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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find my DH’s use of this phrase odd?

92 replies

Mintchocmabel · 24/04/2023 20:29

‘I didn’t have time to’

The family were talking over dinner about a new piece of garden furniture, which we were all keen to get but DH hasn’t yet used. When asked why he didn’t try it out whilst we were all chilling at home yesterday his reason was ‘because I didn’t have time to’. We pointed out (in a nice way) that he watched the London Marathon for several hours so that would have been ample time to use it if he’d wanted to, it’s not that he didn’t have time to, he just did something else.

DC started laughing but DH maintained that he ‘didn’t have time to’ enjoy the furniture because he was doing something else relaxing instead. We couldn’t get through to him that choosing a different leisure activity (as opposed to doing chores which couldn’t wait) doesn’t mean he didn’t have time to try out the furniture.

This normally rational DH got very upset, said that was only our opinion of how the phrase should be used, and his opinion was just as valid, started shouting at DC for laughing at him, and has gone upstairs in a sulk. He insists he’s not embarrassed either as he hasn’t got it wrong.

Sure there may be variations in some regions regarding different English phrases but this seems a simple one. Wherever I’ve heard the phrase it’s used to demonstrate that they’ve been too busy with necessary things to find the bit of time to do XYZ. If they had time but chose to do something else then it simply wasn’t a priority.

OP posts:
ZorbaTheHoarder · 24/04/2023 20:31

He's being a plonker. That's all there is to it!

Annoyingwurringnoise · 24/04/2023 20:35

Is he a teenager? Sounds like my DS. I haven’t had time to = I was too busy lying on my bed staring at my phone.

Isheabastard · 24/04/2023 20:41

My ex was like this. He would agree to do all sorts of things socially. Go visit a friend, meet for lunch, go to the pub. He would also volunteer to do things for other people/family/neighbours.

Then he would complain how busy he was, and if I needed him to do something for me, or around the house he would say “when do I have the time?”

Although he was retired he still wanted me to pick up his slack when he had overcommitted himself.

He couldn’t see that these were things he wanted to do not things he had to do.

Your DH is similarly deluded. He should have said that he didn’t leave himself time to try out the furniture.

GarlicGrace · 24/04/2023 20:43

YANBU but what a peculiar argument to have! DH doesn't fancy trying out the new hot tub or whatever, family demands justification, his choice of words is then criticised at length.

Not surprised he's in a strop. I really hope your new garden thing is very relaxing, sounds like you'll need it!

NoSquirrels · 24/04/2023 20:44

Well, he didn’t have time to because he was watching the London Marathon. Unless you’re going to say there’s a TV in the garden set up in front of whatever it is. Why is this even a discussion?

KrisAkabusi · 24/04/2023 20:45

Presumably he was inside when watching the marathon, so didn't have the opportunity to go outside to use whatever it was. I can see his point. Also it was rude to laugh at him and start the argument in the first place.

Hullabalooza · 24/04/2023 20:46

I didn’t have time to read my book yesterday evening because I watched a film. I agree with your dh’s usage. It’s not as though he said he was too busy, it’s just that he didn’t have time as he was doing other things.

Trainstrike · 24/04/2023 20:49

I think it would be more accurate to say he didn't get round to it's rather than didn't have time to. It's a weird argument though!

EvenHeathens · 24/04/2023 20:52

I'd guess he isn't as bothered as the rest of you. Or his love of watching the marathon is bigger than whatever it is.

Getting pedantic over the spoken word is a bit ridiculous.

Mydcchangedmyusername · 24/04/2023 20:55

Well we all choose to spend our time the way we prefer (when we can). His time was given to what he'd rather do, so he didn't have the time for something else. He could've been sleeping and he still would've been correct if sleep is what he decided to devote his time to.

Original poster
Mintchocmabel · 24/04/2023 20:57

I know what you’re saying @Hullabalooza and that’s why I’m questioning. That’s exactly how it was though, starting with a ‘pity me I didn’t stop all day’ sentiment. I think then he realised he actually wasn’t so busy.

DC was laughing because it was nice for the boot to be on the other foot. They get laughed at lots for incorrect use of words (age 12) and we’re not unfalteringly polite to each other all the time cos we’re a regular family @KrisAkabusi

OP posts:
SargentSagittarius · 24/04/2023 20:59

Clearly it’s just his way of saying the other thing wasn’t a priority for him at that time.

And now he’s being berated, laughed at, and expected to justify that.

I’d hate to be on the receiving end of that.

itsayouproblem · 24/04/2023 21:04

It's the sort of thing my DH says that I roll my eyes inwardly at but wouldn't say it out loud or humiliate him in front of others over.

But DH will say he "hasn't had chance" (which annoys me anyway as I would say haven't had A chance) to do some short but necessary household task when he's spent the day dicking about on his computer and it's not true. He just chose not to do the task,

NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/04/2023 21:06

Mintchocmabel · 24/04/2023 20:57

I know what you’re saying @Hullabalooza and that’s why I’m questioning. That’s exactly how it was though, starting with a ‘pity me I didn’t stop all day’ sentiment. I think then he realised he actually wasn’t so busy.

DC was laughing because it was nice for the boot to be on the other foot. They get laughed at lots for incorrect use of words (age 12) and we’re not unfalteringly polite to each other all the time cos we’re a regular family @KrisAkabusi

That sounds pretty mean, actually - not an environment I would want to be subjected to every day (and contributed to a stammer I still have 45 years later).

I'm assuming that you mean your husband bullies/mocks your children for it, not that you do it as well?

Nimbostratus100 · 24/04/2023 21:07

GarlicGrace · 24/04/2023 20:43

YANBU but what a peculiar argument to have! DH doesn't fancy trying out the new hot tub or whatever, family demands justification, his choice of words is then criticised at length.

Not surprised he's in a strop. I really hope your new garden thing is very relaxing, sounds like you'll need it!

I agree with this, it sounds like he is being bullied by his whole family. How miserable. Nothing wrong with what he said or did

FictionalCharacter · 24/04/2023 21:08

He shouldn't have stomped off in a huff, but it seems a bit odd that you and the kids were so keen to badger him into trying out a piece of garden furniture. It's also a bit odd to focus on his choice of words and laugh. Would you have been happier if he'd said "I was doing other things and wasn't that interested in trying out the garden thing"?

Nimbostratus100 · 24/04/2023 21:09

SargentSagittarius · 24/04/2023 20:59

Clearly it’s just his way of saying the other thing wasn’t a priority for him at that time.

And now he’s being berated, laughed at, and expected to justify that.

I’d hate to be on the receiving end of that.

it is bullying and you are colluding with the kids bullying their father. It is horrible behaviour, and not normal

AllTheAll · 24/04/2023 21:11

He just hasn't had the chance. Pretty much the same meaning with a bit more nuance, meaning he has prioritised the things that he has a chance to do.

SargentSagittarius · 24/04/2023 21:12

Think about what his honest answer would have been for a moment, OP.

If he’d answered honestly (he couldn’t be bothered trying it out), I can only imagine the reaction from your family.

So, he fluffed his reply so as not to hurt your feelings. And is promptly rounded on by his family, anyway.

You’re really wound up by him on this aren’t you? I can’t imagine being moved to start a thread about this.

Probably time to just let it lie now.

IncompleteSenten · 24/04/2023 21:12

I think you're being unreasonable tbh.

I didn't have time = I chose to spend my time doing something else. That time was allocated to a different activity making it unavailable to use to do the thing.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 24/04/2023 21:13

It was probably a polite way of saying "I haven't tried it because I'm honestly not that interested to do so", which might sound ungracious.

What I find more odd is why you were all pushing it and needing to prove him wrong. Why do you care if he used the garden thing? Why mock his choice of words? What do you all need to round on him and insist he accept that he used the wrong phrase? It all sounds assholey to me.

Bunnichick · 24/04/2023 21:15

YABU

He's saying he didn't have chance.

I know what you mean as I think a lot of people say they don't have time to read but instead they watch tv or spend a lot of time on their phone but I think this is sort of different and there's no reason to badger your DH about it.

Ragwort · 24/04/2023 21:15

You sound really unkind ... why should your DH have to try out this 'garden thing' (& what on earth is it?). He wanted to spend his Sunday relaxing not performing for everyone else's benefit ......he shouldn't have to justify how he spends his time. No woman would tolerate being spoken to like that.

Hawkins003 · 24/04/2023 21:18

It's a mix and yes he could of,

MariaRemindsMeOfAWestSideStory · 24/04/2023 21:21

Unless there’s going to be a huge drip feed, you were an arse to him unnecessarily and are now acting all surprised. Strange.

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