a proper "getaway" and we'd planned some activities and places to visit that we knew the bride would like.

We also agreed that we would all contribute to pay all costs for the bride as a wedding present, meaning we could just give her the dates and a list of what to pack.

I messaged the bride to let her know that a decision had been made and as long as she was available on "x dates" then we would book it up! She then replied to say she'd actually forgotten she'd asked me to book the hen-do and told me that she'd been planning one herself. She said she still wanted everyone to pay for themselves, but after further discussions it became apparent that the cost we would all have to pay for the hen do was far more than most of us could reasonably spend on our budgets (think 5* hotel in foreign country for 10 days rather than long weekend somewhere closer and more affordable for the majority). The bride is in a much more fortunate financial situation than the rest of us and while we are genuinely happy for her success obviously, it means we can't really afford the same type of holidays that she can. Also not all of us have the availability or time off work to take a 10 day holiday.

I explained we'd planned something for her, and sadly almost all of us couldn't afford her holiday. Cue the most almighty blow-up from her, she phoned me and started shouting/crying about how we couldn't make sacrifices for her and her wedding, we couldn't be true friends if we wouldn't even consider making cuts elsewhere in our household budgets to accommodate her plans, she shouldn't have left us to plan something as she knew we'd do it "on the cheap" etc. It went on for ages and honestly I was gobsmacked and really hurt. I understood we'd done an "affordable" getaway but it was still planned to be lovely, with beautiful accommodation, activities etc and she did admit that she thought it would be nice but she added "it's not what I want before my wedding".

Unfortunately now the bride is essentially going on her hen do in the 5* hotel with her fiancee as the only other people who is able to spend the amount it costs, defeating the object of a hen-do, and she has pissed off the girls who tried to do our best to give her the best hen do while ensuring everyone she wanted to come could be present. We aren't really sure what to do or say and don't want to make the situation any worse but we are all pretty hurt by her outburst.

Hen dos have become bonkers in recent years! I had to decline one last year because the budget was looking to be £800+ - for a weekend!!

Chickenwing2 · 26/04/2023 21:27

Your MIL is an arsehole and was doing it to make a point.

It was your wedding and no one except you and your DH got to decide who went. I will never understand why people care so much about other people's weddings or feel entitled to an invite.

You can be much closer to a friend than a sibling and thats OK!

howrudeforme · 26/04/2023 21:27

Ooh married overseas as ils wouldn’t come to uk. Sooooo their culture is to give money as a wedding gift.

next morning I spotted mil and sil counting the cash and putting aside the money mil paid upfront as we weren’t there to organise the wedding (I didn’t have a say in stuff anyhow) fair enough - she should t be out of pocket.

The rest was taken by sil who had got her fiancé to agree to marry her saying wedding would be paid for (yes, from my wedding’s present money). And that was that!

this was 2001. Things got worse. Came home from work to find dh had packed up our lovely sideboard that my mum had gifted us (heirloom) to be shipped to mil.

divorce coming through in next few weeks.

NotOnMyChristianiMinecraftServer · 26/04/2023 21:31

Red0 · 26/04/2023 20:57

SIL turned up in a white gown and veiled fascinator. Twat.

So… she wanted to marry her brother? Lol That is what it sounds like she is implying. 😨🤨

If she just wanted to insult the bride showing up in all black funeral getup would have made more sense. 😂

SunshineAndFizz · 26/04/2023 21:33

I love a good CF thread.

Iltakethat · 26/04/2023 21:43

OhThatChicken · 26/04/2023 17:13

Cake related here too. GMIL (who is batshit at the best of times) got wind of the fact that we weren't having a wedding cake and instead was having a cake of cheese.

Because both of our families are a bit full on we'd deliberately said we'd pay for everything and also organise it all. We'd barely mentioned any details beyond venue/time/big stuff so no opportunities for faffing.

But somehow she found out. It became a thing. She talked to everyone about it. Began sending now DH links to cakes. Rang me at work about it. Told us if we were too poor to buy a cake she'd pay for it as a wedding present (we declined - we just don't like cake plus the dessert of the meal was basically three kinds of cake anyway!). We were polite but firm. We could afford a cake. We didn't want one. Thank you anyway. Ever time. For about three months.

In the end she told MIL that she was bringing a cake to the wedding and would 'sneak it' into the reception and put it on the table next to the cake of cheese before we could see it. Thankfully MIL knew DH would lose his shit and told him beforehand.

He (proving why I knew he was the man for me) met her in the car park and told her if she stepped one foot into the venue with the cake he would escort her from the building and not allow her into the wedding.

She left it in the car.

Apparently they were eating fruit cake for a month. And DH is the one of his siblings who has least drama / stress / lunacy from his older family members.

Excellent man!

sofamarathon · 26/04/2023 21:46

Silly woman. Why would they have wanted a slice
Of cake?

Seems batty to think they would care about the cake when not invited to the acrid wedding

RaininginDarling · 26/04/2023 21:53

howrudeforme · 26/04/2023 21:27

Ooh married overseas as ils wouldn’t come to uk. Sooooo their culture is to give money as a wedding gift.

next morning I spotted mil and sil counting the cash and putting aside the money mil paid upfront as we weren’t there to organise the wedding (I didn’t have a say in stuff anyhow) fair enough - she should t be out of pocket.

The rest was taken by sil who had got her fiancé to agree to marry her saying wedding would be paid for (yes, from my wedding’s present money). And that was that!

this was 2001. Things got worse. Came home from work to find dh had packed up our lovely sideboard that my mum had gifted us (heirloom) to be shipped to mil.

divorce coming through in next few weeks.

Bloody hell.

💐

MuchTooTired · 26/04/2023 21:56

GnomeDePlume · 26/04/2023 18:02

DH and I didn't go to DD & DSIL's wedding.

It was covid times. The rules kept changing, we didn't know if we would be risking being arrested on the motorway. So we made the decision.

Reading this thread I am realising we should have insisted on being there, messing up the convoluted arrangements around how many people could be together at any one time and generally making total pains of ourselves!

I am a total failure and hang my head in shame!

It’s not too late to redeem yourself. You just have to bully them relentlessly in to doing it again let’s face it, doing it properly this time because you’ll be there book what you want and promise to pay for it obviously don’t, stitch them for the bill and ta da! you have the wedding you always dreamt of for your baby girl. I hope you get some fabulous photos of yourself and DH at the wedding, and enjoy your romantic mini shoot!