Large age gap relationships

[Kennedydavenport]

I'm talking 20+ years. Is anybody in one/been in one?
I'm thinking of Emmanuel Macron and his wife, who is around 25 years his senior, and Aaron Taylor Johnson whose wife is 24 years his senior. Both couples have been together for a long time, especially the former.
I just wonder in the future when one partner is 80 and the other is still mid 50s, and how that will pan out.
I guess the younger partner could die tomorrow, nothing is guaranteed. See plenty of 65+ year old rockers or film stars with women 30 years younger than them.

My grandma was married to her second husband for over 20 years. He was over 30 years her senior. Grandma died relatively young (60s) due to cancer. Her husband lived for nearly another 10 years (over 105). They really loved each other. Both were on second marriages.

I think age gap relationships, it really depends on when folks met.

I think there's less of an eyebrow raise if someone 35/40+ has a relationship with someone older than them (especially as there seems to be such a difference as to health/ fitness etc. for folks in their 50s-70s) versus someone in their 30s or 40s dating someone in their teens/ early 20s.

A 35 year old dating a 20 year old feels like more of a power imbalance than a 50 year old dating a 35 year old.

I think, often, women in large age gap relationships ‘allow’ their younger partners to cheat which is why these relationships seem like they succeed.

The imbalance of power is disgusting and she deserved to lose her career over it.

Florence Pugh and Zach Braff was another unpleasant pairing but luckily that ended before she got pregnant, and I think she was older when it started. I’ve lost all respect for him though.

On here sometimes I've seen women talk about being asked out by much younger men (not 18 year olds though!) But with significant gaps. People say 'yeah go for it, have fun ' and so on. But when it's a man going for a much younger woman people say 'dirty old man/creep/can't he get someone his own age'.

In large gap relationships, people say, the major difference is music -
no use if one is into Big Band sound and the other is Lizzo.

When I worked in the SoF, St. Tropez, Cannes, beautiful elegant 20 + year olds with grizzled old millionaires, the trade off, yachts, beautiful clothes, youth and beauty for wealth and security.

Large age gaps always have a trade off - not necessarily as cynical as the above, but this is well documented.

For myself, at 19, met and was with a man of 32 although I didn’t know this initially.
He was ‘grown up’ and worldly, what I didn’t realise as I was SO. naive, was how
attractive to men unworldly leggy 19 year olds are to a predatory newly divorced man. Didn’t last, it couldn’t.
The other way was a man twelve years younger than me who I had known for years, but prioritised his two young daughters, not that there is anything wrong with this!
but not to an obssessive level.

The most extreme difference was a colleague at her 40th birthday do, where was her husband? at home asleep, he was 81. true.

That 'formula' is arbitrary wank made up by giggling 14 year olds. It is irrelevant in the real world and deluded to think in such simplistic terms.

When I was 20/21,I dated a guy who was 49/50

We only broke up due to differences in our cultures-and we're fb friends to this day

He was Turkish,didn't drink,smoke,was very serious,loved his mum and wanted a quiet,boring English girl to settle down with

I'm english,smoked,drank like a fish,wanted to live a bit and couldn't have been less serious if I tried-I was very immature-I just wanted to have fun

Oh,and the fact he was gay but couldn't admit to it due to his religion-that didn't help

If I saw him in the street,I'd stop and have a chat with him-no hard feelings at all-we broke up 23 years ago

I do wish him well

O I think they do ! possibly not in print though.

Same sex large age differences are quite common, see it in Sainsbury DKH
Saturday morning regularly
And Old Compton Street/Frith Street, Soho, it seems to be the norm.
Blamunge, it isn’t uncommon for people to be married, children, then
convert to same sex relationships, be this same ish age or age gap, so
your theory is flawed.

I'm 36 and my husband is 47, so 11 years age gap.

It works well for us, we have the same maturity level.

Personally, I wouldn't like a much larger age gap though. I think it shouldn't be more than 15 years

not funny

Sorry, but I had to laugh 😂

Lol all right. Who pissed in your cornflakes? 🤣

Of course it's somewhat arbitrary. But it's not irrelevant, it's an example of the way most people think that the "rightness" of an age gap changes as the ages of the partners increase.

It's too simplistic imo to say that a "maximum" age gap should be a set number, because e.g. the gap between say 70 and 50 is very different from the gap between 40 and 20, even though it's the same number. Similarly it would be too simplistic to say "half your age" for the same reasons - 40 and 20 is very different from 15 and 30.

Obviously there isn't a "rule" (and I'm not arguing there should be, beyond that everyone needs to be a consenting adult), but the half+7 thing just gives a general idea of what some people find, subconsciously, to be "acceptable".

This is a recurring theme either both are right or both are wrong. A lot of hypocrisy on here.

@Tarantullah you had me worried that you knew me until you mentioned no DC. My DH is 18 years older than me and we met when I was 26 we are very happy but we have 2 DC and I'm now over 40. My DH is very fit and healthy and I am now disabled and have chronic illnesses so it's the opposite way around than people would probably expect

Exactly this. We had a big age gap- over 20 years- and I was the one saying that is was a great relationship, age means nothing etc. But as I got older, I realised that the dynamic was, in fact, unhealthy. In the years since I've left him, my attitude towards that relationship and person has changed a lot.

Why would a person want to be in a relationship with someone young enough to be their child?
And also, why did I want to be with someone old enough to be my father?
It's not a sign of a well-balanced person imo.

I don't know how a certain somebody didn't end up in prison for dating her 15 year old student. She certainly would be if it were today and over here.

😬

Such a random calculation. What's that based on?

🤣 that made me laugh!

16/17 years between me and my husband. But I was 24 when we met so definitely a full grown adult. Noone has ever said anything about our age gap. I will be 33 when he turns 50 next year which seems a bigger gap somehow. I do feel sometimes we were at different stages when we met so I haven't had chance to grow like maybe I would. The mortgage for example isn't mine.

And yes loads of double standards on mumsnet when women are told to 'go for it' with a man 10, 15+ years younger. I often thing this is a reply to society however who frustratingly look down on older woman/younger man pairings but don't bother when it's an older man.

I posted above at 10:45 👍

I know it's random, I'm not saying it's not, it's just an example

I'd be as judgy as anyone if I hadn't gone out one night and met someone I instantly and totally clicked with. I was hoping to meet someone a bit older than me if I'm honest but he can't help his age 🤷🏻‍♀️ and why throw away something wonderful because of what ifs?

Sorry to clarify- he's over a decade younger than me.

My husband is 20 + years older than I am. Been together many years and are very happy with a growing family. It boils my blood to read comments such as why do men not go for women their own age. My husband is a wonderful man and could quite frankly have his pick of women. We are together because we have lots in common and our different strengths compliment one another perfectly. There is no power dynamic, I’m very much boss because I’m the more rational one and think things through logically. Does the age gap bring its challenges… of course… but it’s very helpful sometimes as well. We make a great quiz time with our knowledge across the decades!