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Original poster

To ask you to share CF in law stories from your weddings?

685 replies

Sconesandgravy · 26/04/2023 08:30

Please share your CF in law stories from your weddings. I need to know it's not just me that has one.

I got married on Saturday. We had a micro wedding for multiple reasons. Our daughter, our closest friend each and their partner, and our parents or in my case parental. No siblings or other family.

My Mother in Law is weirdly emeshed with DH's two older siblings and can't cope if they aren't included in everything.

As we were cutting the cake, and having our moment, She shouts out "Make sure you save a piece for BIL, SIL and grandad!" After we'd served everyone she hacked off a huge messy chunk for them, rather than take the finger slices we'd been cutting rendering the rest of the top tier unusable.

It sounds childish but out of all the "petty" moments of the day this one stuck out the most. I think it's because she "stole" my moment.

I'm sure I'll laugh about it in years to come, but it's been four days and amongst the nastier things she did I am beyond angry. So I'm using MN as a form of catharsis, in the hopes that other people have nightmare in laws 😁

OP posts:
StrawberryWater · 26/04/2023 14:38

SIL decided to steal 3/4 of our cake so she could take it home to share with her colleagues (who I've never met!). I didn't realise until I saw her bundling multiple Tupperware boxes into her car. By then she'd hacked the cake to pieces (hadn't even cut it nicely), left barely any for our guests and I ended up with none of it. I was fuming.

My venue did give me a gift to try and make up for it (as once we'd cut the cake they were supposed to have taken it back to the kitchen to cut up for the guests) but it just didn't help.

I was tempted to do the same at SIL's wedding but I'm not grubby.

Iltakethat · 26/04/2023 14:40

Oopsadaisysgranny · 26/04/2023 10:23

My PIL didn’t come to our wedding ! They were invited but decided they had to open their cafe rather than bother to attend !! They never apologised or even mentioned it in 33 years . I must admit I always struggled to forget or forgive . They didn’t say they would not attend they just didn’t show up

Shocking.

Also this one:
PIL came and collected DH the morning after to take him to visit a family member who was invited but declined to come to the wedding.

I sincerely hope he didn't go? If he did, your dh is part of the problem.

Bananagirl23 · 26/04/2023 14:41

Agree it’s your wedding - you should be allowed to invite whoever you like. I have a horrible FIL story - he has a history of putting me down in nasty ways. I lost quite a bit of weight from wedding planning stress and on the day all he said to me was “you know you really should put on some fat and muscle, you’re far too thin!”

Red0 · 26/04/2023 14:43

SIL wore white and a veiled fascinator. MIL didn’t speak to me all day and never did find out why. Pair of dicks.

SinnerBoy · 26/04/2023 14:46

Iwasafool · Today 12:00

My late MIL turned up dressed in black from head to foot and cried through the service. Made me feel very welcomed into the family.

Blimey, that's awful!

Anoisagusaris · 26/04/2023 14:47

OopsAnotherOne · 26/04/2023 14:31

Not my wedding but my best friend's - she's given me the "role" of planning her hen do. She understandably wanted everyone to contribute to their own accommodation etc and arrange it as a getaway for the girls, rather than a specific hen do in a venue etc. We could all decide on a plan we are all happy with, as well as something we knew the bride would like. The bride, on her request, was not in the groupchat that us girls had to plan the hen do as it was supposed to be a surprise.

We'd spent a month or so organising a little trip away that would be fun, affordable and avoided international travel to further save on costs but also hassle. This is due to some of the attendees being in financial situations which meant we couldn't have stretched our budget further but we thought the bride would rather the good company and laughs with all of us than booking a much more expensive holiday far away where only half of us could attend. The holiday we'd agreed on was in the same country we live in, but a few hours away in the car so a proper "getaway" and we'd planned some activities and places to visit that we knew the bride would like.

We also agreed that we would all contribute to pay all costs for the bride as a wedding present, meaning we could just give her the dates and a list of what to pack.

I messaged the bride to let her know that a decision had been made and as long as she was available on "x dates" then we would book it up! She then replied to say she'd actually forgotten she'd asked me to book the hen-do and told me that she'd been planning one herself. She said she still wanted everyone to pay for themselves, but after further discussions it became apparent that the cost we would all have to pay for the hen do was far more than most of us could reasonably spend on our budgets (think 5* hotel in foreign country for 10 days rather than long weekend somewhere closer and more affordable for the majority). The bride is in a much more fortunate financial situation than the rest of us and while we are genuinely happy for her success obviously, it means we can't really afford the same type of holidays that she can. Also not all of us have the availability or time off work to take a 10 day holiday.

I explained we'd planned something for her, and sadly almost all of us couldn't afford her holiday. Cue the most almighty blow-up from her, she phoned me and started shouting/crying about how we couldn't make sacrifices for her and her wedding, we couldn't be true friends if we wouldn't even consider making cuts elsewhere in our household budgets to accommodate her plans, she shouldn't have left us to plan something as she knew we'd do it "on the cheap" etc. It went on for ages and honestly I was gobsmacked and really hurt. I understood we'd done an "affordable" getaway but it was still planned to be lovely, with beautiful accommodation, activities etc and she did admit that she thought it would be nice but she added "it's not what I want before my wedding".

Unfortunately now the bride is essentially going on her hen do in the 5* hotel with her fiancee as the only other people who is able to spend the amount it costs, defeating the object of a hen-do, and she has pissed off the girls who tried to do our best to give her the best hen do while ensuring everyone she wanted to come could be present. We aren't really sure what to do or say and don't want to make the situation any worse but we are all pretty hurt by her outburst.

A 10 day hen??? The cheek of her. A weekend away is even too much to expect from people IMO

SheikYerboutiii · 26/04/2023 14:51

This is after she took a photo of my partner and his sister at our engagement party and kept it by her bed for two years.
She took her own photo of her own children at a party and you're angry at her for that? Eh? Am I missing something? I also cannot fathom why 1 professional photo of her children at one of their weddings would upset you so much. Major batshit vibes of you like.

ApocalypseNowt · 26/04/2023 14:52

Nagado · 26/04/2023 13:29

The first clue I had that things were going on behind the scenes were when I tried to book a local hairdresser (I’d never met her but DH’s cousin had recommended her and everyone in the family went to her) but was told that she couldn’t fit me in as she was going to a wedding herself. It turns out that it was our wedding she was going to and that DH’s family had been randomly inviting people as they bumped into them. They hadn’t mentioned it to us and appear to have taken us saying we wanted a very informal day as us having a ‘No invite necessary’ policy. We had a big wedding but there had to have been a good 20 people there who we hadn’t invited.

I invited her to come dress shopping with me (she hasn’t got any daughters and BiLs both married women who live abroad) and she just didn’t respond to me. I showed her my dress and she simply said ‘oh’ and then changed the subject to what we were having for dinner that evening.

We’d decided not to have a cake. We had lots of different puddings, sweets, etc and neither of us were that bothered about having one. Halfway through the evening I noticed a pile of sweaty looking doughnuts on a table and discovered that MiL had been horrified at the thought of no cake so had sent FiL out to Asda to get the doughnuts. An absolute waste.

Then we had her not saying a word to me all day. Or my family. No ‘Congratulations’ or ‘Welcome to the family’. She just avoided us all from start to finish. She spent most of the reception in the photo booth with BiL’s now ex DP and DP’s aunts.

Then DH’s father tried to invite himself on honeymoon with us and DH’s wonderful step mum had to explain to him why we might not want to spend the week with him.

All of that was more comical than anything else. What was worse was my sister (we are not at all close) announcing that she would be my bridesmaid but would be choosing her own dress that I would pay for, being outraged that I would decline her offer, making very hurtful comments about my actual bridesmaid in front of my young niece (who promptly repeated them), telling me that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought about the dresses for the flower girls, so long as I liked them, and then ambushing me outside the church as I was about to walk in, to tell me that she’d wait outside with her DH and my nieces (both flower girls) as there was nowhere for them to sit (she hadn’t bothered to walk down any further than the first couple of pews so hadn’t seen the one reserved for her). Aside from that, it was a brilliant day!

Please please please change your username to "SweatyDoughnuts" Grin

StopStartStop · 26/04/2023 14:53

SheikYerboutiii · 26/04/2023 14:51

This is after she took a photo of my partner and his sister at our engagement party and kept it by her bed for two years.
She took her own photo of her own children at a party and you're angry at her for that? Eh? Am I missing something? I also cannot fathom why 1 professional photo of her children at one of their weddings would upset you so much. Major batshit vibes of you like.

Think what you like, Frank.

SinnerBoy · 26/04/2023 14:54

We didn't have anything really bad. We had a registry office do and 40 of us at my parent's house afterwards. My sister's husband is a big camera buff and offered to do the photos and videos.

At one point, my SiL clicked her fingers at him and beckoned him over with her index finger, then said to him, "You need to do this and that and I don't think you should be drinking."

I had to ask her what she was up to and she said, "He's being paid to do a job."

Erm, no, he's my BiL doing us a favour! That was the first inkling I got of what a vile person she is.

BlueMongoose · 26/04/2023 14:57

ZenNudist · 26/04/2023 09:35

Pretty awful not to invite close family but some friends made the cut. In a few years time you may not speak to them life gets in the way friends diverge but a grandpa would have died happier with memories of his grandsons wedding.

I think she wasn't cheeky to say to save the cake. I think you should have planned cake for family who should have been there and not just a "finger slice". Plus she didn't ruin your moment. You are oversensitive.

My MIL invited 6 random guests out of 25 to our wedding abroad. They weren't close family. She said she'd pay I think it cost me £600 which was a lot then. She didn't pay. They didn't give a gift either. She also asked us to get A wedding video which cost £400 for dh ill grandmother who couldn't have come even if we had been in the uk. So we did but she didn't give us the money when she offered to pay. We didn't chase it up. She probably would have if reminded.

I didn't mind though, the extra guests made it more of a party and I don't watch the video but we might be glad of it if we find it one day and can convert it to a watchable file. I think its a cd.

If anyone had attempted to cut OUR cake at OUR wedding, they would have been in big trouble. Only a total F would even think about butting in and cutting someone else's wedding cake. I'd have had the lousy cow thrown out. She was just doing it to draw attention to herself and to take control of and deliberately try to spoil an event that she had no business to mess with.
Nobody is entitled to be asked to any wedding. Not even parents, never mind siblings and their spouses. It's an honour to be asked, and if you go, you damn well behave yourself. If you don't want to do that, are too rude and immature to, or you don't like who has been asked or not asked, you have the other option- to stay at home. That's all there is to it. Behave -or stay away.

StrawberryWater · 26/04/2023 14:59

Oh I have another one.

MIL this time.

She tried to get the photographer to do a private photography session with just her with her family. The photographer had already taken pictures of her with her family at the reception (at my request) but that wasn't good enough. Oh no, she wanted to go off for a few hours (yes hours!) and take pictures in different locations.

My photographer told her, in no uncertain terms, to get stuffed.

She cried afterwards. I just rolled my eyes and walked away.

Shirls2 · 26/04/2023 15:00

So many up in arms about the lack of siblings… I personally think this thread is enough of a testament as to why families aren’t all perfect. I’m sure the OP has inspired many to have a similar wedding. Instead, many people spend thousands to have CFs spoil the day and run up in some way, who have no consideration of the time and money that’s gone into making THEIR day what they want.

My stance on weddings is always do whatever you want but don’t be offended if people invited decline based on something you’ve decided to do eg no kids.

ReadersD1gest · 26/04/2023 15:01

I’m sure the OP has inspired many to have a similar wedding
She's on here moaning about it 🤣

BlueMongoose · 26/04/2023 15:03

Sconesandgravy · 26/04/2023 13:23

Thank you for this!
I genuinely don't think people understand how to read between the lines or that some families are absolutely toxic.

Of course my opinion of MILs emeshment isn't purely based on this one thing, and of course I've explained further when asked.

But people aren't going to read the comments because that will detract their agenda

Show quote history

Indeed. It seemed obvious to me even from your fist post that a woman who would have the damned cheek to interfere with a wedding cake (and also thought that making her pathetic point was worth mucking up someone else's wedding for) would also be a total pill in many other ways. As I said, I've had had her chucked out. And the exclusions wouldn't have stopped there. One thing I have learned from having (thankfully only one) toxic relative- the sooner you cut them out from your life on a permanent basis, the better. There is enough trouble in this world that can't be avoided as it is, and life is too short to put up with people who deliberately cause trouble. They're a pest, and I find they're best removed completely from the equation of your life.

Inkpotlover · 26/04/2023 15:04

Eggseggseverywhere · 26/04/2023 09:53

We had a dc in the September.. Mil never bothered at all. We moved away (45 mins drive) April having not seen her since 2nd January (no contact over Xmas at her choice). Dh took fil to get fitted for wedding outfits. That week mil rang the shop to try change the colour (kilts)!! Dh went round and uninvited her. She wasn't really part of our lives and I would have felt awkward having her there having not seen her for 6 months!
She put the water works on. Dh stood firm.. In petty revenge she ruined our honeymoon..
Been 8 years nc now. Sadly fil took her side.

Blimey, that escalated quickly? How did she ruin your honeymoon?

ReformedWaywardTeen · 26/04/2023 15:04

In DHs family, it's customary for each sibling to pay for one aspect to make it easier for the couple.
DH was the last to get married. So he has already paid up for 2 weddings before.

One of them said she would organise hair, make up and nails for myself and the bridesmaids. I was chuffed as I'm generally a jeans and trainers person, not into glam, crap at hair and make up.

For over 18 months I was led to believe this was sorted.

Until a month before the wedding when I ask what's happening with make up and hair trial (as I'd seen it mentioned on a bride group online).
"Oh, sorry that fell through. Did I not say?"

No. No she fucking didn't.

It is statistically impossible to sort a make up artist or hair person for a wedding in the summer a month before it. Especially not just after Covid restrictions are lifted. They book up at least a year before.

I hate my wedding photos. My hair is just down as usual. Couldn't get my veil on myself. I had a spare jewelled hair band from a set I bought for my two bridesmaids. My make up is just barely there at all as I tend to do minimum as I'm just really crap at it. And none of them including extended family came to offer help to get ready at all. Had to get DD to help me get my dress on.

I look like I've not bothered. She looked fucking nice though.

I've not spoken to her since.

Shirls2 · 26/04/2023 15:04

StrawberryWater · 26/04/2023 14:59

Oh I have another one.

MIL this time.

She tried to get the photographer to do a private photography session with just her with her family. The photographer had already taken pictures of her with her family at the reception (at my request) but that wasn't good enough. Oh no, she wanted to go off for a few hours (yes hours!) and take pictures in different locations.

My photographer told her, in no uncertain terms, to get stuffed.

She cried afterwards. I just rolled my eyes and walked away.

I’ve seen this happen a couple of times (not for this long) with guests wanting professional pics of their little darling, who is usually dressed in a big meringue more elaborate than the bridesmaids’ dresses.

Emma71992 · 26/04/2023 15:06

My MIL wore a champagne lacy dress - the sort that would be ideal for an older bride's wedding. My DH instantly thought it was inappropriate before I'd even said anything when she first showed us and we really politely asked if she could find something else, even just the same dress in a different colour. She shouted at my DH, burst into tears and wouldn't talk to us for ages. Eventually conceded that she'd wear a different colour jacket. She turned up in a jacket the exact shade as the dress.

FinallyFoundIt · 26/04/2023 15:07

Shame you caved on inviting the parents OP - understand why you did, and hopefully your MIL has just signed her own warrant for being excluded from future events for you and your DH. I hope you continue to be very happy together without your batshit families involved :)

Astababe · 26/04/2023 15:10

ReadersD1gest · 26/04/2023 15:01

I’m sure the OP has inspired many to have a similar wedding
She's on here moaning about it 🤣

Wrong again @ReadersD1gest OP is moaning about her dmil not her wedding

User1706 · 26/04/2023 15:11

My MIL and FIL are lovely and not an issue at all. Mine is with my DHs auntie who I think I've met all of 3 occasions (one being the wedding). She jumped in front of me and my DH on our outdoor group photos (literally) and also collared the photographer constantly for photos of her family and her sister (my MIL). I only have one photo of my immediate family, and it's late on the evening when ties were loosened, make up messy and everyone's had a drink etc and that's only because me and my mum grabbed the photographer and dragged them outside.

I also understandably blame the photographer and partly my MIL for not helping tell her sister to piss off.

BlueMongoose · 26/04/2023 15:13

1offnamechange · 26/04/2023 12:14

You are obviously allowed to invite/not invite whomever you like to your wedding, but you are a bit unreasonable to describe her as 'weirdly emeshed (enmeshed?)' with her children for expecting them to be invited to their siblings wedding, which is the norm in most families and a very . Her being unhappy they, and her own father, weren't there when partners of friends were (there's no reason anyone else you could have invited had to stay in the same b&b as you) is a fairly normal reaction, not a sign of 'being unable to cope.'

Also if there were only 11 of you there and you had a cake with multiple tiers, why the need for tiny finger slices? Yes it was rude of her to just jump in there, but she didn't 'ruin' the top tier or render it 'unuseable', it's a cake ffs, its 'use' is to be eaten! You'd already cut tiny slices for everyone there, so what if some of the leftovers, which presumably only you/dh/dd would get around to eating at some point, were slightly messy?

Actually it's traditional to keep the top tier for the first Christening, or first wedding anniversary. Anyone trying to butcher my top tier as described would ....well, let's just say, 'would regret attempting it' and leave it at that.

Pottedpalm · 26/04/2023 15:13

Choice4567 · 26/04/2023 09:28

My MIL was very put out that our wedding in England was so English. She very loudly clinked her glass half way through the meal. Apparently where she’s from it means the bride and groom have to kiss. She looked so smug that she was introducing something to do ‘her way’

I felt very smug back when the head waiter came over and told her quite strictly that it wasn’t time for speeches so stop making that noise

Really?? I would be rather annoyed if a waiter did that.

TinyTear · 26/04/2023 15:14

Choice4567 · 26/04/2023 09:28

My MIL was very put out that our wedding in England was so English. She very loudly clinked her glass half way through the meal. Apparently where she’s from it means the bride and groom have to kiss. She looked so smug that she was introducing something to do ‘her way’

I felt very smug back when the head waiter came over and told her quite strictly that it wasn’t time for speeches so stop making that noise

Portuguese?