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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To think 11 is not too young to travel on a train alone?

627 replies

Tellmeifimwrong · 25/04/2023 13:20

Please settle a debate! Happy to hear all opinions.

Is 11 years old, starting y7 in Sept, too young to take a one hour train journey, without parents but with a slightly younger child? Put on at one end by an adult and met at the other end by an adult, with a phone and data, and train staff informed? No behavioural problems or SEN.

OP posts:
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Dixiechickonhols · 25/04/2023 15:11

The guard does stick his head out/get out at each station on line near me. Most times they check tickets. But if train is busy or rowdy they tend to stay in cab and not come down.

Needmorelego · 25/04/2023 15:11

@Nap1983 actually I think GWR have stopped using them now but it was only in the last couple of years on some routes.

steppemum · 25/04/2023 15:12

My kids take the train to school.
So they started aged 11.

They go on a local line and there are loads of other school kids on the train. Train journy 30 minutes.

It was a huge thing for them when they started doing it in year 7. Veyr daunting to be waved off and have to get off in the right place. With each of them there was an older student looking out for them. But with DC2 and DC3, DC2 decided to go into town on about day 3 and left DC3 to find their own way which was particularly unhelpful.

They did do it once at the end of year 6 for their transition day, so some of the kids may have been only 10 at the time.

The thing I would say though is that when ds started doing it, 10 years ago the trains were so much more reliable. Now trains are regularly cancelled, terminated, stop at one station for ages due to an incident further up the line and so on. They are also regularly late.

My kids are really chill about it and take it in their stride, BUT there are 60 school kids on that train, and they all sort of know each other, and look out for each other (even when they pretend they don't) The staff at the station at each end know them all too, and are usually really kind to a lost looking younger kid.

A school run train is very different fomr a random train. I think you are about 2 years too early. I would let them once they are both secondary age, because their degree of indepence shoots up enormously once they start secondary.

Kay286 · 25/04/2023 15:12

I’m fairly relaxed with my 12 year old , she’s also sensible. She walks to school/shops with friends etc … but I wouldn’t allow her to do this. I think it’s the distance what is she mistakenly got off at wrong stop 50 mins away and she was alone no one to help etc so no I wouldn’t. Too young and also too young to be responsible for another child.

AngelinaFibres · 25/04/2023 15:13

I would say that it's fine until its not fine. Trains have issues and then the journey is suddenly terminated. Would the 11 year old be able to deal with being taken to a station thst wasn't the expected destination and wasn't their home station.Would they have enough money to buy a different ticket/ food. Would they understand sometimes you have to go further away to get a train to where you want to go( train we were on terminated at Oxford with major fault. No more trains to Worcester. Had to go up to Birmingham to get a train back to Worcester.Took hours to get home).

steppemum · 25/04/2023 15:15

Chersfrozenface · 25/04/2023 14:49

If you informed them when you put them on the train, they would likely ask the children's ages. When told that they're 10 and 11 they might refuse to let them on as they're under 12.

plenty of 11 year olds use a train unaccompanied to school

Chersfrozenface · 25/04/2023 15:19

steppemum · 25/04/2023 15:15

plenty of 11 year olds use a train unaccompanied to school

But then the train company snd the staff know about it. The children are in uniform and usually more than two on their own.

There's often even a code of behaviour.

steppemum · 25/04/2023 15:20

But the other side of it is that they have a phone.

last year dd did a big trip to Edinburgh (she's 17) and her coach didn't trun up, and she was going to miss her connection. She's very sensible, but phoned me and we talked through the options and I looked some things up on my lap top and sent her to the station, she got on a train and then tube and made her connection. I had to transfer money to her to pay for the extra tickets, but she was fine, because she had me at the end of a phone to help in a crisis.

So while I do think it is a year or two too early, I also think that if anything went wrong, they'd be fine because they will just phone you.
Then you have to make sure they don't run out of phone battery!

Beachbreak2411 · 25/04/2023 15:21

My daughter is 12 and I wouldn’t be comfortable with this! And especially not having to take care of a younger child too! You have no way of knowing who else is travelling in their carriage… what if there are delays or changes to journey? Most platforms you can’t get on or off without a ticket so how would you be putting them on train / meeting them?

steppemum · 25/04/2023 15:23

Chersfrozenface · 25/04/2023 15:19

But then the train company snd the staff know about it. The children are in uniform and usually more than two on their own.

There's often even a code of behaviour.

yes obviously - see my post above.

But the point is that they don't really have an age limit on most train lines. If they did the school kids wouldn't be able to travel.

Code of behaviour? I wish! The only comeback is to report them to the school. (which I have actually done, and my own kids go on that train)

steppemum · 25/04/2023 15:25

as to meeting them - our station will always let parents through to put kids on trains etc, but then they are used to a lot of kids using the trains. They are a big town station, not huge.

You can also buy platform tickets still, not sure what they are called now, but there is a way.

Dixiechickonhols · 25/04/2023 15:25

Other scenario I’ve had is train held on tracks due to signal fault, incident (suicidal person on overhead bridge) Often with little info. Would they be ok. Would they panic. Lots of Kids get train from 11 here in school uniform to the grammar but it’s a big group not a lone child.
If you are thinking twice it’s probably too soon.

FotheringtonThomasMinor · 25/04/2023 15:25

Yes, mine would have been ok with this, although I think we'd have done it together once or twice first. However you can't count the 11yo as being i/c the younger child. So really your question should be whether the younger child is ok to travel unaccompanied.

Whatkindofuckeryisthis · 25/04/2023 15:28

Tellmeifimwrong · 25/04/2023 13:26

Do you think that an 11 year old is safer alone than with a younger child? Other child only one year younger.

Not safer but they shouldn’t be in charge of another child!

Sugarfree23 · 25/04/2023 15:28

AngelinaFibres · 25/04/2023 15:13

I would say that it's fine until its not fine. Trains have issues and then the journey is suddenly terminated. Would the 11 year old be able to deal with being taken to a station thst wasn't the expected destination and wasn't their home station.Would they have enough money to buy a different ticket/ food. Would they understand sometimes you have to go further away to get a train to where you want to go( train we were on terminated at Oxford with major fault. No more trains to Worcester. Had to go up to Birmingham to get a train back to Worcester.Took hours to get home).

I'd think if they got taken somewhere unfamiliar then the Plan B of - Call home come and get me comes into play!

Seriously it can't be that hard to call home and go get them.

steppemum · 25/04/2023 15:30

Dixiechickonhols

one morning our kids sat on the train for nearly 3 hours.
Someone had driven their car deliberately in front of the train.
They could not go back, apparently, and they had to wait until police had cleared the scene.
It was also an area with no phone signal

Helpisneeded100 · 25/04/2023 15:35

Please do not do this. Do not make the 11yr old responsible for the younger child, if something happens the 11yr old will feel very guilty and will find it difficult to process that guilt and realise they are not to blame. This is too much responsibility for an 11yr old.

Also it is a parents job to make sure children feel safe and secure, I struggle to see how either child would feel safe on a train journey by themselves.

mexicanandafewdrinks · 25/04/2023 15:39

too young

BarbaraofSeville · 25/04/2023 15:46

Plenty of people are saying that this is normal for secondary school children travelling to school.

That 10 YO, if they're 11 between tomorrow and the end of August, or another child that age could need to do this in a few months' time.

So isn't it about time they start to practice getting used to it, right now or at least very soon, so it's not yet another daunting thing they have to do alone for the first time when they start secondary school?

But it's not like the 11 YO 'is responsible for' the 10 YO. They're just together, equally responsible for themselves and each other.

Needmorelego · 25/04/2023 15:49

This journey isn't about getting to school though.
The OP says it's a one off trip.
Travelling regularly to school with probably several other children traveling to the same school is a very different type of trip.

SirenSays · 25/04/2023 15:50

Judgement call. You know the trains, the route, the children but personally I'd think it would be fine as long as they know what to do in emergency and have money and charged phones (and maybe a little powerbank) to contact you should they need it.

Wenfy · 25/04/2023 15:51

DD is 11 and has asd and manages a similar journey just fine 2-3 x a week (has done since she was 10), but she is very present in the moment. Plans her journey. We took this journey together for months at the beginning so it’s not new and if there are any problems she has a phone to contact me.

The train staff do insist she sits in first class (we don’t need to pay for it) when there’s a space but it’s more for them - their policy needs them to keep an eye on unaccompanied under 16s & it’s easier to do that if they’re in first.

Dixiechickonhols · 25/04/2023 15:56

steppemum · 25/04/2023 15:30

Dixiechickonhols

one morning our kids sat on the train for nearly 3 hours.
Someone had driven their car deliberately in front of the train.
They could not go back, apparently, and they had to wait until police had cleared the scene.
It was also an area with no phone signal

Hope they were ok. I had one where train stopped a few feet short of Carlisle platform and there were no announcements for ages, no staff. It was a scenario where people were trying doors to get off but couldn’t. Eventually they announced signal fault and eventually (45 mins) we got in station and got off. I could envision a child panicking they would miss stop.

ReadersD1gest · 25/04/2023 15:59

Wenfy · 25/04/2023 15:51

DD is 11 and has asd and manages a similar journey just fine 2-3 x a week (has done since she was 10), but she is very present in the moment. Plans her journey. We took this journey together for months at the beginning so it’s not new and if there are any problems she has a phone to contact me.

The train staff do insist she sits in first class (we don’t need to pay for it) when there’s a space but it’s more for them - their policy needs them to keep an eye on unaccompanied under 16s & it’s easier to do that if they’re in first.

their policy needs them to keep an eye on unaccompanied under 16s
What train company is this?

Chersfrozenface · 25/04/2023 16:00

Wenfy · 25/04/2023 15:51

DD is 11 and has asd and manages a similar journey just fine 2-3 x a week (has done since she was 10), but she is very present in the moment. Plans her journey. We took this journey together for months at the beginning so it’s not new and if there are any problems she has a phone to contact me.

The train staff do insist she sits in first class (we don’t need to pay for it) when there’s a space but it’s more for them - their policy needs them to keep an eye on unaccompanied under 16s & it’s easier to do that if they’re in first.

Which train operating company is that? If it's the same one OP's child will be using, that sounds ideal