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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reasonable adjustments

115 replies

Melmimi28 · 25/04/2023 05:52

ill probably get roasted for this … however I’m genuinely interested in thoughts rather than creating a huge divide/debate.
After reading the whole dog on bus /allergy thread. What are actually considered reasonable adjustments for people with actual disabilities and where it draws the line in detrimental affects to others.
I ask in relation to a particular experience of going to Musical , we were seated not far from a group of severely disabled guests, I obviously completely agree they are entitled as anyone to visit and enjoy said musical . However throughout the show these guests used multiple rattles/shaking devices almost continuously as a comfort aid . Made loud verbal sounds (likely uncontrollable) I appreciate these things they are not able to control/choose. However in the context of watching a performance which is sound/music based and these extra sounds create a significant distraction and loss of enjoyment…. (For me I’d have preferred to have not gone I really could not concentrate due to distractions) at what point does making accommodation for disability override others enjoyment being detrimented .
I felt awful for feeling this way… but I attended a musical that could not be enjoyed due to significant shaking of loud rattled and vocal noises.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 25/04/2023 06:07

It's tricky isn't it, I would expect noise at a matinee as there are more children etc I would expect an evening show to be quiet especially when the theatre is so expensive and a treat for most and people really shouldn't be segregated and hidden away but this is why lots of productions run an accessible show/ autism friendly showing to make the adjustment for those that need to move or make noise during a performance.
If the production company didn't make that accommodation then they are at fault I suppose, it sounds like it was a group booking as well where the organisers should have known that taking ultiple people who need to make noise to self soothe wouldn't be appropriate in that type of showing.

My own DD has autism and loves the theatre, the purposeful noise of a show is great but a cacophony like the interval is not and she would massively struggle with the background noise you describe.

Original poster
Melmimi28 · 25/04/2023 06:13

Yes it’s tricky ! It was expensive and I felt awful for wishing I hadn’t gone and also for wondering why they weren’t separate performances.. as of course people shouldn’t be hidden away ! But surely it’s about enjoyment for all and in this scenario where it’s sound/music based it would have been appropriate for shows to cater for needs differently for these guests. Its possible sound was more noticeable as it was a group booking.

OP posts:
Silvergoldandglitter · 25/04/2023 06:16

There's the same kind of post in my local Facebook group about toddlers attending. They were running and shouting and people couldn't hear.

electriclight · 25/04/2023 06:18

I don't feel that the adjustments were reasonable to expect in your particular situation op.

moonspiral · 25/04/2023 06:20

You're being unreasonable imo OP why shouldn't they have every right to attend as you

tallcypowder · 25/04/2023 06:23

moonspiral · 25/04/2023 06:20

You're being unreasonable imo OP why shouldn't they have every right to attend as you

I agree with this but I do also understand where op is coming from.

Guess its the luck of the drawer like sitting next to a bigger person who encroaches into your space and I end up feeling cramped.

Original poster
Melmimi28 · 25/04/2023 06:24

@moonspiral im not saying they shouldn’t attend or be able to enjoy a musical I thought I made that clear. I’m saying where is the line where it directly impacts enjoyment of others due to volume/sounds when the purpose is to enjoy music.

OP posts:
TheHoover · 25/04/2023 06:27

The producers should be putting on more relaxed performances. That is the perfect example of a reasonable adjustment

moonspiral · 25/04/2023 06:28

Melmimi28 · 25/04/2023 06:24

@moonspiral im not saying they shouldn’t attend or be able to enjoy a musical I thought I made that clear. I’m saying where is the line where it directly impacts enjoyment of others due to volume/sounds when the purpose is to enjoy music.

Yes I'm saying that they had every right to go and make their vocal noises and use their self soothing equipment. Just as you had every right to attend.

moonspiral · 25/04/2023 06:29

tallcypowder · 25/04/2023 06:23

I agree with this but I do also understand where op is coming from.

Guess its the luck of the drawer like sitting next to a bigger person who encroaches into your space and I end up feeling cramped.

Show quote history

Yes exactly what I mean it's just luck of the drawer which member of the public turns up. If you end up sat by a larger person you just deal with it you don't judge whether or not they should be there.

Original poster
Melmimi28 · 25/04/2023 06:32

@moonspiral im not judging there right to be there …more if appropriate performances should have been offered to accommodate these extra needs which would have been better for both audiences to enjoy appropriately

OP posts:
moonspiral · 25/04/2023 06:35

Melmimi28 · 25/04/2023 06:32

@moonspiral im not judging there right to be there …more if appropriate performances should have been offered to accommodate these extra needs which would have been better for both audiences to enjoy appropriately

I don't think that's necessary. When you signed up for tickets you accept that you have no control over who else attends. Someone might have found you annoying. They don't get to say you should have attended a different performance.

Original poster
Melmimi28 · 25/04/2023 06:35

@TheHoover this is what I would have expected too, then everyone can enjoy !

OP posts:
dietcokelime · 25/04/2023 06:36

I'd say it's probably an unreasonable adjustment if it genuinely impacts on others ability to attend and actually watch - the idea of "relaxed" performances sounds good, then you know if you book a ticket then it's more likely to be disruptive with noise, maybe children running about too or similar.

I experience similar at a sporting event, in the end we did go and ask at the box office if there were any spare seats we could move too - the vocal stimming / sensory play and lack of understanding boundaries from the people we ended up sat next too was actually becoming upsetting. It's hard because people should be able to access the same events regardless of disability, but also other people shouldn't have to be adversely impacted by who they're sat next too. I think a bit of understanding both ways helps, and it does depend on the venue.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 25/04/2023 06:36

TheHoover · 25/04/2023 06:27

The producers should be putting on more relaxed performances. That is the perfect example of a reasonable adjustment

I agree. That's the best solution.

moonspiral · 25/04/2023 06:36

TheHoover · 25/04/2023 06:27

The producers should be putting on more relaxed performances. That is the perfect example of a reasonable adjustment

But the group didn't need a "more relaxed" performance they attended this one and enjoyed it presumably. Yes some people might have preferred a more relaxed performance but this group booked this performance.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 25/04/2023 06:38

My son would need reasonable adjustments but I would never expect these to prevent the enjoyment of others!
I think the organisers have got this wrong.

Original poster
Melmimi28 · 25/04/2023 06:38

@moonspiral if id purposely been annoying though say talking all the way through and causing a distraction to the music that wouldn’t be acceptable and I’d be asked to leave. That is not the same scenario I’m talking about. But no me being annoying is not just hard luck for someone else. The end result is the same though … a distraction due to noise.

OP posts:
delilabell · 25/04/2023 06:38

What if they were offered but this group decided not to go to it?, You can't force then too. What then?

moonspiral · 25/04/2023 06:39

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 25/04/2023 06:36

I agree. That's the best solution.

Show quote history

How does that change things though? When this group booked they presumably knew it was a "standard" performance and were happy to attend. What was going to happen to force them to go to the "relaxed" performance?

WhatNoRaisins · 25/04/2023 06:39

When you pay out so much for a ticket it's not unreasonable to actually want to hear and focus on the performance. Agree that there should be both relaxed performances and those with stricter rules about how you behave.

moonspiral · 25/04/2023 06:40

delilabell · 25/04/2023 06:38

What if they were offered but this group decided not to go to it?, You can't force then too. What then?

Exactly you can't go oh no sorry this performance isn't for you- go to this relaxed one instead. That's sick.

MySugarBabyLove · 25/04/2023 06:43

Oh good. A disability bashing thread.

Singleandproud · 25/04/2023 06:45

I wonder if instead of offering relaxed performances theatre need to start offering 'Quiet' performances. Where it is made clear that during a quiet performance you don't sing a long, eat rustly food, don't have children running around and if you can't be quiet for the duration of the show then that is not the showing for you.

I would book that show as my ASD needs minimal background noise.

delilabell · 25/04/2023 06:46

WhatNoRaisins · 25/04/2023 06:39

When you pay out so much for a ticket it's not unreasonable to actually want to hear and focus on the performance. Agree that there should be both relaxed performances and those with stricter rules about how you behave.

They weren't misbehaving though? They weren't a rowdy group They were a group with complex needs communicating and self soothing (I imagine)
W
If you worked at yhe theatre would you feel comfy telling them to be quite, removing them?? Or asking at the time of booking if they were suitable for this showing due to their disability?