Large age gap relationships

[Kennedydavenport]

I'm talking 20+ years. Is anybody in one/been in one?
I'm thinking of Emmanuel Macron and his wife, who is around 25 years his senior, and Aaron Taylor Johnson whose wife is 24 years his senior. Both couples have been together for a long time, especially the former.
I just wonder in the future when one partner is 80 and the other is still mid 50s, and how that will pan out.
I guess the younger partner could die tomorrow, nothing is guaranteed. See plenty of 65+ year old rockers or film stars with women 30 years younger than them.

Well you've picked 2 people that started their relationships (began grooming?) when the younger half was in their teens.

My personal opinion is that the younger party should be 25 minimum. I think up to 20 years gap is ok, but the bigger the gap from then, the creepier it is. Sorry (not sorry) Leo

Yes that's true, especially 15 and 40 :/
I know Aaron was 18 so legally an adult, but 18 just feels so young.

Yeah definitely, the brain hasn't even fully developed before then.

Given how selfish a lot of men are I just wonder how the dynamic of a much older female partner will pan out. Are they really going to want to help care for an older partner while still in an active stage of their own life?

Maybe I've just got too low an opinion of men.

Not quite 20, but I was in a 15-year gap relationship for nearly four years. The relationship was good, we were very well suited. It didn’t end because of the age gap. Looking back, the gap must have looked a bit odd because I was young when the relationship started (20) but it never felt like an issue at the time. It just came to its natural conclusion. I’ve been in my current relationship for 13 years, eight year gap and definitely don’t notice that.

Yes I do agree. Though John Lyndon is somebody whose wife was 13 years older, they got together when he was 19 and her 32, he became her carer when she developed Alzheimer's and seemed completely devoted to her.

That's great that your relationship wasn't affected by the gap. I have a colleague who's 29 and her partner is 62. So a 33 year age gap, but they've been together for 8 years.

There's a 17 year age gap between us. I was 24 when we met. We've been together for close to 10 years and we are super well suited.

My friend is married to a man who is 18 years older than her so not quite 20 years, they met when she was 26. They are a great couple, very much in love but I do think the important bit that makes the age difference less relevant at the moment at least is that neither want or have ever wanted children so there's isn't the biological or logistical considerations for that. He is also very active and fit so has plenty of energy to do their shared interests, both of them speak about the future when this will probably change but both seem content that they're happy in the here and now and that's enough for them.

Its not for me though personally, but I wouldn't judge anyone else as long as one of them wasn't super young because I do find that an imbalance of power and a bit ew. It's not a secret that some men especially seek younger women out for reasons other than love.

I've been in a relationship with a very large gap (I won't say how much but it was in the decades) - although at the time I thought we were well suited, I look back and there was an inappropriate power dynamic.

I think it is difficult to truly be on an equal footing with someone 20+ years your junior or senior. These relationships can be good - even great - but often have different dynamics to those where people are the same age.

It all depends what people want in a relationship really and who's to say what does or doesn't work for someone else?

I'm in a relationship with a 20 year age gap. Very happy and it has been the younger side that ended up needing care. Neither of us want kids though.

There was a big age gap relationship in my family too and the younger partner sadly died first.

Wow that’s quite a gap! So she got with him at 21? What was the story there?

I don't know her extremely well, not quite sure of the story behind but they've got a one year old together now. They seem to be quite volatile together and on and off, sadly.

I know one older couple like this. Married since she was about 18 iirc. He is 87 or 88 and she is about 65. He is quite healthy for his age and is actually more physically able than she is now. She has had her knee done and will need hip at some point, arthritis and other issues, he had cancer about 20yrs ago and is obviously weaker and slower than a younger man but he walks unaided, is out often and can walk good distance, whilst she needs aids and can't do as much.
They seem to get along well still and have all these cute in jokes with each other and flirt with each other. Quite a sweet couple.
I know another of similar ages, again he is more able than her. Their relationship doesn't seem quite as sweet...

My view is that nobody should date anyone younger than half their age +7. So if you're 30, you date someone 22 or older. If you're 40, 27 and older, etc.

21 and 54 is wrong to me, sorry but that's just how it feels. It makes me wonder why the 54 year old couldn't/didn't want to find someone in his own age bracket, life stage etc.

It’s tricky when the woman is older. Women’s fertility has a time limit, unlike men’s. A couple where the man is older can have kids but an identical couple where the woman is older can’t. Not many men are willing to give up the chance to have kids.

Apart from the issue of fertility I don’t see a problem. You can live to 100 or have a heart attack at 50 or be hit by a bus at 30. You can need a carer at 60 or still be independent at 80. Nobody knows what the future will be. You can spend 30 years with an older partner whom you love, or marry someone your own age and get divorced after 5 years. Just do what makes you happy and don’t have expectations.

Honestly? My personal absolute limit would be 10years, and only older than me for the miment, although I might revise that as I get older (currently early thirties). I honestly find age gaps where the gap is large enough to be a generation gap (so more than about 16years) creepy and gross. But I don’t tell people in age-gap relationships this in real life. As long as everyone is a consenting adult, I keep my mouth shut. But yes I’m silently judging/bewildered by why they think it’s a good idea/a non issue.

Don't see an age gap mattering both consenting adults. My brothers wife is 20 years more than him and they've been together many years happy. And nobody knows when the other will pass or whatever so age doesn't really matter.

Barbara Windsor was 25 years older than her last husband and he did care for her through her dementia.

Aaron Taylor Johnson’s relationship is gross. And yes I’d feel the same if the genders were reversed.

I think it very much depends on the individuals involved. I know of men in their 20s who have essentially given up on life and spend their time gaming and being sloth-creatures. I know men in their 60s who compete in marathons and are fit, motivated businessmen. I think your outlook on life and shared values is the important thing, not necessarily your age.

I'm in a same sex age gap relationship. I wasn't looking for someone as young as her (she's 32, I'm 53) - wasn't looking for anyone TBH - but our relationship works brilliantly. Been together 18 months now. We have had tentative discussions about children and the future. If I'm honest, I'd love to marry her.

Maybe it's perceived differently as we are two women, but mostly friends and family have been supportive.

I was in a 17yr gap relationship, changed when he had an accident and became much older much more quickly and - because of my age just by being the same me - 'I emasculated him' he became abusive and I took 5 years to get it together to leave. The gap wasn't a problem until it was.

I honestly thought it was just me - especially with almost immediate pregnancy.

Dame Joan Collins - on being questioned regarding the huge age gap between her and much much younger Percy, declared heartlessly, “well, if he dies, he dies!”

I think it is seen differently when it’s a same sex relationship, because people don’t expect them to have children so the age gap isn’t as relevant. Stephen Fry for example has a 30 year age gap with his partner and nobody comments.

Large age gaps are not as popular as they were say 10-20 years ago. Saw a recent study were most relationships the age gap is 5 years or less.